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Kira-fightingdreamer Crew
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 Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 1:46 pm
Haha! Hi Boldie, I've missed you a lot too, though I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. Totally wish I was off on a beach somewhere x_x I was actually off working on trying to keep my own "sunshine" if that makes sense but things have been sorted out, for the most part so I'm really really hoping to be able to keep up at least with this thread here.
Lots of love to you, Boldie.
And everyone else of course. heart
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:16 pm
aww that is great i just love bears i have them every were i get sick enough lol to get a ton of them and bears make me happy so thank you
soft big hugs
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:43 pm
Hello Everyone,
I found out 3 years ago that I have hypo-thyroidism. Which can be controlled with daily medicine. During the time that it started I believe now I went into a depression and never came out of it. My husband was laid off back in March and of course we lost our health insurance. My doctor refused to continue refilling my meds without me coming in for blood work: Office visit $65, labs $340. We are struggling to pay our bills how can I afford that? Well I searched around and found a clinic that was cheaper to get into, my best friend, God Bless her, paid for me to go to the doctor. The first thing they did was weigh me, OMG I have gained 40 pounds since March!? This new doctor actually sat down in a chair and talked to me. When he asked me what was going on in my life I burst into tears. He diagnosed me with depression. He put me on Prozac told me to take it for a month and we will see how I feel then. I have never been diagnosed with anything that explains the pain I deal with daily but I have started reading and maybe, just maybe it has been caused by depression. This is so hard to deal with an to be honest it is so very hard to share it also. I have loved Gaia since I was introduced to it 3 years ago and lately I have received little to no joy from it. I spend a lot of my day sleeping whenever possible and my nights are spent reading. I hope an pray this medicine works I have always been a happy person and I want her back I don't like who I have become.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:05 pm
Hi ya'll!!! It's great to see how well this thread is blossomin'!
boldie:: I think everybody has a right to be a worry-wort! I also hope that that flu bug has left ya'! <3 <3 <3
imters:: Hello!!! I'm Lindsy, in case you havn't read the intros. (A.K.A "L") And not to seem rude, but it would be nice for you to post your, well, posts in a larger font? It makes it easier for some of us to read. Someone here has lost much of her vision and I myslef has lost half. Thankies!!!
It does seem that most of us have "doctor" issues!!! GEEZ! doctors... such as them giving meds, and just simply sitting down and talking! And not to mention the prices!!!
Kira:: HI!!! I missed juu!!! And I have this thing called "Shadowing Day" at my school on the 13th and I will be at the Vet's Office that day instead of school, but I will hopefully write LOVE on people's arms maybe the 12th instead!!! <3 <3 <3
And congrats BabyBear! On that win! EEEE!!! ^3^
Now, I am sorry that I wasn't on yesterday D: I had to work on a school project...ew.
On Monday I came down with a yucky cold. Then tuesday I didn't have school, but had a fever! GRR! and so in result I was not able to go to school on Wednesday, either. So, finally, on my day back, I got crammed with make-up work. I AMAZINGLY finished it in ONE FREAKIN' DAY and now there is today of which I feel GREAT. A little stuffy, and a slight cough, but awesome. Thank the Wolves it wasn't the FLU! (BTW I go on the 12th to get my Swine Flu Vaccine) Hm... what else to rant about... let's see...
