The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Indigo Dagger]

Ocha Miko

You know what people really love when they're reading fanfiction? When you cross it over with a totally unrelated fiction; like mixing YuYu Hakusho and Inu Yasha.

We love it.

Really.

Oh COME ON! Do something even more nauseating better! Try mixing Hellsing and Chobits, with a dash of Ranma 1/2.

[Onambarwen]

Indigo Dagger

Oh COME ON! Do something even more nauseating better! Try mixing Hellsing and Chobits, with a dash of Ranma 1/2.

Vampiric people-shaped computers that randomly change genders/species? eek Just don't forget to use the gender-bending for completely out of character yaoi/yuri.

[Budgie_820]

Astarael--Banisher

Sergeant Sargent

Jasper Riddle

Chicken_Waltz_820

Axioma

Chicken_Waltz_820

You all make me laugh.

Oh, I thought up another one. NEVER HAVE NERDS IN YOUR STORY! Seriously, they just screw things up. Or if you must have them in your story, make sure some beautiful ditz turns them into a beautiful ditz because everyone knows it's better to be pretty then smart.

Nerds MAY be allowed in the story as supporting characters, whose primary function is to make the hero look cooler by contrast and whose secondary function it is to Hack Into The Network Mainframe and give the hero information he needs so that he can do stuff that makes him cooler than the Nerd.

Yes good point, because nerds are only useful to hack into stuff. We're just machines.

EXACTLY.
Nerds are always computer oriented and can hack into anything, even top-secret government files.
There is no other kind of nerd. In fact, there is no nerd that is not useful in some subtle way. You cannot have nerds that do nothing but play video games and are otherwise normal people--no! Their all-time video game skills give them amazing real-time reflexes!!! surprised

((My NaNoWriMo story has a nerdy necromancer. He even played D&D in highschool for lack of other real life necromancers to play with. whee ))

All nerds must wear standard N3RD G3@R.
Object 1. Really thick glasses
Object 2. Braces (In a pinch, just give them a retainer or crookid teeth. All nerds must have bad teeth!)
Object 3. A lab coat
Object 4. Pocket protector
Object 5. They must work in a dark room with all white walls surrounded by blue, red, and green wires where the only light comes from a computer screen.

Their odd mouth structure also gives them a strange way of talking, usually with a lot of slurping of saliva and smacking of lips.

Don't forget, though: the nerd will sell out everything if a beautiful woman pays attention to him. The Evil Mistress of Doom (who dresses in two leather strings, one for the top and one for the bottom) shall seduce your nerd into a goopy pile of lovesick mush by simply blowing him a kiss.

After all, brains and brains have nothing to do with each other. Nerds are stupid. Beyond their ability to hack into random stuff, they lack all intelligence. Which makes their hacking ability kind of inconsistent, but remember: Every supporting character is allowed one inconsistent trait; main characters are allowed seven! 4laugh

How true? haha. Well I am proud to say my nerd character in a story would be so freaked out he'd run i fear. I'm also glad that my nerd doesn't apply to any of the objects.
Of course, everyone knows nerds must fit into those subjects, but i'm crazy so I don't do that.
Once again, this forum rocks, so helpful when writing. Thanks guys!

[Charlie_The_Bad]

Even better than random crossing of non-compatible worlds is throwing in completely random and nonsensible OC's. Writing about Chobits? Let's throw in a werewolf! What about Zelda? Never fear, the android's to the rescue! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles? Let's have vampire Nazi Eskimos who use katanas. Because katanas are that cool.

Trust me, if you do this, you will instantly be hated loved for all time as one of the worst best fanfiction authors 3v@h. So what are you waiting for? Throw a Necromonger into your Final Fantasy story today!

[Ms. Rita Skeeter]

Onambarwen

Indigo Dagger

Oh COME ON! Do something even more nauseating better! Try mixing Hellsing and Chobits, with a dash of Ranma 1/2.

