The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Oni_Aydun]

Xiraes

ninjashiichan

Your hero(ine) can never be bisexual, gay, or lesbian! Everyone is only interested in those straight couples. Also, your hero(ine) must know everything in the world, but still fail math class. And, your hero(ine) must be able to sprout random wings on command, because only losers don't sprout wings.

AND you, the author(ess), must always combine languages in one sentance. For example, instead of saying "I'm sorry for eating your squid without your permission, Mr. President!" You have to say, "Gomen-nasai for eating your ika without your permission, President-dono!"
See, just by doing that you can show off your mad-crazy-super-uber-fanatical foreign language skill!

((Ew, I felt dirty writing that example :3))

Just so everyone knows how much skills you have in the Japanese language...

Although that goes for all foreign languages actually. Oh, and a foregin character will randomly throw in word of their own language into English conversations (to remind readers that they're foreigners).

Plus, people can never, ever lose their foreign accents. If you lived in Germany forty years ago, you still say ja, und nein. You never learn to say yes and no. Similarly, if a character is Japanese or Chinese, they must always get their L's and R's mixed up, slurred, or something else. Everyone messes up their letters there!

[Budgie_820]

The Myuuster

(I love this place. heart )

The hero/ine must ALWAYS be drop-dead gorgeous! S/he can't be overweight at all, and s/he can never have any scars, moles, or zits. If s/he absolutely must have a birthmark, it has to be covered up by her clothes or otherwise unnoticable. Nobody will want to read about an ugly protagonist!

When writing a fantasy story, your protagonist has to have magical powers. S/he must also know every spell in the book, regardless of past experience. When someone asks you why, say it's his/her instincts.

When people say you have to give your character depth, it means you have to give them an uber-tragic past. When writing your story, make sure that your character angsts over his/her uber-tragic past as much as possible!

The protagonist is always a man or boy. A female only exists as a love interest for the protagonist. But if you really want to write about a woman or girl, she has to be either extremely feminine or a total rebel. Those are the only types of girls around, and there's never any in-betweens, ever.

(Sorry if these have been added already. I only read about 10 pages.)

Oh, you can give them a scar if it's in a cool shape and tells of a tragic incident in their life they somehow surivived.

What . . .I am NOT referring to Harry Potter.

[Ikaru_Kakou]

you must always rip off other authors, even ones who don't write that kind of story anyways
Example: Joe walked through the portal to the negaworld and saw 999999 birds trying to kill him

[IrkenMegara]

Remember that cute, fluffy, cuddly pet/mascot your character has? No one is ever allergic to it, at least no one good. The only people who could possibly have an allergy to cat/dog/wolf/Pikachu fur are the EVIL parents who won't let your character keep the pet, the comedic relief sidekick, or the bumbling villan. Nobody else, especially the love interest, will have to stay a mile away from the critter.

And the animals will never yowl at all hours of the morning and keep the characters awake because it's the mating season. Even if your character ignored Bob Barker and never got her kitty fixed, she will have no interest in breeding until the adventure is over. THEN she can turn out to have been secretly pregnant and pleasantly surprise everyone with a litter of small, fluffy, cuddly kittens! Everyone except your bad guys love kittens!

[the hidden ghost]

Chicken_Waltz_820

The Myuuster

(I love this place. heart )

The hero/ine must ALWAYS be drop-dead gorgeous! S/he can't be overweight at all, and s/he can never have any scars, moles, or zits. If s/he absolutely must have a birthmark, it has to be covered up by her clothes or otherwise unnoticable. Nobody will want to read about an ugly protagonist!

When writing a fantasy story, your protagonist has to have magical powers. S/he must also know every spell in the book, regardless of past experience. When someone asks you why, say it's his/her instincts.

When people say you have to give your character depth, it means you have to give them an uber-tragic past. When writing your story, make sure that your character angsts over his/her uber-tragic past as much as possible!