imters (AGAIN) I think you said something about reading??? I didn't understand really. But uh, if this helps:: In in earlier post we disscussed about the things we can do in our past time to make us feel better about ourselves and some things that were said are as the following~~ Reading, Soduko, Other Logic Puzzles, Jigsaw Puzzles, Drawing, Painting, Art In General, (I myself am doing a wood piece), And Listening To Music, etc. Hope that may help all of the new members!!! >.<
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A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:03 pm
imters Hello Everyone, I found out 3 years ago that I have hypo-thyroidism. Which can be controlled with daily medicine. During the time that it started I believe now I went into a depression and never came out of it. My husband was laid off back in March and of course we lost our health insurance. My doctor refused to continue refilling my meds without me coming in for blood work: Office visit $65, labs $340. We are struggling to pay our bills how can I afford that? Well I searched around and found a clinic that was cheaper to get into, my best friend, God Bless her, paid for me to go to the doctor. The first thing they did was weigh me, OMG I have gained 40 pounds since March!? This new doctor actually sat down in a chair and talked to me. When he asked me what was going on in my life I burst into tears. He diagnosed me with depression. He put me on Prozac told me to take it for a month and we will see how I feel then. I have never been diagnosed with anything that explains the pain I deal with daily but I have started reading and maybe, just maybe it has been caused by depression. This is so hard to deal with an to be honest it is so very hard to share it also. I have loved Gaia since I was introduced to it 3 years ago and lately I have received little to no joy from it. I spend a lot of my day sleeping whenever possible and my nights are spent reading. I hope an pray this medicine works I have always been a happy person and I want her back I don't like who I have become.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:21 pm
Thank you so much for everyone who has increased their font sizes. I know it seems a silly thing to be grateful for, but it really does make it a lot easier for me to participate in this thread. Secondly, for those who have donated me daffodils - thank you. I really appreciate it. Some of you know, but just last week one of my friends Kayleigh passed away from acute lymphoblastic leukemia. She was aged 9, and we had spent a lot of time in hospital together, going through treatment, and passing away monotonous weeks in "captivity" as we called it. Basically, the point of this anecdote was to say that the reason behind beginning my quest about a year ago still rings true today: to remember my friends who haven't been able to beat away the monster of cancer.
Next, Alicia (I hope I spelt that right), I thought I'd direct this part of the post to you. Boldie mentioned that she knew people who self harmed. *waves* nice to meet you. I am one of those people. It's not something I'm proud of, it's just something that I tried out and it worked. Please, everyone, don't think I'm writing this to say that it's a good thing to do, and I'm recommending it, I'm just saying it as it is. Polanski said when making The Pianist that they tried to "tell the story exactly as it was", and that's what I'm doing here. Boldie discussed who she was too chicken (I think that's the word she used at least...) to go through with the actual suicide part, but unfortunately that's not really the case with me. I don't feel really comfortable going into this in much more detail here, but if you ever want to talk, or need support from someone who may understand, just PM me ok?
Now, what else was there to reply to? *rereads posts* Oh right, as8b. I got your letter!! Thank you! I hope all your exams are going well. I've been praying for you. Your letter seriously arrived just when I needed something to distract me, so thank you. The keyring is really cool too, so please thank your Grandad ><
Lindsay, it feels like ages since I've talked to you. Hi! How are you going?
To all the newbies here - hey. I'm looking forward to meeting you guys some more. Tonight I really don't have any more energy. My swelling is so bad I can't actually get any pants on and my skirts are even too tight to be comfortable. I have an ice pack at the moment, but it's not doing anything. I'm seriously getting sick of this pain (and I know that seems like a stupid statement to make, because when would you NOT be sick of pain, but it's getting to the point where it's too much) but like I said to you Boldie, I am trying. I'm trying, and just having to take each minute at a time. It used to every hour, but now I can't even cope with that. Ugh, this is just not fair. For any of us. My heart goes out to all of you guys because I know just how hard this is. Oh, and Boldie, you know the message of mine that you re-posted and said I should be added to it? I truthfully don't feel like I deserve to be put next to you and Madralyn's names. You both never fail to support us and help us but I come here and post rants, and am constantly not only pessimistic, but completely uninspiring. You, as well as other posters here, are in another league from me. I love you so much, Boldie, and everyone else here. Thank you for always being here even when I fail to be here for you. I just wish I could really hug you and feel you by my side <3
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bittersweet and evocative
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Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:00 am
Bittersweet: You did spell it right ^^ Thank you so much for being willing to talk to people about what you are going through. Even though you say you are completely unhelpful, I find you to be just that, helpful. Because you are real, and it is a wonderful feeling to know you are not alone with what you are going through. And I know you have so much to deal with, and even though I do not know you yet, I am always here for anyone who needs me.
I cling to God, because without him I would not be here. Whenever I feel at my worst he kicks me awake again. Even if the people here do not believe in God, I hope they find something to cling to to keep them going.
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Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 5:34 pm
Lindsy~ It's fabulous to say hi to you again. Shadowing Day at a vets office sounds great! TWLOHA's day doesn't just have to take place at school though, as long as your vet office doesn't have much against a little writing on your arm then you might be able to still do that, it's totally not for just kids in school.
