Let me take you back... to 2011.
Back when Saint Joey was still alive, and the EWA Sprocket Champion.
Scheduled to face Matt Shanahan, then "The Black Star," he turned up to the EWA arena.
But his opponent did not.
Replaced by Freakshow, they had a match which has gone down in history.
But... What if that match didn't happen?
What if Matt Shanahan had shown up?
This is that story.
Back when Saint Joey was still alive, and the EWA Sprocket Champion.
Scheduled to face Matt Shanahan, then "The Black Star," he turned up to the EWA arena.
But his opponent did not.
Replaced by Freakshow, they had a match which has gone down in history.
But... What if that match didn't happen?
What if Matt Shanahan had shown up?
This is that story.
”Saint Jimmy” by Green Day blares across the arena...
St. Joey's coming down across the alleyway...
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade...
Lights on the silhouette...
He's insubordinate...
Coming at you on the count of One, Two...
One, Two, Three, Four!
A single pyro erupts from the base of the titantron, sending a shower of sparks onto the steel ramp below. The sparks are suddenly broken as Saint Joey leaps through the centre, protected from the sparks by a mask, hovering in the air! Smoke pours from his back, out of two pipes. He appears to be wearing some sort of jet pack. A spotlight shines down on him, reflecting beautifully off of his EWA Sprocket Championship belt. He raises his sceptre above his head, before gently floating down. As the smoke stops, his long coat sways in the remaining breeze. The pack detaches from his back, and falls to the ground with a loud thud, as Joey lifts his championship belt above his head with pride.
He looks down, before raising his head and stretching his arms out wide in a crucifix shape, the title belt hanging from his arm. The spotlight is still shining over him as he grins, before a sudden flash of light fills the arena with a bright, warm white light.
He slowly walks down to the ring, wrapping the belt around his waist before breaking out into a run, sliding into the ring under the bottom rope. He slides for a second before pushing himself to his feet, grin still in tact, and heads to the far turnbuckle. He jumps to the second rope, putting his hand over his eyes, looking over the audience as he takes off the mask. After a few seconds he drops the mask to the floor, lowering his arms to his sides and stands still, before taking a small jump to the top rope and flipping backwards to the mat, his coat swirling around, before landing on his feet. He rolls his shoulders back and bends his knees, taking off his coat and throwing it to the ropes. He then cracks his knuckles and shakes his head from side to side, followed by him asking for a microphone.
"Ladies and Gentlemen... Tramps and Harlots... Introducing to you your FIRST EVERRRR - and, by default, longest reigning - EWA SPROCKET CHAMPION... SAAAAIIIIINT -********- JOOOOEEEEYYY."
The crowd booed at the thought that this man, who had done nothing but mock and despise them, was the holder of any championship, let alone one as prestigious as the EWA Sprocket championship.
"Now now... Calm down everybody, I know you are all exited to see, quite simply, the GREATEST man on the EWA roster. And I know how you were all looking forward to me putting down the Black Star, the biggest white man that I know, Matt Shanahan... and so was I. In fact, as I readied my exhalted arsenal, preparing to destroy the star and send him to Hell, I got a message from management... A little memo, saying that Matt Shanahan might not be here. That he might be... Pre-occupied with other matters. Somehow, somewhere, something is apparently more important than this EWA Sprocket championship. Now, excuse me for being a little insulted... But why should I waste my time, coming out all the way to this... this HOLE of a city..."
Cheap heat! Cheap heat! Damn him! Damn him to Hell!
"When Matt Shanahan can't even be bothered to come out here and face me. Man to Shanahan. Champion, to loser. He's starting to look more like a Red Dwarf than a Black Star. It's pathetic... This is unjust. I'M THE CHAMPION! I'm the one who should be out there, relaxing while all of the other peasants come out here and perform. But still, I come out here, to prove I am the best, against the best. And do you know something? That's how I got to the top here. That's how I became the EWA Sprocket Champion. That is how I became known as a dominant force in EWA, and many, many other cliches."
