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 Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 9:11 am
At what time? @_@ Call me 'cause we might be out at teh Diner <3
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:50 pm
NM LoL I got your message this morning-ish saying you got called into work earlier. Tomorrow's good, what time do you have to work at? <3
And fwee, I ish had a good day! But now I dun get to see me beloved for a week crying heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 4:21 pm
Hey all...Madi's just going to exploded on this page...I feel really bad about doing so. But...Yeah...I got to get it out of me.
So for the past little while I've been feeling rather depressed, not the good kindof depressed either. There's just been alot of crap going on that my brain is going to explode.
My parents are constantly nagging and yelling at me, either I don't please them or I'm not doing good enough. My mom yesterday looked at my hair and finally told me that she never really liked how my hair has been cut. Then last night my dad was drinking (never good) and he started saying how useless I was and what not. You know that just boosts up myself esteem by 300 points.
Also as of late there has been tons of issues with my friends. I got in a fight with my one friend cause I apperently flaked her off even though I was running late and she had to work. It was silly, and when I tried talking to her she simply ignore me and countinued ranting about the fact that she was right. Another friend is having relationship issues, and I have no problem with him talking to me about it. But I just feel horrible about it. I worry, I honestly do. I know I'm a worrywart too so you can lick my balls. (It's a figure of speech)
The Oscars also happened to sadden me aswell, mainly cause there was some great and amazing Directors and Actors. Guess where I was? I was at home watching these people doing something I've desired to do for ages. I want to become a director, but I'm honestly doubting myself in this field of work. My parents believe I have no possible chances in this field and thus they won't pay for my education anymore. They are even talking money out of my education savings cause they figure I'm not going to use it.
At school, I feel terribly alone. I just...don't belong there. All of my close friends go to another school where I am sitting in this school which resembles a prison (I'm dead serious about that, it was originally supposed to be a prison) and I do have friends there. But they aren't really major friends. They don't tell me things, I'm just there for someone to talk too when they are bored. I'll often sit alone at lunch not bothering eating cause I lost my apetite, I'll sit in my classes off alone in my little world cause I hardly have anyone to talk to at school.It hurts, cause I don't feel important hardly anywhere. I don't even get hugs at my school, no hugs. And when I'm depressed that's the best way to make me smile is with hugs.
I'm also considered recently a few stupid things, like becoming belimic. It's lame and retarded I know, but I am not going to do it cause I spoke with my dear friend Tyler about it. He's actually helped me out alot as of late, but right now he's having some troubles of his own so I don't want to bother him with them. You know?
Well...Yeah...
That's my rant...
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:05 pm
Thank you Sierra for pointing this out. I need this so badly right now.....
After dealing with all the crap from Josh, I finally moved somewhere where I can destress and not worry about things for a while. Great right?
Wrong.
Right now, I'm doing a massive RPG here on Gaia that is way stressing me out. I love it and I'm sure it will go great but at the same time it's still really stressful cause I'm trying to make sure that we get a complete story, a fun time for like 30 people and have as few complaints as possible.
In addition, I have Josh bitching at me that I 'requested' a certain character of his. Which I did, when it was NOT an event, now it's eveolved and changed so much that the character doesn't really fit so he's demanding that I 'request' what character I want, because he 'knows' that there is one I just can't live without.
Like my whole ********' world revolves around him or something. I could honestly care less what he plays or if he plays. My world revolved around him for too long.
At the same time, he's also telling one of my co judges that he's not going to play a 'serious' character because he'd wipe the floor with everyone and win easily.....
Just....
AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! scream
I feel a wee bit better.
At least my real life is a little less stressful. Maybe after the event, I'll take a break from Gaia for a while. It's tearing me up inside sometimes.
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:11 pm
Well the thing is that you and I have probably realized is that..
Josh is a Jerk most of the time.
But honestly, All you really need to know is to ignore people for awhile. Or take a holiday.
Go to Hawaii.
Get yourself a Coconut Bra.