The protagonist is always a man or boy. A female only exists as a love interest for the protagonist. But if you really want to write about a woman or girl, she has to be either extremely feminine or a total rebel. Those are the only types of girls around, and there's never any in-betweens, ever.

(Sorry if these have been added already. I only read about 10 pages.)

Oh, you can give them a scar if it's in a cool shape and tells of a tragic incident in their life they somehow surivived.

What . . .I am NOT referring to Harry Potter.

((Oops, guilty!))

[Budgie_820]

Oh and no matter what. Your characters must not pass gas or even burp. Well, the fat evil character is allowed to belch, but never fart. It doesn't matter that every animal on the planet passes gas, your characters have corks in their bunholes!
(Wow I've been on a roll lately rofl )

[Ikaru_Kakou]

Chicken_Waltz_820

Oh and no matter what. Your characters must not pass gas or even burp. Well, the fat evil character is allowed to belch, but never fart. It doesn't matter that every animal on the planet passes gas, your characters have corks in their bunholes!
(Wow I've been on a roll lately rofl )

lol! in ever thought of that...

[Oni_Aydun]

Chicken_Waltz_820

Oh and no matter what. Your characters must not pass gas or even burp. Well, the fat evil character is allowed to belch, but never fart. It doesn't matter that every animal on the planet passes gas, your characters have corks in their bunholes!
(Wow I've been on a roll lately rofl )

The belch rule may be excepted for drunkards and those drinking ale. Everyone burps after a hearty sip of ale - and it must always be ale, never beer.

[Ikaru_Kakou]

Oni_Aydun

Chicken_Waltz_820

Oh and no matter what. Your characters must not pass gas or even burp. Well, the fat evil character is allowed to belch, but never fart. It doesn't matter that every animal on the planet passes gas, your characters have corks in their bunholes!
(Wow I've been on a roll lately rofl )

The belch rule may be excepted for drunkards and those drinking ale. Everyone burps after a hearty sip of ale - and it must always be ale, never beer.

but wine is alright for the evil warlords that take 10 daYS TO GET INTO THEIR CLOTHES (OOPS! HIT CAPS LOCK!)

[the hidden ghost]

((Going off the burping and farting points)) - Hiccups never exsist except for humourous purposes.

[Burning_Star_IV]

((hm, I can't really comment on the whole burping/farting/hiccupping thing; it would seem really random to add that in, or is there something to comment on...))

Burping and farting can also be mentioned under the circumstances of a burping or farting contest...held by your male characters. Other than that, nill.

((I still think that would be random and out of place, especially in a serious setting))

[.Lazzara the Androgyne.]

||I don't want to be like, stupid and recruit, but here goes. Has anyone read "The Sandman" series, by Neil Gaiman? He's one of my absolute favorite authors, but anyway, I created a little RP based off of the comic book series and would LOVE it if some of you guys checked it out. We're in dire need of players to fill in the roles of The Endless (thus the name of my RP). So, without being annoying, here's the link: [x]

Thank you!!||

[wingnut the improbable]

Fairies always have wings. They are always good and in touch with nature. Everything they eat, wear, and use is made of flowers. No, they won't get sick of eating lupin soup, wearing lupins as clothing, and sleeping on lupins (or bluebells or whatever flower you happen to want to use). They always help out Mr. Protagonist on his Superamazingwonderfulepic Quest, but only if he solves a riddle. There is always a fairy queen. There is sometimes a fairy king, too, but he's the only male fairy in the kingdom. And, yes, fairies live in kingdoms. 3nodding

[Scinserin]

the hidden ghost

((Going off the burping and farting points)) - Hiccups never exsist except for humourous purposes.

The only people that hiccup are people who are drunk, but not drunkards. When Ms. Heroine accidentally picks up the hard stuff instead of her lemonade, she'll hiccup. But not the dwarf. He guffaws.

[passwordprotected]

And, remember boys and girls, always have everyone have sex and never get an STD or pregnant from it!