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3nodding 1. Caribbean Delight - you (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 2. Rispah of Windwillow - Love at Last (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 3. Arkadi Valentyn - a future less bright (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 4. Sinthia-Chan - Memoirs of an Eighth Grade Classroom (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 5. zero the last decepticon - Dirge (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 6. aemi - stray. evelyn.(Paid & Posted)
3nodding 7. the rebel prince! - Under the T, and over Quincy (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 8. nomee - Ooops (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 9. shuttered_eyes - When I Lose (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 10. downunderevil - Untitled (Paid&Posted)


Second Contest Begins... Prizes awarded.



3nodding 1. happy_thoughts - A random ghost poem (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 2. Arkadi Valentyn - stillborn romance (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 3. shuttered_eyes - Sweet Poison (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 4. CrimsonDesire - Little Girl (Paid & Posted)
3nodding 5. Shadowstar - Rise Up (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 6. nomee - Mistress Misery (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 7. Neko Demon Seka - Broken Dreams and Shattered Chances (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 8. + Jon Law + - My Secret Identity (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 9. Zaeyde - Untitled (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 10. Camigwen - Untitled (Paid&Posted)


Third Contest Begins... Prizes awarded.



3nodding 1. DaemoniaEris - Blood Rose (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 2. the rebel prince! - Kenmore square: part 1 (Paid&Posted&Donated!)
3nodding 3. Rispah of Windwillow - !Revenge...On a Certain Piece of s**t! (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 4. ImmortalBlue - This Isn't... (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 5. Alcenaia Daemin - Remembrance of No One (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 6. true-death - ~On Deaths wings~ (Posted)
3nodding 7. Flamefire123 - But I Can't Leave It (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 8. Realist - Tempus Fugit: (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 9. shuttered_eyes - Let Me Pretend (Paid&Posted)
3nodding 10. The Invisibob - Untitled (Paid&Posted)
smile 11. Drakin Darkwater Melody of Dejected Mishaps (Paid&Posted)
smile 12. Zarlune WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE GOD (Paid&Posted)
smile 13. XXxxElysian_BeautyxxXX Once we fall in love... (Paid&Posted)
smile 14. Hurkui Great Tale, Daddy (Our hero) (Paid&Posted)
smile 15. nomee Tears ()

I never did really find out who had not paid (if anyone), but so it goes haha.


Fifth round begins, judging for fourth in progress.



Please nothing with the follwing themes:
Love (positive or negative), cutting, or swearing.

whee 1. shuttered_eyes - Once Upon a Time (Paid&Posted)
whee 2. Kaci7623 - Untitled (Paid&Posted)
whee 3. Koukris - The Eyes Not Born With: A Parody (Posted)
whee 4. Alcenaia - Cruel Glass (Paid&Posted)
whee 5. SharksWithKnives - Floating on High ()
whee 6. [baroque] - untouchable (Paid&Posted)
whee 7. bekaboo - Learning Rain (Paid&Posted)
whee 8. Desi rocks blue - I feel for me (Paid&Posted)
whee 9. Eruden Ki - Highschool Daze (Paid&Posted)
whee 10. lulyby - Stones and Sea (Posted)
whee 11. Realist - Requiem of lost souls (Paid&Posted)
whee 12. Leonis - Untitled (Paid&Posted)
whee 13. Vunderling - On Whim (Paid&Posted)
whee 14. Conina_the_Barbarian - Sleeping on a full mind (Paid&Posted)
whee 15. Takara46 - Hidden in Shadow (Paid&Posted)




** 1. Anairo - The house our father's built (Paid&Posted)
** 2. Darken Angel - When the world fell silent (Paid&Posted)
** 3. XxSanoxX - Untitled (Posted)
** 4. serpenteyes - Metamorphasis (Paid&Posted)
** 5. Totaleclipse - Growing Experienced (A Sestina) (Paid&Posted)
** 6. Andycapphat - Chapped (Paid&Posted)
** 7. kuroku_tenshi - Trusty Stitiches (Paid&Posted)
** 8. Oijl - Investments Made (Paid&Posted)
** 9. Ignoble_Chrno - Sister (Paid&Posted)
** 10. Cassandra022 - Untitled (Paid&Posted)
** 11. LongTimeListener - new money (Paid&Posted)
** 12. Oijl - Drive of the Heart (Paid&Posted)
** 13. LongTimeListener - on a fall pavement (Paid&Posted)
** 14. Oijl - Corn (Paid&Posted)
** 15. Bane is on Fire! - Stormy Sex - Cheap (Paid&Posted)

Please send trades to Major Domo when submitting, and thank you.


Donators will be listed in the Charity thread (see sticky in this sub-forum), and thank you kindly!

Foreword: I found this to be a most interesting round, with the level of skill seeming to be improving, which is always good to see. I know many are making an effort, taking constructive criticism to heart - making my work here all the more rewarding.

My decision to eliminate key themes also helped, and resulted in more thoughtful and serious entries.