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:22 pm
Dark Conspiracy Well the thing is that you and I have probably realized is that.. Josh is a Jerk most of the time. But honestly, All you really need to know is to ignore people for awhile. Or take a holiday. Go to Hawaii. Get yourself a Coconut Bra. He is a jerk most of the time, but I do love him and he was basically my best friend. Which goes to show, I need better friends. XP
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:24 pm
Tabi Kat He is a jerk most of the time, but I do love him and he was basically my best friend. Which goes to show, I need better friends. XP MADI ISH YOUR FRIEND! heart heart heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:26 pm
Dark Conspiracy Tabi Kat He is a jerk most of the time, but I do love him and he was basically my best friend. Which goes to show, I need better friends. XP MADI ISH YOUR FRIEND! heart heart heart Danke, sweetie. heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 11:15 pm
I don't let online things stress me, because well, I think it's silly. It's online, to me, it's not real. I mean, I love rp'ing and everything, but it's not my life.
I am also so not very stressed right now. Like yeah, there's little stressors and work was a BIG stresser for a while but somehow, that went away. Ah well, I'm happy about that. I'm doing pretty good right now, so yeah...
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Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:42 pm
See now you don't need Joshua being alittle p***k. Cause you have Madi in your life~
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:27 pm
*snuggles the bunny*
It would be a lot harder for him to get to me if I hadn't let him get so close in real life.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:01 pm
So, again I'm hear to rant....I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry you guys are hearing this and are getting sick of it. But I've been keeping everything tucked inside in my pocket pretending nothing is wrong. Smiling, and laughing when I know it's not true.
I'm depressed, and I am trying to get help. ********, I even asked my parents to get me and shrink. But no, they think I'm perfectly ok. I know it's not true, why is that? Cause I broke down over the weekend, 6 times I believe. I just can't take things anymore, I can't hang out, I can hardly breathe.
I have given up on my dreams of doing something that matters to me, I have a goal and I'm giving up. My parents seem to not care one bit about those dreams. They want me to do something that will get me money, not something I can enjoy. I'm retarded, I keep hearing it, from everyone. Parents, friends, and some of my teachers. They shouldn't be doing that but they do.
I feel like I hardly matter anymore, but I know some people do think I matter. I try and try to make me feel like I'm worth something but no. It won't happen.
If I try and talk about things, no one will believe it. They don't think it's true. They think I'm making it up, they all do. Or that I want attention. Or something. In a sense I do want attention, I want to be loved, I want to be appreciated. That's it. Just to matter in someone's life. To know that I did something right, I try saving the world, I try loving the world. But the only thing is I can't save myself. No matter how hard I try...I need help, and I'm scared to ruin my friend's perfect lives just so I can get it. They don't need to be bothered with it, no one does.
I shouldn't have even posted this...I haven't even gone into details about things and you guys are hearing this. My friends Krazy and Erinn have heard the entire thing...well most of it. But I'm giving you the rough version....
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:38 pm
Uwaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!~ gonk heart
So sorry it took me this long to getting around to replying ladies >_O;;
Kat first ... Josh is a control freak and manipulative, egotistical p***k. So don't feel bad for bitching about him, because there's a couple of us who know exactly what he's like. Sure he can be a good guy, but for the most part he's an a**. Brilliant as ********, but that's part of the problem. He know's he's smart and doesn't -need- to hear out other people's ideas and opinions, 'cause he knows everything already. Sorry anyone who's friends with him and will take this the wrong way... but... Ugh. He grates on my nerves too. Yeah it sucks that you were so close online and off, I'm having a simillar problem with one of my Ex's right now... who is ironically... a lot like our dear Joshua -_-;;; 'cept the little bugger is younger. Gomen Trissy, I know you like Brandon ^_^;; and he can be a great guy, I did love him after all... but DAYUM he just gets in my head and under my skin-- and--and--
** Broadcast temporarily unavailable due to technicle difficulties...**
...
** Aaaaand we're back! **
I think part of it is, he knows that he effects you, and purposely does things to test that... just to reassure himself that he still has some sway over you. Could be off base, but not likely. Why is he so adament that you need him? Why won't he let it go? Likely because he can't himself but he'll hide behind 'your weaknesses'.
Dun worry hun, we're here for you and we all love you <3333
NOW!~
Madikins, meh poor bunny. T^T
I'm not just saying this to be phoney and cliche, but I really, truly and honestly know what you're going through. You can ask Trissy, you're describing the last 5 years of my life in a nutshell.
I told you what I think on the phone the other night, but if you need me to reitterate let me know <3333
*snuggles and kisses you both*
I love you girls, so chin up and hang in there 4laugh heart
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:49 pm
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Reply
