Pyrokinetic #13
Person Counter!
| H.o.G. viewers: |
  
|
100.0% | [ 24 ] |
| Total Votes: | [ 24 ] | ||
Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 06:45:50 +0000
Arcane_Geminus
You are missing "commission" and its relevence to the art forum.
*proofreads and corrects quote* Ah, much better. I think this will answer your question.
The History of Gaia razz art One
We're missing a lot of things at DON'T PANIC:HHGGaia because Gaia is a lying whore that makes things up. These eventually are made real because we Gaians naturally think "..hey! That's a great idea! Let's make it!"
This is the only logical explanation for the creation of CB, which sold its soul to a very dark and irritable elder god (Cthu'lu's second cousin on his mother's side twice removed) and its body to the n00bs to be repeatedly raped and beaten with weapons fashioned from sticks, stones, leaves, poor grammar, and sharp/pointy capital letters.
Those who were in denial of their own n00b lineage wanted to be respected for intelligence they obviously lacked yet sorely needed. These 'people' (used loosely) migrated to the Extended Disscussion forum that was created by pretentious bastards. Said pretentious bastards who commonly lord their high and mighty grammar and literary skills over those of lower standing at the first sighting are mostly a type of combustible organism known as flamers.
Those n00bs who decided to intrude on the world of intelligent topic discussion (only to post about masturbation, sex, and emo things) were violently attacked with the flaming arrows of the pretentious bastards, courtesy of the 4077 Flamers Union.
The n00bs fled, leaving several of their forces behind to fester and forever taint the Ex.D realm while the remainder, not wanting to return to that plague ridden realm of the CB, created a society that attempts to mimic Ex.D in its architecture.
This new mecca of n00bs was named after the greatest leader in n00b history "General Disscussion" who was secretly assasinated by one low-ranked defector and hero to the literate gaians "Pvt. Message". The young Private was unfortunately spammed to death at the public square of CB, a scene so shocking it caused any onlookers to go blind.
The other forums, still new and uncorrupted by n00b/pretentious b*****d ideals, thrived and attempted to create a balanced society of culture and art. These would later be knocked down a few pegs by the nomadic n00bs known as "14yo inuyasha/dbz/yugioh fanboys"
There were no fangirls at the time because those who claimed to be were actually males seeking to experience sexual relationships with actual women of the lesbian persuasion. This also failed because they were also dudes.
It was during these dark times of flame wars and n00b uprising that the holy ones, known as Admins, gave to the people of Gaia something good. Something great. Something... pure. A holy document of awesome power. One that instills fear into the enlightened and smites those who ignore its sheer greatness.
It was named and will forever be called The Terms of Service.
...to be continued in The History of Gaia: Part 2-Gaians in space on ice near a rock.
The History of Gaia razz art 2 - Gaians in space on ice near a rock.
With the disorder of the noob/pretentious b*****d war being miraculously silenced by the Terms of Service, the Admins decided it was time for another gift to Gaians. This one would have the opposite effect of the Terms of Service and bring about its second coming. This gift was, of course, the Thank You letter.
Long had pixelated items been available to those who obtained the now standard yet inccorectly named form of currency, Gold. This is inaccurate because it is not a tangible currency whatsoever. In fact they are really just points. Gold sounds better in the long run. With enough gold, one could own every item on gaia through trading or shopping and patience. The Thank You letters changed this in tat only those who had REAL MONEY could be blessed with items that were unavailable otherwise.
This in turn lead to some Gaians turning to a darker sub-type of gaia. Sinister beings who were fueled by greed and lust for halos. These creatures were known as scammers. At first they started simple, asking if they could just borrow someone else's halo and then run off with the shiniest thing in existence (at the time). As their victims became better educated, the scammers started to devise plots more intricate than the last.
Some scammers made false lotterys to obtain gold to buy from unsuspecting, yet wealthy, n00bs. Others simply mugged pretentious bastards and left them for dead in the gutter. These acts pale in comparison to the deeds of the scammers known as The Dopplegangers.
One group of Scammers decided not to simply go for just individual items, but also the entire inventory of their victim. This was accomplished by posing as Admins and asking to inspect said inventory. Some of these Dopplegangers threatened their victims with banning if they did not grant them entry and others simply walked in and made themselves at home while helping themselves to the contents of their victims fridge and pantry, then leaving after 'borrowing' all the furniture in the room.