Vampiric people-shaped computers that randomly change genders/species? eek Just don't forget to use the gender-bending for completely out of character yaoi/yuri.

Of course! No fanfiction would be complete without that!

[Ace of Blue Spades]

Onambarwen

Indigo Dagger

Oh COME ON! Do something even more nauseating better! Try mixing Hellsing and Chobits, with a dash of Ranma 1/2.

Vampiric people-shaped computers that randomly change genders/species? eek Just don't forget to use the gender-bending for completely out of character yaoi/yuri.

That sad thing is that would interest me until the bad grammar and lack of punctuation made my brain feel like exploding.

[Artwra]

Chicken_Waltz_820

Astarael--Banisher

Sergeant Sargent

Jasper Riddle

Chicken_Waltz_820

Yes good point, because nerds are only useful to hack into stuff. We're just machines.

EXACTLY.
Nerds are always computer oriented and can hack into anything, even top-secret government files.
There is no other kind of nerd. In fact, there is no nerd that is not useful in some subtle way. You cannot have nerds that do nothing but play video games and are otherwise normal people--no! Their all-time video game skills give them amazing real-time reflexes!!! surprised

((My NaNoWriMo story has a nerdy necromancer. He even played D&D in highschool for lack of other real life necromancers to play with. whee ))

All nerds must wear standard N3RD G3@R.
Object 1. Really thick glasses
Object 2. Braces (In a pinch, just give them a retainer or crookid teeth. All nerds must have bad teeth!)
Object 3. A lab coat
Object 4. Pocket protector
Object 5. They must work in a dark room with all white walls surrounded by blue, red, and green wires where the only light comes from a computer screen.

Their odd mouth structure also gives them a strange way of talking, usually with a lot of slurping of saliva and smacking of lips.

Don't forget, though: the nerd will sell out everything if a beautiful woman pays attention to him. The Evil Mistress of Doom (who dresses in two leather strings, one for the top and one for the bottom) shall seduce your nerd into a goopy pile of lovesick mush by simply blowing him a kiss.

After all, brains and brains have nothing to do with each other. Nerds are stupid. Beyond their ability to hack into random stuff, they lack all intelligence. Which makes their hacking ability kind of inconsistent, but remember: Every supporting character is allowed one inconsistent trait; main characters are allowed seven! 4laugh

How true? haha. Well I am proud to say my nerd character in a story would be so freaked out he'd run i fear. I'm also glad that my nerd doesn't apply to any of the objects.
Of course, everyone knows nerds must fit into those subjects, but i'm crazy so I don't do that.
Once again, this forum rocks, so helpful when writing. Thanks guys!

And yet strangely enough, at the end of the story, if the nerd is on the good side, he will remove his glasses, braces etc and suddenly become strangely cute in a way that the female lead never noticed until that instant. Because glasses hide all good looks.

[Xiraes]

Axioma

Oh, I thought up another one. NEVER HAVE NERDS IN YOUR STORY! Seriously, they just screw things up. Or if you must have them in your story, make sure some beautiful ditz turns them into a beautiful ditz because everyone knows it's better to be pretty then smart.

Nerds MAY be allowed in the story as supporting characters, whose primary function is to make the hero look cooler by contrast and whose secondary function it is to Hack Into The Network Mainframe and give the hero information he needs so that he can do stuff that makes him cooler than the Nerd.

Nerds follow the same path as most secondary characters, such as the main character's best friend or a sidekick, they are not treated like real people (both by the author and the other characters) and are one-dimensional. No deep thoughts or feelings, no dreams or goals (unless it's something simple like winning at something or making another side character fall in love with them). They are often patronized by the other characters, and if they decide to oppose the main character they are obviously wrong/evil depending on the degree that they argue. Just remember the golden rule: Your main character is absolutley perfect and everyone else must be content to wallow in his/her glory

[Budgie_820]

Xiraes

Axioma

Oh, I thought up another one. NEVER HAVE NERDS IN YOUR STORY! Seriously, they just screw things up. Or if you must have them in your story, make sure some beautiful ditz turns them into a beautiful ditz because everyone knows it's better to be pretty then smart.

Nerds MAY be allowed in the story as supporting characters, whose primary function is to make the hero look cooler by contrast and whose secondary function it is to Hack Into The Network Mainframe and give the hero information he needs so that he can do stuff that makes him cooler than the Nerd.

Nerds follow the same path as most secondary characters, such as the main character's best friend or a sidekick, they are not treated like real people (both by the author and the other characters) and are one-dimensional. No deep thoughts or feelings, no dreams or goals (unless it's something simple like winning at something or making another side character fall in love with them). They are often patronized by the other characters, and if they decide to oppose the main character they are obviously wrong/evil depending on the degree that they argue. Just remember the golden rule: Your main character is absolutley perfect and everyone else must be content to wallow in his/her glory
how true

[Budgie_820]

Oh I thought of another one. If you have an alternative world in your story, it must be low tech and medevil, because there is no way another universe could ever think up technology up to Earth's standards or better.

[Slorfae Lafyre]

((probably already mentioned))

A hero's suspicion is never wrong. No one will believe him, but in the end it turns out to be true. His gut feeling is ALWAYS right.

Seasons don't need to change. That's so lame. Time passes, but seasons stay the same. Preferably spring.

Weather and time of day are the ultimate factors in what is going to happen/what is happening now. Rainy, sunny, cloudy and dreary, terrible storm... etc. You know what they all say.

Historical fiction doesn't need to be true to facts. If you want to mix a little bit of 17th century pirates with your 20th century story, all the better.

[Rid V]

Following up on something I said earlier: whenever someone says "Never do this", it either means "Never do this, unless things get really desperate/something unimaginably unlikely occurs". However, occasionally they really do mean "Never do this under any circumstances". The character they say this to will go ahead and do it anyway at some point, the difference being in the first case, it will be the right thing to do, in the second case, it will be the wrong thing to do.

When your main character has children, it must always be twins, first time off, first a boy, then a girl, setting the order of importance up right from the beginning. Nine times out of ten, the characters will all be surprised that the children are twins. If you must go with just one child, it will always be a boy.

And on a similar subject, whenever you introduce a female character as part of an organization, it can only be because that character will be of some importance later. Background characters are always male, why bother to make them distinctive, anyway?

And, on the subject of female characters always being damsels in distress: the female member of the party will always be the one to get grabbed and held hostage. After a few minutes of standoff, the female character will usually manage to get out of her attackers grasp, adding in a few choice blows for good measure. However, said female character will never manage to incapacitate a potential hostage taker before he (it's always a male) gets her in his clutches.

Anyone who goes through a door and slams it behind them without checking to see what's on the other side of the door is as good as dead.

Half the rulers in the world (three quarters in medeival times) regularly disguise themselves as commoners, and go out among them, usually just to check on the pulse of the community.

Any backup equipment (computers, power generators, tools, weapons, etc.) will always take so long to power up/bring in/switch on, that whatever crisis they could possibly be needed for would have resolved itself long since, one way or another. This incredible lack of speed it takes to get the backup equipment working will never be the result of actual sabotage, and in more than eighty percent of cases, it won't even be the result of poor maintenance or neglect.

[Artwra]

Rid V

When your main character has children, it must always be twins, first time off, first a boy, then a girl, setting the order of importance up right from the beginning. Nine times out of ten, the characters will all be surprised that the children are twins. If you must go with just one child, it will always be a boy.

Plus the twins will always have this spooky ability to communicate with each other, will either look completely different or almost-identical-depite-being-non-identical-twins. They will usually have big soulful eyes as well. The boy will be willful and the girl calm and collected, older than her years. She will be a calming influence on him.

And, of course, they can always find each other/communicate/save each others souls, because twins are speshul.

[wingnut the improbable]

All buttons are red.

[Axioma]

wingnut the improbable

All buttons are red.

Nononono.

None of the buttons are red EXCEPT ONE.