Welcome to Gaia! ::

I am Katie, and this is Facebook:

Aly I demand to speak with your manager.


Azurae I AM the manager! Lol


Katie I'm the studio executive/co-owner/founder.

How may I help you?


Aly Yes, uh, i purchased this thimble two years ago from your location. I decided to bake it into some cookies. Upon the consumption of these cookies, the thimble became lodged in one of my clients throat. I demand an explanation S TO WHY YOU WOULD SELL SUCH DANGEROUS ITEMS.


Azurae Katie this one is all u! lol


Katie Ah, well ma'am the problem is simple. The thimble, while fully intended for the uses mentioned in your report, comes with clear instructions that before consumption it should be run through a coffee grinder, or a compatible product. It is marked clearly in red, purple and green letting across the front of the package and there is a flashing LED warning on the back indicating it should not be swallowed before being processed. Much like raw meat, wild mushrooms or blowfish before the proper steps have been taken it is ill-advised to be served to the public.


Aly My god are you BLIND?! Can't you see that i am deaf and therefore cannot comprehend words on a peice of paper?!


Katie *continues in braille* Thimbles also have an expiration date of 3 days, so that could be one of the reasons behind the choking. While also not advised, it's shelf-life is good for up to but no longer than 2 weeks after the expiration date.


Aly Azurae, why is katie just sitting there making dot noises?

Aly This worries me.


Azurae Lmfao XD that was freaking epic......


Katie I could try in Morse Code, Dots & Dashes


Aly Anywho- i demand a refund.


Katie That is fine, Ma'am but sadly without the solid gold copy of the specialized receipt*, the only discount I can authorize would be the current price of the Thimble, which has significantly decreased over the last year and a half, and we cannot process cash refunds. Do you happen to have your mothers card with which you purchased the thimble on you so that I may refund the $755.38 to that card.

(*receipt is only available on leap years through multilingual requests written on Egyptian papyrus at midnight and handed directly to Nyx, the goddess of night, who works in accounting.)


Aly -.- I will return in 2016. You haven't seen the last of ALy De'Ville


Katie Thank you Ms De'Ville, glad our returns department could be of assistance.


Aly Oh, also- would you be hiring part-time?

Katie Of course we would be hiring, do you have your resume handy or would you like to repeat it verbatim?


Aly I can repeat it verbatim at your soonest convienence.


Aly erm... convenience*


Katie Ah. -take mental note upon hearing the spelling error-
Go ahead, Ms De'Ville. You have 1 minute to impress me.

Aly My name is Alyson De'Ville. I aspire to become a valuable asset to YOUR company! Thats right! Keep listening and i'll tell you how you can acquire my valuable services for the low low cost of a new Ferrari! My current work experience is as follows: 3 years at "bats R us'' as a human subject for studies on the transference of rabies in winged screeching mammals to humans. My duties included being strapped to a table against my will and being exposed to hundreds of rabid bats and/or flying opossums. I enjoyed my work, but i found it was lacking the thrill i desired in a job. Job 2: 1 day at Chuck E Cheese. My duties included dressing up as Mr. Cheese himself and creating a fun and inviting atmosphere for kids and adults alike. My employment was cut short due to a slight altercation to the mascot costume. Apparently "Chuck the Ripper" is not "kid friendly" and throwing knives at the guests is frowned upon. I will now provide you with some very reputable references.
Adam V---n
Azurae T--t
Katie B--r
Randy A----z
Lyssa P----r.

In closing, i would like to thank you for your time, and i trust you will find my services most impressive.


Katie Very impressive, Ms De'Ville. You do sound fairly well qualified for the position we have available, which just so happens to work directly with creatures of a screeching nature as well as opossums and their close cousins, Kangaroo Rats. The only thing is we typically look for candidates with at least 3 & 1/2 years of experience in forced animalistic victimism. Your experience in the wielding of butcher knives is another plus note, as they will be included in your daily uses, however the dressing up as a large rodent is frowned upon. It shows a weakness in your psychological being, possibly derived from your long term abuse by such creatures at your first job. You took that experience and applied it to your Chuck E Cheese mascoting position, using it as an easy excuse to replicate their torturous behavior.

Also, using your interviewer and another current employee as a reference is considered brown nosing and looks both desperate and as though you are trying to look like you are already part of the team. Tsk Tsk (-50 Points from Gyffindor).

Luckily for you however, the position does need filling today and your application has been processed and accepted. Your Ferrari will be delivered to the address the government has on file (the real one that you thought no one knew about, beneath the bridge on the other side of Macy's. You know, the one you and your hobo neighbor were talking about relocating to on your phone-tapped Dixie Cups).

Welcome to the team, Ms DeVille.


Aly Well splendid! I will require a description of my duties. When does my training start? Also, is it acceptable to shave my eyebrows off and wear a meat dress?

Katie That is so confidential that you cannot know until you are doing them, I'm afraid. If you desire to have your eyebrows removed, you may either have them plucked one by one by our very own blindfolded Azurae or you may visit the incinerator room, but shaving is prohibited. As for your choice in apparel, we encourage our staff to express themselves in whichever manner they see fit as long as it doesn't reflect their political views, religious preferences, favorite colors, preffered race, sexuality, age or past.

There is no training. I will need your finger print, in blood, here ____, and you begin.

Aly


Katie Ms De'Ville, would you kindly put your arms down.