The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

twilek_jedi

Firlodge_the_second

What do you do with twins then?

If you have a male and female twin, logic dictates that he should screw his twin sister. Logic also dictates that the twin sister shouldn't be screwed.

Help me, anti-guide!

No, they should just have a completely politically correct non-creepy marriage. They never have sex, though. Instead, the brother should let the sister pick whatever male life partner she wants. He will then raise her b*****d children as his own brainwashed minions.
This will make sense to everyone involved.
((I'm looking at you, Dune...))

Unless its a comic book wanting to be taken seriously. Then twins ********.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

twins ********]

This isn't gross. You're a prude for thinking it is.

[EROTIC FLAPJACKS]

Obsession is the same thing as love.

It's not creepy for a guy to stalk a girl and watch her through the window. This just means he's fallen head-over-heals for her.

[RedCell02]

EROTIC FLAPJACKS

Obsession is the same thing as love.

It's not creepy for a guy to stalk a girl and watch her through the window. This just means he's fallen head-over-heals for her.

Oh, and heals are totally those things on your feet. What's a HEEL anyhow?

(Had to, sorry. It was begging to be done.)

[Grizkey]

Firlodge_the_second

Clare_N

Always respond to advice to improve your spelling, punctuation and grammar by accusing the person giving the advice of being a "grammar Nazi" and telling them something along the lines of:

Quote:

shut the ******** up! your not my ******** english teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((I think it would be hilarious, if someone correcting them was their English teacher, or you know, was very convincingly pretending to be.))

((For the sake of their health, most English teachers should be kept away from fanfics. The sheer scale of grammar and spelling mistakes would set off the nation's biggest chain of rage-induced heart attacks.))

[EROTIC FLAPJACKS]

Alias Raxus Byron

EROTIC FLAPJACKS

Obsession is the same thing as love.

It's not creepy for a guy to stalk a girl and watch her through the window. This just means he's fallen head-over-heals for her.

Oh, and heals are totally those things on your feet. What's a HEEL anyhow?

(Had to, sorry. It was begging to be done.)

((Oh, duh. Could've had a V8.))

[RedCell02]

EROTIC FLAPJACKS

Alias Raxus Byron

EROTIC FLAPJACKS

Obsession is the same thing as love.

It's not creepy for a guy to stalk a girl and watch her through the window. This just means he's fallen head-over-heals for her.

Oh, and heals are totally those things on your feet. What's a HEEL anyhow?

(Had to, sorry. It was begging to be done.)

((Oh, duh. Could've had a V8.))

(Thunk'd)

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Grizkey

Firlodge_the_second

Clare_N

Always respond to advice to improve your spelling, punctuation and grammar by accusing the person giving the advice of being a "grammar Nazi" and telling them something along the lines of:

Quote:

shut the ******** up! your not my ******** english teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((I think it would be hilarious, if someone correcting them was their English teacher, or you know, was very convincingly pretending to be.))

((For the sake of their health, most English teachers should be kept away from fanfics. The sheer scale of grammar and spelling mistakes would set off the nation's biggest chain of rage-induced heart attacks.))

((I'm an English teacher and I've read better fanfics than what kids give me.))

[eduardo galpaleano]

Quote:

The blonde’s hand reached towards the bronzed skin, slender milky fingers tracing down the line of the spine, marveling at the smoothness, the contrast of his silvery skin to the darker gold.

Please make every sentence look like this.

((Perusing some Harry/Draco fanfics today. Thought I'd share this gem of bad writing.))

[[Ren The Ryoko]]

((I'm in college to be an English teacher and I write fanfics. -shrugs-))

When describing colors make sure you use the most elaborate terms possible. Some one fan not wear a red hat and have brown hair. They must have a SCARLETT hat and MAHOGANY hair. Always. This doesn't slow down your writing with meaningless dribble that offers no valid information at all.

[8lood]

[Ren The Ryoko]

((I'm in college to be an English teacher and I write fanfics. -shrugs-))

When describing colors make sure you use the most elaborate terms possible. Some one fan not wear a red hat and have brown hair. They must have a SCARLETT hat and MAHOGANY hair. Always. This doesn't slow down your writing with meaningless dribble that offers no valid information at all.

And don't even bother to look through up the colors or going through a crayon box or anything. No one knows what the hell chartreuse is anyway, so just put it in there to make you sounds smarter. Or just describe the color of another thing and attach it to something the person is wearing/looks like. For example:

Quote:

You know the color of green you see through the white little puffs of dandelion in spring when it rains but the weatherman said it might snow even though it's March? That was the color of her eyes.

The more confusing and non sensical, the better.

[[Ren The Ryoko]]

The Blue Sunbeam

[Ren The Ryoko]

((I'm in college to be an English teacher and I write fanfics. -shrugs-))

When describing colors make sure you use the most elaborate terms possible. Some one fan not wear a red hat and have brown hair. They must have a SCARLETT hat and MAHOGANY hair. Always. This doesn't slow down your writing with meaningless dribble that offers no valid information at all.

And don't even bother to look through up the colors or going through a crayon box or anything. No one knows what the hell chartreuse is anyway, so just put it in there to make you sounds smarter. Or just describe the color of another thing and attach it to something the person is wearing/looks like. For example:

Quote:

You know the color of green you see through the white little puffs of dandelion in spring when it rains but the weatherman said it might snow even though it's March? That was the color of her eyes.

The more confusing and non sensical, the better.

((Butter me in canola oil and throw me to the pigs! That didn't make any sense at all. XD))

Also, anything red is, by default, "Blood red." Always. Every time.

[gluttonys.blood.fest]

Spend about a chapter on describing characters' teeth. It says alot about them.

[[Ren The Ryoko]]

Animals are always incredibly intelligent, can foresee misfortune and totally friendly. Bonus points if they can telepathically communicate with the main character.
Unless it's a hated parent/grandparent/neighbors pet. Then it's mean, grouchy and stupid.

[RedCell02]

gluttonys.blood.fest

Spend about a chapter on describing characters' teeth. It says alot about them.

And their awesome/crappy hygiene.

But who has crappy hygiene except the unimportant characters?