|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
 Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:16 pm
Trying hard not to do that translated to him as she did want what she was mentioning some. Even if it was just a little. Sometimes he did hate himself about that seeing as he really couldn't do too much about it all...this was just the way he was and who he had grown up to be. Didn't help that he didn't really know how to handle relationship problems...he was one for compliance when others called for it. "We had kids, life changed. There were other's that started to come before us because that's what was called for. That's just what happens I suppose...priorities get shuffled and what not."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:46 pm
"But our children aren't going anywhere and neither are the other priorities and we're not connecting anymore, Sevilin. I used to meet you at the front door when you came home at night and you used to tell me about your day before we went into reverie together. You used to show me things that brought you pleasure on a ramble or just because and I used to surprise you with those ridiculous snacky cheese things you like so much." They came upon the lake in no time and she reached down and picked up a rock, skimming it across the water. "Remember when you taught me how to do that?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:46 am
"You did and I did and we did. Then it started slow...you were busy with the kids when I came home. They were busy telling their stories when they had things to tell and things I had to tell really didn't compare or just brought down the mood. Sometimes I still had work to do so I'd just go to that rather than decide to stay at Twilight all night. Rambles were for when we had free time and we started having less and less of it." Shoving his hands in his pockets he watched her skip the rock and nodded, couldn't really help the lopsided grin he got. "I remember...you cheated and used a levitation spell on a few of them." Sighing he looked off in no particular direction.
"I'm not trying to blame the children and I don't regret having any of them or how thigns have turned out....there's just a lot more attention focused on them rather than us right now. Especially in the last year. Kelligrin having his seperation anxiety issues, Zykariel pitting you against me because he knows he gets what he wants that way, Faatallon wants all my attention some nights and doesn't let anyone else share in since I've let her actually start doing some runes. And Lyssthyren is just demanding of everyone when she has the whim. It's a lot to keep balanced and I don't want to just shove them off on someone else or park them at Twilight all day."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 12:20 pm
The freedom they'd had all those years ago had lessened considerably but that was to be expected when expanding a family. Children took a lot of time and energy especially when they were younger and even more so it seemed once they grew up and needed more guidance. The reminder of a more carefree time made her smile blossom for just a moment before it died a slow death at the new direction their relationship had taken. "We took on a lot with all of our responsibilities but through it we've lost something that's just as precious to me as our children. I don't regret anything or any of them either and we both agreed in the beginning that we were going to raise them all cooperatively and completely different than we ourselves were raised and I believe we've done that to the best of our abilities. But I don't want to kiss the last one goodbye and realize hundreds of years from now that I've been and now am living with a complete stranger that I don't even know. Lyssie asked me the other day if I loved you still and that hurt, Sevilin."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:58 pm
He didn't exactly know what to say to such things. After all, to him it almost sounded like she was saying that there was no need to keep torturing each other in this manner. Which would mean one of two things: they either fixed this all...somehow...or they better start making better arrangements that included them being more apart than together. "Well...do you really?" He knew it was a mean question to ask, but his tone clearly said he wasn't trying to be mean. In all honesty he didn't know what to think any more. it would be so much better if he could actually grasp some words to explain things from his side of the fence...yet he knew it would sound like he was blaming her. It wasn't all her fault he knew that much...sure he had more or less lost his wife to the mother of his children but he didn't really make too much of an attempt to rectify that either.
"I know I still love you..." Which she knew was rather telling from him because he was as dead to his emotions as he was to pain sometimes. "...but I'm not the easiest person to live with or even love. I can't break old habits. I always put the children before me and that includes if they need you. I'm slitting my own throat in that aspect when it comes to you. Maybe I'm slitting yours too that way."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:17 pm
She sucked in a breath and turned away from him for a moment, her point driven home. If he didn't know then what did that say about the state of their relationship? It had deteriorated far more than she'd originally thought. Well aware of the way he read body language, she turned back and took another breath trying to find her equilibrium once again. "Yes, I do. So much it hurts sometimes." Running a shaky hand through her hair and attempting to skip another rock but was forced to watch it sink. Another failure. "I don't see anything wrong with that. They do come first and always will. But they don't need me all the time and sometimes I think I wait around for them to need me to keep myself busy because you're busy too. You know how much I want to be needed and you don't need me anymore..."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:34 am
It was the later part that bothered him...if she loved him so much that it hurt then she would eventually stop to cure the pain. Which was a thought he didn't like in his head at all. After all, she couldn't even look at him when she said it at first. "That's not true...I do need you. I just turned my attention elsewhere so I didn't get in the way when the kids needed you first. Problem with that is I get so involved in whatever I'm doing I forget to check and by the time I look up, it's the kids' turn again."
