The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[hecate-athena]

Oh God. *dies from all the copyright infringement going on*

[Insecure Evil]

hecate-athena

Oh God. *dies from all the copyright infringement going on*

*gives CPR*

Oh, by the way, glorify any form of resuscitation. Nah, it's doesn't give you bruises or other painful marks from having someone trying to restart your heart. Also, it should always include mouth-to-mouth, which we all know to be the very same as kissing, done by a highly attractive person. You get a bucket-full of useless points for having the resuscitated person wake up perfectly fine, no coughing or sputtering, during the lip-mashing. Then they look so sweetly at each other and start with the ten-page-long love speeches.

[radioactive alchemist]

w00t. I'm up to page 10 already. I figure I can do 5 pages a day and be caught up by the end of October. ninja


Umm...your characters must always fall over, sewatdrop, or facevault, anime-style, when someone says something stupid or obvious.

[thewoodsrwaiting]

The best plots always involve a Mary-Sue who finds a kingdom of cute little fairies in the woods. And then, lo and behold, it turns out she's a fairy too! Also, make the Mary-Sue have inexplicible wings...no one will ever guess.

[hecate-athena]

MasterKist

hecate-athena

Oh God. *dies from all the copyright infringement going on*

*gives CPR*

Oh, by the way, glorify any form of resuscitation. Nah, it's doesn't give you bruises or other painful marks from having someone trying to restart your heart. Also, it should always include mouth-to-mouth, which we all know to be the very same as kissing, done by a highly attractive person. You get a bucket-full of useless points for having the resuscitated person wake up perfectly fine, no coughing or sputtering, during the lip-mashing. Then they look so sweetly at each other and start with the ten-page-long love speeches.

Thank you.

The love speeches are only a page or so, the rest is sex. Cookies if you have tons of sappy love speeches during said sex.

[Morizawa]

hecate-athena

MasterKist

hecate-athena

Oh God. *dies from all the copyright infringement going on*

*gives CPR*

Oh, by the way, glorify any form of resuscitation. Nah, it's doesn't give you bruises or other painful marks from having someone trying to restart your heart. Also, it should always include mouth-to-mouth, which we all know to be the very same as kissing, done by a highly attractive person. You get a bucket-full of useless points for having the resuscitated person wake up perfectly fine, no coughing or sputtering, during the lip-mashing. Then they look so sweetly at each other and start with the ten-page-long love speeches.

Thank you.

The love speeches are only a page or so, the rest is sex. Cookies if you have tons of sappy love speeches during said sex.

I can imagine it now...

"OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH...SO *heavy panting* MUCH... OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD(the oh my god thing goes on about fifteen times before she says something different then goes back to saying it fifteen more times)"

[hecate-athena]

Yep. You left out the cheesy porn-like phrases though 3nodding .

[Veive]

Ahaha, my heroine hates being in bed with my "hero". She finds it horribly distasteful and utterly gross.

whee


But on-topic...

Don't bother making your male characters any different from each other- except in looks and how sexy they are. Anne Bishop, I'm looking at you. arrrgh.

Edit: That's the male heroes, that is. Villains are obviously and blatantly villainous. They should enjoy raping girls as much as possible.

[Insecure Evil]

hecate-athena

MasterKist

hecate-athena

Oh God. *dies from all the copyright infringement going on*

*gives CPR*

Oh, by the way, glorify any form of resuscitation. Nah, it's doesn't give you bruises or other painful marks from having someone trying to restart your heart. Also, it should always include mouth-to-mouth, which we all know to be the very same as kissing, done by a highly attractive person. You get a bucket-full of useless points for having the resuscitated person wake up perfectly fine, no coughing or sputtering, during the lip-mashing. Then they look so sweetly at each other and start with the ten-page-long love speeches.

Thank you.

The love speeches are only a page or so, the rest is sex. Cookies if you have tons of sappy love speeches during said sex.

