The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Budgie_820]

Ryu_chan

Chicken_Waltz_820

Ryu_chan

Chicken_Waltz_820

IrkenMegara

Remember the MC's loyal dog? Whenever he starts barking at something, it's always a sign that evil is afoot. Always. He's never just barking at a squirrel or another dog to defend his territory. Canines make fantastic early-warning defense systems!

And for that matter, the dog will always leap for an enemy's throat to defned its master. It's never a wimpy little Chihuahua or teacup poodle, and it will never be friendly to the enemy and lick his hand and face in greeting.

And of course the owner will never yell at the dog to shut up and reach for the newspaper. It knows what the dog is thinking.

Oh, and your dog has to be at least half wolf. Sure, dogs and wolfs don't ever actually breed with each other, but hell, it's your story. The laws of nature are just too lame for you.

Chicken_Waltz_820

IrkenMegara

Remember the MC's loyal dog? Whenever he starts barking at something, it's always a sign that evil is afoot. Always. He's never just barking at a squirrel or another dog to defend his territory. Canines make fantastic early-warning defense systems!

((Actually....they do. My neighbor had a half-wolf/half-Husky puppy. Cutest little thing ever. Vicious little teeth, though.))

Also, the dog never has fleas or dogbreath, or chews the MC's shoes, or humps the heroine's leg, or pees on her shoes, etc.

Really? Well, that's quite interesting, but I imagine it's quite rare.

It is, very much so. But it does happen.

And if your MC wants to own a dog it sends the two animals into such an extreme heat that they'll make a half wolf/dog baby no matter how rare it is.

[Roufette]

Wolf-dogs are more commonly bred by assholes who want to make good (yet dirty) money selling them to inexperienced owners. They are a lot less rare than people may think.

[Budgie_820]

Roufette

Wolf-dogs are more commonly bred by assholes who want to make good (yet dirty) money selling them to inexperienced owners. They are a lot less rare than people may think.

Really? Hmm I'm learning all sorts of things on gaia. Around where I live we just have beagle puppy mills.

[Rid V]

Any mystic/psychic/clairevoyant character can sense from a map what's going on in the area the map represents. That's because all maps have a mystical sensitivity to the place they represent. Cool, huh?

[Roufette]

Chicken_Waltz_820

Roufette

Wolf-dogs are more commonly bred by assholes who want to make good (yet dirty) money selling them to inexperienced owners. They are a lot less rare than people may think.

Really? Hmm I'm learning all sorts of things on gaia. Around where I live we just have beagle puppy mills.

eek That's terrible! I absolutely hate puppy mills. They deserve to burn to the ground in a violent riot of flaming crickets. (Puppies removed of course)

[Budgie_820]

Roufette

Chicken_Waltz_820

Roufette

Wolf-dogs are more commonly bred by assholes who want to make good (yet dirty) money selling them to inexperienced owners. They are a lot less rare than people may think.

Really? Hmm I'm learning all sorts of things on gaia. Around where I live we just have beagle puppy mills.

eek That's terrible! I absolutely hate puppy mills. They deserve to burn to the ground in a violent riot of flaming crickets. (Puppies removed of course)

Couldn't agree more. Those dogs are so inbred they can't even walk.
((Sorry to get off topic))

[Ryu_chan]

Chicken_Waltz_820

Roufette

Chicken_Waltz_820

Roufette

Wolf-dogs are more commonly bred by assholes who want to make good (yet dirty) money selling them to inexperienced owners. They are a lot less rare than people may think.

Really? Hmm I'm learning all sorts of things on gaia. Around where I live we just have beagle puppy mills.

eek That's terrible! I absolutely hate puppy mills. They deserve to burn to the ground in a violent riot of flaming crickets. (Puppies removed of course)

Couldn't agree more. Those dogs are so inbred they can't even walk.
((Sorry to get off topic))

Which is another thing you should always remember to do!!! People love reading stories where every paragraph or so you go off on some long involved tangent that has nothing whatsoever to do with the actual plot!!!!

[Budgie_820]

Ryu_chan

Chicken_Waltz_820

Roufette

Chicken_Waltz_820

Roufette

Wolf-dogs are more commonly bred by assholes who want to make good (yet dirty) money selling them to inexperienced owners. They are a lot less rare than people may think.

Really? Hmm I'm learning all sorts of things on gaia. Around where I live we just have beagle puppy mills.

eek That's terrible! I absolutely hate puppy mills. They deserve to burn to the ground in a violent riot of flaming crickets. (Puppies removed of course)

Couldn't agree more. Those dogs are so inbred they can't even walk.
((Sorry to get off topic))

Which is another thing you should always remember to do!!! People love reading stories where every paragraph or so you go off on some long involved tangent that has nothing whatsoever to do with the actual plot!!!!

Yes!!!
Your character should just start talking about that crazy trip to Cancun they took while in the midst of battle!

