The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2370 ]
I add new things.	14.7%	[ 1993 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.8%	[ 9169 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13532 ]

[Tavreynya]

Jasper Riddle

that's why you must always say that you'll read their stuff if they read yours--and never do it. Don't even try to.

Hunt down anyone who promises to exchange review for review. Don't read their stuff, but give them lavish yet unspecific praise. Then they'll return the favor. It doesn't matter that neither of you actually did anything; you've both gotten reviews! Of course, if your target doesn't review your story, reviews it negatively, or sees through your brilliant scheme, they're a b*****d and you should get all your sycophants (who've never really read your story, but who cares, they'd hate it anyway as they're too stupid to understand you) to flame them.

[Jasper Riddle]

hecate-athena

Tavreynya

Get a bad review? Distill it into a horribly cliched minor character and beat the crap out of him. Get a good review? Promise to write in the person who gave it as your main's BESTEST FWIEND. Don't do it, though. Readers love it when you don't meet their expectations.

Or promise that they will end up as the main character's lover.

and if they continue to give you good reviews, you keep the character alive. once they flame you, gig's up--they die. the worse the flame, the more awful the death.

[x_haphazard_x]

hecate-athena

Tavreynya

Get a bad review? Distill it into a horribly cliched minor character and beat the crap out of him. Get a good review? Promise to write in the person who gave it as your main's BESTEST FWIEND. Don't do it, though. Readers love it when you don't meet their expectations.

Or promise that they will end up as the main character's lover.

Of course! Expectations are for pussies.

[Jasper Riddle]

oh, and always start your stories with some overused, famous line. that tells your readers that you are educated and intelliegent.
ie:
It was a dark and stormy night.
Once upon a time....
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away...

[Stardum]

ninja

[Jasper Riddle]

Stardum

ninja

no bumping in the WF. go to the CB if you wanna bump.

[hecate-athena]

Jasper Riddle

oh, and always start your stories with some overused, famous line. that tells your readers that you are educated and intelliegent.
ie:
It was a dark and stormy night.
Once upon a time....
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Remember, cliches are you're friend. The more, the better.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

Stardum

ninja

This thread is awesome and doesn't require bumping. And if you're bumping for gold, that's what the CB is for.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

hecate-athena

Constructive criticism doesn't exist. Everyone's either for you or against you ninja .

((I wish I got constructive criticism/praise. But when I write, I keep forgetting that subtlety is dead, so all I ever get is "I don't get it." wink )

[Hectasy]

KiwiOfDestruction

hecate-athena

Constructive criticism doesn't exist. Everyone's either for you or against you ninja .

((I wish I got constructive criticism/praise. But when I write, I keep forgetting that subtlety is dead, so all I ever get is "I don't get it." wink )

That's because subtlety is Satan's right hand man 3nodding .

[LoneGothic]

Jasper Riddle

oh, and always start your stories with some overused, famous line. that tells your readers that you are educated and intelliegent.
ie:
It was a dark and stormy night.
Once upon a time....
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away...

(Actually, I might have... a little problem. I'm a writing a story in a fairytale setting which... I want to start if 'once upon a time'. gonk Is that... a big problem? Because it seems a lot of people are starting their stories with said line if that line is used a 'cliche'.)

Those lines are good. Who cares if the Grimm Brothers used it or whoever-wrote-Star-Wars used it? It's not originality, everyone can think of those things!

[Amaloli]

-Every girl must be a Mary Sue and every guy a Gary Stu.

-Make your villains evil and your heroes good. Screw the anti-hero!

-Damsels in distress pwn all. cool

-Make the plot cliched and unoriginal as to not frighten the reader.

-Make the writing as dull as you possibly can. Please, just do so.

-ROMANCE NOVELS ALL THE WAY! Harlequin novels are your friend.

-Have all of your chapters start out with the same line. It's just good for you.

-Have the ending so predictable that you know it by page two.

[LeonardE]

Furry chibi sex.

Enough said.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

LoneGothic

Jasper Riddle

oh, and always start your stories with some overused, famous line. that tells your readers that you are educated and intelliegent.
ie:
It was a dark and stormy night.
Once upon a time....
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away...

(Actually, I might have... a little problem. I'm a writing a story in a fairytale setting which... I want to start if 'once upon a time'. gonk Is that... a big problem? Because it seems a lot of people are starting their stories with said line if that line is used a 'cliche'.)

Those lines are good. Who cares if the Grimm Brothers used it or whoever-wrote-Star-Wars used it? It's not originality, everyone can think of those things!

George Lucas, m'dear.

[M00NEY]

LoneGothic

Jasper Riddle

oh, and always start your stories with some overused, famous line. that tells your readers that you are educated and intelliegent.
ie:
It was a dark and stormy night.
Once upon a time....
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away...

(Actually, I might have... a little problem. I'm a writing a story in a fairytale setting which... I want to start if 'once upon a time'. gonk Is that... a big problem? Because it seems a lot of people are starting their stories with said line if that line is used a 'cliche'.)

Those lines are good. Who cares if the Grimm Brothers used it or whoever-wrote-Star-Wars used it? It's not originality, everyone can think of those things!

It depends on why you're using that line. Some people purposely begin with a line that's cliche for a certain effect.