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 Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:10 pm
heart Dinner and the Last Day heart
+June 18th
+ Quiet didn't have any trouble following the directions I gave her to get to the house, and she showed up at the door at 6, practically on the dot. ...I'd envisioned that the greeting would be something out of a fifties family show- the doorbell rings, and I open the door in an arc to reveal Quiet and her brood, smiling, standing tallest to naught, with a casserole or a pot pie in their grasp. And, on the other side, would be me and my merry brood, beckoning them in.
Given, that was just a fleeting thought. And it's probably better off that it was just a passing idea- that way, I wasn't too attached to it. The actual scene was a bit of a different picture-
Let me paint the scene. The front door is wide open, because Sk's 'invited' a squirrel in, and Tawn and I have opened every window and door as we run around w/ brooms and buckets, trying to shoo him back outside. Sk is sitting on top of the banister knob at the bottom of the stairs, laughing and scaring the squirrel when he nears the door, so as to prolong the "fun"...
Then, at the next pass around the house and near the stairs, Sk decides to REALLY scare it, and jumps on it... but waits a second too long- long enough for the squirrel to be halfway towards the door, and the one who was in close pursuit- which would be Tawn (I don't run...) right under the 'landing mark'.
The squirrel bounded out the front door and down the steps, just long enough to run smack into Tobias, who recoiled out of surprise, and then cringed as the squirrel launched off his head to dash off into the yard. Maddie, who was holding a bag of something, just blinked, and then laughed, picked up Tobias (who gave her a troubled look...) and put him back on the top step. Then she said something which made him blush, and Quiet nudged her to stop.
Finally, I got Sk off of Tawn's back... (although it was an accident that he landed on his back... Sk figured, once he was there, that it was pretty fun, and was riding him around the house) and called for them to come in. Turns out the bag Maddie had was filled with red licorice and butterscotch treats, for Tawn.
Luckily, the bulk of the chaos ended there. (Keywords=bulk of... sweatdrop ) Dinner went well- we sat down and talked for a while, and Maddie told us about how she's thinking of getting her own place, and working down at the SMhq full-time. I told her that'd be wonderful- and it really would- Maddie is great with children. Tawn doesn't remember, but Maddie was always so good with him, when he was an infant- I'd just have to hand him off to Maddie, and he'd be as calm as he was when he was with me. ...I wonder if she'll ever have one of her own, someday...
Quiet, Maddie and I were all sitting in the living room- Maddie sat across from her mother, next to me on the couch, and Quiet sat in the chair that Tawn and I sit in to read together. Tawn and Tobias were in his room- Tawn wanted to show him Peabody (who was slept in his basket under Tawn's window the entire night.)
Then we heard a crash in the kitchen- and we had to get Sk off the top of the refridgerator, where he was picking pieces off the turkey (serves me right for thinking it'd be safe from him up there...). So we all sat down to dinner- turkey, and stuffing and corn- and then junk food like chips and oodles of pop. (I didn't know what sort they drank, so I just loaded up. Come the Apocalypse, I'll still have a full pantry...) Sk even had his own spot, under the table, where I loaded up a plate for him.
Tobias looked happy for the first time during the evening (he seemed at odds during the whole thing, really- but I know that's basically his personality), when he saw his placemat had a red-tailed hawk on it. I found it when I was shopping for new napkins- Sk turned all of my best into parachutes for the voles he threw off the roof... *sigh*... I ended up getting one for Quiet, too- I hadn't been planning on it, but once I found that hawk one, I thought I should look through the pile to see if there were any with cows on it- Tawn has an entire STACK of placemats, but he would be delighted with a new one- and I found one with Gollum on it, smiling and crouched on a rock. So I bought that one, too, because I knew Quiet'd be tickled.
Dinner was uneventful- and afterwards, Tawn and Tobias (the latter, though reluctantly-) went outside and ate some of the candy Maddie brought. (Maddie went out to watch them.) Quiet and I stayed in and talked about this summer, and all of the things she's planning over at the hq. We talked in vagues, though, when it came to 'SM business'. Mostly, we just talked about our kids- and how Quiet may be thinking about getting another one- maybe a little girl like Maddie- but not until Tobias is older. We talked about Tobias quite a bit, and the problems he's been going through- and Quiet said that, besides feeling that her children should be 'spaced out', just to be fair to them, she also feels that Tobias needs her undivided attention for a while, and that having a newcomer now would just make him feel...delegated. She even said that she's afraid that he has some resentment towards Maddie, and that he might think she's more loyal to her, as her firstborn. It made me worry a little about Tawn, and what HIS opinion about getting a new little sibling (because, as you know, we've been trying for a new addition to the family...).
After Quiet and her brood left (I sent her home w/ the entire cherry pie, that we didn't even touch.. although we demolished the apple...^_^), I went to Tawn about it. By this time, Peabody was awake, and Tawn was laying in bed petting him. I came in, sat on the bed, and Tawn and I really talked... about what it would mean to him, that he'd be getting older soon (a teenager... yikes...), and I answered all his questions. Then I asked him if it bothered him at all, that I was trying for a new little skullmonkey, and if he felt...jealous, or left out, or like I was trying to replace him. He said that he didn't feel that way at all, and he was excited... the thing that we talked about most, though, was about his growing up. I told him how much he's meant to me in EACH stage, and that he shouldn't worry, I'd always, always love him, no matter how old he gets- but that I'd start to treat him more and more like an adult, and eventually, we'll not only be family, but friends, too. Like Quiet and Maddie.