Joey took the title belt from around his waist, and raised it above his head. He no longer had that oh-so cocky grin; instead, on his face, he held a look of contempt, of disgust.
"So, here's the thing; Shanahan, you can get out here, right now, wherever you are, and fight me. Or instead, the main event of this PPV will be ruined... and it will all be on your head. Not mine. Saint Joey, THE bad guy, will be the one who wasn't responsible for this mess. And I guarantee you, Shanahan, I GUARANTEE that as long as I am the champion, you will never, EVER, get a shot at this hallowed EWA Championship."
The crowd really aren't sure how to react to what Joey is saying. Joey was becoming enraged, angry at what was going down tonight.
"This title means the WORLD to me. I worked my a** off for many, many long years, festering in the middle of a swamp of wrestling, before FINALLY breaking out and being crowned a champion. An ELITE champion. And I will not let YOU ruin the prestige of this title! I will NOT let you make ME A JOKE GOD DAMN IT! GET OUT HERE AND FACE ME NOW!"
Joey angrily threw the microphone out of the ring, and stamped his foot on the ground. The crowd could see his apparent anger, and were anxious to see what was going to happen.
Several moments passed...
Joey tapped his foot as he waited for Shanahan to make his appearance. After a few minutes, when it looked like Matt wasn't going to show, Joey asked for a microphone, and lifted it to his mouth once more.
"No? Don't want to face me tonight? That's it. I've had it. Matt, you cretinous coward, how DARE you not turn up! I have given my life - MY WHOLE LIFE - to wrestle! To win championships! And you... Disrespect me. Disrespect! ME! Like a filthy peasant... Like one of THESE people!"
Joey raised his forward, pointed his finger, and waved it across the entire audience. They all jeered, unhappy at what he was saying. Joey scowled, his anger rising like a volcano's magma.
"Oh yes, boo me. Go on, boo me you hypocrites, boo me! Boo the man who has turned up to defend his title for your entertainment! Boo the man who has given his hallowed life to wrestle before you! Well you know what!? I've had enough! If you cheer a man who doesn't even CARE enough to come out here in front of you, then why the HELL should I be out here!? Huh!? I'm the EWA Sprocket champion! THE FIRST EVER! AND YOU WILL SHOW ME SOME GOD-DAMN RESPECT!!"
Joey's face became one of pure rage, angered at the world he was performing for.
"Judas! Every single one of you! <******** JUDAS!! You betray me! You betray your EWA SPROCKET CHAM-"
St. Joey's coming down across the alleyway...
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade...
Lights on the silhouette...
He's insubordinate...
Coming at you on the count of One, Two...
One, Two, Three, Four!
A single pyro erupts from the base of the titantron, sending a shower of sparks onto the steel ramp below. The sparks are suddenly broken as Saint Joey leaps through the centre, protected from the sparks by a mask, hovering in the air! Smoke pours from his back, out of two pipes. He appears to be wearing some sort of jet pack. A spotlight shines down on him, reflecting beautifully off of his EWA Sprocket Championship belt. He raises his sceptre above his head, before gently floating down. As the smoke stops, his long coat sways in the remaining breeze. The pack detaches from his back, and falls to the ground with a loud thud, as Joey lifts his championship belt above his head with pride.
He looks down, before raising his head and stretching his arms out wide in a crucifix shape, the title belt hanging from his arm. The spotlight is still shining over him as he grins, before a sudden flash of light fills the arena with a bright, warm white light.
He slowly walks down to the ring, wrapping the belt around his waist before breaking out into a run, sliding into the ring under the bottom rope. He slides for a second before pushing himself to his feet, grin still in tact, and heads to the far turnbuckle. He jumps to the second rope, putting his hand over his eyes, looking over the audience as he takes off the mask. After a few seconds he drops the mask to the floor, lowering his arms to his sides and stands still, before taking a small jump to the top rope and flipping backwards to the mat, his coat swirling around, before landing on his feet. He rolls his shoulders back and bends his knees, taking off his coat and throwing it to the ropes. He then cracks his knuckles and shakes his head from side to side, followed by him asking for a microphone.
"Ladies and Gentlemen... Tramps and Harlots... Introducing to you your FIRST EVERRRR - and, by default, longest reigning - EWA SPROCKET CHAMPION... SAAAAIIIIINT -********- JOOOOEEEEYYY."
The crowd booed at the thought that this man, who had done nothing but mock and despise them, was the holder of any championship, let alone one as prestigious as the EWA Sprocket championship.
"Now now... Calm down everybody, I know you are all exited to see, quite simply, the GREATEST man on the EWA roster. And I know how you were all looking forward to me putting down the Black Star, the biggest white man that I know, Matt Shanahan... and so was I. In fact, as I readied my exhalted arsenal, preparing to destroy the star and send him to Hell, I got a message from management... A little memo, saying that Matt Shanahan might not be here. That he might be... Pre-occupied with other matters. Somehow, somewhere, something is apparently more important than this EWA Sprocket championship. Now, excuse me for being a little insulted... But why should I waste my time, coming out all the way to this... this HOLE of a city..."
Cheap heat! Cheap heat! Damn him! Damn him to Hell!
"When Matt Shanahan can't even be bothered to come out here and face me. Man to Shanahan. Champion, to loser. He's starting to look more like a Red Dwarf than a Black Star. It's pathetic... This is unjust. I'M THE CHAMPION! I'm the one who should be out there, relaxing while all of the other peasants come out here and perform. But still, I come out here, to prove I am the best, against the best. And do you know something? That's how I got to the top here. That's how I became the EWA Sprocket Champion. That is how I became known as a dominant force in EWA, and many, many other cliches."
Joey took the title belt from around his waist, and raised it above his head. He no longer had that oh-so cocky grin; instead, on his face, he held a look of contempt, of disgust.
"So, here's the thing; Shanahan, you can get out here, right now, wherever you are, and fight me. Or instead, the main event of this PPV will be ruined... and it will all be on your head. Not mine. Saint Joey, THE bad guy, will be the one who wasn't responsible for this mess. And I guarantee you, Shanahan, I GUARANTEE that as long as I am the champion, you will never, EVER, get a shot at this hallowed EWA Championship."
The crowd really aren't sure how to react to what Joey is saying. Joey was becoming enraged, angry at what was going down tonight.
"This title means the WORLD to me. I worked my a** off for many, many long years, festering in the middle of a swamp of wrestling, before FINALLY breaking out and being crowned a champion. An ELITE champion. And I will not let YOU ruin the prestige of this title! I will NOT let you make ME A JOKE GOD DAMN IT! GET OUT HERE AND FACE ME NOW!"
Joey angrily threw the microphone out of the ring, and stamped his foot on the ground. The crowd could see his apparent anger, and were anxious to see what was going to happen.
Several moments passed...
Joey tapped his foot as he waited for Shanahan to make his appearance. After a few minutes, when it looked like Matt wasn't going to show, Joey asked for a microphone, and lifted it to his mouth once more.
"No? Don't want to face me tonight? That's it. I've had it. Matt, you cretinous coward, how DARE you not turn up! I have given my life - MY WHOLE LIFE - to wrestle! To win championships! And you... Disrespect me. Disrespect! ME! Like a filthy peasant... Like one of THESE people!"
Joey raised his forward, pointed his finger, and waved it across the entire audience. They all jeered, unhappy at what he was saying. Joey scowled, his anger rising like a volcano's magma.
"Oh yes, boo me. Go on, boo me you hypocrites, boo me! Boo the man who has turned up to defend his title for your entertainment! Boo the man who has given his hallowed life to wrestle before you! Well you know what!? I've had enough! If you cheer a man who doesn't even CARE enough to come out here in front of you, then why the HELL should I be out here!? Huh!? I'm the EWA Sprocket champion! THE FIRST EVER! AND YOU WILL SHOW ME SOME GOD-DAMN RESPECT!!"
Joey's face became one of pure rage, angered at the world he was performing for.
"Judas! Every single one of you! <******** JUDAS!! You betray me! You betray your EWA SPROCKET CHAM-"