The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Xerdra]

Speaking of characters, all women want love. I know, now you're saying, "But shouldn't she be avoidant of men because of the oh-so-traumitized past I gave her?" The answer is no. As already stated (or I think it was in here somewhere, anyway), love is the answer to all problems so this just means she needs it all the more and she can't be helped by other women because females always argue with each other unless they grew up together. Well, that and the fact that romantic love is the only kind out there. Friendship, familial relations, and camradrie are all for deluded "real people"; characters cannot experience any of them as it would devalue finding their "one true love". The only exception to this rule is if said female is obnoxiously spunky, immature, and upbeat.

Male characters, conversly, will only find love if they are the main, have a long-time friend who is female or there is a female character not paired-off yet. (fan fiction exception: canon characters that are human[oid] villians, arrogant, or markedly violent males are also acceptable for romantice pairings.)

(No, I'm not using this thread to vent about my personal frustrations/peeves, not in the least.)

[Well This Sucks]

hecate-athena

Please. I was once attacked by a lawnmower. That's even worse then an oven!

Obviously, you have never had two tons of superheated metal lunge at you in the kitchen.

[hecate-athena]

Well This Sucks

hecate-athena

Please. I was once attacked by a lawnmower. That's even worse then an oven!

Obviously, you have never had two tons of superheated metal lunge at you in the kitchen.

It was on? I retract my statement.

[Well This Sucks]

hecate-athena

Well This Sucks

hecate-athena

Please. I was once attacked by a lawnmower. That's even worse then an oven!

Obviously, you have never had two tons of superheated metal lunge at you in the kitchen.

It was on? I retract my statement.

Ppph yeah. Ovens that are turned off NEVER attack. That would be like a comatose bear mauling you.

[hecate-athena]

Well This Sucks

hecate-athena

Well This Sucks

hecate-athena

Please. I was once attacked by a lawnmower. That's even worse then an oven!

Obviously, you have never had two tons of superheated metal lunge at you in the kitchen.

It was on? I retract my statement.

Ppph yeah. Ovens that are turned off NEVER attack. That would be like a comatose bear mauling you.

The bear could just be pretending to be comatose.

You always have to go up and check the dead person to see if they're actually dead. You can't just like, pump them full of several rounds from a good amount away. You have to give them a chance to leap up and attack you, because long-range weapons are for wimps.

[Well This Sucks]

Also, you cannot, say, poke the corpse with a long stick. Nope. Has to be your foot, unless you check for heartbeat by getting reeeeally close and putting your head against the chest.

[arddunaid]

It's never a trick, and you should never grab an axe.

[hecate-athena]

arddunaid

It's never a trick, and you should never grab an axe.

Of course. Why would the supposedly dead person want to fool you into thinking they were dead? No, they have to be dead.

[nodling]

I think people forget that writting is an art, and in order to be good at art you must learn then basics, master them, and then throw them all out of the window.

[demagoguery]

hecate-athena

arddunaid

It's never a trick, and you should never grab an axe.

Of course. Why would the supposedly dead person want to fool you into thinking they were dead? No, they have to be dead.

The hero is the only one bright enough to think of this. Or his friend/lover/lovable sidekick. Then the main character can think his f/l/ls is dead, and there can be an emotional reunion, or better yet, have it happen in battle. Have the f/l/ls throw the hero his/her sword. No one will reach up and grab the sword if you throw it to the hero. Maybe you can have the f/l/ls die again. EVEN MORE SADNESS FOR YOUR HERO!!! YAY!!!

[Inuit]

Stop me if someone already said this (well, you can't, so ha)...

Always, always have the protagonist/good guy be absolutely prone to bullets, arrows, swords, hits, or any kind of physical attacks. I mean, your good guy always have to be either alive with no scratches, or dead with all scratches. Why? Because readers love it when the story is completely unrealistic.

Oh, and readers also love when writers kill off characters for no apparent reason. It leaves us thinking, wondering to how, and what cause, did the protagonist die.

And another thing, to add to my first statement, always have the antagonist/bad guy have bad aim. It only makes sense to put all the odds of winning to the good side! biggrin

[radioactive alchemist]

*clings to Inuit* I need someone who's awaaaaaake!


Oh yes. If your characters are half a continent away and communicating my magic or somesuch device, it's always the same time in both places. There are no such things as timezones in a fantasy world.

ninja post 911! Call the cops!

[Inuit]

radioactive alchemist

*clings to Inuit* I need someone who's awaaaaaake!


Oh yes. If your characters are half a continent away and communicating my magic or somesuch device, it's always the same time in both places. There are no such things as timezones in a fantasy world.


ninja post 911! Call the cops!

Exactly! Because in the fantasy world, there's no such thing as bathroom breaks, hygenical situations, or aging at all! And everyone, every single person, MUST have some type of armor/flowly clothing/accent. It only makes your writing more unique.

[Inuit]

(sheesh, I'm so going to come here often)

Always remember that when it comes to bringing a character from the dead, make it flashy. Big, huge, as if it was the most important thing in your book. Why? Because it is.

[Charmcat]

For heroes, wounds are never serious. Even when they're serious. Stabbed? Slashed? Broken something? Only minor irritation and a few lines about it hurting, then move on.

Completely forget that in real life if you say, smashed your thumb with a hammer, your vision would go completely black for a few seconds, and then you'd spend thirty minutes jumping around the room cursing, unable to settle or do anything else except look for a medical kit and hope the pain wears off and a doctor's visit isn't required. Or that, in real life, a tiny cut that nevertheless bleeds a lot would have you panicking for half an hour.

No, your MC would shrug off a near fatal wound, at least until he defeats any possible attacker and can be properly fawned over by your minor characters, who take care of him/her. This will impress your readers with your MCs strength, rather than assure them that your hero is invincible and that they needn't expend any emotional energy worrying about him/her.