The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[wingnut the improbable]

KiwiOfDestruction

The system sucks. Be sure to imply this constantly. I mean, your character was put in the same school as her convicted rapist. What, you say? That would never happen? Of course it would, because the system sucks. (*Has actually read a story about this*)

Oh, and the system is evil, too. They put the rapist there on purpose because they hate your character that much! And your character must fight against the system! Because systems are bad! Anarchy is the way to go.

[Xiraes]

wingnut the improbable

KiwiOfDestruction

The system sucks. Be sure to imply this constantly. I mean, your character was put in the same school as her convicted rapist. What, you say? That would never happen? Of course it would, because the system sucks. (*Has actually read a story about this*)

Oh, and the system is evil, too. They put the rapist there on purpose because they hate your character that much! And your character must fight against the system! Because systems are bad! Anarchy is the way to go.

Don't forget the evil industrialist! All industry is bad, and you're character MUST expose them to the world, and then, while the main bad guy will die, everyone else will have a sudden change of heart and the entire world will be peaceful and happy forever.

[Jasper Riddle]

Xiraes

wingnut the improbable

KiwiOfDestruction

The system sucks. Be sure to imply this constantly. I mean, your character was put in the same school as her convicted rapist. What, you say? That would never happen? Of course it would, because the system sucks. (*Has actually read a story about this*)

Oh, and the system is evil, too. They put the rapist there on purpose because they hate your character that much! And your character must fight against the system! Because systems are bad! Anarchy is the way to go.

Don't forget the evil industrialist! All industry is bad, and you're character MUST expose them to the world, and then, while the main bad guy will die, everyone else will have a sudden change of heart and the entire world will be peaceful and happy forever.

Duh. because everyone knows big industry is the root of all evil.

[Indigo Dagger]

Don't forget: You can kill as many demons/Nazis/telemarketers as you like, but killing a human is BAD. Even if you have a demon/Nazi/telemarketer in your party, they shouldn't give a damn.

[Indigo Dagger]

And always use light-colored fonts excessively. They're purdy.

[Minion Ripley]

Indigo Dagger

And always use light-colored fonts excessively. They're purdy.

And don't forget the insanely small text size either. One should ideally have to scroll the page sideways to read your story as well.

[Snowren]

If you ever get writer's block, just add another character with a completely irrelevant plotline. As a matter of fact, add two. And remember, the longer you keep them unrelated, the more realistic your story seems.

[wingnut the improbable]

Indigo Dagger

Don't forget: You can kill as many demons/Nazis/telemarketers as you like, but killing a human is BAD. Even if you have a demon/Nazi/telemarketer in your party, they shouldn't give a damn.

Any evil villain kills random humans for fun. But you know how to make them really evil? Make them kill cute, furry animals for no reason! Pointless? Waste of weaponry? Waste of time? No problem! After all, your villains are evil industrialist warlocks that are communists, have moustaches, and are filthy rich and undefeatable (except by your hero, of course).

EDIT: {(I'm guilty of having a big evil industry being the main villain of my story. But they're not dictators or anything. They don't think they're evil. They actually aren't that evil- they just have a misguided expansion strategy. 3nodding )}

[Xiraes]

More about villians: Remember, they are THE ULTIMATE EVIL....... unless of course, they have a tragic past. Then all their sins are completely excusable.

[Astarael--Banisher]

If you have a story that had something in it, such as demons, teddy-bears, or mustaches, and either another story comes out with the same thing or you realize that another story has already done the same thing, CUT THAT STUFF OUT OF YOUR STORY. It doesn't matter that a single cliche doesn't make the story cliche and it doesn't matter that ripping apart the plot to be politically correct is the same as lighting the book on fire: you must avoid having ANYTHING slightly similar to an exisitng feature present in your writings.

After all, it's not as if every idea out there has been discussed at least once at some point. Seriously, you're giving too much credit to all those Pulitzer Prize-winning authors.

[Getto Child]

bummer

[Ryu_chan]

Plot? You don't need no stinkin' plot!!! In fact, completely eschew conventional sentence structure!! Who needs these so called 'verbs' everyone's on about, anyway? Readers absolutely detest adore such passages as:

"Carrot monkey it shadow Heimlich beautiful."

Things like that, only take out all that squicky punctuation and capitalization. It's a boring waste of the readers' time.

[wingnut the improbable]

Ryu_chan

Plot? You don't need no stinkin' plot!!! In fact, completely eschew conventional sentence structure!! Who needs these so called 'verbs' everyone's on about, anyway? Readers absolutely detest adore such passages as:

"Carrot monkey it shadow Heimlich beautiful."

Things like that, only take out all that squicky punctuation and capitalization. It's a boring waste of the readers' time.

And if anyone disagrees, call it 'high literature'! 'Cos everyone loves the literary equilivent of modern art. Just ramble on about its deeper meaning. And when they say it sucks, you can call them 'ignornt stupied but heds'!

[0-DCB]

Write your story using chatspeak. I mean, no one's gonna give a damn about chatpseak if you're reading it out loud, right?

Use that latest cliches to make the plot good.

You're characters should be like this: The heroe gets everything they want and they are saved by a prince/ss; the villian has some weird "destroy the heroe/take over something" plan and they almost suceed until the heroe destroys them and puts them into: a jail; a magical cage ... the character just let's the villian go saying "Don't you do that!" and the villian saying "Ok, I won't. I'm sorry! Hugs!"

[Xiraes]

wingnut the improbable

And if anyone disagrees, call it 'high literature'! 'Cos everyone loves the literary equilivent of modern art. Just ramble on about its deeper meaning. And when they say it sucks, you can call them 'ignornt stupied but heds'!

I know, seriously, all stories must have an extremely hidden, artsy meaning, that only the most a**l of critics will understand- everyone else is an ignorant fool.