+Today, I've been super-clingy with him. I know that today will probably be the last day he's a child... and he's been very good about letting me baby him all day. I can tell he's just humoring me, but I don't care- we've been spending all day together. I missed the last two actual transformations (some by only seconds) and this time, I want to see it for my own eyes. And if he's not changed by tonight, we're making a tent out of the dining room chairs and we're having a campout in the living room, complete w/ smores... and lots and lots of pop. Let him spoil his bedtime.
In fact, even if he HAS grown- we'll have our campout. Just the...well, the four of us. ^_~ Tawn, Peabody, Sk and me. ....Boy, there are a lot of males in this house....
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:11 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+June 20th
+ This won't be a long entry- because I'm writing it in a hurry. ...Although that's a shame, since it's my first entry when I'm not a child. (The stage is ADULT.... but Mom insists that it's teen/adult, and that I won't be an adult until I'm considerably older. stressed )
I don't have a lot of time, probably- Mom is upstairs, getting something from her office, and as soon as she comes back down here, we'll get in the car and go back to the hq. (It's where she just came from.) I have a new sibling! I don't know what it looks like, or even if it's a boy or a girl (of course, the only ones who knows THAT is Ms. Quiet, and Ms. Liz-Liz, and Maddie.)- but Mom said she'd waited to pick it up so that we could do it together. I wonder if it's a boy or a girl... I could have a new baby brother. ...Wow.
Sarabi called- they aren't going to have a new little pebble in the house, and I feel bad for her- I knew how much she wanted a little brother. Her Mom must be really disappointed, too. ...She was so excited, the other day, when I saw her before the flatsalse. ...Sarabi even... eek kissed me. It was just a quick kiss on the cheek, and then she ran back to her Mom's car... but it really, really... surprised me, I guess. She does look really wonderful, though. I told her that. ....
Alright, I hear Mom coming down the stairs. !! So exciting! I have to go find Sk- I want him to be there, too. (Peabody is over at Aunt Keppit's, with Edgar.)
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:12 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+June 24th
+Sarabi told me she... loved me. We were out by the lake, just laying in the grass. I had my head on her front paws, and we were just watching the water, and she told me she had something to tell me, and then she... she told me that she cared about me, and jumped up and ran for the woods. I caught her before she went through the trees, and I told her that I feel... what I feel, about her, too. And then we kissed. ...I'm really confused, but it's not a bad sort of confused. She's been my best friend forever, and she's so funny and sweet, and she listens to me when I talk... about anything. She knows how to play the drums... and she always gives me such a great big hug and laughs with that high, loud laugh of hers, when I give her a stick of gum. ...Just a little stick of gum, and she kisses my cheek and tackles me and chews on my ear.
...I really do care about her. ...And she really is my best friend, and I hope... that she knows that.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:13 pm
heart Catching up.. heart
+June 25th
+Good god, there's so much to say... o_O I hardly know where to start. What with Tam coming into the family, and all special events at the shop- ALL the mind-boggling things happening at the SMhq.... good gods, I'm just going to have to summarize it all, and forgive the brevity- now that things are slowing down a little (I hope...) I'll write more lengthily, if not more often.
Let's see... Tam coming into the family. Yes, it's a she, and she's a beautiful little tartan... well, I'd love to say Angel, but she's in a 'grabby' stage, and likes to pull her brother's hair... and... she stole one of Roxy's shoelaces, and sat on Aiden's tail... and his back... and, well, I love her dearly and deeply, but the little sweetheart is no angel. ^_^ She and Sk are already shaping up to be best friends, and though I haven't the heart to keep them away from each other, a definite part of me knows that, if I don't, I'll have TWO of them running around- and then it will be just me against my odds... Ironic, isn't it? I was worried that, if the pebble was another boy, I'd be outnumbered. Well, I'm still outnumbered. This time, by sarcasm.. ^_^
Of course, there's all the shop stuff that's been going on... I say 'stuff'.... because that's what it feels like. A big pile o' stuff. I've been through all the receipts, I've sent out all the newsletters, and updated my files in the last three days. I still haven't cleaned the shop out- but good gods, if I squeeze that into the last two days as well, I'm sure I would have found time to kick the chair out from underneath me... o_O ... ^_^ Tawn was wonderful about it today, though. He stayed close to home (he was in the woods with Peabody all day... Peabody brought back a bunch of seed pods, he's been kicking them around all day- it sends him into fits of giggles whenever he hits me or Tawn with them.), so that I'd know where he was, and then he watched the baby in the afternoon, so that I could be upstairs working on all that 'shop stuff'. I'm basically done with it all, except for that stuff that's on my to-do list (like cleaning the shop...) that I know will never get done. They're just on there so I look like a responsible person.
Korea came over for dinner tonight- it was grand fun, although she did have to leave early. We just had stir fry, and Hany even tried to eat it with chopsticks! She's a cute little thing, and so polite. She even tried to carry her plate back into the kitchen when she was done. Tawn had a lot of fun- he loves infants, he's so good with the little ones. ...Tam was being a bit of a pill, and chucking rice at Hany. The poor little thing didn't know what was going on, until Tam flicked a pea pod at her, and it landed on Hany's nose. So Tam got to spend the rest of the evening in her playpen, which I moved into the kitchen, and put her plate in there. She couldn't throw any of her rice high enough to get out of the pen, so she stopped trying. ...It didn't really matter- I only gave each of them a little stir fry, to taste. Korea brought something for Hany, and Tam is still on formula.