[Damn Leprechauns]

For those of you posting your stuff chapter-by-chapter on fanfiction.net or some such, it is traditional to demand a certain number of positive reviews before you will start writing the next chapter. Increase this number as your story continues, i.e. ask for thirty reviews the first chapter, then fifty, then a hundred... This way, if you don't update, it is their fault for not being appreciative enough, instead of your fault for being lazy.

[Rid V]

Everyone knows that might = right. Winning a battle between characters or groups of characters also wins any sort of argument between them. It even proves the winners' innocence of any crime they may have been accused of commiting by the loser(s), (unless, of course, the winner is evil and therefore guilty). The only ones immune to this rule are the hero(s), who are smatter than that, and the main villain, who's too wicked for that.

Whenever your protagonist is at odds with someone s/he is never being a jerk about it, or, if s/he is by some freak of chance, only because the other character was being a jerk first, or some other reason that means your protagonist isn't really at fault.

The first informant or suspect your protagonist goes to in an investigation must be murdered either a) before your protagonist arrives, or b) within an hour after their first conversation.

Speaking of informants, don't hesitate to give characters with information a quirk that means they'll give the protagonist just so much information at one time. After you've given the protagonist (and your audience) just enough information to really pique their interest, your info-character can clam up because they have to leave, or the protagonist has ticked them off in some obscure way, or they don't feel like sharing any more information just now.

Always keep this in mind: when a male character is thrown into a dangerous situation completely out of his control, which he has no experience with and no immediate means of doing anything about it, he will immediately set out to correct this situation. In other words, he will search for a gun or tool to get himself out of this situation. A female character will scream, cry, shake, and maybe hide or run away if they're really smart.

And it's a great idea to have your main female character taken hostage in the villain's fortress/jet/submarine as you approach the climax of the story, even if the villain has no apparent reason to want such a hostage. Even if she does have to escape herself, you get major damsel-in-distress points for her. And no, the villain will never decide to waste her until after she's escaped, just before she escapes, or just before the main protagonist (male), bursts in and stabs the villain through the heart with a mammoth sword.

[Burning_Star_IV]

Funky-Julia

For those of you posting your stuff chapter-by-chapter on fanfiction.net or some such, it is traditional to demand a certain number of positive reviews before you will start writing the next chapter. Increase this number as your story continues, i.e. ask for thirty reviews the first chapter, then fifty, then a hundred... This way, if you don't update, it is their fault for not being appreciative enough, instead of your fault for being lazy.

But the fact that you lost interest in writing your fanfic isn't good enough for never updating.

[Damn Leprechauns]

Burning_Star_IV

Funky-Julia

For those of you posting your stuff chapter-by-chapter on fanfiction.net or some such, it is traditional to demand a certain number of positive reviews before you will start writing the next chapter. Increase this number as your story continues, i.e. ask for thirty reviews the first chapter, then fifty, then a hundred... This way, if you don't update, it is their fault for not being appreciative enough, instead of your fault for being lazy.

But the fact that you lost interest in writing your fanfic isn't good enough for never updating.

Yes, if you lose interest, you should just half-heartedly write sub-par chapters that are only like five paragraphs long.

[SkippyCoco]

If your main character is a dude, he must have a scar and big muscles and never get scared, cry, or have a nervous breakdown. He must NEVER feel any emotion...except anger. Because we all know guys lack the ability to feel any other kind of emotion. And, he must always have some catch-phrase, which is used before defeating a powerful enemy.

If your main character is female, she must have a big chest (like Z-cups or higher) and nice legs and have lots of nervous breakdowns. She's also gotta have a boyfriend, so he can come to her rescue whenever she has a breakdown. The perfect heroine would be an exact replica of Kagome Higarashi from InuYasha ((INUxKIKYO!!!! w00t!!!)).

Your villian must be one of the following:

an old dude with magic powers who wants to have eternal life & all the
power in the world (and then some)

a younger dude with big muscles or a big sword/gun/whatever who is either dead sexy or looks like a gorilla and is just plain nasty

a younger dude with magic powers who is VERY hot & has manners (but is still evil)

an old woman with magic powers who wants to be the most beautiful woman in the world forever

a young woman with magic powers who is very hot and wears skimpy clothes

a very big monster who breathes blue or black fire and is black with red/yellow/white/green catlike eyes and has claws and sharp teeth...several layer of em. they should also have a powerful tail with spikes on it. and horns. they should have horns. maybe an extra head or tail. and they should roar really really loud. and either look like a giant lizard or a dog/wolf/lion/cat/whatever.
but, if they're not the main villian, they're under the main villian's control. or better yet, the main villian created them and sent them to kill your hero/ine.

[Duplicate Diamond]

Eyes are not eyes, they're orbs or sphere-shaped sapphire pools.

Sapphire is every shade of blue. When something is blue, describe it with sapphire.