The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Drake DarkHunter]

(these may have already been posted but meh)

- All characters who's pasts are dark or tragic seeming are automatically considered angsty. It does not matter if the charcter accepts what as happened and has moved passed it or if the character character had instigated some of those event and is even proud of it. If it is dark or tragic seeming then the character must angst about it.

- All races only have one culture and language. Even if there are two elf colonies who haven't had contact with eachother for nearly 1000 years if they were to meet, they're language culture and customs will be virtually identical to eachother.

- Humans have no unique culture of their own and their skills and abilities are always inferior those those of other races.

- To avoid many cliches make sure your characters and plot are either
a.) So strange and off the wall that they make no sense
b.) So ordinary and mundane that the everything is competly normal and average with the characters being as average as possible

- If there is a certain race that's naturally evil and has a culture based around the concept of violence and death. There will always be a person who displays none of these traits for a unspecified reason. This person will not have struggles with their natural instincts and will have always freed themselves from this place.

-The world around them is only surrounded by the matters of the heroes or things that the heroes will influence greatly.

-Main characters despite whether they are significantly strong or not. Always survive major conflicts unscathed. or they die lush special deaths that are significant to the charcter or story itself. Noone gets killed by a stray arrow during a siege or by a charging orc.

I might post more later

[wingnut the improbable]

Liek OMG! I got liek the BEST idea! Liek, wright a storie about GAIA!!! It is liek soooo kewl to wright a storie about a forum!

{(Excuse my dialect; it was unavoidable. I have never seen a story about Gaia, but I probably will eventually gonk )}

[hecate-athena]

I've seen one. I think it was a Harry Potter crossover.

[Clare_N]

Crossovers are always cool, no matter how far removed the two fandoms are from each other. After all, there's always the option of sending the characters from one universe through a dimensional warp and into the world of the other series. But it's even better if the characters come together entirely at random, with no logical explanation as to why, for example, Ash Ketchum is suddenly a student at Hogwarts. And don't let anyone tell you that you can only do crossovers of two series (three at the most) - if you want to do a Pokemon/Digimon/Yugioh/Dragonball/Cardcaptors/Beyblade/Gundam/Chobits/Inuyasha crossover, go right ahead. As they say, the more the merrier.

[Jasper Riddle]

Clare_N

Crossovers are always cool, no matter how far removed the two fandoms are from each other. After all, there's always the option of sending the characters from one universe through a dimensional warp and into the world of the other series. But it's even better if the characters come together entirely at random, with no logical explanation as to why, for example, Ash Ketchum is suddenly a student at Hogwarts. And don't let anyone tell you that you can only do crossovers of two series (three at the most) - if you want to do a Pokemon/Digimon/Yugioh/Dragonball/Cardcaptors/Beyblade/Gundam/Chobits/Inuyasha crossover, go right ahead. As they say, the more the merrier.

And at least once, you must do one of those talk-host-things. No, it's not overdone. Just be the talkshow host and invite the charas to come and talk. Bonus points if they are sooooo OOC.

[Rid V]

Another word on villains,
Even though your 12-15-year-old hero is the most eloquent and charismatic speaker alive, s/he will be trumpted when faced with the main villain for the final showdown. The villain will make your hero/ine look like a stuttering idiot in comparisson, and everyone will fall under her/his spell except the main character, with the option of her/his love interest and/or any demi-god characters who happen to be around. Really, whoever heard of a villain who can't pull a good Dazzlement charm on whole populations merely with his/her voice?

[Astarael--Banisher]

Rid V

Another word on villains,
Even though your 12-15-year-old hero is the most eloquent and charismatic speaker alive, s/he will be trumpted when faced with the main villain for the final showdown. The villain will make your hero/ine look like a stuttering idiot in comparisson, and everyone will fall under her/his spell except the main character, with the option of her/his love interest and/or any demi-god characters who happen to be around. Really, whoever heard of a villain who can't pull a good Dazzlement charm on whole populations merely with his/her voice?

Adults are stupid. Or, at least, they're stupider than the main characters who, of course, are not old enough to drive. Remember this main rule, and you'll do fine.

[Rid V]

Actually, if you need an important character killed off, and you can't think up a good reason, or find some way to connect it with the villain, you actually can have them be run over by a truck/carriage/low-power antigrav hauler/cow, it's a perfectly acceptable ending for the character. And better, if you decide to make a sequel, you can always go back and explain how the character's death was part of a plan by the new villain (or old one) even if you had no such idea in mind when you wrote it. Works every time.

[Ryu_chan]

wingnut the improbable

Liek OMG! I got liek the BEST idea! Liek, wright a storie about GAIA!!! It is liek soooo kewl to wright a storie about a forum!

{(Excuse my dialect; it was unavoidable. I have never seen a story about Gaia, but I probably will eventually gonk )}

(There are several, actually. One especially good--but discontinued--one was called a Tale of Gaia or some such thing. I loved that one. The guy who was writing it seems to have dropped off the face of Gaia. gonk It dealt with a virus that took over Gaia and trapped all the users, and captured Lanzer-sama, and a small group of users tried to defeat it. Another is called A Day In the Life of a Gaian or somesuch thing. 3nodding 3nodding )

[Forgetful Seattle]

Ryu_chan

wingnut the improbable

Liek OMG! I got liek the BEST idea! Liek, wright a storie about GAIA!!! It is liek soooo kewl to wright a storie about a forum!

