Welcome to Gaia! ::


5,900 Points
  • Forum Regular 100
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Sophomore 300
Hungarian Avatar 101
Umbre
Hungarian Avatar 101
Alright, I started a story called The Curse of the Red Rose. It is about a sibiling pair who goes to an other school, full of nightmarish creatures. Need a good and harsh critique and someone to share my ideas sweatdrop


As in the school is haunted or the school caters to supernatural creatures? A little more detail would be needed before we could critique your premise. But if you have some of it written up, it might not hurt to post a small segment up in the "Original Stories and Prose" sub forum for a review of the actual writing style and so forth.


Well, the school is home for "creatures who have been rejected by humanity" all like vampires, elves, and other creatures that are human somehow but have inhuman abilities. So the sibilings (who are humans) go there and will study and eventually live there. Of course, some thing that they shall not be there and stuff, but there are people who like them and help them. The connection between the title and the story is that the Hopkins family (the main characters) aren't really so human, and they are all well known in the underworld. The story is on earth, in real time.


Oh god. This again? Please no. At least put a plot in it. At least make the school a school.

5,250 Points
  • Friendly 100
  • Forum Dabbler 200
  • Hygienic 200
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101
Umbre
Hungarian Avatar 101
Alright, I started a story called The Curse of the Red Rose. It is about a sibiling pair who goes to an other school, full of nightmarish creatures. Need a good and harsh critique and someone to share my ideas sweatdrop


As in the school is haunted or the school caters to supernatural creatures? A little more detail would be needed before we could critique your premise. But if you have some of it written up, it might not hurt to post a small segment up in the "Original Stories and Prose" sub forum for a review of the actual writing style and so forth.


Well, the school is home for "creatures who have been rejected by humanity" all like vampires, elves, and other creatures that are human somehow but have inhuman abilities. So the sibilings (who are humans) go there and will study and eventually live there. Of course, some thing that they shall not be there and stuff, but there are people who like them and help them. The connection between the title and the story is that the Hopkins family (the main characters) aren't really so human, and they are all well known in the underworld. The story is on earth, in real time.


Oh god. This again? Please no. At least put a plot in it. At least make the school a school.


Hm? Tell me...tell me what you have seen and teach me how to walk this road! Please!

5,900 Points
  • Forum Regular 100
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Sophomore 300
Hungarian Avatar 101
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101
Umbre
Hungarian Avatar 101
Alright, I started a story called The Curse of the Red Rose. It is about a sibiling pair who goes to an other school, full of nightmarish creatures. Need a good and harsh critique and someone to share my ideas sweatdrop


As in the school is haunted or the school caters to supernatural creatures? A little more detail would be needed before we could critique your premise. But if you have some of it written up, it might not hurt to post a small segment up in the "Original Stories and Prose" sub forum for a review of the actual writing style and so forth.


Well, the school is home for "creatures who have been rejected by humanity" all like vampires, elves, and other creatures that are human somehow but have inhuman abilities. So the sibilings (who are humans) go there and will study and eventually live there. Of course, some thing that they shall not be there and stuff, but there are people who like them and help them. The connection between the title and the story is that the Hopkins family (the main characters) aren't really so human, and they are all well known in the underworld. The story is on earth, in real time.


Oh god. This again? Please no. At least put a plot in it. At least make the school a school.


Hm? Tell me...tell me what you have seen and teach me how to walk this road! Please!


First, make the school be a school. Tests, teachers, etc.

Second. They don't live at the school. That's rather silly unless you forgot to tell us that this is a college (they should probably get jobs if it is).

Third, give it a plot relevant to them being in school. I see 'people go to school, make friends, and there's a secret about the family.' So far, this could take place over summer vacation a lot better.

Fourth, if it's in the real world, given the students the same knowledge required in the real world.

5,250 Points
  • Friendly 100
  • Forum Dabbler 200
  • Hygienic 200
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101
Umbre
Hungarian Avatar 101
Alright, I started a story called The Curse of the Red Rose. It is about a sibiling pair who goes to an other school, full of nightmarish creatures. Need a good and harsh critique and someone to share my ideas sweatdrop


As in the school is haunted or the school caters to supernatural creatures? A little more detail would be needed before we could critique your premise. But if you have some of it written up, it might not hurt to post a small segment up in the "Original Stories and Prose" sub forum for a review of the actual writing style and so forth.


