The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[I am The Compendium]

Amiable Aberration

powers over darkness

This power can do anything. Because it's...y'know, dark.

[Ora the Owlish]

Clare_N

When writing a fanfic, be sure to pair up two characters whose canon versions would never look at each other in "that way" - bonus points if they're both the same sex. Then, when someone tells you the characters concerned would be very unlikely to get together, respond by flaming the person who made the comment. Tell them that "it's your story and you can do what you like", preferably with a little name-calling thrown in for good measure.

Fanfic Rule #1: You're always 100% right about things like characterisation, which characters should be paired off with each other . . . and so on. And anyone who disagrees should ******** off.

Fanfic Rule #2: Love can do anything. Anything. Canon is mere tissue paper against the raging inferno of your chosen couple's TWU WUV. Not only is sexuality a nonissue, with enough love, the story itself ceases to matter (though of course anything you write is GOD'S GIFT TO MANKIND). Setting, characterization, logic...why even bother? With enough exclamation points and cuddling, you're a guaranteed success. If someone disagrees, they are a cold-hearted troll who hates any sort of warmth or gentleness, and clearly destined for eternal loneliness. Make sure you tell them so. The characters' love will triumph over all obstacles, and who could possibly know the intricate workings of life and love better than you, the writer?

[marshmallowcreampie]

If your character is a human-something else hybrid, make sure they only get all the upsides from each sides and none of the downsides. For example, your human-vampire hybrid will be immortal, super strong, and can shapeshift and have all the other vampire superpowers, but they can go out in the sun and they don't need to drink blood to live.

There's no such thing as willing suspension of disbelief. Make a scientifical explanation for EVERYTHING. Even if it doesn't actually make sense on further analysis, it still shows what a smart, talented writer you are for going into details. If someone says they looked into it and found that your scientifical explanations make no sense or are contradictory, tell them that they're just nerds and their opinion doesn't matter because they're nerdy losers who have no social life because they spend all their time studying like nerds.

((I don't mind making scientific explanations for supernatural phenomena, but it's just stupid when the writer clearly has no idea what they're talking about and just thinks it'll make them look smart.))

[I_Write_Ivre]

marshmallowcreampie

If your character is a human-something else hybrid, make sure they only get all the upsides from each sides and none of the downsides. For example, your human-vampire hybrid will be immortal, super strong, and can shapeshift and have all the other vampire superpowers, but they can go out in the sun and they don't need to drink blood to live.

Never give them weaknesses for not drinking blood or enhancements for when they do.

[marshmallowcreampie]

I_Write_Ivre

marshmallowcreampie

If your character is a human-something else hybrid, make sure they only get all the upsides from each sides and none of the downsides. For example, your human-vampire hybrid will be immortal, super strong, and can shapeshift and have all the other vampire superpowers, but they can go out in the sun and they don't need to drink blood to live.

Never give them weaknesses for not drinking blood or enhancements for when they do.

There shouldn't be any incentive for drinking blood, that way your readers can tell which vampire is EVUL cause they do drink it.

[Clare_N]

Ora the Owlish

Fanfic Rule #2: Love can do anything. Anything. Canon is mere tissue paper against the raging inferno of your chosen couple's TWU WUV. Not only is sexuality a nonissue, with enough love, the story itself ceases to matter (though of course anything you write is GOD'S GIFT TO MANKIND). Setting, characterization, logic...why even bother? With enough exclamation points and cuddling, you're a guaranteed success. If someone disagrees, they are a cold-hearted troll who hates any sort of warmth or gentleness, and clearly destined for eternal loneliness. Make sure you tell them so. The characters' love will triumph over all obstacles, and who could possibly know the intricate workings of life and love better than you, the writer?

Fanfic Rule #3: Same sex pairings are compulsory. There should be a minimum of one per fanfic - bonus points if you make the characters gay for no reason other than the fact that you felt like it. In any case, do not bother with any kind of character development. Simply have one of the characters randomly confess their love for the other; this should lead to an "I'm gay."/"I gay too and I love you" conversation, which should then (at the very least) lead to a kiss. But, if the characters go on to have sex, that's even better. And, if anyone criticises you for pairing up two same sex characters, that automatically makes them a homophobe. No matter what reason they give for not agreeing with the pairing . . .

[Ora the Owlish]

Clare_N

Fanfic Rule #3: Same sex pairings are compulsory. There should be a minimum of one per fanfic - bonus points if you make the characters gay for no reason other than the fact that you felt like it. In any case, do not bother with any kind of character development. Simply have one of the characters randomly confess their love for the other; this should lead to an "I'm gay."/"I gay too and I love you" conversation, which should then (at the very least) lead to a kiss. But, if the characters go on to have sex, that's even better. And, if anyone criticises you for pairing up two same sex characters, that automatically makes them a homophobe. No matter what reason they give for not agreeing with the pairing . . .

Fanfic Rule #3, subsection A: Sexuality is in no way tied to someone's physical, mental, or emotional characteristics. Whether or not you are homosexual is a choice, and a very easy choice at that. Feel free to flip-flop someone between straight and gay, or (even better!) give them this snazzy thing called "multiple personality disorder" (which is really just a fancy name for "several characters squeezed into one" ). Or make them bisezzual. Anyone who criticizes you is, of course, a homophobe.

[Clare_N]

Fanfic Rule #4: Any OC (Original Character) you add must be the biggest Mary Sue ever invented. They must meet the canon characters and immediately become part of the gang and they must also fall in love with your favourite canon character. Bonus points if you have the latter and his or her canon love interest break up, with more bonus points on top of that if the canon love interest becomes insanely jealous as a result. In addition, you must make your OC impossibly beautiful and talented, making especially sure to give them abilities far beyond those of the canon characters. And don't forget to describe your character's background in great detail, paying particular attention to what they look like (purple prose is highly recommended here) and how tragic their past was. It is also a good idea to warp canon in order to accommodate the character, especially if they end up hijacking the main canon character's role.

And, if your character is accused of being a Mary Sue, you must get all pissed off and insist that they are nothing of the kind. Because anyone who calls another author's character a Mary Sue is just jealous because they can't come up with such an awesome character.

[I am The Compendium]

Clare_N

They must meet the canon characters and immediately become part of the gang and they must also fall in love with your favourite canon character.

Characters. Plural. Falling in love with just one main character is lame.

[I_Write_Ivre]

marshmallowcreampie

There shouldn't be any incentive for drinking blood, that way your readers can tell which vampire is EVUL cause they do drink it.

Yeah, never make the good guys drink it. It's not like the body can replace lost blood up to a certain amount.

[Misuki Marishima]

I_Write_Ivre

marshmallowcreampie

There shouldn't be any incentive for drinking blood, that way your readers can tell which vampire is EVUL cause they do drink it.

Yeah, never make the good guys drink it. It's not like the body can replace lost blood up to a certain amount.

Unless you want them to angst forever.

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

Misuki Marishima

I_Write_Ivre

marshmallowcreampie

There shouldn't be any incentive for drinking blood, that way your readers can tell which vampire is EVUL cause they do drink it.

Yeah, never make the good guys drink it. It's not like the body can replace lost blood up to a certain amount.

Unless you want them to angst forever.

Nah, they still don't do it. They did it hundreds of years ago when people knew very little about medicine and biology, but these days when they know a lot about replacing blood, they don't. It makes sense, y'know.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Your character should make characters of completely different species (like pets or wild animals that swarm around her due to her awesomeness) so attracted to her that they turn into idiots and hurt themselves. Oh, and everyone of the same species do that too (or course).

[Ora the Owlish]

I_Write_Ivre

Your character should make characters of completely different species (like pets or wild animals that swarm around her due to her awesomeness) so attracted to her that they turn into idiots and hurt themselves. Oh, and everyone of the same species do that too (or course).

There is nothing cuter or more attractive than clumsiness. If they're going to be cute at any point in the story, make them clumsy. Your dragon-werewolf-fairy-vampire-ninja warrior should cutely bump into the lead male, making him drop his books. She should also cutely stumble over a threshold, so the male lead may catch her by the wrist and stare soulfully into her eyes (when describing the eyes, several paragraphs/chapters are necessary). However, her clumsiness should only manifest at the best of times. When she invariably battles the forces of darkness, she should never miss blocking, resorting in a disfiguring scar. Nor will she knock over something fragile, expensive, and irreplaceable, except when convenient to the storyline (such as when her dragon-werewolf-fairy-vampire-ninja warrior powers kick in to immediately repair said something). Clumsiness will in no way prevent her from being the most badass warrior, lover, or leader to grace the pages of literature.

[Moral Gutpunch]

Your character must be the leader in every single situation.