The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[La Belle Peche]

Teddixx

And, in Twilight fanfics, your Mary-Sue will never laugh at seeing a straight man glitter. She will not question his sexuality, as most girls would giggle something along the lines of, "Haha, f*****t." She will also not sell pictures on Ebay, be scared, or wonder what exactly he spiked her drink with. Instead, they will proceed to have wild, graphically detailed sex.

Yiss, by the way, love is always purely physical and never has any emotional aspect to it whatsoever?

So what if they're as uncompatable with you as angels and demons? (Oh wait... angel+demon=AWESOME.) IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SEXY.

[Aldorel]

Teddixx

All vampyres are amazingly attractive.

There is no such thing as a fat, middle-aged vampyre with an anime collection the size of a mall mountain.

And, in Twilight fanfics, your Mary-Sue will never laugh at seeing a straight man glitter. She will not question his sexuality, as most girls would giggle something along the lines of, "Haha, f*****t." She will also not sell pictures on Ebay, be scared, or wonder what exactly he spiked her drink with. Instead, they will proceed to have wild, graphically detailed sex.

Yes! This is sure to win you the admiration of your peers!

Reemember, people cannot control their physical desires... unless they have taken a holy vow of chastity, in which case they keep this pledge faithfully for years until the Hero comes along, at which point they drop everything for him.

[Xiraes]

Aldorel

Teddixx

All vampyres are amazingly attractive.

There is no such thing as a fat, middle-aged vampyre with an anime collection the size of a mall mountain.

And, in Twilight fanfics, your Mary-Sue will never laugh at seeing a straight man glitter. She will not question his sexuality, as most girls would giggle something along the lines of, "Haha, f*****t." She will also not sell pictures on Ebay, be scared, or wonder what exactly he spiked her drink with. Instead, they will proceed to have wild, graphically detailed sex.

Yes! This is sure to win you the admiration of your peers!

Reemember, people cannot control their physical desires... unless they have taken a holy vow of chastity, in which case they keep this pledge faithfully for years until the Hero comes along, at which point they drop everything for him.

All sexual harrassment enacted by the super-awesome-handsome-hero-love-interest is not really his faulty, because he can't control it and means well, and really loves her; therefore it will be forgiven.

Even the slightest sexual innuendo directed at the heroine by any other male will result in her yelling "Pervert!" and slapping him. This will also serve as a way to introduce said male's character, because, as we all know, some men are total perverts and that is their only personality trait.

[ankaria]

The hero and the heroine should ALWAYS nag and bicker at each other never expressing their love for 989792872975 chapters because it's so hawt and we all love it.

The heroine always has to have an awful personality, but who cares! They're pretty! Who cares about personality!

Rude, mean, awful, cruel, disgustingly evil people are okay as long as they look sexy.

Every teenager is emo!

Your characters should always be the emo-est person on teh universe! They've had horribly sad pasts and so, they have every right to be emo! Who cares about simple acts of kindness! They don't count! Only the emo-ness!!

Your characters are always poised, elegant and self controlled! They never converse and they are always mean, but EVERYONE LOVES THEM!

Or your character should be so clumsy that they trip everyday, people see their underwear, BECAUSE they fell in front of them, and then they call them a pervert and slap them. Remember to do this in every chapter! We love 4129875387968 repeats!!

People run into the wrong changing room ALL the time. I mean, they only have 20/20 vision!

All girls freak out when a dude accidently enters a girl's dressing room. They scream and call them a pervert when they shield their eyes and beg for forgiveness.

Your hero can dodge 4329875397395079 bullets in 2 seconds, but a skinny girl's slap is so much harder to dodge!

Your heroine will never be hated for hurting others. They can slap/whack/step/stab the hero and others for stupid reasons, and they'll never remember it or get angry.

((This thread makes me crack up XP ))

[Alea Facta Est]

Xiraes

Aldorel

Teddixx

All vampyres are amazingly attractive.

There is no such thing as a fat, middle-aged vampyre with an anime collection the size of a mall mountain.

And, in Twilight fanfics, your Mary-Sue will never laugh at seeing a straight man glitter. She will not question his sexuality, as most girls would giggle something along the lines of, "Haha, f*****t." She will also not sell pictures on Ebay, be scared, or wonder what exactly he spiked her drink with. Instead, they will proceed to have wild, graphically detailed sex.

Yes! This is sure to win you the admiration of your peers!

Reemember, people cannot control their physical desires... unless they have taken a holy vow of chastity, in which case they keep this pledge faithfully for years until the Hero comes along, at which point they drop everything for him.

All sexual harrassment enacted by the super-awesome-handsome-hero-love-interest is not really his faulty, because he can't control it and means well, and really loves her; therefore it will be forgiven.

Even the slightest sexual innuendo directed at the heroine by any other male will result in her yelling "Pervert!" and slapping him. This will also serve as a way to introduce said male's character, because, as we all know, some men are total perverts and that is their only personality trait.

Wait, what sexual harrassment? It's not sexual harrassment if the hero does it; it's just the girl/guy's fault for being coy.

Also, said perverted men have to routinely try to grab the heroine's breasts and be smacked into the ground every time. This is a hilarious comedy routine that never fails to entertain!


Any jail time served by your hero involved no butt-rape; instead, he spent the entire time writing beautiful poetry and gazing at the sunlight while waiting for his followers to overthrow the tyrannical despot who had dumped him there in the first place.