Well, the school is home for "creatures who have been rejected by humanity" all like vampires, elves, and other creatures that are human somehow but have inhuman abilities. So the sibilings (who are humans) go there and will study and eventually live there. Of course, some thing that they shall not be there and stuff, but there are people who like them and help them. The connection between the title and the story is that the Hopkins family (the main characters) aren't really so human, and they are all well known in the underworld. The story is on earth, in real time.


Oh god. This again? Please no. At least put a plot in it. At least make the school a school.


Hm? Tell me...tell me what you have seen and teach me how to walk this road! Please!


First, make the school be a school. Tests, teachers, etc.

Second. They don't live at the school. That's rather silly unless you forgot to tell us that this is a college (they should probably get jobs if it is).

Third, give it a plot relevant to them being in school. I see 'people go to school, make friends, and there's a secret about the family.' So far, this could take place over summer vacation a lot better.

Fourth, if it's in the real world, given the students the same knowledge required in the real world.


First, third and fourth is good[ like you are right, I did and I get it :] ]

Well, it is like an academy for like highschoolers. but eventually it will be a 17+ school/academy/ place where you study and possibly sleep. Jobs, I got that. But like..uh...no...

Uhm, what does relevant mean? sweatdrop
Anyways, thank you very very much! and would it be possible if...like if I got some progress that I tell you what I have and you tell me your opinion? please?

5,900 Points
  • Forum Regular 100
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Sophomore 300
Hungarian Avatar 101

First, third and fourth is good[ like you are right, I did and I get it :] ]

Well, it is like an academy for like highschoolers. but eventually it will be a 17+ school/academy/ place where you study and possibly sleep. Jobs, I got that. But like..uh...no...

Uhm, what does relevant mean? sweatdrop
Anyways, thank you very very much! and would it be possible if...like if I got some progress that I tell you what I have and you tell me your opinion? please?


Oh thank the gods. Okay, if they don't have a job, they need a plausible way to pay for things, and students under 14 tend to be out of money (at least now and then and they do need to buy things for school). That'd work. If they live there, why? Is this a boarding school? Do they have dorms for some reason? Just so you know, those rooms are tiny.

Relevant basically means its important to something, thus the school is important to the plot. It means, you can't take the school setting out, change it to something else, and the story isn't full of holes.

Sure, you can post or send me plot synopsis.

It seems you actually do know what you're doing. Awesome.

5,250 Points
  • Friendly 100
  • Forum Dabbler 200
  • Hygienic 200
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101

First, third and fourth is good[ like you are right, I did and I get it :] ]

Well, it is like an academy for like highschoolers. but eventually it will be a 17+ school/academy/ place where you study and possibly sleep. Jobs, I got that. But like..uh...no...

Uhm, what does relevant mean? sweatdrop
Anyways, thank you very very much! and would it be possible if...like if I got some progress that I tell you what I have and you tell me your opinion? please?


Oh thank the gods. Okay, if they don't have a job, they need a plausible way to pay for things, and students under 14 tend to be out of money (at least now and then and they do need to buy things for school). That'd work. If they live there, why? Is this a boarding school? Do they have dorms for some reason? Just so you know, those rooms are tiny.

Relevant basically means its important to something, thus the school is important to the plot. It means, you can't take the school setting out, change it to something else, and the story isn't full of holes.

Sure, you can post or send me plot synopsis.

It seems you actually do know what you're doing. Awesome.


Well, yes, it is like a boarding school. I refer to it in the story as "a perfectly normal school just the on you were in, only for different people" The school, well it is really big, and there are not that many students, there are only classes from 10-12 and plus 4 for plus study, I do not know how it is said. Say, for each year there are about 100-150 students. The work, I though of in school work like cleaners or chefs etc and outside jobs.

Thank you very much!
Hungarian Avatar 101
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101

First, third and fourth is good[ like you are right, I did and I get it :] ]

Well, it is like an academy for like highschoolers. but eventually it will be a 17+ school/academy/ place where you study and possibly sleep. Jobs, I got that. But like..uh...no...

Uhm, what does relevant mean? sweatdrop
Anyways, thank you very very much! and would it be possible if...like if I got some progress that I tell you what I have and you tell me your opinion? please?


Oh thank the gods. Okay, if they don't have a job, they need a plausible way to pay for things, and students under 14 tend to be out of money (at least now and then and they do need to buy things for school). That'd work. If they live there, why? Is this a boarding school? Do they have dorms for some reason? Just so you know, those rooms are tiny.

