The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[ChocolatePandora]

Nana_Banana

Oh, and always refer to your teenage character as 'the teen.' We can't remember for two seconds at a time that your character, sitting in their high school math class, is a teenager. The best thing to do is refer to your character as 'the ruby-eyed teen' at all times. NEVER let your readers forget these details, because they are much more important then oh, I dunno, personality?

i have a friend whose work i was editing, who always referred to her main character as 'the teenager', 'the teen', or 'the teen-aged youth'. other than that, and her freaky paragraph ruling, the work was pretty good.

[LoneGothic]

Evil people drown kittens. It doesn't matter that the litter is unwanted, weak or maimed or that cats are overpopulating, drowning kittens is EVIL.

[IrkenMegara]

LoneGothic

Evil people drown kittens. It doesn't matter that the litter is unwanted, weak or maimed or that cats are overpopulating, drowning kittens is EVIL.

I like kittens... crying

Remember, always have your pets spayed or neutered!

[Tavreynya]

LoneGothic

Evil people drown kittens. It doesn't matter that the litter is unwanted, weak or maimed or that cats are overpopulating, drowning kittens is EVIL.

Anyone who hurts any "poor, defenseless animal," for any reason, is evil. Even if said "poor, defenseless animal" is in fact the size of a tractor and has steak knives for teeth. It's just a baby! It's liek sooooo helpless and cute omg!

Your heroine will be distinguished by the fact that she can tame any animal, and I do mean any, by looking at it for two seconds and maybe petting it once or twice. With a little glaring on the side (though you must always use the phrase "defiant stare" wink if she's supposed to be one of those "strong" heroines.

[Conte Cruella]

-Eh, sorry I don't have one. I just wanted to say: this thread gave me a bunch of really good, twisted ideas--very helpful. ^^ Yesh, well *whisks away*-

[mourning dove]

Remember, when writing romance, the lonely teen's first boyfriend will always turn out to be their one true, pure love that they will be with for the rest of their life. They were destined to be together, never having crushes on anyone else, always moving towards that point in their life will they will meet that special person!

[erikakaiser]

Always have your villain show off just how completely evil he is by killing a messenger who brings bad news, or smashing a nearby canary's head in for singing too sweetly.
The readers will love this, and it will remind them just how badass your villain is.

[M00NEY]

Tavreynya

When the hero(ine) is moping and says something like "I'm ugly" or "I'm unworthy," they are always wrong. This is the only circumstance in which your hero(ine) can be wrong about anything, so use it all the time to give them more depth. It'll work. Trust me.

Anyone who says they're ugly actually isn't. Except for the villains, but they are all grotesque and know it, and don't have any issues with their appearance. The only case in which a villian is allowed to angst over their looks is when it is a female, and she is jealous of the heroine's pure, innocent beauty.

Your villains should also be eccentric and hate all things that are cute, gentle, or "good," like animals, children, sunshine, etc. They should also be against love, calling it foolish or "for weaklings."

[Tavreynya]

M00NEY

Your villains should also be eccentric and hate all things that are cute, gentle, or "good," like animals, children, sunshine, etc. They should also be against love, calling it foolish or "for weaklings."

All "good" characters must be hopeless romantics. This just emphasizes how evil and horribly, horribly wrong your villains are.

[M00NEY]

When in a fight with a villain, the hero must come very close to winning, but decide to spare the enemy. His heart is just too pure to commit a murder. But at the end, when he gets his second chance, he finally takes the opportunity to vanquish evil forever because that's what heroes do.

[Alea Facta Est]

M00NEY

Anyone who says they're ugly actually isn't. Except for the villains, but they are all grotesque and know it, and don't have any issues with their appearance. The only case in which a villian is allowed to angst over their looks is when it is a female, and she is jealous of the heroine's pure, innocent beauty.

Even better, the villain is horribly sexy (as in primarily appealing to other villains) and in a tight, black, semi-dominatrix outfit with at least three deadly swords, one of which has the power to suck out souls. Or something along those lines. The hero/ine is equally or even sexier, also with a very specially forged weapon that is the only one available to defeat the villain's weapon--and of course is tied to the hero/ine's destiny since and even before his/her birth.

[Tavreynya]

M00NEY

His heart is just too pure to commit a murder. But at the end, when he gets his second chance, he finally takes the opportunity to vanquish evil forever because that's what heroes do.

The phrase "that's what heroes do" will justify anything. As will "the villain isn't stupid, he's just insane."

[Storeage]

Tavreynya

M00NEY

His heart is just too pure to commit a murder. But at the end, when he gets his second chance, he finally takes the opportunity to vanquish evil forever because that's what heroes do.

The phrase "that's what heroes do" will justify anything. As will "the villain isn't stupid, he's just insane."

The villan is always insanely smart, and three steps ahead of the heroes (who are, also, of course, insanely smart, and ahead of the villan by either two steps or four), until the end, when the villan makes a mistake so stupid it's almost funny.

[M00NEY]

Quark Serpent

M00NEY

Anyone who says they're ugly actually isn't. Except for the villains, but they are all grotesque and know it, and don't have any issues with their appearance. The only case in which a villian is allowed to angst over their looks is when it is a female, and she is jealous of the heroine's pure, innocent beauty.

Even better, the villain is horribly sexy (as in primarily appealing to other villains) and in a tight, black, semi-dominatrix outfit with at least three deadly swords, one of which has the power to suck out souls. Or something along those lines. The hero/ine is equally or even sexier, also with a very specially forged weapon that is the only one available to defeat the villain's weapon--and of course is tied to the hero/ine's destiny since and even before his/her birth.

Villains can only be killed by a specific weapon. If the hero doesn't inherit it somehow, he must hear of it from a prophecy or a wise old man/wizard/man in a tavern and go on a quest to find it.

[Alybrylla]

M00NEY

Quark Serpent

M00NEY

Anyone who says they're ugly actually isn't. Except for the villains, but they are all grotesque and know it, and don't have any issues with their appearance. The only case in which a villian is allowed to angst over their looks is when it is a female, and she is jealous of the heroine's pure, innocent beauty.

Even better, the villain is horribly sexy (as in primarily appealing to other villains) and in a tight, black, semi-dominatrix outfit with at least three deadly swords, one of which has the power to suck out souls. Or something along those lines. The hero/ine is equally or even sexier, also with a very specially forged weapon that is the only one available to defeat the villain's weapon--and of course is tied to the hero/ine's destiny since and even before his/her birth.

Villains can only be killed by a specific weapon. If the hero doesn't inherit it somehow, he must hear of it from a prophecy or a wise old man/wizard/man in a tavern and go on a quest to find it.

then when he finds it he has to perform 3 meaningless tasks, like balance a banana on his head for five seconds xd to prove he is the chosen one.