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 Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:21 pm
hi lily,
a cat show huh?
nice
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:06 pm
Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.
He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."
Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."
"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2009 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"
Ole says........"How da ell vas I suppose to pick dem up?
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:42 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:50 pm
Exxos I guess since I am back, I need to start rebuilding my inventory. gonk Nah, it's too much effort. I will send you all the stuff I have of yours. page 1111 feels good.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:50 pm
*sinks into the goodness of 1111*
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:03 pm
Doing ok today despite all thats going on. Lots of stress from different places. I am going to be fine though. Started working on the place me and the lil ones will call home for the summer today. I got a four day plan laid out to complete the transition.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:24 pm
kool ken Exxos I guess since I am back, I need to start rebuilding my inventory. gonk Nah, it's too much effort. I will send you all the stuff I have of yours. page 1111 feels good. No you won't, I was just being a goit and bemoaning that I had to crawl back here. Heh.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:48 pm
Morning! Exxos you really started my day with a fun way. xd
@Kira: Yeah, my sister likes to take her cats into shows and get them little papery rosettes and titles like "international premior" and so on. I've never understood the whole idea and the amount of work she has to do but I guess it's sort of a hobby.
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:01 am
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation – What did you learn from this demonstration???
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, ‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:04 am
Jim died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend. ‘Well, I’m sure Jim would be pleased,’ she said. ‘I’m sure you’re right,’ replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. ‘How much did this really cost?’ ‘All of it,’ said Sharon . ‘Forty thousand.’ ‘No!’ Brenda exclaimed. ‘I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?’ Sharon answered, ‘The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.’ Brenda computed quickly. ‘$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?’ 
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:22 am
Best/worst pick-up lines:
When being arrested by a female cop...
HER: "Anything you say can and will be held against you..." YOU: "Breasts."
her: i have a boyfriend
me: i have 2 goldfish
her: why would you say that?
me: o im sorry i thought we were talking about things that don't matter
I can tell we're gonna have sex tonight. I'm stronger than you.
"hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?... cause your face is all messed up"
"heaven must be missing an angel because you got a real nice rack"
Line : Come with me if you want to live!
Status: Was working well until she dumped me into molten steel.
SHE: Approaches an attractive man up, rips off her blouse, and says, "Make me a woman!"
HE: Smiles demurely, unbuttons his shirt, smoothly removes it, and says, "OK. Iron this."
Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?
Hey, are you made out of Mc-Donalds? because my heart is racing
"It is customary in my country for the man to make the first move. So I have chosen you to have my babies."
"Did you know that animals smell each other before mating?" Then swiftly, but smoothly, move closer and smell her hair and grunt.
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
"Are you looking for the bathroom? I'll show you where it is," was the best I could come up with when she was walking past me, and now we're married. So don't use that gem unless you want babies.
"I wish I was a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."
"It looks like your measurements are 36-25-36, which, by the way, are all perfect squares."
Let's hurry this up cause I have ADHD and want you to... Hey! I love this song. Did you hear they broke up over... Oh wow you have a great set of breasts... Squirrel!
If I said you had a nice body would you take your pants off and dance for me?
Are your parents retarded? because you sure are a special girl.
"Does this smell like ether?"
"No, does this taste like ruhypnol?
"You have GOT to see what's in my trunk!"
I like your Grover shirt. Ten years later... we're still dating.
Hey baby, my love for you is like diarrhea... I just can't hold it in!
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:30 am
Living with kids:
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft . house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few a times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR’s do not eject sandwiches.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. Raw eggs and semi-digested cheese stick to walls and ceilings very well.
25. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 2:03 am
Oh my! rofl Especially that last "living with kids" was hilarious! Thanks Exxos, this really brightened my cleaning day. *returns to her vacuuming giggling*
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 8:28 am
lol,
looks like our Exxos had some time to post some hilarious things rofl
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 8:55 am
Morning everyone! (although it's almost noon here..) Just a quick hello as I am heading out shortly, but I'll be tooling around the guild tonight. Have a good day everyone! *huggles all*
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