Kroniza
(?)Community Member
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- Posted: Sat, 28 Jan 2006 05:27:04 +0000
Oh, good ole' Nintendo f*****t. What a life you've led. For those of you unaware of her exploits, her biography follows below.
Nintendo Cornellius f*****t was born on Tuesday, September 3rd, 1989, at nearly three thirty in the morning. Her mother Debra-Sue Haddaway- the disowned daughter of the popular eightie's singer- had been in labour for a staggering four days straight, shattering the previous record of seventeen hours. Nintendo was a stubborn child, determined to escape the clutches of the doctors. Everytime it would appear as though she would travel through the birth canal and the doctor would attempt to help her out, she would retract herself. Eventually, David Carradine, who had been passing by on his way for a Slurpee, stepped in in place of the doctor and tried to remove Nintendo from her mother. He plunged his hand into Debra-Sue and fought with Nintendo, but his kung-fu was not strong. Nintendo laid the smackdown on his b***h a** Stone Cold style, and escaped through her mother's ear- much to Debra-Sue's dismay. Then she promptly slithered across the floor and under a cardboard box. The doctors crept up, turned the box over, and there was Nintendo, sleeping and still covered in placenta and ear wax. This was the first inkling everyone had that she was special.
Her antics during her birth had earned her the nickname Box Ninja, and soon it became apparent that the name really was fitting. Most of her childhood life was spent in a cardboard box. She would often wear a box on her head while in school, and when a teacher would remove it, she would just produce another one. Her grade three teacher, Mrs. Cooter, claims to have removed over one hundred boxes from her head throughout the school year.
When Nintendo made the journey into grade six, she faced her biggest challenge- Liu Kang. In class, he would tease her about her hair or her extra ams, and at recess he would challenge her to fights to the death. She would humour him, because she kind of thought he was cute, but eventually she tired of his antics. On March 27th, 2000, she brutally murdered him with a tire iron and hid his body in the trunk of her car. Police stopped her for a routine check while she was attempting ot cross the border into Mexico, and she fled. They pursued her, and after a three-state chase, they cornered her in a small motel just South of New Jersey. She was captured, but let go due to the lack of evidence in the case. They could not find the body anywhere and therefore dropped their charges and offered her a snack. She declined, and said that she had already eaten a big meal. Constable O'Brian confesses that he 'really thought there was something wrong with that girl. She had a very bloated stomach and when she smiled, it appeared as though her teeth were covered in blood.'
After settling down again back in her home town of Kelowna, BC, Nintendo continued to attend school. Nothing notible happened from 2001-2004 except the sudden deaths of a countless number of prostitutes. One of Nintendo's classmates, Susan McNally, claims that she overheard Nintendo plotting which hookers to kill next during third period biology. Again, Nintendo ran into some trouble with the law. The police went to inspect her house, and again found nothing.
In early 2004 Nintendo met Kroniza and they became buddies, as they shared the common interest of eating babies. They did nearly everything together, from tea parties, to dress-up, to colonoscopies. They were so close that they formed a piece of flesh that connected them together at the temple. It appeared as though they were headbutting, only neither of them could remove their head. Nintendo was distraught that she would never again be able to put a box on her head alone, and attempted suicide by stabbing her wrists profusely. The two were rushed to the hospital, and in a selfless act of kindness, Kroniza gave her a blod transfusion. The doctors took a chance, and performed a rush operation to remove the two people. Two sumos grabbed the two friends and rushed in opposing directions, tearing the bond brutally, thus giving them their horribly disfigured appearance.
After Nintendo had healed, she began to live her life normally again. In the winter of 2005, she was witnessed offering little children free candy if they got in her van and was picked up by police. They searched her house and found several midgets and an elephant drugged and stuffed in her closet. This gave them what they needed for a search warrant. They tore the house apart, and revealed numerous secrets of her life. At least thirty dead hookers were found under her mattress, some with bites taken out of them. In the basement, Nintendo had been running a counterfeit kitten operation and was forcing emo Bulgarian lepers to work for her. She also had an unpaid parking ticket.
On January 20th, 2006, she was brought to trial in the Supreme Court. Fortunately for her, she had Kroniza for a lawyer. He gave nearly every member of the court a b*****b to help her case, and soon enough she was aquitted. He then returned and gave some more blowjobs, just for the hell of it.