Let's see.. what else.. oh yes. The events at the SMhq. It's been a madhouse there. There was that terrible thunderstorm, and Isto was hit by lightning- and Diro and Jen found him (they'd snuck out of the hq when the lights went out)- and then we all had to go looking for all three of them. It was raining horribly, and all three of us (Halfling, Moo and me) to get Isto up the hill (he was unconscious) and into the hq. And when the ambulance came, the lights went out again! Luckily, Isto is perfectly fine- although a little upset that the doctor temporarily took his leg off, so his shoulder (which was broken) would heal better, without the extra weight. And now Jen and Diro and Edana (they've turned into a little trio, they have...) are running around calling him "Super Isto" and wrapping tinfoil around their legs so they'd look like him. I think Isto is a little confused... but mostly flattered. Keppit just thinks it's funny, and so sweet, and she's been walking around with a camera around her neck to catch the three of them with their little tinfoil effigies.
The only other thing I can think of... is the house. Tomorrow the work crew is coming to start putting in the back porch (YES!) I decided to get all of the work down at once... at least, a chunk of it- so someone is also coming in to tear up the tile in the kitchen and replace it. I've got this really pretty rose-colored tile all picked out, too. It'll look great in that old-wood kitchen... depending on how sick I am of renovation crews being around all the time, I might also have them start to work on my upstairs bathroom- it's barely usable, at the moment. Ah well, that's the folly of buying an old house. ..But it's such a beautiful old thing, and just these tiny little 'fixes' will make it so much better.
Alright, that's it for now. Brief, I know (at least, I only touched on each subject...) but at least I'm basically caught up. Now I just need to catch up on some sleep. ... And Tam's log. Daaaamn....
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:14 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+July 1st
+I asked Sarabi today, if she'd like to...go out with me. If you think about it, we're really already...but I just had to ask. She said yes. ...You know, she's my favorite person in the whole world. ...Or is that too strange a thing to say?
I love to teach her things, and the way she looks at me when I talk to her. Today she found me outside by the lake- I was looking at clouds- and I showed her how to whistle with a piece of grass. She held the grass just like I told her to, just...looking from it to me, and when it whistled, she just looked so happy. Her laugh is so pretty, and when she talks to you, sometimes she'll toss her head around, or tilt it down and look up at you, peeking out of the 'top' of her eyes. And she's...
She's my girlfriend. I can say it now, because she said yes. Yes yes yes yes... she's my girlfriend, and my best friend. Always.
...I'm a little silly, aren't I? All I talk about it Sarabi. Peabody even jumps around when I say her name, like he's tired of hearing it. Well, maybe next time I'll talk about Tam. ....She's a little piece of work. I could talk about her forever. Until then, I guess.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:15 pm
heart He's not a baby anymore.... heart
+July 2nd
+ This is a night entry... or is that morning? Well, in any case, it's 1:40 on the morning of July 2nd... which means it's certainly too early for me to know what the second will bring at all, be it flood, famine, or feast... or just not enough sleep.. ^_~ ...but since it is technically the 2nd, the 2nd shall it be forever written down as. Accuracy can be annoying, can't it?
I don't really know why I'm up at this hour, minute, second...whatever. It wasn't a very busy day- what few things I had to do at the shop, I did, and nothing unusual happened today, unless you count the fact that...it almost seemed like I had but one child again. It's a different sort of experience, having a skullmonkey that's growing so quickly. I think Tawn, in my eyes, is still supposed to be the little baby that crawls up on my lap so Mom can help him with the big words in his book about lantern fish. ...What's a lantern, Mom? ...
...I never thought I'd be one of those sentimental mothers. I really didn't. I was so fine with him growing up. ...And I am. He's such a wonderful boy- almost an adult, really- so polite and kind and loving. Everyone who meets him loves him. ...But he's not my little baby anymore. And sometimes it breaks my heart, to see him only an hour or two a day. I wake up to get to the shop, and he's already run off into the woods with Peabody. (And, of course, courteous as he is, there's a note on the kitchen table telling me where he's gone...and with a little heart that says "Don't worry, Mom.You worry too much." ...) At the SMhq, he goes out to be with Sarabi, and of course, he doesn't want his mother looking over his shoulder. Sometimes the only time I really get to see him is at night, when he comes up to my office to say goodnight and to kiss Tam on the head.
And I keep telling myself it's not my fault, I can't...well, if he were a child, or certainly an infant, I wouldn't let myself be so apart from him. I'd cut back hours at the shop, or even... close it, temporarily. But he's not a child. And he's certainly not a baby anymore. And the time he spends away from me is time he's spending with his friends, and time by himself that he needs in order to grow up. There's no neglect. ....
....Time just...moves too fast.
I wonder what this would all be like, these feelings, if I didn't have Tam. I don't know if they'd be 'better' or 'worse'... perhaps worse, because then I'd truly be one of those 'empty nested' mothers, and who knows what I'd feel like then. But maybe no better because of that, either... because Tam is certainly no Tawn. I don't compare the two, I don't 'size up' my children... all I'm saying is that I could never confuse the two, they're very distinct personalities, different, beautiful entities- and having Tam in my arms doesn't remind me of a time when Tawn was there. It's just Tam, and I would never use her to remind me of him.