Oh dear, my mistake. I entirely forgot about that all-important detail! *smacks forehead*

Make sure to include every single cheesy line about love in those speeches. Heck, flip through a few quote web sites and steal some lines from there; no one will notice your blatant use of copy & paste as your entire style suddenly changes. Also, include a few love songs, 'cause you know we readers just can't get enough of those pointless detours as to what's actually going on. Make sure to keep that caps lock on to intensify the whole thing, too.

[Cola Cola]

MasterKist

hecate-athena

MasterKist

hecate-athena

Oh God. *dies from all the copyright infringement going on*

*gives CPR*

Oh, by the way, glorify any form of resuscitation. Nah, it's doesn't give you bruises or other painful marks from having someone trying to restart your heart. Also, it should always include mouth-to-mouth, which we all know to be the very same as kissing, done by a highly attractive person. You get a bucket-full of useless points for having the resuscitated person wake up perfectly fine, no coughing or sputtering, during the lip-mashing. Then they look so sweetly at each other and start with the ten-page-long love speeches.

Thank you.

The love speeches are only a page or so, the rest is sex. Cookies if you have tons of sappy love speeches during said sex.

Oh dear, my mistake. I entirely forgot about that all-important detail! *smacks forehead*

Make sure to include every single cheesy line about love in those speeches. Heck, flip through a few quote web sites and steal some lines from there; no one will notice your blatant use of copy & paste as your entire style suddenly changes. Also, include a few love songs, 'cause you know we readers just can't get enough of those pointless detours as to what's actually going on. Make sure to keep that caps lock on to intensify the whole thing, too.

CAPSLOCK MAKES GOOD DRAMA!!!!

(Gratuous punctuation earns bonus points.)

[Tavreynya]

KiwiOfDestruction

+500 bonus points if they had to raise themselves with no one to look after them.

Because 5-year-olds are totally self-sufficient.

[hecate-athena]

MasterKist

hecate-athena

Thank you.

The love speeches are only a page or so, the rest is sex. Cookies if you have tons of sappy love speeches during said sex.

Oh dear, my mistake. I entirely forgot about that all-important detail! *smacks forehead*

Make sure to include every single cheesy line about love in those speeches. Heck, flip through a few quote web sites and steal some lines from there; no one will notice your blatant use of copy & paste as your entire style suddenly changes. Also, include a few love songs, 'cause you know we readers just can't get enough of those pointless detours as to what's actually going on. Make sure to keep that caps lock on to intensify the whole thing, too.

Yes. And italics. So the readers can tell the difference between the song and the story. On second thought, don't. Make it seem like part of your writing so your audience won't skip that all-important song. Include tons of Purple Prose during the sex, making the phrases said (or whatever other verb you decide to use) extremely detailed.

And of course five-year-olds are self-sufficient. They use a stool to reach the stove and such.

[Charlie_The_Bad]

All five year-old orphans are master pickpockets, despite having runny noses all the time. And nobody can run faster than a five year old with short legs either. Also, any orphan that lives in an orphanage, foster home, or with relatives is always abused. Either that or they're streetrats. There is never any such thing as a happy family life when you're young.

[hecate-athena]

Charlie_The_Bad

All five year-old orphans are master pickpockets, despite having runny noses all the time. And nobody can run faster than a five year old with short legs either. Also, any orphan that lives in an orphanage, foster home, or with relatives is always abused. Either that or they're streetrats. There is never any such thing as a happy family life when you're young.

Well, yeah. Happy families simply don't produce enough angst to satisfy readers.

[Jasper Riddle]

hecate-athena

Charlie_The_Bad

All five year-old orphans are master pickpockets, despite having runny noses all the time. And nobody can run faster than a five year old with short legs either. Also, any orphan that lives in an orphanage, foster home, or with relatives is always abused. Either that or they're streetrats. There is never any such thing as a happy family life when you're young.

Well, yeah. Happy families simply don't produce enough angst to satisfy readers.

Don't you know? It's, liek, a rule that you can't have happy families! If anyone's happy, a speshul group is sent out to kill them and produce OMGANGST(tm). keeps the economy going, doncha know.