The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Bloom_Wnd]

Only write fantasy. The real world is boring until people begin sleeping with each other.

[x_haphazard_x]

ALL REAL DEATHS must be there, right in front of your character's eyes. If they aren't, they're not really dead, because it's LE GASP giant plot twist! The character really didn't die, they just got injured, and the bad guy wanted them to think they're dead! Also, remember, characters can ALWAYS be resurected, because it like happens all the time in real life. reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaally. Kill off characters left and right, and nobody would care!

Also, see how many times you can work in the totally awesome fancy-fraise LE GASP in your story. If you do it more than twenty times per page, then kudos, and if you get it in over fourty, I'll give you a prize! LE GASP!!!

[Jasper Riddle]

Bloom_Wnd

Only write fantasy. The real world is boring until people begin sleeping with each other.

EVERYTHING is boring until people start sleeping together. This is why you must incorperate AS MUCH sex/ sexual innuendos/sexual tension as humanly possible in the story. Love triangle? Bah! Go for the most complex shape you can!
ie: Max is sleeping with Janie, who is in love with Max's evil twin Jake, who was created in a lab by Asphaldo's warped stepfather, who wants to violate Mary and her sister Lily...

[Well This Sucks]

Swords do not rust-- It doesn't matter how much blood was spilled. It doesn't matter if the sword is 3,000,000,000,000,000,000 years old and a relic of an aformentioned ancient alien race. Swords are made of special metal that is incapable of rusting, pitting, snapping, succumbing to gravity, or simply up and falling off their hilts.

Speaking of which, do not refer to the hilt of the sword as a hilt. Who the hell knows what a hilt is, anyway? Stupid hilts. Call them "handles" or something equally understandable by inbred, mentally impaired third-graders from Iowa.

If-- heaven forbid- you run out of unique and excellent material, or have room in your party for JUST ONE MORE CHARACTER, it is perfectly acceptable to steal said idea or character from a comic. However, not all people are aware of this, and it might help to use obscure comics, such as Sandman. Or InuYasha. Because it's certain that none of your potential readers has EVER heard of Neil Gaiman or Rumiko Takahashi.

[Gwynnia]

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

[timechaser]

If the hero's party includes robots, said robots always have personalities. What do you mean, computers can't do what they're not programmed to do? Robots are just people with metal plating!

[Stud Spud]

Make sure to end your story with "And then I woke up." It's very really realistic and closes the story REALLY well. Yeah.

[hecate-athena]

Gwynnia

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

*pokes Gwynnia* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyways, give your hero(ine) as many special powers as you can think of. You don't even have to have a reason for all of them! Just say that "they were blessed by the Gods". It always works!

[Gwynnia]

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

*pokes Gwynnia* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyways, give your hero(ine) as many special powers as you can think of. You don't even have to have a reason for all of them! Just say that "they were blessed by the Gods". It always works!

It's not 'blessed by the Gods' anymore. It's blessed by a tragic past! Get it right!

[Stud Spud]

And always, always, always add knock-knock jokes when you can't think of anything to say. A good knock-knock joke will give you what you need to keep readers interested.

[hecate-athena]

Gwynnia

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

*pokes Gwynnia* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyways, give your hero(ine) as many special powers as you can think of. You don't even have to have a reason for all of them! Just say that "they were blessed by the Gods". It always works!

It's not 'blessed by the Gods' anymore. It's blessed by a tragic past! Get it right!

Blessed by a tragic past? Ah, I get it. The incident released trapped powers that wouldn't have come out otherwise, if they hadn't been in danger or whatever.[/color]

[Jasper Riddle]

Gwynnia

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

*pokes Gwynnia* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyways, give your hero(ine) as many special powers as you can think of. You don't even have to have a reason for all of them! Just say that "they were blessed by the Gods". It always works!

It's not 'blessed by the Gods' anymore. It's blessed by a tragic past! Get it right!

heroines are blessed by the Gods. heros are blessed of a tragic past. ALWAYS sexually discriminate.

[Gwynnia]

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

*pokes Gwynnia* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyways, give your hero(ine) as many special powers as you can think of. You don't even have to have a reason for all of them! Just say that "they were blessed by the Gods". It always works!

It's not 'blessed by the Gods' anymore. It's blessed by a tragic past! Get it right!

Blessed by a tragic past? Ah, I get it. The incident released trapped powers that wouldn't have come out otherwise, if they hadn't been in danger or whatever.

Exactly! And because their teddy bear was going to be chewed on by a bulldog, they could immediatly fly/turn stuff to gold/do magic/ect.

[Jasper Riddle]

Gwynnia

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

hecate-athena

Gwynnia

You must always have a party of 20+ people running around in a dark ages setting! Nah, the village the MC came from couldn't be smaller than.

*pokes Gwynnia* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyways, give your hero(ine) as many special powers as you can think of. You don't even have to have a reason for all of them! Just say that "they were blessed by the Gods". It always works!

It's not 'blessed by the Gods' anymore. It's blessed by a tragic past! Get it right!

Blessed by a tragic past? Ah, I get it. The incident released trapped powers that wouldn't have come out otherwise, if they hadn't been in danger or whatever.

Exactly! And because their teddy bear was going to be chewed on by a bulldog, they could immediatly fly/turn stuff to gold/do magic/ect.

duh!

[Stud Spud]

The main character has to die in the end, only to be brought back to life by either their magic medallion or their loved one crying on them. It's so original!

(vomit)