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 Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:53 pm
Nudge thirty-four
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father. heart
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:55 pm
Nudge thirty-five
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set. heart
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:55 pm
Nudge thirty-six
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. heart
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:56 pm
Nudge thirty-seven
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there are others just as attractive who are not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:57 pm
Nudge thirty-eight
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:58 pm
Nudge thirty-nine
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. heart
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:59 pm
Nudge forty
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick. heart
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:00 pm
Nudge forty-one
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear stainless-steel bustiers. It's hard on their morale. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions. heart
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:01 pm
Nudge forty-two
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:01 pm
Nudge forty-three
37. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has any offspring or younger siblings, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of letting them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:02 pm
Nudge forty-four
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:03 pm
Nudge forty-five
41. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant. heart
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:04 pm
Nudge forty-six
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans. heart
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:05 pm
Nudge forty-seven
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling. heart
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor. heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:06 pm
Nudge forty-eight
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature. :heart
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge. heart
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