Welcome to Gaia! ::

Pretty much... Sorry...

who knows. All i know is this is how it's been for me my entire life.

Doesn't help now that my dad has to work two jobs just to make like maybe $24,000 a year.

My mom can't work because she has Multiple Sclerosis. She sells Avon though.. but that doesn't bring in a whole lot..

Want the reality of poverty. Welcome to my life. It's not just the third world countries that live in poverty, it exists in every single damned country on this stupid planet. and I hate it.

And then our stupid government tells us that in order to get really good, decent paying jobs, we have to go to University, and to go to university we have to pay unbelievable amounts of money. and end up with nearly a $40,000 debt and that's just to get a BA, forget getting your masters or a PHD you'll be to busy trying to pay off that 40,000 debt working along with trying to pay for all your other expenses at the same time, housing, blah blah blah blah blah.

and so most people don't go to university because they can't afford it or they didn't have good enough grades to get in, and so they're stuck in minimum waged jobs all their life, and our governments too stupid to realize that some people aren't academically intelligent but they have talent in a certain field but they can't get that job in that field because they don't have a university degree.

How messed up and flawed is that?

(sorry i ranted.. but this is a rather touchy subject for me.. )

I totally agree with that... The government can go screw itself up the arse...

3nodding I'm a really good singer, I've auditioned for Canadian Idol 3 times.. i'm hoping to try again this year.

But with the music industry in it's current state of "it's the image that matters" I'm never going to get in.

I'd do it the hard way.. but I don't know how to play the Guitar. I can't write music to save my life. and my lyrics are so pathetic it's not even funny.

I want to be a recording artist, so i can make enough money to support myself, my family, the family i might have in the future, and be able to help the people who are just like me, struggling to be discovered, I want to give them the courage to keep trying to keep dreaming.

I also want to help the depressed, and the near suicidal people, through my music, and tell them that everything is going to be okay, Yeah life may suck right now, but something good will come out of it. Just keep dreaming of a better life and that life will become a reality if you make it so.

My life's always sucked, i've been the centre of everyone's amusement with the constant teasings and being made fun of for my appearance. I wanted it too stop, to end, i wanted to die, I was ready to die when i was in grade 5. I couldn't handle it anymore, i felt like no one cared about me.
everyone would be happier without me.

I'm the type of person who believes everything happens for a reason. I look back on those times and say. Those things happened to me, because someone wanted me to understand the pain that others who are going to be just like me then, are going through. So i can say I know what your going through. I know what it's like. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep walking untill you find it.

There are days, yes, when i feel like giving up , yesterday was one of them. But now i have someone to live for, i have purpose again in my life. Someone wanted me here today, with me writing all of this. Wether you choose to read and listen, and understand.

No i'm not an attention seeker, no i'm not a "sob story" all of these things i've been called. No, i tell these things, because i want people to understand me. I want people to know why I am the way i am, what molded me to become how I am. The reasons why i hate being ignored, etc. I've had so many people reject me when i start talking about these things. and it hurt, people who are supposed to be my friends telling me to "save it, it's just another sob story" well no this is my life. This is who I am.. is that what you think of me a "sob story" I'm as real as they can be i tell it as straight as i can. and yeah.. there's like a brief(and i mean really brief) summery of what my life's like, been like, and yada yada yada.


(...gomen I did it again... the whole rant thing. )

Yes i saw the thread, it made me smile and laugh lightly 3nodding

I used to want to be a counselor, but after taking some Psychology classes it seems like too much work.

So as a result i created my goal to help people through my music and be a counselor that way.. instead going through all the other complicated forms of it.

Of course i have to become a recording artist first...

-throws things-

o__o
-ducks under a table-

...to the Nightwish song I gave you?
I want to see. ><;