The real Admins were not amused by this. They decided it was time for this nonsense to stop and that they needed to make an example out of the sinners. As mentioned before.... this was the Terms of Service's second coming.
What ensued was very gruesome and violent displays of public bannings. Bannings, that involved flaming guillotines and frozen axes. Bannings that involved cannons loaded with snakes and bees. Bannings that involved a swarm of dark emoticons known as the ninjaplague. Bannings that let loose large lumbering brown creatures (called Domo-kin) with a healthy appetite for n00bs.
With the scammers fully smited and order once again restored, the world seemed at peace yet again. However, this was a farce. The souls of those who were destroyed by the many bannings started to amass at a single point on the Gaia map. Here the souls combined and took a physical form. The form of an NPC. He was dubbed "Johnny K. Gambino". His creation was a sign of new s**t to unfold and totally screw things up for gaians once again.
To be continued in "The History of Gaia: Part 3- Springtime for G-corp"
Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 06:46:35 +0000
Pyrokinetic #13
The History of Gaia: Part 3- Spring time for G-corp
The official history, as told in the Gaia storyline to delude others into believing that it's true, is the following:
-Jonnhy K. Gambino created G-corp
-G-corp created Zombies
-Zombies were destroyed by mansion explosion
This however was a lie created by the Admins (Illuminati divison) to hide what truly happened on Halloween 2k4. After the creation of Gambino by the souls of dead scammers, he began to amass great wealth. This was fitting as he was a being of pure greed fueled by lust for all things in Gaia. However, the souls of those who died while standing to close to a scammer during the great smiting (and happened to be scammed) convereged to become a being of pure sorrow to contrast the embodiment of greed that aspired to rule Gaia.
This being was named Gino. After several years (gaia time) Gambino came to establish a company that was in charge of all techincal aspects of Gaian society. G-corp became the driving force behind all advances in technology and medicine. One such advance gave rise to the sub-being "zombies". Zombies actually lived peaceful lives in the gaia mansion, occasionally playing tennis in the courtyard of relaxing at the beach.
Gambino was breeding them to replace the entire poplulation of gaia so that only his faithful servants would remain. Gino, knowing this, took it upon himself to stop this plan from unfolding into something wicked ********. And so, during the Halloween Ball, Gino unleashed upon the guests the horrors of Gambino's plans in a three act musical play with lovely dance numbers.
The patrons started an uprising against Gambino and took up arms. Shotguns, supplied by Gino. What ensued was a five year Gaian civil war that only ended with the destruction of Gambino mansion by a crack team of special operatives named for a certain animal. Those operatives will be unnamed because it may infringe international copyrights. Just know that seeral members were well educated in the ways of nukes, stealth, and huge robots.
The admins stepped in, a final time, to witness the wasteland that Gaia had become as a result of the war. Thinking carefully, they decided the best thing to do was use the most forbidden of all techniques. The dreadful armeggedon of things "The Rollback."
Utilizing all the power they could muster without winking out of existence, the Admins set the clock backward exactly after the initial massacre on Halloween night 2004. They then employed freelancing Illuminati to alter evidence, memories, and dead bodies to make everything seem as if the zombies lead an outbreak due to faulty science.
As the real Gino had died in the war from being shot in the foot and bleeding to death, a Gino clone was created with pre-programmed memories that wouldn't become active until faced with an undeniable display of power-madness. But that's another story.
As a result of the Rollback, the entire town had to be weeded. This being because even though time goes backward, weeds keep growing since they ignore time and tell it to execute rude actions upon itself.
All was finally right in the world of Gaia, give or take a few glitches. But then two preppy bitches decided to move to Durem and make another mess for Gaians.
...continued in The History of Gaia: part 4- Blazing Domos
Pyrokinetic #13
The History of Gaia: Part 4- Blazin' Domos
The Von Helson twins. Having never done any work in their entire lives, they lived completely off the money made by their father (who shall be kept secret because he works for the Illuminati). They moved to Durem because it had more shops and a hair salon.
After a while, they began to, in a way, rule Durem with their blonde tresses and shiny wardrobe. Though all they really needed to control the heterosexual male population was revealing necklines. Sometime after the Great Rollback of 2k4, the Von Helson twins stumbled upon the Gino clone.
