For those of you who read Kippo and My late night drama... here's what it's a contenuation of:
~Medieval Corniness, Personified~
-pictures that need to be drawn on the board for backdrops: Window with peasants flying around, smacking into the window, broken window, spears and door for guards/ lightbulb and peasant flying into window need to be on something separate-
Narrator: In some grimy old castle, somewhere in a place vaguely like, but not quite medieval Europe, a princess and her maid sat at a window, gazing out at the views of the land before them?
Princess: Hark, what a wonderful day!
Maid: ? Thereth are gale force winds blowingeth outside?
Princess: ? Yes, but verily, it is so much fun to watch it tosseth the peasants into the castle walls.
Maid: ? ah.
Princess: Oh, but this now hast becometh trite? I thinketh I shall go and see if the portcullis hast skewered anyone today? *exit*
Maid: ? Andeth? I shall walk quickly in this direction to get awayeth from the maddened antics of my less than-stable? I meaneth, I shalt go and check the mail. Verily. *exit*
Narrator: The Princess, who the person who wrote this play did not seemingly assign a name to, made the long journey to the lower level of the castle? on her way; however, she spotted something amiss down one corridor?
Princess: Hark! What light through yonder transom breaks? ?Tis a sporting item! I thought I told that impertinent boy next door to stop playing so close to the stained glass- *another ball flies through the ?window?, conking the Princess on the head* Oh? looketh? another one? *passes out*
Narrator: While the Princess lay on the floor, suffering from a severe head injury, the maid sorted through the day?s mail?
Maid: *while sifting through letters in a large bag and tossing some to the side* Courting letter for the Princess? courting letter for the princess? courting letter for the princess? moat service bills? hmm? fifty percent off your next dragon removal? junk? courting letter for the princess? hark! What iseth this? *holds up a scrap of paper* ?Thanketh thee for choosing the Blackguard Assassin?s Guild, your chosen deathbringer will arriveth at six this evening, to take the life of your chosen victim? ?The Bloody Annoying Princess in the Castle?!?? Oh no! I must warneth? someone!
Narrator: The maid ran through the many hallways of the castle, finally happening upon the unconscious princess?
Maid: OH NO! Could it be that the assassin hadeth arriveth early? ? I wondereth if they giveth refunds for warning you of the wrongeth time?? No! Why am I pondering such foolishness!
Princess: *stirs slightly and sits up* Oh my? where ameth I? *blink* Who ameth I?
Maid: *scence freeze* Hmm? whateth luck! She doesth not remember she ith the Princess, and so, now I can have someone else assume her role? then theyeth will be assassinated instead of her!
Princess: Are?th thou talking to thyself? Who areth thou?
Maid: I? ameth? the princess of this castle! And you are my maid, who has taken a terrible fall and hiteth her head on the stone!
Princess: Oh? *stands up* Well? I shalt buy that. Noweth what?
Maid: *grumbles* Well thateth was smart? noweth I?m going to dieth?
Princess: Whateth was that?
Maid: Erm? We shall? goeth and eateth? pie?
Princess: Sounds good! I shall follow!
*Both actors exit*
Narrator: As the princess-maid and maid-princess left in search of the royal kitchens, a dark cloud loomed up in the distance?
Assassin: *is riding a ?horse?* Hmmmeth? I shouldest be seeing the castle any moment now? whyeth do these rulers alwayseth have to build their fortresses in such secluded regions? It would be soeth much easier if they built them on the plains or in the cities? but nooo? no one ever thinketh of the assassins? noo?
Narrator: Back at the castle, the maid and princess? or vice versa, had finished off one of the cook?s blueberry pies and had resumed sitting in a room next to a window, as peasants flew about outside.
*There is a smack and a peasant slams into a window, the princess looks up*
Princess: Thateth dost seem familiar? *lightbulb?* Oh my! My memory hast returned!
Maid: Dideth thou say something? *looks up from a book*
Princess: No? dideth not.
Maid: But, I could have sworn that thou did so.
Princess: I dideth not.
Maid: Thou did so.
Princess: Not!
Maid: So!
Princess: Not!
Maid: So!
Princess: Not! *gets up and walks away in a huff*
Maid: ? Hmm? I wondereth what her problem eth?
Narrator: The Princess, her memories returned by the sight of the dead peasant, stormed off to her chambers, the maid following her curiously. Meanwhile, the Assassin had arrived at the castle gates?
Assassin: Looketh, I told you, I left my passport in my OTHER tunic? couldn?t you just leteth me through?
Guard 1: Firsteth, you must proclaim your name and business!
Assassin: My name is? Ash Sasson? I ameth here on? mine own business.
Guard 2: I do noteth trusteth this person.
Guard 1: You do noteth even trust the mailman.
Guard 2: I?m noteth the one whoeth stabbed the Princess? cousin becauseth she looked ?dangerous?!
Guard 1: Art thou impugning my honor?
Guard 2: What honor?
Guard 1: If these spears were noteth decorational, I?d guteth you right here and now!
Guard 2: You couldn?t killeth a fly, you pansy!
Assassin: *has been watching the argument in amusement and surprise* Whyeth am I still standing here? *sneaks past the arguing guards*
Narrator: As the murderer worked her way through the castle, the princess sat in her room, generally angry at the whole world.
Princess: She liedeth to me! Her ruler! And I thoughtest that she was someone I couldeth trust! *takes a sip from a goblet and sighs* Alas, cruel world, I shall depart frometh this vile place?
Maid: *runs in* Hark! I heareth your proclamation! Halt your action! Do not take thy own life!
Princess: Why should I harken to your words, it is thou who has angered me! Once my amnesia cleared up, I saw your lies!
Maid: Buteth, I lied only to protect thou! Do not kill theyself, only listen, for I can explaineth all!
Princess: Alas, a bloody lot of good that doeseth me, I have already taken doth foul poision. *motions to goblet*
Maid: Poison! But thateth is not the proper way to kill theyself! ?Tis the middle ages!
Princess: Alas, my dagger waseth at the wash. *dies dramatically*
Maid: NOOO! I musteth follow her to the grave, or guilt will lie heavy on mine conciensce, she never knew of the time I borroweth her slippers without permission! ?Tis luck that I always carreth around my Greek tragic suicide dagger! *Pulls out a dagger and stabs herself, flopping to the floor dead*
*enter the Assassin*
Assassin: *looks around* So whereth is the Prin? ah?. *spots dead bodies* I bettereth still geteth full pay foreth this? Oh look! Wine! *picks up the goblet and takes a sip, then looks shocked* Oh crudeth? *dies*
Narrator: And thus, the grand epic tale of the unnamed Princess comes to a close? *walks out onstage* Hmm? might as well. *stabs himself? with a pencil? And dies*
~THE END~
See? We DO have a plot! *holds up mangy plot bunny.*