Ailsa, I'm hoping some of your swelling has gone down by now >_<
You're underestimating yourself though, I've read everypost you've put in here and though you do rant, so does everyone else. The fact that you're trying through such a hardship, it's inspirational, and that there helps people. There's more I'm sure, but that was just the speaking on my behalf.. 3nodding
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Kira-fightingdreamer Crew
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Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:58 pm
This thread has gotten bigger since my absence, it's really hard to catch up. but alot of participation is a good thing. =)
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Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 12:56 am
as8b, I know what you mean about the thread right? I had a few days break, and when I came back I had like an hours reading to do!!! But it's so good to see more people sharing their stories here and finding others who they can relate to. Cause as lame as that sounds, it does really help.
Alicia and Kira: thank you both for such kind messages. That just brought a smile to my less than smily face. If that makes any sense >< I'm running off a couple of hours sleep so am finding the whole process of stringing words together to make sentences rather challenging. Oh, and my swelling hasn't gone down yet. Hopefully before school in the morning!
Lindsy, I hope you have a whole heap of fun shadowing at the vet - that sounds so cool! At my school, we don't usually do those days sad Oh well, I've only got three days left of school. Ever. And gosh I can't wait. Except for the part with 8 exams which begin this coming saturday (so cruel to make us go to school and do a scholarship exam in the weekend).
Anyway, I'm off to bed, to try and get some sleep. Wish me luck. Love Ailsa xx
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bittersweet and evocative
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Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 11:34 am
Ailsa (I hope it is okay if I call you that)~ I am glad I was able to make you smile, you deserve it! Wow, I wish I had 3 days left. I graduate in May if I can get my work done.
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Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:29 pm
imters Hello Everyone, I found out 3 years ago that I have hypo-thyroidism. Which can be controlled with daily medicine. During the time that it started I believe now I went into a depression and never came out of it. My husband was laid off back in March and of course we lost our health insurance. My doctor refused to continue refilling my meds without me coming in for blood work: Office visit $65, labs $340. We are struggling to pay our bills how can I afford that? Well I searched around and found a clinic that was cheaper to get into, my best friend, God Bless her, paid for me to go to the doctor. The first thing they did was weigh me, OMG I have gained 40 pounds since March!? This new doctor actually sat down in a chair and talked to me. When he asked me what was going on in my life I burst into tears. He diagnosed me with depression. He put me on Prozac told me to take it for a month and we will see how I feel then. I have never been diagnosed with anything that explains the pain I deal with daily but I have started reading and maybe, just maybe it has been caused by depression. This is so hard to deal with an to be honest it is so very hard to share it also. I have loved Gaia since I was introduced to it 3 years ago and lately I have received little to no joy from it. I spend a lot of my day sleeping whenever possible and my nights are spent reading. I hope an pray this medicine works I have always been a happy person and I want her back I don't like who I have become.
Depression is common, affecting about 121 million people worldwide. It is a condition that impacts individuals of all races, ethnicities and income levels. It doesn't know racism. A lot of people don't think they have depression, if that's all they think they have, because they're embarrassed, or they worry about what others will think of them. But, combined with something else, like in YOUR case, and everyone else's case, with hypo-thyroidism, you're sure to have depression, as well. For those who don't know....Hypothyroidism means your thyroid is not making enough thyroid hormone. There is HYPO and HYPER. Hypo meaning not enough, and Hyper meaning too much. The thyroid gland has a job of making hormones that control the way your body uses energy. And since yours is HYPO meaning not enough, that's maybe why you feel tired all the time, and/or depressed, and quite possibly the weight gain. I know one woman in here has gained 15 pounds since her last doctor's visit. I gained 4 pounds--really trying to watch it, and I'm sure there's other people in here that just haven't said anything pertaining to weight.