She's not... 'like Tawn'. There's nothing wrong with that. She's not the round faced little baby with the questions and the ear ache that makes his eyes well up, and sniff to himself rather than tell me what hurts. She's such her own person, and she's got such a vivid little personality. She makes me laugh, and she keeps me on my toes, and she's got such a fresh, baby-view on life that she's already patterned through in her mind as to how she wants it to be... Maybe when she's older, I'll have 'gotten over' whatever this stage is, and not feel so mournful for her. ...But I don't know. I sort of doubt it. Some part of me will long for the baby in her...that same part that wishes Tawn was still a little white, spotted thing, lifting his paws and eyes up at me, trusting me so completely.
...I've got to stop this. I'm going to make myself cry...
Besides, I think I'll be up for a while. So I might as well get something written in little Tam's log. Perhaps there I can be a little less...emotional.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:17 pm
 +July 2nd++Tawn is Currently: Asleep. It's 2:05 in the morning. I'm having a bit of a... troubled bout. Keeping me awake. +Tawn's mood: He was outside with Sarabi today. By the lake. He's been happier than usual ever since. ...She makes him so happy. +...MY mood...: I'm feeling..out of place tonight. A little sad. He's just growing up so fast, and I keep thinking about Tam... like I said. It's just one of those nights. +Tam is:Asleep in my room. I would have brought her in here (I'm in my office) had I known I'd stay in here for so long. Who knew I'd get off in such a tangent? +Status of Sk...:I haven't seen him since breakfast. +July 6th++Tawn is Currently: When I last saw him, he was reading a book on the couch. +Tawn's mood: Eh, it's a lazy day. We're all bein' bums. ^_^ +...MY mood...: Is sleepy a mood? Well, I'm sleepy. +Tam is:With Sk in the hall outside. She crawled out there and he said he'd follow her. +Status of Sk...:Slinking around after Tam, teaching her lord knows what. +July 8th++Tawn is Currently: Somewhere in the woods. +Tawn's mood: Well, whatever it is, he's in a smart state of mind, to be out of the house at the moment. I'm frazzled... +...MY mood...: o_O Frazzled. Absolutely frazzled. It's just been one of 'those' days. ...Power outages, air conditioners on the fritz... fridge broke. What do you want to bet the warranties all expired yesterday??? +Tam is:Teething. O_o Like I said. One of "those" days. +Status of Sk...:In the attic. Staying out of my way. Smart cat. +July 19th++Tawn is Currently: At the SMhq. ...He'll call me when he wants a ride back. +Tawn's mood: Probably pretty happy- he was supposed to meet up with Sarabi at the hq. She got back from camp just the other day. +...MY mood...: A little tired. It's not been a bad day, though. Just an uneventful one. +Tam is:Being an absolute angel today. ...o_O I'm a little frightened. +Status of Sk...:He's got a cough. Poor kitty- he's sleeping downstairs. +July 31st++Tawn is Currently: Looking for his book. He can't find where he left it. +Tawn's mood: Well, I can tell he's not mad at me anymore. (He was upset because I wasn't getting enough sleep.) +...MY mood...: ....Pretty evened out. ^_~ +Tam is:Sitting in my lap. +Status of Sk...:He's outside, catching something, no doubt. He's been smug and happy ever since the new stock went up. +August 1st++Tawn is Currently: He asked me if he could take Peabody for a walk. So I imagine he's headed down the street towards the woods. +Tawn's mood:Poor little guy is stressed OUT. It's only natural- all the marathon stands for is sort of frightening to him. ...I'm letting him work it out on his own- it's a healthy sort of stress. +...MY mood...: Fine and dandy, actually. A liiiiiittle bored, but not much. S'just an edge. +Tam is:Sitting over on the other side of the room, under the air conditioner, playing w/ Sk. +Status of Sk...:On top of the air conditioner. ....I don't think he's mad at me anymore. (For not letting him go w/ Tam to the dr.'s office.) +August 6th++Tawn is Currently: Watching the shop for me. He's been an angel all week. +Tawn's mood:I think he's starting to calm down- his '5th stage stress' is subsiding. +...MY mood...: O_O Busy. And if that's not a 'mood', it should be. +Tam is:At the headquarters. I'm headed right back there- I wouldn't have left her there, but there were adults who said they'd watch her. +Status of Sk...:...I haven't seen him since this morning. +August 7th++Tawn is Currently: Sleeping. It's.... o_O Holy crap, it's 5:30 in the morning. +Tawn's mood:It seems high enough. +...MY mood...: O_O Not bad.... but I didn't know it was so late. Or, rather, EARLY. +Tam is:Sleeping. Down the hall. ....Unnerving, really. +Status of Sk...:He's sleeping in Tam's room, with her. +August 16th++Tawn is Currently: At the apartment with Sarabi. He's showing it to her- and then they're moving in as soon as they're fifth. ... +Tawn's mood:Absolutely ecstatic. +...MY mood...: Nostalgic. ....And I'm a little cranky because I'm injured- I fell down the stairs today, wrestling with some attic boxes. -_- +Tam is:Glad that Aspyn's back. +Status of Sk...:Last I saw him was a half hour ago at dinner. +August 21st++Tawn is Currently: Downstairs at the kitchen table- going over some lists he's made about moving. +Tawn's mood:He's riding on a pretty high wave right now. +...MY mood...: ...My oldest and only son is moving out of the house in a matter of days- and he's also going to COMPLETELY look and feel differently. ....I'm scared, that's what my 'mood' is. +Tam is:She better be sleeping. It's past her bedtime. +Tam's mood:She met Banda today, she told me- I think he made a good impression on her, because she asked if we could have him over. +Milla is:Playing with Sk's tail. ....I should stop her... hold on, be right back.. +Milla's mood:Chatty. ^_^ +Status of Sk...:Looking very irritated. ...Milla isn't Tam to him, that's for sure.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:18 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+July 6th
+Boring boring day. ...I didn't even leave the house. Just woke up, came downstairs, and turned on the TV. Mom was already up- which was surprising. She's rarely up that early. She asked me if I wanted to eat anything- I said no, and thought she'd make a big deal about it, but she said "Yeah, I'm not really hungry, either..." . ...Then she went upstairs, and I turned the TV off- I didn't really feel like watching anything, anyway- so I just read a book on the couch. (Or did Mom go up after I started to read? ...Dunno. Doesn't really matter, anyway.)