I think this time I will offer suggestions for re-writes and for those of you who choose to re-submit, i will do a sub-contest (here) and award half-prizes. So many with great potential!

I will do a tad more by way of public comment this time, and would be interested in hearing feedback.

Cheers!

First Place - bekaboo - Learning Rain

This one struck me with its vivid word choices, phraseology, bold minimalism, and emotional grip. I would suggest you change the formatting slightly to make your sentence structures more clear. Do not capitalize the first letters of a new line that is part of a sentence, and do not be afraid to use periods. Also, you might find synonyms for rain, webbing, and ice (as difficult as that may seem).

Second Place - [baroque] - untouchable

Again, great word choices and phraseology, and another example of the power of minimalism. Work on punctuation for a stronger impact.

Third Place - shuttered_eyes - Once Upon a Time

You are definately improving, girly! I was impressed with the emotional impact and nostalgia this piece invoked. I have a few suggestions for you that I think will make it even stronger.

There is always a wide variety of possible styles when writing poetry. Rhyme and meter, when used, should be precise. Free verse gives more lattitude, but should flow easily. Keep your sentences clear. Capalizing each first word of each line is confusing and unnecessary.

For example:

Do you remember
the time we shared
under the lamp-post one block from my house?

Also, reduce the number of "and"s and "but"s, and omit phrases when one word would suffice.

For example:

We lost touch.
You moved away.
There have been no ther boys
all night on my trampoline.

And a final observation...

I believe it would make a stronger impression to keep your references to other boys consistantly in the singular.

For example:

There has been no other boy

There have been other Best Friends
but there has been no other boy
after all (you could do without this line)
who could hold a candle to you.
The kind of friendship we shared (instead of had).
Once upon a time.

Honourable Mentions:

Desi rocks blue - I feel for me

I liked the overall possibilities of this one, although it needs a strong re-write to work on redundancies, strength, and word choices.

Realist - Requiem of lost souls

Very good ideas, I can tell you put a lot of thought into this, and I believe that if you take another look at it, you will be able to increase its impact with fewer redundancies. (I have a distaste for using the same word more than once in any piece unless it is repitition by design, and therefore obviously so.)

You need to decide between ryhme and meter or free verse, and keep it more consistant which ever you decide. Otherwise, its a strong poem, and I do hope to see a re-write.

Vunderling - On Whim

I am always touched by the nostalgic rememberings of childhood days. This one has a promising concept and I hope you will work on it.

Conina_the_Barbarian - Sleeping on a full mind

I love this title! Another minimalistic example with strong possibilities. Look at my advice to the others and see what you can glean from it.

A few of my favorite phrases and lines from these fifteen entries:

clutched in its sickening hand

Two eye colors lay within God's wood.

Only the glass of my mirror's face.

Shame's an adhesive binding.

Highschool Daze - another one with excellent potential, but it needs some serious work. Message me if you wish.

And the wind rose, east and cold.

going over old memories of places we once were

Afterthoughts: Takara's Hidden In Shadows is a fine example of rhyme and meter, and I think (again) with stronger word choices and a serious re-write, it would be greatly improved. I canna resist giving this an Honourable Mention as well.



Foreword: This round gave me a great deal of pause. Many of the poems were troubled, even agonizing. They seem to come from personal experience again, and the decisions were (also again) difficult.

I am not doing critiques unless asked, but I may say a few small things this time around. Cheers.

First Place: The Invisibob - Untitled

I liked this one for its thoughtful visualizations and moody expression. Polishing up the presentation would make it even stronger.

Second Place - a Tie: XXxxElysian_BeautyxxXX - Once we fallin love...

I was impressed with the interesting word and phrase choices, as well as the progressive movement of this one. Simple but with its own quiet strength.

Second Place - a Tie: Alcenaia Daemin - Remembrance of No One

Where this piece falls short inameter, it makes up for in excellent phraseology. Definately emotional, it takes us there.

Third Place - a Tie: ImmortalBlue This Isn't

While this may need a bit of work on meter as well, I thought the message was clear and concise. Some interesting phrase twists and smooth style added to its effect.

Third Place - a Tie: Flamefire123 - But I Can't Leave It

I can only guess at what is unable to be left, but I was really taken with the emotional expression and easy flow.

Honourable Mention: true-death - ~On Deaths wings~

Again, I was caught by certain words and phrases, and think with a bit of tightening up it would work even better.

A few of my favorite phrases and lines from these fifteen entries:

Staining flowers,

but the lava still oozed.

Opens to the dew

So tempus fugit, how time flies,

The steel and blood

Where all the wild things areA river I've not yet dammed

In a lonely universe

Afterthoughts: Kenmore square: part 1, by the reble prince! was fascinating. I found the problem to be in its confused expression and difficult-to-understand progression. I sincerely hope to see a re-write of this one.

Great Tale, Daddy (Our hero) by Hurkui also has excellent potential. It is a good story, but needs a clearer and tighter telling.

Where are you Little Teacup?

Oh, they are in here somewhere. Heh.

Oh come on now! 2000 pot every 10 poems is generous, I thought!