Relevant basically means its important to something, thus the school is important to the plot. It means, you can't take the school setting out, change it to something else, and the story isn't full of holes.

Sure, you can post or send me plot synopsis.

It seems you actually do know what you're doing. Awesome.


Well, yes, it is like a boarding school. I refer to it in the story as "a perfectly normal school just the on you were in, only for different people" The school, well it is really big, and there are not that many students, there are only classes from 10-12 and plus 4 for plus study, I do not know how it is said. Say, for each year there are about 100-150 students. The work, I though of in school work like cleaners or chefs etc and outside jobs.

Thank you very much!


So its a trade school?

5,250 Points
  • Friendly 100
  • Forum Dabbler 200
  • Hygienic 200
The Phoenix Rises Again
Hungarian Avatar 101
DarknessofHeavenandDreams
Hungarian Avatar 101

First, third and fourth is good[ like you are right, I did and I get it :] ]

Well, it is like an academy for like highschoolers. but eventually it will be a 17+ school/academy/ place where you study and possibly sleep. Jobs, I got that. But like..uh...no...

Uhm, what does relevant mean? sweatdrop
Anyways, thank you very very much! and would it be possible if...like if I got some progress that I tell you what I have and you tell me your opinion? please?


Oh thank the gods. Okay, if they don't have a job, they need a plausible way to pay for things, and students under 14 tend to be out of money (at least now and then and they do need to buy things for school). That'd work. If they live there, why? Is this a boarding school? Do they have dorms for some reason? Just so you know, those rooms are tiny.

Relevant basically means its important to something, thus the school is important to the plot. It means, you can't take the school setting out, change it to something else, and the story isn't full of holes.

Sure, you can post or send me plot synopsis.

It seems you actually do know what you're doing. Awesome.


Well, yes, it is like a boarding school. I refer to it in the story as "a perfectly normal school just the on you were in, only for different people" The school, well it is really big, and there are not that many students, there are only classes from 10-12 and plus 4 for plus study, I do not know how it is said. Say, for each year there are about 100-150 students. The work, I though of in school work like cleaners or chefs etc and outside jobs.

Thank you very much!


So its a trade school?


Well, ti is a boarding school smile

Learned Gaian

5,750 Points
  • Treasure Hunter 100
  • Member 100
  • Cart Raider 100
Hungarian Avatar 101

Thank you very much!


So its a trade school?

Well, ti is a boarding school smile

Boarding school tend to focus more on etiquette than trade. At best, they teach you not to leave skid marks on your undies.

2,900 Points
  • Member 100
  • Statustician 100
  • Dressed Up 200
Writinq is all bout havinqq ahh qood plot & Like know evrythinq yuur gunna write about like have it plan . Well i dont kno what yuu write but i write poems and i got ah few online. smile

3,350 Points
  • Forum Dabbler 200
  • Forum Sophomore 300
This sorta helps out. ;-;
I know i'm just coming out of no where with this, and good morning to you all. But, I have an idea and I plan to be a writer when I get older. Its called "The Legacy of Alexander Minnow

It's about young Alexander Minnow, who is only sixteen years old and lives with his on/off fighting parents, deaf sister and chain-smoking grandmother. Alex believes he can alter reality after attending a strange church seminar with the new kid in town named Bryant Rebbecca Flint. Though, it seems Bryant seems to know Alexander really well.

Its a story about the faces of reality, being someone else and the afterlife. It mainly focuses on Alexander, his family, Alexander's small group and Nicole(Alexander's mysterious stalker) face the truth's of life.

5,900 Points
  • Forum Regular 100
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Sophomore 300
Rokakiyoshi
I know i'm just coming out of no where with this, and good morning to you all. But, I have an idea and I plan to be a writer when I get older. Its called "The Legacy of Alexander Minnow

It's about young Alexander Minnow, who is only sixteen years old and lives with his on/off fighting parents, deaf sister and chain-smoking grandmother. Alex believes he can alter reality after attending a strange church seminar with the new kid in town named Bryant Rebbecca Flint. Though, it seems Bryant seems to know Alexander really well.

Its a story about the faces of reality, being someone else and the afterlife. It mainly focuses on Alexander, his family, Alexander's small group and Nicole(Alexander's mysterious stalker) face the truth's of life.


So what do you need help with?

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum