Zana Bonanza
Community Member
(?)
Team Diedrich
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Thu, 20 Jul 2006 04:31:06 +0000
I woke up the next day expecting to see Rya bouncing around somewhere, ready to start following me around again. But there was no sign of her. Except for her feathers.
The servants found a dozen or so trampled grey feathers when they were cleaning the dancefloor. More feathers were found outside the front doors. One was on the staircase. The guestroom she had been using had a small pile of them in one corner. It seemed that, everywhere Rya had been, feathers had been left behind.
I collected most of them and added them to ones already on my dresser. I don't know why. It just seemed like such a waste to throw them away.
Obviously, that wasn't the first time I've told Rya to go away. But she always came back. Although, that was the first time I've ever told her that I hated her. And I don't even know where that came from, because...I don't hate her. I was just angry.
But she doesn't know that. And she hasn't come back. I had thought that if I ever got rid of Rya, things would go back to normal. Yet now that she really was gone, I suddenly remembered that 'normal' wasn't so good. Normal meant lonely.
Rya wasn't the only one who left. The Terrible Twins and their father returned to their own home, and Terrance took off that morning to go visit friends. Life seemed to go back to the way it relatively was before. I spent the entire day doing what I wanted, without anyone bugging me, following me, helping me, or noticing me. I was relieved and depressed at the same time.
By the end of the day, Rya still hadn't come back. I tried to feel happy about this and failed. But then again, I was never really good at being happy in the first place. I mean, when was the last time I was happy anyway?
Unfortunately, my brain automatically answered, During the picnic at the lake with Rya. I groaned, buried my head into my pillow, and tried to forget about her. I didn't need her. I didn't need anyone.
I sighed. Mission accomplished.
-----
Rya was still gone the next day and it hit me that maybe she wasn't coming back. It also hit me then that I was looking for her now. I kept expecting her to show up somewhere and felt disappointed when she didn't. Guilt seeped in and I realized that maybe, just maybe, I didn't want her gone afterall. Just to be sure, though, I waited another day. Again, she didn't show up, and again, I felt lonely.
I wish I knew who came up with the saying, "You never truly appreicate something until it's gone" so I could smack the guy for being so right. Becaused it was offical. I missed Rya.
I went up to the roof and sat there for who-knows-how-long. I was staring into the sky. Eventually, said sky turned dark, and the stars popped up. Bored, I started counting them. I got to eighty-five when I heard someone's footsteps behind. I spun around, hoping to see Rya standing there. But it wasn't her. It was my mom, carrying a tray of food.
"Nathan, honey, I brought you dinner," she said, holding out the tray to me. I wasn't hungry, but it must have been hard to bring the food up on the roof with her, so I took it anyway, least I look ungrateful. She smiled and, cautiously, sat down on the edge next to me, letting her legs hang over the side. I looked at her in surprise.
"You've been up here all day," mom explained, "So I figured maybe you could use some company. Is that all right?"
I nodded, still shocked by her act of kindness. But then I finally realized that she had always been kind to me. So I decided to return the favor and be open with my mother for once.
"I miss Rya," I said, looking down at the plate of food but not touching it. "I thought I wanted her gone but I don't. So now I feel horrible about what I did."
"I feel horrible about what you did, too," said my mom, honest as ever. "But I understand what you were going through. You haven't had the nicest childhood, Nathan, and I apologize for that. That's why I prayed to Irina for you to be assigned an Angel."
I nearly choked on my food. "That was you?" I sputtered. "You're the one who told Irina I desperately needed a Guardian Angel?!"
"You never needed an Angel, sweetie. You just deserved one. I wanted you to be happy, so yes, I enlisted in some help. Are you angry at me now?"
"No," I replied, and that was the truth. Maybe before, I would have been, but now I could only feel grateful. My mother could have been an angel herself.
"I wondered where Rya went. She couldn't have gone back to the GAPP Department," I mused, "Or else they'd have sent me a replacement angel by now, right? And after all that molting, I'm not sure if she could've flown anywhere."
"Molting?" mom asked, looking confused. "Honey, angels don't molt."
I stared at her. "Then why was she losing all those feathers?"
Mom suddenly looked uncomfortable. She knew, but she didn't want to tell me.
"Mom, please? I want to know."
She hesitated for a moment, then decided she might as well tell me. "You know how when humans are too stressed and their hair falls out?" I nodded. "Well, when an angel is too sad or depressed, their feathers fall out."
"But Rya was never depressed," I pointed out. "She probably doesn't even know what depressed is."
"Sweetie, people can mask their emotions. Just because Rya seemed happy doesn't mean she always was. She might have just wanted you to think that."
"But why?" I asked, feeling overly confused. Rya unhappy? It sounded surreal.
"An angel's job," mom said patiently, "Is to make sure their charge is safe and happy. Rya probably didn't want you to know that she was sad, thinking that it might upset you, since you were the one..." Mom's voice trailed off and she shook her head.
"Since I was the one what?" I prompted. Again, mom hesitated.
"Since you were the one making her sad," she finally said.
I was hit with a tidal wave of guilt. Of course. How could I have been so stupid to think that, after all times I yelled at her, argued with her, and shut her out, Rya was always happy? She just didn't want me to know that she wasn't. She wanted me to be happy so badly that she faked her own happiness. And each time she would a lose a feather, and it was my fault.
Your happiness is my happiness!
There was that short time when I was happy. And I didn't see any feathers during that time, so Rya must have been happy too. Like that day when we had a picnic, and I smiled. I remembered wondering why her joy seemed more real somehow, and now I knew.
Rya didn't do this because it was her job. She didn't do this to feel good about herself either. She did do it because she wanted to be my friend. She did it because me being happy made her happy. My happiness was her happiness.
"I screwed up," I sighed. "I wish I go back and change it all."
My mom laid a hand on my shoulder and instilled some motherly wisdom. "What's done is done," she said. "What matters now is what's going to be done."
"Mom," I said, standing up and giving her back the only half-empty food tray, "You're right. Thank you. For everything. I know it's late, but is it okay if I go find Rya?"
Mom smiled, looking smug. "Of course. Just be careful. Do you even know where she is?"
"Yeah," I said, looking at the sky. "I know where she is."
-----
Okay. Forests are kind of scary at night. The trees looked like monsters and I kept hearing rustling noises. I nearly had a heart attack when a mere raccon darted past in front of me. Thanks the Gods the moon was full, or it would have been pitch black.
Not that it really mattered, because I wasn't sure where I was going. I knew what direction to go but that was generally it. I had to hope I'd stumble upon it eventually. For now, I kept pushing my way through bushes and brambles, having missed the trail. I wished my clothes were better made for this kind of thing; I was getting scratched up pretty badly. Not that it was stopping me.
Finally, the brambles and trees grew sparse and the lake came into view. There was nothing scary here; in fact, the lake looked just as beautiful in the night as it did the day. The water was dark, and you could see faint reflections of the moon and stars from the sky above.
Grey feathers floated ontop the water's surface, like little boats stranded in the middle of an ocean. I was right; Rya was here.
Only a little bit higher.
I couldn't fly up to the cliff this time. I would have to huff it. I had to walk all the way to the backside of the hill and start my way up. The closer I got to the cliff, the steeper the climb became. The grass soon met the rock-like ground, and a thin stream of water from the other side of the hill took a turn and headed towards the lake. I followed it, the climb now over, and soon spotted my target.
Sitting next to where the water drizzled downwards off the overhang was Rya, her back to me and legs dangling over the edge. Myriad feathers littered the ground behind her, a few catching into the stream and being carried off into the lake. I saw, with a sinking heart, how droopy and thin her wings looked. I doubted she could even glide with those wings now. And it was all because of me.
She was still in her purple ball gown, althought it looked a bit threadbare now. I guiltly wondered if she had been in this same spot for the last three days. I waited until I caught my breath (climbing up here was harder than you'd think) then quietly approached her.
"Rya," I said tentatively.
She whisked around so fast that for a moment, I thought she might fall off the edge this time. But apparently, she has better balance than I do. She jumped to her feet when she saw who it was and her eyes went wide with worry.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I know you don't want to see me ever again, but I didn't know where else to go! If I went back to the GAPP, they'd send you someone else, and you said you didn't want an angel, so I didn't go there. But I can't fly very far right now and I don't have a house of my own, so I came here, but just for a little while, until I figure out where to go, and then I promise you'll never see me anywhere near here again and I--"
"Rya," I said, taking hold of her arms, which she had been flailing about widlly as she spoke in her panic. "Don't. Don't apologize. I'm not mad at you anymore. I'm mad at me. And I came here to apologize to you."
She instantly froze, her mouth hanging open and her eyes staring at me in confusion. Finally, she managed to say, "W-what?"
"I was a jerk," I told her. "A total jerk. I was always taking my anger out on you. I shouldn't have; none of it was your fault. And that night at the party... I was just stressed, okay? I thought you had abandoned me for my brother, and that everyone was avoiding me, and then some people said some things and by the time you got to me I just kind of lost it. But I'm sorry. I don't hate you and I don't want you to go away."
"You...you don't hate me?" she asked slowly. Her eyes had been getting watery, and I was worried she was going to start crying, but she didn't.
"No, I don't hate you," I assured her. "How can I hate you, Rya? You're like my best friend. That is, if you still want to be friends with me. I understand if you don't, after how mean I was to you, making you lose your feathers and all..."
"Oh, don't worry 'bout that," she mumbled. "They'll grow back."
I let out a sigh of relief. It was still awful that she lost her feathers in the first place, but at least I hadn't taken her flight away permenantly. "I wish you had told me you were so unhappy, Rya. But..I shouldn't have been so mean to you to begin with. Then maybe none of this would have happened."
"Maybe," she sighed.
"I know it's a lot to ask, but Rya, do you think you could ever forgive me?"
She took a step back from me and frowned. Her face looked so serious, I thought sure she was going to say no. But then her face split into a huge grin and she said, "I will, but only if you smile first!"
I smiled. A big, real, happy smile.
"You're forgiven Nat!" she shouted with glee. "Does this mean you want me to come back? And be your Guardian Angel again?" She was bouncing with excitement. Good ol' Rya.
"Of course," I said, still smiling. I was probably going to be smiling for a while now. "But Rya, listen. Whenever I'm being a jerk, I want you to say so. And if you ever feel sad, I don't want you to hide it. Because your happiness is my happiness, too. Okay?"
"Okay!" she agreed. Then her eyes lit up, all trace of tears gone, and apparently was hit with an idea. "Nat," she said, "You still owe me a dance, remember?"
"No, you owe me a dance," I said, but I teasingly.
"Nuh-uh," she argued. "You owe me. I'm a girl, and the guys are the ones who are supposed to ask for a dance. I kept waiting for you to ask that night, but you never did."
Oh. That explained a lot. Rya was too literal minded, I decided. But all right. I could deal. "Lady Rya," I said, bowing before her, "Would you honor me with a dance?"
"It would be my pleasure, Sir Nat," she said, giggling and taking my hand.
We danced. There was no music, we were on an overhang, and neither of us really knew how to...but it didn't matter. We danced anyway.
Well, okay, it mattered a little bit. The part about us not knowing how to dance, at least. Because I was trying to lead, but didn't know how to, and then Rya took a wrong step, getting her feet caught up in mine, causing us both to trip...
We hit the cold water with a splash. The only thing in my mind at that moment was, I knew it. I knew she was going to knock me off that cliff sooner or later!
I came to the surface and gasped for air, then turned to see Rya flapping her arms about and screaming, "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
"Rya," I said. She kept freaking out. "Rya!" I shouted. She stopped screaming long enough to look at me. "Calm down. Look," I said, pointing downwards. She did, then looked back up at me, blushing with embarrassment.
"Oh," was all she said. The water was only waist deep in this spot.
I broke out into laughter. "So you don't know how to swim?" I said in disbelief, then laughed some more. Her face turned redder.
"Well, I, well.." she faltered. Then she pointed an accusing finger at me and retorted, "Well, you don't know how to fight!"
"Heh. That's true. So, will you teach me then?"
She smiled. "Only if you teach me how to swim."
"Deal," I said, shaking her hand jokingly. "Then we both need to find someone who can teach us how to dance."
"Agreed," she said. Then we both started cracking up.
We made it to shore without anyone drowning. Even though I was soaking wet to the bone, I was still smiling. I felt so good, so light, like nothing bad could ever happen and everything was right with the world. I think that's what they call happiness. I liked it.
Still, there was one more thing I needed to ask Rya. Something important. So imagine my surprise when she beat me to the punch and asked that question to me instead.
"Nat? You're not going to fly away some day and leave us all behind, are you?"
At first, I was too shocked to say anything. But then I smiled and said, "No. I won't."
"Promise?" asked Rya. She seemed awfully determined about this.
"Promise," I said. We both stood there silently and smiled at each other for a moment. Then I broke the silence with another laugh.
"Well now, I don't know about you," I said, "But I'm freezing my butt off here. Come on Rya. Let's go home."
I know you can't be happy all the time. But it's better than being happy none of the time. As long as you can smile, and as long as you have someone to share those smiles with, then everything will be all right, in the end.
So I'll keep my promise. I won't fly away. Besides, being grounded isn't as bad as I thought it was. Not anymore.
--Fin--