{(Excuse my dialect; it was unavoidable. I have never seen a story about Gaia, but I probably will eventually gonk )}

(There are several, actually. One especially good--but discontinued--one was called a Tale of Gaia or some such thing. I loved that one. The guy who was writing it seems to have dropped off the face of Gaia. gonk It dealt with a virus that took over Gaia and trapped all the users, and captured Lanzer-sama, and a small group of users tried to defeat it. Another is called A Day In the Life of a Gaian or somesuch thing. 3nodding 3nodding )

((Oh my holy god. *headdesk* That reminds me...))

If all comes to worse, remember kids! You know, that whole story you wrote, that needs an ending? Well, WHAT IF IT WAS JUST A VIDEO GAME THAT PEOPLE WERE STUCK IN?!?!
It'd be totally bitching, JUST like your readers!

[IrkenMegara]

Clare_N

Crossovers are always cool, no matter how far removed the two fandoms are from each other. After all, there's always the option of sending the characters from one universe through a dimensional warp and into the world of the other series. But it's even better if the characters come together entirely at random, with no logical explanation as to why, for example, Ash Ketchum is suddenly a student at Hogwarts. And don't let anyone tell you that you can only do crossovers of two series (three at the most) - if you want to do a Pokemon/Digimon/Yugioh/Dragonball/Cardcaptors/Beyblade/Gundam/Chobits/Inuyasha crossover, go right ahead. As they say, the more the merrier.

If you do this sort of crossover, you cannot, under any circumstances, alter any of the character's circumstances. Persocoms walk the streets alongside Inuyasha and Kagome, despite the huge gaps in time and continuity, and no one seems to notice when Goku and Vegeta go off to kill the monster that's already destroyed half the population. It's illegal for you to use AU versions of anyone. No one has ever made it work before. (*coughCLAMP's Tsubasacough*) Don't even bother. Really.

[Obscure Omen]

When writing a fanfiction that involves the supernatural, always give the main character a pet that is extremely unique and loyal. And, if you are in need of a love-interest, just make the pet a demon (if the pet's a wolf, make it a wolf demon) that can change into its "human form" at will! No one will realize that this is a pathetic attempt to add romance into your story!

And if you have a female character that is mute, when she miraculously starts talking, give her the best, most musical voice, one that is almost inhumanly beautiful. Because everyone knows that not talking for years and years will only HELP your voice sound better- why would a voice that hasn't been used in years be raspy?

[The Witch of Many Colours]

(Sorry if these have already been posted.)

All women's breasts MUST be either extremely huge, or extremely small. Bonus points if the breasts are so large that they can't see over them, or they're so small they're nonexistent and make the character look like a boy.

Always type the story in blinding, obnoxious colors. Who cares if you blind the reader? Then they won't have any right to say the story's a piece of s**t!

All females must wear dresses, and the dresses MUST be either pink, baby blue, light green, or yellow. GOD FORBID that a WOMAN wears a PURPLE shirt with BLUE JEANS. Also, all princesses must wear a lavish gown, with a brilliant golden crown embedded with jewels. And it must be pointy! Yes, all crowns must be so pointy you could kill someone with it!!

Princesses must NEVER, EVER, EVER escape from the villian by themselves. All princesses are lazy and wait for their knight in shining armour to whisk them away, marry them, and have a million kids with her. No, the princess must never jump out the window, or stab the villian with one of his swords hanging on the dungeon wall. She might stain her dress!!
(Whoo, that felt good!)

[54j4gwh57k57-3g3g]

When writing of pirates or any story that has to do with boats/ships at all NEVER do research. Believe absolutely everything Hollywood tells you about how boats/ships work and feel grateful when someone who actually does know something about boats/ships comes along and laughs at you: This is a sign that you're doing you're job well.

I mean sheesh why bother calling the front of the boat the bow or the kitchen the galley, all these fancy terms will only make the story seem realistic (oh lord we don't want that) and accurate. Oh and by all means go ahead and let your characters call their best friends 110 foot vessel a boat, that's not disrespectful and demeaning at all.

Oh and female pirates are the coolest of all pirates, even though there were few female pirates and having women on ships was considered bad luck.

[Lord_of_the_Funk]

black-butterflies

When writing of pirates or any story that has to do with boats/ships at all NEVER do research. Believe absolutely everything Hollywood tells you about how boats/ships work and feel grateful when someone who actually does know something about boats/ships comes along and laughs at you: This is a sign that you're doing you're job well.

I mean sheesh why bother calling the front of the boat the bow or the kitchen the galley, all these fancy terms will only make the story seem realistic (oh lord we don't want that) and accurate. Oh and by all means go ahead and let your characters call their best friends 110 foot vessel a boat, that's not disrespectful and demeaning at all.

Oh and female pirates are the coolest of all pirates, even though there were few female pirates and having women on ships was considered bad luck.

piruts always must be supper manly...heaven forbid a...gay pirute DOM DOM DOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!
even thought they were stuck on ships for months with oly men on the ship with them, they would never resort to sodamy ever!!!