Immediately afterward they took him home and made him wear several dresses and outfits because that's what preppy girls do if every in possession of a cute boy in an autistic/amnesiatic state. He was returned to Gambino following the easter party in Durem in exchange for Gambino to be banned from Durem for a lifetime. (which would be very short)
Around this time, a small rock band was formed in the streets of Gaia that included two identical redhaired boys (one with a scar and one with long bangs and a headband), a smoking freelance educator, and a sentient talking cat with a drinking problem with a perfect win record. This band called themselves "A.F.K" . Members as follows:
-PK 13: Bass
-PK Sicks: Vocals/Guitar
-Dane-sensei: Keyboard
-The Undefeated Kiki (Riff): Precussion
This band never made it past the top 30 on Gaia's radio charts but had a small loyal fanbase. They were perhaps best known for their two hour rock opera titled Questing for Love. Their last performance was under Gambino Tower to promote Multiple Personality Awarness. Halfway through their newest song "3000k from a Halo" PK13 stopped playing and began turning each amp and speaker towards the base of the tower. The other band members would have stopped him if Cindy Donovinh hadn't shown up to do their scheduled interview. To save face, the other band members distracted her while PK13 (controlled by his alter ego "F i v e" wink continued arranging as many speakers and subwoofers to face the key structural points of Gambino tower.
Meanwhile, The Illuminati divison of Durem Admnistration were plotting to assasinate Gambino because they got tired of the tower's shadow blocking out the sun on nice days. And also it confused the fish in the reclaimation facility. A freelancing sniper was hired to take out Gambino from the clocktower in a manner that he would die instantly and fall into the sea, leaving his amnesiac son Gino to inherit the tower, where upon the Durem Administration would buy the property from said child and demolish it. Or that was the plan anyway.
At this moment, PK13 (or rather "F i v e" wink was finished setting up the doomsday arrangement of soundwaves, all hooked up to one single Angelic Bass guitar (with a wing sticker on the back) and sucking power directly from Aekea's industrial reactor. As an added step, he set up megaphones infront of the speakers. The feedback from this alone made many people go deaf and steadly weakened all concrete structures in the area. Standing a top his killer set up, "F i v e" raised one hand in the air, clutching a glistening pick so that the sun produced a nifty lensflare upon it. With a grin, he plunged the pick down along the strings on the guitar to produce the most powerful of power chords.
The sound emmitted was so loud, that it cancelled all sound completely. For 2.235435 seconds, Gambino island was silent. It was exactly this time that the sniper had pulled the trigger. The bullet however veered left about 5mm due to the soundwave and hit Gambino in the back, missing vital organs by impossibly small margins and lodging in his ribs. What really killed Gambino that day was a heart attack caused by the schock of his son calling him "Father", the soundwave scaring the bejeezus out of him, and the sharp pain from being shot.
The sound wave also caused the tower to weaken substantially and soon after violently crumble and fall due to the vibration of Gambino hitting the ground. The tower fell all the way across Durem and cruushed the Von Helson mansion, as if it were Gambino's final rude gesture to them.
After all the confusion was over, the Illuminati division of Durem Administraion abducted the members of the band AFK, Cindy Donovinh, and confiscated any existing footage or recordings of the band in any form. Threatened with losing their forum privelages, the band was broken up and was never allowed to create music of any kind for the rest of their lives. Cindy was simply bribed never to tell anyone about this and to make up some story of how it was Gambino's fault that the tower fell on Durem.
PK13 had not a single memory of the whole ordeal and was only told the truth after he asked why his ears were bleeding. Leaving his musical career behind he became the Editor for DON'T PANIC: HHGGaia, which proved to be better for him in the long run.
In the end, all that was left was a big pile of rubble. also the Aekea reactor overloaded, melted down, and caught fire. This ignited a passing herd of domos which spread their fiery panic through Aekea and into the sea, where all Domos involved promptly drown because they couldn't swim.
This particular herd had adopted a lost human child named Liam. So when the herd drown, the young Liam (now a teen due to Gaia's ocean being 75% puberty water) washed ashore to be raised by robots. He since forgot about his life with the Domos except for his animal instinct to reproduce which explains why he's such a manwhore.
The End...
?Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 06:57:21 +0000
Quote:
History of Gaia: Part 5- The up-to-no-good recently-deceased.