I think I would've stayed on the couch all day, except Tam came crawling down the stairs.... Sk was with her, but it's still strange to to see her without Mom- and especially on the stairs. So I picked her up and walked upstairs with her. Mom wasn't in her office- so I peeked in next door, and she was asleep on her bed- she hadn't even switched back into her pajamas, or taken the sit-up pillow off the bed (she puts it up in the day, takes it off when she sleeps...). So I took Tam back downstairs. I got her formula ready and fed her lunch (had a cheese sandwich myself...) and then just....watched her as she crawled around the house. Had to stop her from knocking over the spiderplant in the living room... not that it would've hurt the plant any. I think it's been dead for a week.
That's how it was all morning- just watching Tam- no thinking or work involved. Mom woke up around 5, she said she was sorry she 'ruined' my morning, and she hadn't meant to fall asleep- I kept telling her it was okay, but she said she'd take us out to eat.
Sooo... after we got Tam in her car seat, and the baby bag packed (I've got that baby-bag packing down to an exact science. 2 bottles- one of formula, one of water. Mom's handkerchief, the spit cloth, a tube of lotion, the travel container of baby powder, the teething ring, and a soft toy.), we drove to sme new restaraunt we've (or, at least, I've) never been to. Park something. It was good- they didn't have any highchairs for Tam, so we sat in a booth so that we could put her between us. I had the chicken and shrimp basket (Mom kept takin' my french fries...-_-), and Mom had asparagus soup. ...Vile. Mom ordered a little side of fruit salad, too, so Tam could chew on the bananas and the strawberries. (But mostly, she just had the formula.)
Lazy day. Not a bad one, just... lazy. I haven't called Sarabi at all today- I just keep forgetting- and every time I do remember (like sitting there at the restaraunt), I'm not near a phone. She's leaving with her Mom- I don't remember where they were going, but she'll be gone for a week. I hope she keeps her phone turned on. ...It's going to be such a boring week...
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:20 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+July 20th
+Mom hasn't been sleeping enough. For a while I just thought she was getting up early- she's been sitting up downstairs the last few days when I came out for breakfast- but it turns out she's just not been going to bed at all the night before. She's been sleeping in the middle of the day- and she's all turned around. If anything, I'm angry with her... a little, because she keeps ignoring that I'm worried about her. I know she's not an insomniac- she just stays up to work or watch movies and then never bothers to go to sleep until the sun's come up. She's absolutely exhausted today- but that's because she's waiting until tonight to drop off, so that she can get back on the right time. ...She's created her own 'lag'.
Sarabi got back from camp. She called me on her cell earlier yesterday, to tell me she'd gotten back, but I didn't see her until she showed up at the SMhq. We went outside (it was dark) and talked about the upcoming 5th stage marathon, and I reminded her of my promise... that I wouldn't go fifth stage unless she would be, too. It would be too hard if I were a 5th without my... best friend. ...And girlfriend. ...And... well, Sarabi. Without Sarabi. She almost doesn't need any titles at all.
We also talked about camp, and how it would be fun to drive, and what sort of car she'd want, and all sorts of things.
Hm. I think the sleepiness in this house is rubbing off. I'm about to drop my head onto this desk... and Tam's been asleep since breakfast.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:21 pm
heart CAFFEINE! heart +July 31st, 2004
+Oh, it feels like ages since I've sat down to this computer to write like this- and it has. It really has. It's been a hectic, fun, and round-tumble couple of weeks. More than once I've been glad that Tam, along with her 'group'- her littermates, as it were- have all been slightly delayed in their growth. I don't think I would've had the time- or, at least, the right measure of sanity- to handle a new little child, running about and smacking into tabletops or getting their hand caught in the banisters... Although those are all decidedly Tawn-like things to do. I doubt that Tam would run like a mad-fiend through the house pretending she was a space cadet, singing "I want to be an AIRBORNE ranger..." and thwack her poor little skull into the kitchen table. ....o_o Come to think of it, it's a wonder he doesn't have cracks in his skull. ...
But in the last two weeks, new stock has gone up in the shop- and I've opened a NEW shop- a breedables, which is another ten minutes away from Minishop Boulevard (where the minishop is), and now I'm driving back and forth each day. Tawn’s been watching the shop for me, sometimes for hours at a time while I drive back and forth, checking on him, and being there to receive deliveries when they come. He's gotten so used to the cash machine now, that he reprogrammed the bell to ding 'jingle bells'. -_- Consequently, I've had it in my head for the last few weeks...
