Camwen
They have taken away your hope and any happiness and I rarely actually hate people but I do hate your parents for this. I've said this before but they are not fit to be parents or even considered human for the abuse they have done to you. I constantly wish for you to find a way to get away from them.
I cannot even blame them for it, I think. It's not like they were raised in a loving way themselves and they could know better. My family tree is full of a lot of bad people. My family makes mostly monsters or victims. But I am probably just making excuses so I don't get more upset.
humble_gypsy_traveller
Exxos...first off...your "whining" is not that. I've been going through depression for about four years...and it's pretty much what you described. You have to remember that you do have gifts...
My truest gifts I rarely manifest. And they get harder to do so. The joy is gone and the years of their perversion and bending to other's wills has soured them. I can actually say, as someone who has gone through it, that when I try to do certain things, not only do I relive all of the abuse slung at me over it, the guilt of doing things for myself, that they feel something like being raped. Because some of my favorite skills and activities were
used by others,
perverted and
usurped... it feels like a very intimate part of me was violated. It's not as bad as the actual act, but it can have a similar kind of feeling and trauma. I reach for a tool and I get flashes of doubt, panic, anxiety, dirtiness, trauma, terror, and pain. I should not even make the comparison, I always feel bad making it as it is not something to be put out there lightly, but the more I come to terms with it, the more the feeling is disgustingly similar.
As for today... My mother got on my case to clean out the dryer vent, my father took it as the perfect time to unleash a torrent of hate, vitriol, and abuse on me... I did not fair well to say the least.