I'm so sorry you feel the way you do. Here, I've basically found, that Hug Soft, Love Strong, is a great way to not only make new friends, and to compare each other's illnesses', but it also gives you hope, encouragement, love and support. I am so proud of this thread, because I went to Madralyn and said I wanted to start something like this. She trusted me and gave me full reign of it. Maybe some of you don't know, but I named this thread because a lot of people can't accept hugs because of their condition, like RSD (where they feel like their skin in on fire), or the pain that they have is too overwhelming.... and Love Strong, because I KNOW we all have it in ourselves to love and be loved. And we can do that with an aggressive vigor. Amy, I'm so proud of you to step forward. And, that's all I've asked of you, right? (See things from other people's perspective.) (And for the "new" people, you'll find what's wrong with me on the very first page.) I just want to give you a huge hug for stepping forth, because I know it took great courage to do that. We're just not names on the internet.... we're all actual people with real hurts and pains and feel like crap one day and somehow, overnight, the pain levels dropped, and you feel just slightly better than yesterday. Yesterday and today, I have been feeling so like crap. I don't know what it is. Doing the wash tires me out and I know I did that yesterday. And do you know what?? My husband.... for some strange reason, (because I striped the bed) made the bed with the sheets, pillow cases, and comforters ALL BY HIMSELF, without me asking him to help me. I found that to be so special. Like,.... OMG he STILL loves me. Cuz, I don't know about you, but there are days when I question that love. He, too, is disabled. He's already on social security disability. So, I know that took a lot out of him yesterday. And to me.... THAT'S what love is all about. Not having to ask someone to do something or to HELP you do something, but they do it, because they WANT to do it. God love him. I know, I've really gone and made this a huge, long post, (I haven't previewed it yet, so I can just imagine) lol, but I just wanted to help you feel welcomed. And I'm sure the women here ALL want to help you feel loved and safe. God Bless you, Amy... Thank you so much for coming. Now, I have to go and rest alittle on the couch. My hips are really hurting today.
 and 
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Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:44 pm
BTW, everybody else...... HIYA !!!! thanks for the wonderful things you've said to me,...... gosh, there's so many, so this is a group hug for everyone....... I'll talk to each and everyone of you some other day- OK? Ailsa..... you okay?
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Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 8:22 am
Thank you everyone for your comforting words.
@Boldie my original symptoms were sever irritation, ALL the hair on my legs fell out, the skin on my hands dried out and cracked open so bad they bled, as well as sleeping all the time and sever all over body cramps, along with rapid weight gain.
The only thing that motivates me to get out of bed is my children because I KNOW they need me and it motivates me to move.
I can relate to the wonder of spontanious acts of love from the hubby. Mine actually did the dishes the other night while I was at football practice with our oldest son. I can count on both hands the number of times that has happened in the 20 years we have been married. It makes me all warm and fuzzy.
I hope everyone has a great day!
Oh and L not rude at all I will happily post larger!
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Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 9:46 am
A quick post, as I miss all of you so much. I have overdone and overbooked myself to the tenth degree and feel free to give me my lashings, some of you already have.
If there is anything that I've not overcome since acquiring CRPS almost 8 years ago, is that I've not learned how to do is manage all that needs to be done in a day and what I want done in a day versus what my CRPS will allow me to do.
For you young ones, time management and self motivation are the keys to your success. I never learned this from my parents really and I'm trying to teach my kids the right way as I still muddle through. It's so damn frustrating! It any one has ideas or pointers....please post them or PM me directly.
I was a successful career woman- type A personality, thrown into a new reality of being an at home mom almost 8 years ago. You'd think I'd have figured this all out by now. I'm embarrassed by this but you all have been so brutally honest I wanted to share this with you.
My psychologist says my head and heart are just to big and that I need to be more realistic. I say that what I need is to find the self motivation to do the basics - house and such so that when I want to volunteer my time and when I'm able - that I can do just that.
I'm turning 39 this weekend and my gift to myself is that by age 40, I will be in better control of me. Even if I have to go back to the beginning and schedule my day and my menus. I tend to be one that throw's the baby out with the bath water - so to speak, so being this strict with myself has it's own set of challenges. Like today, plans are made and now broken as I'm having unexpected visitors.
Alas, I've not addressed any of you and I'm sorry. Please know how important each of you are - yes, even our new comers. I will come back and get to know you all better. Thank you for letting me express my frustrations and now that I'm done beating myself up and complaining- I'm going to sign off and start taking action.
Hugs to you all,
Madralyn
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