I've been meaning to have Moo and Isto over for dinner sometime- but we never quite solidified a date. And I think she's been as busy as I have- I know there've been a lot of growings down at the Jivvins recently. I'll have to remember to talk to her about it next time we bump into each other. ...I should invite Keppit as well, to bring Jen with her. ... Jen and Isto get along so well. And as Jen grows older, the relationship changes from idolation, to real friendship. It's sweet to see. ...And Tawn has always considered Isto a friend. ...Yeah, I'll call Moo if I don't see her at the 5th stage marathon tomorrow.
...That's another slight stressor. A good stressor, but one, nonetheless. There are also SM's to be adopted. I only got a slight look at them- through the nursery window, again, before Maddie closed the curtain and came outside to detail the adoption process to the owners that were gathered there. ...I recognized all of the SM's I saw- though I don't know many of them well at all. The only one I've ever really met- is Daedalus. I met his mother when I first came to the SMhq. I even gave Daedalus a present. A little stuffed animal cat w/ a star on its flank, like him. I made one for all of the child SMs. ...I've talked it over with the kids (mine)... and they said they'd be alright (ecstatic was the word, actually..) if I tried to adopt him. ...I feel so badly for him, and I'm not judging his mother, because I believe she's gone. But I know him, and I think he'd fit in with our odd little family. The only one who doesn't know about the possible upcoming adoption- is Sk. ...But I figured I'd tell him myself, tonight. He knows more than the kids do, that it's not a for-sure chance at all. Maybe he can help me keep them from getting their hopes up. I don't want to promise a brother when I can't guarantee that they'll have one. All I can say is that I know I'd love to have him in my home. ...It would certainly give me an excuse to clear out that room on the top floor that's been giving me such a hassle.
Don't get me wrong. It's not been a bad couple of weeks. All the stress has been adrenaline "gotta go, gotta go" based, and not "oh my god the sky is falling" sort of Chicken-Little thinking. Both of the shops are doing marvelously well- and both the kids are happy.. (although Tawn seems anxious about the 5th stage marathon. I haven't talked to him about it... but I have a suspicion that it has something to do with Sarabi.) So it's just a matter of managing time. ...And feeling sorry for Quiet. o_O If I'M stressed- what must she be feeling? Hopefully excited, along with everything else.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 5:23 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+August 1st
+Well, the 5th stage marathon started today. ...I didn't know it would be this..hectic, and exciting. I was too young to really get too frightened about the first one. ...Not that I'm 'frightened', per se, about THIS one. ...That was a bad choice of words. I've been doing that more and more recently, saying or writing things I don't completely mean. I think it's just because I'm so nervous. Or anxious, that I don't know precisely HOW I feel.
I don't want to say 'there's a lot riding' on this marathon... because that would almost be self-prophetic, wouldn't it? It would proabably propel me to a stage of nerve-wracked pacing. And I already think Mom notices that I'm a little off-kilter. It's just that- there are so many factors involved in this one... Mom is entering for Tam, and she's already put in the application to possibly adopt Daedalus, (not that she could enter the marathon for him, as well, since she's already participating for Tam's sake...) and Sarabi's Mom is particpating for her. ...I want Sarabi to have an item, so that we can go into the 5th stage together... but I also think I made that promise, so that I wouldn't have to make the decision right away. It's such a big change, and by telling her I'd not do it without her- well, it sounded really sweet and all- but I think the biggest motive behind it was... fear. Or anxiety. Like I said. I don't really know quite how I feel about it. This way, if I decided not to change yet, it wasn't because I was afraid, it was because I was being... a good boyfriend, a caring, loving friend. It's true that I wouldn't want to be a 5th without her, though. And this way, I'll have someone who's there for me. ...I know Mom would be there for me. But this is different. I love Sarabi. ...Is that the first time I've said that? I don't even remember, now.
So you see why I'm conflicted.. it's not just wanting to be with Sarabi, but I also want Tam to reach 5th one day, too. ...It's strange how little Mom is stressing over all this. Even with the adoption process. Every time I ask her how she's feeling, she just sort of...stops for a moment, like she's really thinking about it, and says "Well, if it wasn't meant for now, it can always happen later." I can see what she means- at least for Tam's sake. She won't be an adult for a long while yet- and I know Mom wouldn't even GIVE her the item, if she won it, before she reached adult. That's the best way, really. ...Although sometimes I wish she'd made the choice for me. But Mom hasn't even HINTED whether or not she wanted me to be a 5th stager. All she's ever said is "it's your decision". That's why she's competing for Tam. So she'll have the choice, later. ...She's already explained to Tam what the 5th stage is, and she seemed to understand. ...She didn't CARE- but she understood.
Well, Mom is up in her office- I'm going to go ask her if I can go out to the woods. I'll take Peabody for a walk. He's been cooped up inside for over a week. And he doesn't deal with that well. I found him yesterday, laying belly-up on the rug in front of the front hallway door, looking at the ceiling and whining and crying. Poor guy. Seems everyone's stressing out in their own way.
