Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hullo, Cindy! You're looking quite lovely today, I must say! Those glasses look quite sharp on you. They really bring out your eyes--

Hmph! Er... no. Anyway... I have a message of grave importance to share with all Gaians! BWAHAHAHA~

Please, Miss Donovinh, don't you know how to conduct an interview? You've gotta keep them in suspense for a while! That's how you get the BIG ratings! Keep 'em guessing, then cut to a commercial break! Okay, let's try this again: People of Gaia! I have a message of dire urgency to share with you!

No! No, no, no! Now you're supposed to cut to a commercial, and say something like "when we come back, hear Gambino's dire warning about the future of Gaia."

Fine, throw your money down the toilet, I don't give a hoot. Anyway, I have this dire message!

Okay, here we go: as many of you know, I was briefly working with that Mother Zurg alien on her soft drink business. I thought, "hey, aliens, soft drinks, great opportunity," you know. I'm not gonna lie, Cindy, I had nothing but gold on my mind. I thought I could work with the Zurg and make a pile of coin and have some good times. Maybe take a nice lady like you out for a lobster dinner.

Yeah, Cindy, that's exactly what I'm saying. I found out she had some ugly, ugly plans. Stuff I don't want anything to do with. Some people from the Gaian Resistance gave me some documents they had stolen from some Zurg network doohickey, and lemme tell ya, I did not like what I saw.