The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Tavreynya]

Lotun

And remember this, aliens are always hideous or completely human save for the tails or strange eyes. And remember, no matter how many light years they live away from Earth, they always know how to speak English AND they are masters of kung-fu. Not only that, but they know EVERYTHING about Earthling culture, even though they've just heard of it.

So true... xd

...Wait a minute. Everyone is a master of kung-fu. Including noncorporeal entities.

[Gemini the Spy]

Tavreynya

Lotun

And remember this, aliens are always hideous or completely human save for the tails or strange eyes. And remember, no matter how many light years they live away from Earth, they always know how to speak English AND they are masters of kung-fu. Not only that, but they know EVERYTHING about Earthling culture, even though they've just heard of it.

So true... xd

...Wait a minute. Everyone is a master of kung-fu. Including noncorporeal entities.

heck! two years old are masters of kung-fu! and they all carry gigantice swords. everyone has a sword! even the smiling old ladies feeding pigeons in the park!

[Birdbrain]

SoulLostOnEarth

Tavreynya

Lotun

And remember this, aliens are always hideous or completely human save for the tails or strange eyes. And remember, no matter how many light years they live away from Earth, they always know how to speak English AND they are masters of kung-fu. Not only that, but they know EVERYTHING about Earthling culture, even though they've just heard of it.

So true... xd

...Wait a minute. Everyone is a master of kung-fu. Including noncorporeal entities.

heck! two years old are masters of kung-fu! and they all carry gigantice swords. everyone has a sword! even the smiling old ladies feeding pigeons in the park!

And the swords never break. Ever.

[Tavreynya]

All your characters must have a profound appreciation for other cultures, their art, etc. (or else said characters are evil). They can have an intellectual discussion about a race's art within three seconds of first seeing a painting, play any musical instrument by watching anyone else do it, and they never ever find anything not to their taste.

[Storeage]

Tavreynya

All your characters must have a profound appreciation for other cultures, their art, etc. (or else said characters are evil). They can have an intellectual discussion about a race's art within three seconds of first seeing a painting, play any musical instrument by watching anyone else do it, and they never ever find anything not to their taste.

-The only time they find something NOT to their taste, is when it's something that's supposed to be gross, and is made by a barbaric culture. (Live worms, for example.) However, your characters are FAR too polite to ever say that eating *insert gross dish here* disgusts them.

-Characters never run out of arrows. Unless you're going for drama. Then they run out of arrows all the time, and they never figure out "hey, maybe I should bring more arrows next time, since lucky 7 just ain't cutting it for me", despite the fact that your characters are the smartest people EVER. (Except for the comic relief s/he's just an idiot.)

-The only time a sword will break, is if it's the villan's sword, and the villan has just been defeated. Since the villan's evil aura is no longer holding it together, the sword will break into a kajillion pieces.

[flowersforyou]

The main character ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS conpletes what he/she sets out to and is without any sort of strife even though he/she is always angsty, for who knows why.
BAD is bad, end of story. THe bad guys loose, the hero is victorious(without scratch, blemish, wounds or any bleeding) and always turns into some
earthshaking person of vast importance, oh, and he also rides away in the sunset. ALWAYS!
oh, and he has his true love, the damsel in distress, frail as glass, golden haired princess with him.
THe s love intrest is very (annoyingly)mysteriously mysterious. of course, mysteriously.

[flowersforyou]

The main character shall always find the worlds most powerful, legendary object. On , of course.

[flowersforyou]

Ugly people are always evil and vain. Ugly, homely people are most likely your enemies.

[flowersforyou]

IF an evil sorcerer/ess magic has a color, it ranges from purple, green, red, black(blackmagic, duuh!)
GOOd colors shall always be airy and light, ie blue or a light red.
Any magical items most likely resemble strange, yet captivatingly beautiful rocks.

[Gemini the Spy]

Lotun

God this thread rocks...

Writers, remember, you are the chosen ones. No one is better than you, except, of course, those people who actually get published. But they don't count. Anyway...
.

Everyone knows published writers are just myths.

[Zonderling]

Lotun

And remember this, aliens are always hideous or completely human save for the tails or strange eyes. And remember, no matter how many light years they live away from Earth, they always know how to speak English AND they are masters of kung-fu. Not only that, but they know EVERYTHING about Earthling culture, even though they've just heard of it.

Just like all elves are the same, all aliens are the same. All aliens of a particular species look the same, and they are either all diabolical or all benevolent. They are always completely accepting of the Earthlings, and always send their almighty leader to talk to them. And, they are either extremely technoligically advanced or else primitive. And everyone knows that Earth is the only planet that could conceivably have more than one culture in it. All other planets are completely unified in everything, and always have been.

[Gemini the Spy]

No matter how much chaos, destruction, death, pain, disease, misery, and many other bad things are happening in your story, there is always time for sex, always!

Whenever your hero/ion is seeking revenge, they always know exactly who it is they're after. They're never wrong and are never after the wrong person by mistake!

[M00NEY]

Twins should always be able to finish each other's sentences and read each other's thoughts. The readers will never get bored with the endearing relationship your characters share.

At least one character should have an outfit that consists of a trench coat and combat boots. In fact, shoes don't matter at all unless they're boots.

Girls must have either long, flowing hair, or a short, rebellious style. Streaks of vivid color are also necessary nine times out of ten.

Have your characters' eyes darken when they're aroused or angry. If it's a fantasy story, the female character's eyes should be able to change colors depending on her mood: red for angry, light blue for happy, etc.

There's no need to explain that your human character's neon green hair is anything less than authentic. Same with the lavender eyes. Let the readers assume s/he was born that way... After all, s/he probably was.