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 2:06 pm
heart Movin' on Up.. heart
+August 6th
+That's it- the last of the junk I've had stored in the upstairs extra room. I thought I had it all packed down into the basement last time, but today when I went in there with Tam so she could pick a paint color, I had a few boxes stacked up against the wall. ...Most of it was just office papers that I'd dropped off in there- but there were a few things that had to be carted back down to the basement. -_- At least I didn't ding my knee up this time. Tam sat in the room while I walked up and downstairs with the boxes (I have to remember to go through those boxes of old papers... there might be something in there that wouldn't be wise to leave in the basement...), looking at the walls, and thinking whatever was going through her little child-mind. (I almost wrote baby-mind...) She said she wants the room greyish green. ....Which I think is a little strange, but she says she likes that color, and it's her room, so she can choose whatever she'd like. So I put it on my list- pick up paint for Tam’s room.
She has a nice view out that room- her window faces the front of the house, and she can look out and see the violet bushes that are across the street. ...Tawn's window just faces the street that runs next to the house- and my windows (one in the bedroom, and one in my office) both open out to the backyard, which isn't too bad a view- especially since, right down at the end of the street is the woods. The attic window also faces out that way. ...Which reminds me. I have GOT to get that space cleaned out, too. With Tam moving into the room at the end of the hall, now there are no 'spare' rooms left. The attic is a nice space, and, if I shift all my crap into the basement- or at least ORDER it a little, up there- I could have another 'room' up there. It's got a nice view, and the ceiling is slanted... but that wouldn't bother a skullmonkey, of course. I don't even have to duck, it's that high up. ...I'm thinking of Daedalus, of course. Not that I know who he's going to go home with, yet. He's still living with the other adoptees, in the nursery. (Although I suspect Quiet and Maddie might take them home, as well.) But even if it's decided that Dae'd be better off with another family, I'll still need that room eventually. I'm planning on having another- whether it be through adoption, or otherwise. ...It'll be too bad, though, if Daedalus isn't coming to live with us. I think he'd really appreciate having an attic room. He's so interested in stargazing. ..And if not, whoever does take him home can come and visit, and then he can go up into the attic and look at the stars from there. I'd like to be a part of his life, no matter where he goes.
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:04 am
heart Sunrise heart
+August 7th
+^_~ Well, I'm happy to say that all seven of the SM's in the adoption center have received wonderful homes. I must say- I'm impressed w/ the 'team' of Quiet, Maddie, and Liz. There were some 'pairings up' that I never even thought of- but that make an exorbitant amount of sense... and care. Remy, for one- is going home with Lenta. I hadn't even thought of that- but, really, when you break it down, it's perfect- Remy's always been a little...self-absorbed, but also, now, withrdrawn- and I know that Mauli will break him of that self-absorbtion- and Lenta has always done a good job of 'handling' older, troubled SM's. I do wonder how Mauli will handle being the 'younger' sibling- but it will be an interesting situation all around, regardless. ^_~
For another thing, Banda is now a part of Moo's family. ...And that is the most caring, kind pairing of all, I'd say. I know that some people would have been prone to treat Isto's paw like it was a disability, or a handicap. But instead, Moo's stood by him, and given him courage- and even gotten upset with him when he needed it- and the end result is, he's started to view his paw as the unique and wonderful advantage that it is. Even though he's 'different'- it doesn't mean it's a handicap. Banda will need encouragement, and love of that ilk- because I know that his being deaf could be seen as a disability, rather than a unique trait that gives him a separate and added culture and depth to his life. ...Moo and Isto will make him a wonderful family.
I don't know some of the new owners- but I'm glad they're part of the 'Sm family'. Daedalus has actually found a situation that would be better for him than the attic of our crowded little house. ^_~ He's gained a mother who has the opportunity to give him all the attention and love he needs right now- she has no other children of her own. And I think it's wonderful. I still hope he'll get to see the stars out of the attic window, though. And I can't help but wonder what other, poor little SM's will be sitting in the nursery, under Maddie's care, come the morning. It's a sad thought- but it makes me feel better, that they'll find the sort of homes they need- I find I've come to trust the judgement of the 3.
As for our little family... well, we might be having an addition ourselves. As I was leaving the SMhq, right after Quiet made the announcement, I heard a voice behind me, calling me to stop. It was dark, already, and I turned, there in the parking lot, as I was looping my purse strap back up onto my shoulder, and had to squint to see Quiet, running towards where I stood, just paces to my minivan. I made to speak first- to aplogize for running out so quickly- but I was late to pick up Tawn at the shop- and it wasn't even his day to watch it... (damn that cat for disappearing...)- but she put up her hand and asked me if I was angry with her! I couldn't believe it- of course I wasn't angry with her for making the right choices. When you get right down to it, I wasn't the ideal new home for Daedalus- and I could hardly be upset about that. I tried to tell her how sweet it was that she was concerned, when she said that she had a very special... little SM that she wants to go home with me, and to be the new part of my family.
...I, well, I didn't know what to say. Which is a great feat, because I always have SOMETHING coming out of my mouth. (Some people say it's my greatest strength....and others, my weakness. ...I think they're both right.) A new little baby- just for me, that Quiet and Liz entrust me with. Well- to be honest, it just blew me away, and I couldn't describe how it made me feel. I just hugged her, and was glad for the darkness, because then she couldn't see that my eyes wanted to cry, so badly they quivered- in happiness. Of course in happiness. Then she said she had to get back inside- there was a lot to do, after all- and she only 'ducked out' to catch me- and because she hated the diappointment of the people who didn't receive a foundling. I watched her run back into the building- her sandles flopping on the pavement, holding her beanie to her head with her hand... and then I got into my car, still stunned, and drove home.
I don't know why I stayed up so late after that- maybe it's all the Mt. Dew I drank- but I don't think that's it. I usually drink that amount in the afternoons. ...It's almost 6 in the morning, which means Tawn will be up before too long, and I can tell him the news. Tam too, of course- but if her morning habits are the same as when she was an infant, she won't be up for quite a while, yet. (She must have inherited it from me. ^_~ When not provoked to be, I'm not an early-riser. ....Just an...early stayer-upper.)
Perhaps I'll go watch the sun rise. It is a new day, after all.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 8:54 pm
exclaim Tawn's Turn exclaim
=+August 8th
= I couldn't sleep last night. It's not like I didn't try- but every time I lay down, and closed my eyes, every little sound just reminded me I was awake- especially Peabody, snoring. So I got up and sat in the living room. Well, no- first I went in the kitchen with the intention of raiding the fridge- but there wasn't anything that screamed out 'eat me, eat me!' so then I went to the living room. I just sat up, thinking, about everything, really. About whether or not I really wanted Sarabi to get a fifth stage item or not... and that of course it wasn't up to me, so why was I bothering with worrying about it- and what would my life- OUR lives, be like if we were both 5th?
Then I thought about Tam, and thought about 'little' things, like how Mom said she'd pay me if I helped paint Tam’s room with her in a few days.
I turned on the TV, at one point- Mom must have turned it on earlier, because it was on Nick at Night. I was sort of half-watching when I heard the car pull up into the driveway.
I wanted to run out into the yard, but instead I just stood there in the hall, leaning up against the doorframe. She seemed to be taking her sweet time getting out of the car and into the house- when she opened the door, she saw me standing there, and said "Hello, Tawn. You're up late." Which was a very... motherly thing to say. But she didn't know I was up so late... waiting.
"Who won, Mom?" I said. I didn't mean for it to come out so ...sad, but she took her purse off her shoulder and hung it up, turned around and said,
"I don't remember all of them. But Sarabi has an item- it's a bubblegum machine, I think. One of those portable ones." Then she pulled something out of her pocket. "And this is Tam’s item." It was some sort of envelope. But I didn't get a good look at it. I didn't say anything, either. Mom just looked at me for a while, and smiled, and said "Goodnight, Tawn." I said goodnight back, and walked back into my room.
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 3:07 pm
heart Emotional Mom Syndrome. Cure? A full Schedule heart
+August 14th
+If I had the time, I would sit down and be grateful that there's been no time to actually THINK about anything. Everything's been so busy, and there's so much that has to be done, that I've not had a chance to go all "emotional Mom" about it all. ...Especially about Tawn. Soon, he'll be moving out.
He came up to me the other day- I don't remember the exact date, but I was sitting in the living room in the armchair, Tam in my lap, teaching her how to read (she's getting quite good at it...), and he came in and asked me if I meant it, when I told him that he could have the apartment over the shop.
...And I put the book down, looked up at him, and said yeah, I did.
"Why, Tawn? Do you want to move into the apartment?" He didn't answer for a little- but then he nodded.
"Yes. With Sarabi."
So we've been getting the apartment ready- clearing out the boxes of shop stuff I've been storing in there (...I had to shift office papers and files out of what's now Tam’s room, also... sensing an organizational pattern here? ^_~), and get them into the shop stockroom... and it will probably need repainting. I got the phone reconnected yesterday- but the whole place needs some cleaning out. It's where I used to live, right above the shop, when I first moved to Gaia. When I got Tawn, I moved to the house here, so that I'd have more room. It was a great apartment- but it was only one bedroom, and it was much more a place for a single gal and her cat- not for someone with 3 kids, a cat, and a Zoolie. Besides, even if it's on the outskirts of the business district, it's still not the best 'family' atmosphere. ...I've not been up there for months- and you can't really count the times I struggle up the stairs with a box of old receipts, kick the door open, and shove it inside.
...Like I said, though, it's been so busy, I haven't had time to let myself get emotional about any of it. That, and it seems to be some measure of fate involved, whenever circumstances would cause me to become too emotional- when Tawn started to grow, and became an adult, Tam entered the family- and threw the 'empty nest syndrome' right out the window. And now that Tawn is moving out- to live with his girlfriend, no less- and Tam is growing steadily... and BOTH of them will be 5th stage eventually, no less... now I have Milla. It's hard to bemoan the loss of your kids' innocence, when you have a little freckled infant, babbling away in your arms.
I better get over the emotional hoo-ha with Milla, though. For all intents, this will be my last. Four is a bit much. ...Although I strongly suspect that Tawn will have children one day. ...So I get to be "Grandma" then. ....o_o Yikes. Grandma Emelyn. Man, is that a frightening thought.
...I'm not upset that he's leaving. And it's not like I disapprove that he's going to be living with Sarabi- in fact, I'm happy for both of them, and I know they'll be happy. He's an adult now, and has to make his own decisions. If anything, I'm proud of him for knowing that he has to create his own life, move out... and yet he's still staying close to 'home' (it will be a while before I stop referring to this as his home...), so that he can watch his sisters grow up.
I'll miss him, though. Even if I see him every day. But it's a good kind of 'miss'. ...I hope.
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