[Xiraes]

Alea Facta Est

Xiraes

Aldorel

Teddixx

All vampyres are amazingly attractive.

There is no such thing as a fat, middle-aged vampyre with an anime collection the size of a mall mountain.

And, in Twilight fanfics, your Mary-Sue will never laugh at seeing a straight man glitter. She will not question his sexuality, as most girls would giggle something along the lines of, "Haha, f*****t." She will also not sell pictures on Ebay, be scared, or wonder what exactly he spiked her drink with. Instead, they will proceed to have wild, graphically detailed sex.

Yes! This is sure to win you the admiration of your peers!

Reemember, people cannot control their physical desires... unless they have taken a holy vow of chastity, in which case they keep this pledge faithfully for years until the Hero comes along, at which point they drop everything for him.

All sexual harrassment enacted by the super-awesome-handsome-hero-love-interest is not really his faulty, because he can't control it and means well, and really loves her; therefore it will be forgiven.

Even the slightest sexual innuendo directed at the heroine by any other male will result in her yelling "Pervert!" and slapping him. This will also serve as a way to introduce said male's character, because, as we all know, some men are total perverts and that is their only personality trait.

Wait, what sexual harrassment? It's not sexual harrassment if the hero does it; it's just the girl/guy's fault for being coy.

Also, said perverted men have to routinely try to grab the heroine's breasts and be smacked into the ground every time. This is a hilarious comedy routine that never fails to entertain!


Any jail time served by your hero involved no butt-rape; instead, he spent the entire time writing beautiful poetry and gazing at the sunlight while waiting for his followers to overthrow the tyrannical despot who had dumped him there in the first place.

Because it's not his fault, it's the law's fault. Heaven forbid that he stole, raped or murdered, because we have to love him, and there's no such thing as forgiveness or redemption.

[The Amazing Mr Kestrel]

There is always a mystical old guy who mentors your hero before dying tragically by sacrificing himself. He also probably has some secret angsty connection with the villain. Not to mention, he is also uber-powerful in every single way until he dies. That is also probably when the hero stops whining about how much they don't want to be a hero.

Whenever your hero faints, it MUST be during or at the very end of a big intense fight scene. As well, when they wake up they will be in a dimly-lit room being tended to by their love interest. Or a dungeon where they're about to be raped/seduced/tortured by the SUPER SEXY villain(ess) gonk

Your big villain must be a puppet to some even bigger villain. This will likely result in him/her teaming up with your hero to destroy the death god/monster thing he/she has unleashed.

Your SUPER SEXY villain will realize his/her flaws five seconds before your protagonist would be killed, then heroically sacrifices him/herself for them. And if they don't die right away, devote at least one chapter to them reminiscing about their life and how it ended. Also, make sure the protagonist is weeping by their side the entire time.

Female sidekicks are ALWAYS bitchy know-it-alls, but they are still strangely attractive.

Your hero will find him/herself hacking through hoards and hoards of zombies/ugly troll things throughout the novel.

[C alo D emon]

The good genes are the only ones to get passed down to children.

Children always look like their parents or better than their parents. Never worse.

Recessive genes don't exist.

Two beautiful creatures can't have an ugly child unless it's a curse or a disease.

Two powerful creatures have children with double the power that the parents have.

[Ambrey]

Nobody in jail is ever stupid enough to drop the soap.

When someone is being dragged off to jail, their friend does not laugh and tell them not to drop the soap.

[C alo D emon]

Teddixx

Nobody in jail is ever stupid enough to drop the soap.

When someone is being dragged off to jail, their friend does not laugh and tell them not to drop the soap.

And nobody is smart enough to bend with the knees to pick the soap up (if for some odd reason they do drop the soap)

[The Amazing Mr Kestrel]

The sexier the man, the more blood he can lose in a pretentious drawn-out angst-filled fight scene, without any physical reprocussions (like, dying).

[ankaria]

The heroine will pass out after flying 2 milimeters. Then the hero will be extremely enraged and defeats whoever did it, and then tenderly care for the horrible wounds the heroine got from flying 2 milimeters. It's a lovely theme that all must use.

[Xiraes]

1. Heroine must be super-special-awesome-uber-powerful
2. Heroine and Hero must fall in love, and ev-er-y-one knows that the most romantic anything involves someone getting saved/tended to by their loved ones. And since girls can't save boys, the Heroine must obviously get injured/captured/tortured/whatever

These rules may seem to conflict, but all you have to do is make the Heroine alternativley a skilled, powerful, intelligent person and then a weak, blubbering thing who couldn't help herself if her life depended on it (which it does, in this case, but that's why there's a Hero).

((Okay, if anyone's seen the movie Halloween, Jamie Lee Curtis's character annoyed me for exactly that reason. How can she be so resourceful and then so stupid within a 5 minute interval?))

[The Amazing Mr Kestrel]

To somewhat add on to that, villains *ALWAYS* believe that the only way to break the hero is by doing something bad to his gal D;

[I am The Compendium]

Xiraes

((Okay, if anyone's seen the movie Halloween, Jamie Lee Curtis's character annoyed me for exactly that reason. How can she be so resourceful and then so stupid within a 5 minute interval?))

I've read several fanfics like that. The sad thing is they never ended.

Anyways:

It's much more symbolic if you don't have a plot.