Sighing and leaning against a nearby rock outcropping, not wanting to sit at the moment because sitting always allowed one to start breaking down. Now wasn't a time for that. "Sometimes these days I think I need you more. If anyone it was you that did change me in the ways that I have changed. And lately...I've been slipping. A lot. Sometimes I come out of reverie and for a few seconds...I think I'm back in Andal. Or I find myself standing around waiting for you or the girls to tell me to do something or stop doing something else. I see Faate fighting with Zykariel and I'm afraid she's going to hit him and then what am I going to do." He had reasons for keeping himself busy...he was scared of his long ago twisted mind was started to catch up to him. And that was just the things he was willing to tell her...he wouldn't dare tell her he wasn't eating when it wasn't a meal made by her and she was present. So wrapped up in himself...he was probably neglecting her as well.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:30 pm
The pleasure at hearing she was valued and important faded as something much darker drifted up to take it's place. Frowning at his words as she began to piece things together in her mind, she turned to study him. His body language said it all. "Is that why you've been withdrawing from me? Because you're afraid I represent some kind of link to your past?" But that...hadn't they moved past that? "You're going to separate them and send them both to their rooms. And if Zykariel hits her back then you are going to come down on him much harder. We decided that neither will rule supreme but I won't have my son move in the reverse either." But now wasn't the time for that, was it? "But this isn't about the kids. This is about you and me and if you need me, I need you to tell me. You never ask for help, Sevilin but with the kids and everything I need you to. Can you do that?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:48 pm
"It's not that I think that about you. At all. I don't look at you and see one of them. I never really have." Frowning then as she mentioned proper child quarreling responses. "I know what I'm supposed to do...but it always seems like there's a second option. I mean...I killed Neroh over such a thing. I don't want to think such things about Zykariel." Crossing his arms over his chest and giving a sigh as he listened...he knew what he should do regarding all of this. He knew he should say something to her...but at the same time he didn't want to. Perhaps he liked to think he was past all of it. "Sometimes I just think there's nothing to be done so why waste the time? You know how I am about time and energy wasting." Reaching out he tool hold of her wrist, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her to hold her close. "I'm scared Sweetheart...I don't want to go back down a road I can't get back up again and leave you standing where I wandered off from."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 6:35 pm
No, this wasn't going to be as easy as she'd originally thought. It wasn't just an identification of the problem and each promising to do better in solving it; they were dealing with real fears and issues here. "Then don't, Sev. I know you better than that and you wouldn't allow yourself to do that again. You never forgave yourself the first time..." She hated it when he went pessimistic and spoke of himself like he was worth nothing. Opening her mouth to rebuke him, she found herself pulled against him instead. Realizing what he needed was not what she'd been about to give, she changed directions rapidly and rested her head against his, squeezing him tightly. "Raven..." She didn't know how to help him. "I won't let you leave me. Anywhere you go, I go, remember? Even if that means into an area of darkness and fear. I'll do whatever I have to but I won't leave you." She was scared, too. There was genuine fear in her husband's eyes and she'd seen that maybe twice in the entire time she'd known him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 6:57 pm
It was easy for her to say don't do things...but she didn't see such things happening in her head and for a split second thinking they had just happened. Personally he couldn't trust himself on the matter of whether he knew he wouldn't or would do things. "Willing to follow the crazy hm? You always were one for adventure of the perhaps foolish sort...but that's one of those things I love about you. You like to take risks." Brushing a hand through her hair and just taking the bit of comfort he needed for the moment from her. At least he supposed was a good time to be having a mental breakdown. Not as many kids around the house and the ones that were left were too little to understand and the other one was barely home anyway. "We've been through worse...right?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:34 pm
"Yet you're always scolding me for it and it keeps you on your toes which you enjoy." Brushing a kiss over his forehead as if he were a child, she rubbed his back lightly and squeezed him again. "Far worse. We survived losing a child, losing ourselves, and all manner of things in between. We can beat your past as many times as we have to. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sevilin. I still slip back into the old modes sometimes. I very nearly slapped Zykariel across the face the other day."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:40 pm
He brushed his hands over her back before resting them at her hips. It always seemed that their problems found some sort of resolution beginning here at the river where said things began to wash away in a sense. "And don't forget each other...we were hell to one another for a good year." She always knew how to make him feel better in some sense. Though he did frown some. "Sometimes he deserves a slap much as I hate to admit that...but as far as him, we need to see where this deal I made with him goes. Meanwhile...we need to get back to you and me. I can't have you unhappy and me crazy at the same time."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:14 pm
"With all the times we've been angry at each other, I'm sure it equals out to a longer time than that." She knew he was right and Zykariel was getting out of control but she liked to think that he would come into his own in time. Unfortunately, she had a feeling that sooner or later she or Sevilin was going to have to just take charge and knock him down a peg or two before he forfeited his life for it. "Right. I don't want to be unhappy either. So, here's what I'm asking of you. I'm asking you to go back to the days when we were more carefree and we carved out time for each other. We still had a baby and responsibilities but we didn't let them consume our time together. If we combine that carefreeness with the maturity and lessons we've learned, our bond will strengthen and we'll be a happier family, too. I don't want our children to have to question whether or not we love them or each other. They should know that without a doubt in their minds." Lightly resting her hand on his cheek. "Now it's your turn."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:33 pm
"I'll make sure to hide your napkin rings soon as we get back then." Offering her a small lopsided grin...he had to believe that all he had to do was focus his mind on something to keep it from wandering to darker lands. Usually that was work...now it needed to be on her. But he shook his head lightly, "I don't think I've ever heard you talk so grown up before." Which was the beginning to his trying and she would know that seeing as he always did like to lightheartedly tease her about such a thing. Okay so they were exchaning some things right now and he had to ask of her as well...that was the point of this little talk wasn't it. "First off...we need to cure you of your seperation anxiety. Like to admit it or not you always do have a baby on your hip and sometimes I think you don't even realize that you're always carrying around Kel or Lyssie. Would be nice to surprise you without fear of having my children dropped or such things. " She knew what he was talking about...she had moved that baby out of their room but was more often than not ending up in his room and well...she was like mobile transport for children who didn't like to walk sometimes. "And...I need you to push me. You can't let me back peddle. Even if you have to be utterly mean to me and play dirty." He had a theory though as to why he was feeling such things...soul jarring experiences were known to do such things. "Just...none of that chasing with the knife thing. Don't like being stabbed."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