Nintendo is currently running naked in a field somewhere, eating bacon and punching endangered animals.
And thinking of you when she masturbates.
Nintendo Cornellius f*****t was born on Tuesday, September 3rd, 1989, at nearly three thirty in the morning. Her mother Debra-Sue Haddaway- the disowned daughter of the popular eightie's singer- had been in labour for a staggering four days straight, shattering the previous record of seventeen hours. Nintendo was a stubborn child, determined to escape the clutches of the doctors. Everytime it would appear as though she would travel through the birth canal and the doctor would attempt to help her out, she would retract herself. Eventually, David Carradine, who had been passing by on his way for a Slurpee, stepped in in place of the doctor and tried to remove Nintendo from her mother. He plunged his hand into Debra-Sue and fought with Nintendo, but his kung-fu was not strong. Nintendo laid the smackdown on his b***h a** Stone Cold style, and escaped through her mother's ear- much to Debra-Sue's dismay. Then she promptly slithered across the floor and under a cardboard box. The doctors crept up, turned the box over, and there was Nintendo, sleeping and still covered in placenta and ear wax. This was the first inkling everyone had that she was special.
Her antics during her birth had earned her the nickname Box Ninja, and soon it became apparent that the name really was fitting. Most of her childhood life was spent in a cardboard box. She would often wear a box on her head while in school, and when a teacher would remove it, she would just produce another one. Her grade three teacher, Mrs. Cooter, claims to have removed over one hundred boxes from her head throughout the school year.
When Nintendo made the journey into grade six, she faced her biggest challenge- Liu Kang. In class, he would tease her about her hair or her extra ams, and at recess he would challenge her to fights to the death. She would humour him, because she kind of thought he was cute, but eventually she tired of his antics. On March 27th, 2000, she brutally murdered him with a tire iron and hid his body in the trunk of her car. Police stopped her for a routine check while she was attempting ot cross the border into Mexico, and she fled. They pursued her, and after a three-state chase, they cornered her in a small motel just South of New Jersey. She was captured, but let go due to the lack of evidence in the case. They could not find the body anywhere and therefore dropped their charges and offered her a snack. She declined, and said that she had already eaten a big meal. Constable O'Brian confesses that he 'really thought there was something wrong with that girl. She had a very bloated stomach and when she smiled, it appeared as though her teeth were covered in blood.'
After settling down again back in her home town of Kelowna, BC, Nintendo continued to attend school. Nothing notible happened from 2001-2004 except the sudden deaths of a countless number of prostitutes. One of Nintendo's classmates, Susan McNally, claims that she overheard Nintendo plotting which hookers to kill next during third period biology. Again, Nintendo ran into some trouble with the law. The police went to inspect her house, and again found nothing.
In early 2004 Nintendo met Kroniza and they became buddies, as they shared the common interest of eating babies. They did nearly everything together, from tea parties, to dress-up, to colonoscopies. They were so close that they formed a piece of flesh that connected them together at the temple. It appeared as though they were headbutting, only neither of them could remove their head. Nintendo was distraught that she would never again be able to put a box on her head alone, and attempted suicide by stabbing her wrists profusely. The two were rushed to the hospital, and in a selfless act of kindness, Kroniza gave her a blod transfusion. The doctors took a chance, and performed a rush operation to remove the two people. Two sumos grabbed the two friends and rushed in opposing directions, tearing the bond brutally, thus giving them their horribly disfigured appearance.
After Nintendo had healed, she began to live her life normally again. In the winter of 2005, she was witnessed offering little children free candy if they got in her van and was picked up by police. They searched her house and found several midgets and an elephant drugged and stuffed in her closet. This gave them what they needed for a search warrant. They tore the house apart, and revealed numerous secrets of her life. At least thirty dead hookers were found under her mattress, some with bites taken out of them. In the basement, Nintendo had been running a counterfeit kitten operation and was forcing emo Bulgarian lepers to work for her. She also had an unpaid parking ticket.
On January 20th, 2006, she was brought to trial in the Supreme Court. Fortunately for her, she had Kroniza for a lawyer. He gave nearly every member of the court a b*****b to help her case, and soon enough she was aquitted. He then returned and gave some more blowjobs, just for the hell of it.
Nintendo is currently running naked in a field somewhere, eating bacon and punching endangered animals.
And thinking of you when she masturbates.
