The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[marshmallowcreampie]

Hey, Anti-Guide, let's talk about race in stories!

If you're writing a story and want to sell a lot of books, the protagonist has to be white, regardless of the culture or nation they're from. They can still have a Japanese name, though. Since the majority of readers in the US are white, the protagonist needs to match their skin color because it's damn near impossible to relate to someone of a different skin tone! You can have a few minorities in the group, though, to appeal to everyone else and establish you are in no way racist.

Also, it's totally okay to lump all Asian cultures together.

[Firlodge_the_second]

((Uh-oh. I'm really bad at this because I tend to notice skin, hair and eye colour and that's it and in that order and that's if you're lucky. I tend to go by voices so...yeh.))

[avearia]

I_Write_Ivre

Katoti

Jiraku

ObliviousShadow

I_Write_Ivre

Jiraku

And, of course, the children must be identical to the parents.

They must have the same adventures as their parents.

Their parents must be dead, and they must be continually mistake for them despite the obvious age differences.

And, ignoring the aim of history, the children will make all the same decisions and mistakes as the parent.

If the parents are alive, they must be paranoid, overprotective wrecks and their kids have to rebel against everything they stand for even though, as mentioned above, they make the same decisions and mistakes as the parents. And the kids must interact with something from the parents' past, such as a villain or relative/follower of a villain.

Or the villain's never before mentioned sibling.

Such Villains can be bought in convenient packs of three for a low price of 19.99 at your local supermarket. Because all villains are one of three: a bad guy, a worse guy, and the white sheep rebel antihero.

All villains are always related, because clearly only one family in the world can be truly evil.

[I_Write_Ivre]

marshmallowcreampie

Hey, Anti-Guide, let's talk about race in stories!

If you're writing a story and want to sell a lot of books, the protagonist has to be white, regardless of the culture or nation they're from. They can still have a Japanese name, though. Since the majority of readers in the US are white, the protagonist needs to match their skin color because it's damn near impossible to relate to someone of a different skin tone! You can have a few minorities in the group, though, to appeal to everyone else and establish you are in no way racist.

Also, it's totally okay to lump all Asian cultures together.

If someone is of another race, that's their whole character.

[Grizkey]

Romances about hetero couples can either be PG, PG-13 or NC-17.
Romances about same sex couples always jump right to NC-17, cause there is no middle ground. No one wants to read about non-taboo, non-explicit, happy homosexual couples. That's what hetero literature is for!

((Excuse me if I sound tetchy. I've just noticed this in gay lit- if it's written specifically for gay audiences, it's usually, about 90% of the time, really explicit. I think this happens because of something on the publishers' end, not necessarily on the writers'. Maybe it's driven by a hope for high sales by shocking audiences? Forbidden sex sells?))

[Firlodge_the_second]

((I'm preparing my rant now. For someone who is defending the Mary Sue Litmus test, I probably shouldn't insult its boxes so much.

I mean, it's like a rite of passage around here or something.

I wanna be a grown-up. *cries*))

[I_Write_Ivre]

Firlodge_the_second

((I'm preparing my rant now. For someone who is defending the Mary Sue Litmus test, I probably shouldn't insult its boxes so much.

I mean, it's like a rite of passage around here or something.

I wanna be a grown-up. *cries*))

((Are you going to point out that it's poor writing and lack of planing that makes and Mary Sue, regarldess and that many 'signs' of Mary Sues can technically work?))

if you have the ability to heal wounds of other people with touch or thought, everyone will hat you. It's only understandable.

[avearia]

I_Write_Ivre

if you have the ability to heal wounds of other people with touch or thought, everyone will hate you. It's only understandable.

And if you can kill someone with the twitch of your fingers, you'll naturally be the most popular person in the world.

Because coolness factor is directly proportional to how much carnage you can produce.

[marshmallowcreampie]

Grizkey

Romances about hetero couples can either be PG, PG-13 or NC-17.
Romances about same sex couples always jump right to NC-17, cause there is no middle ground. No one wants to read about non-taboo, non-explicit, happy homosexual couples. That's what hetero literature is for!

((Excuse me if I sound tetchy. I've just noticed this in gay lit- if it's written specifically for gay audiences, it's usually, about 90% of the time, really explicit. I think this happens because of something on the publishers' end, not necessarily on the writers'. Maybe it's driven by a hope for high sales by shocking audiences? Forbidden sex sells?))

((I think the issue is, a lot of people in the US automatically associate "homosexual" with various sex acts. For example, when children's anime gets sent to the US, pretty much all gay relationships, be they implied or established, get censored out because of that. Sailor Moon, anyone? Kind of why it's hard for people to publish books with homosexuals without going to extremes. Homosexuals in young adult literature, even when they don't do anything, is controversial anyway, maybe they figure they might as well go further.))

[I_Write_Ivre]

Stuck on a plot? Add explosions (I was so guilty of this years ago).

[twilek_jedi]

I_Write_Ivre

Stuck on a plot? Add explosions (I was so guilty of this years ago).

((That sounds awesome : D ))

Add vampires, too.
Exploding ones. They explode at will and kill people that way. Forget blood-drinking sex symbols, these vampires are allegory for terrorists.

((HolycrapIthinkI'montosomething...))

[I_Write_Ivre]

twilek_jedi

I_Write_Ivre

Stuck on a plot? Add explosions (I was so guilty of this years ago).

((That sounds awesome : D ))

Add vampires, too.
Exploding ones. They explode at will and kill people that way. Forget blood-drinking sex symbols, these vampires are allegory for terrorists.

((HolycrapIthinkI'montosomething...))

((Been done. And IT WAS AWESOME)).

But it's old and therefore lame. Anything in the 80's is ancient history.

[twilek_jedi]

I_Write_Ivre

twilek_jedi

I_Write_Ivre

Stuck on a plot? Add explosions (I was so guilty of this years ago).

((That sounds awesome : D ))

Add vampires, too.
Exploding ones. They explode at will and kill people that way. Forget blood-drinking sex symbols, these vampires are allegory for terrorists.

((HolycrapIthinkI'montosomething...))

((Been done. And IT WAS AWESOME)).

But it's old and therefore lame. Anything in the 80's is ancient history.

(( D= It already exists? You must tell me where I can find this mystical plot!))

The eighties were the time period in which all good music started.
All of it.
Therefore your MC and co. shouldn't listen to anything that was popular at any time before the eighties. Even the token hippie in their clique. And the artsy jazz chick. (Token hippie dude and artsy jazz chick should date each other, btw.)

[I_Write_Ivre]

twilek_jedi

I_Write_Ivre

twilek_jedi

I_Write_Ivre

Stuck on a plot? Add explosions (I was so guilty of this years ago).

((That sounds awesome : D ))

Add vampires, too.
Exploding ones. They explode at will and kill people that way. Forget blood-drinking sex symbols, these vampires are allegory for terrorists.

((HolycrapIthinkI'montosomething...))

((Been done. And IT WAS AWESOME)).

But it's old and therefore lame. Anything in the 80's is ancient history.

(( D= It already exists? You must tell me where I can find this mystical plot!))

The eighties were the time period in which all good music started.
All of it.
Therefore your MC and co. shouldn't listen to anything that was popular at any time before the eighties. Even the token hippie in their clique. And the artsy jazz chick. (Token hippie dude and artsy jazz chick should date each other, btw.)

((The first Lost Boys.))

No. The 80's are full of suck. People wear bows and purple cheetah print and dress like Vanila Ice. Besides, tha'ts when your mom was alive so dinosaurs were there too.

[twilek_jedi]

I_Write_Ivre

twilek_jedi

I_Write_Ivre

twilek_jedi

I_Write_Ivre

Stuck on a plot? Add explosions (I was so guilty of this years ago).

((That sounds awesome : D ))

Add vampires, too.
Exploding ones. They explode at will and kill people that way. Forget blood-drinking sex symbols, these vampires are allegory for terrorists.

((HolycrapIthinkI'montosomething...))

((Been done. And IT WAS AWESOME)).

But it's old and therefore lame. Anything in the 80's is ancient history.

(( D= It already exists? You must tell me where I can find this mystical plot!))

The eighties were the time period in which all good music started.
All of it.
Therefore your MC and co. shouldn't listen to anything that was popular at any time before the eighties. Even the token hippie in their clique. And the artsy jazz chick. (Token hippie dude and artsy jazz chick should date each other, btw.)

((The first Lost Boys.))

No. The 80's are full of suck. People wear bows and purple cheetah print and dress like Vanila Ice. Besides, tha'ts when your mom was alive so dinosaurs were there too.

((I shall find this! I shall!))

The fashion from the eighties was FLASHDANCE SWEATERS. And LEGWARMERS.
That's it.
The ONLY thing ANYONE wore. EVER. Even the guys.