After the war of n00bs vs. pretentious bastards, those poor n00bs who lost their lives were sent to the furthest reaches of the chatterbox, existing only as angry souls with poor grammar and a strong tendency to flame the Ex.D. forum. Meanwhile, the realm of Ex.D. was running with the blood of n00bs and pretentious bastards. This blood would soon be put to good use.
Number Five. A mule so evil and powerful that he existed before the main account was ever registered. Having no avatar of his own, he must either possess another's body or speak influence into their heads from within. At the time of the war, Five had possession of a now inactive account that will not be named here. Being bored and without anything to do now that all the n00bs were slain or deported back to the CB, He did what everyone does when they have too much time on their hands.
Inked in the blood of n00bs and bound in the skin of a fallen Domo-Kun, the Necron00bicon Ex Mortes was the most evil and insidious creation known to Gaia. It is said that if one ever reads the book out loud, or removes it from it's resting place without the right incantation, the n00bs, scammers, and hackers who were once thought banned would come back to spam every single forum and hack the accounts and inventories of innocent Gaians. Domos would fall from the skies and devour the emoticons, and ninjas would slay all in their path (but the victims wouldn't notice, afterall, it's a ninja attack).
The Necron00bicon cannot be destroyed or rewritten, but the pages will easily fall out of the domo-skin binding since Five forgot to use an archival grade adhesive. These pages pose just as much threat as the entire book and more so because the reader not only unleashes hell, but is left without any closure of how the book ends.
Number Five has since forgotten that he wrote the book, having never actually tried to publish it and instead left it on a bus that soon after drove into a revine. The revine soon filled with soil and rock due to a landslide caused by Johny K. Gambino's mansion construction. Though if one does obtain the book, they can clearly see on the inside flap a block printing of Five's portrait with his signature, followed of course by the standard copywrite information.
Should the Necron00bicon ever be read and the hordes of n00bs be released again, one must know the proper procedure of extermination. That is, decapitation or destruction of the brain followed by a click on the holy button labled "R-E-P-O-R-T-E". The n00b should be resolved shortly and any inconvenience will be apologized for.
After the war of n00bs vs. pretentious bastards, those poor n00bs who lost their lives were sent to the furthest reaches of the chatterbox, existing only as angry souls with poor grammar and a strong tendency to flame the Ex.D. forum. Meanwhile, the realm of Ex.D. was running with the blood of n00bs and pretentious bastards. This blood would soon be put to good use.
Number Five. A mule so evil and powerful that he existed before the main account was ever registered. Having no avatar of his own, he must either possess another's body or speak influence into their heads from within. At the time of the war, Five had possession of a now inactive account that will not be named here. Being bored and without anything to do now that all the n00bs were slain or deported back to the CB, He did what everyone does when they have too much time on their hands.
He wrote a book.
Inked in the blood of n00bs and bound in the skin of a fallen Domo-Kun, the Necron00bicon Ex Mortes was the most evil and insidious creation known to Gaia. It is said that if one ever reads the book out loud, or removes it from it's resting place without the right incantation, the n00bs, scammers, and hackers who were once thought banned would come back to spam every single forum and hack the accounts and inventories of innocent Gaians. Domos would fall from the skies and devour the emoticons, and ninjas would slay all in their path (but the victims wouldn't notice, afterall, it's a ninja attack).
The Necron00bicon cannot be destroyed or rewritten, but the pages will easily fall out of the domo-skin binding since Five forgot to use an archival grade adhesive. These pages pose just as much threat as the entire book and more so because the reader not only unleashes hell, but is left without any closure of how the book ends.
Number Five has since forgotten that he wrote the book, having never actually tried to publish it and instead left it on a bus that soon after drove into a revine. The revine soon filled with soil and rock due to a landslide caused by Johny K. Gambino's mansion construction. Though if one does obtain the book, they can clearly see on the inside flap a block printing of Five's portrait with his signature, followed of course by the standard copywrite information.
Should the Necron00bicon ever be read and the hordes of n00bs be released again, one must know the proper procedure of extermination. That is, decapitation or destruction of the brain followed by a click on the holy button labled "R-E-P-O-R-T-E". The n00b should be resolved shortly and any inconvenience will be apologized for.
+[bastion]+
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 06:59:09 +0000
First post. Hoorah! whee
*goes to read over the history of Gaia*
*goes to read over the history of Gaia*
Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:05:52 +0000
+[bastion]+
Pyrokinetic #13
+[bastion]+
first post? 3nodding
EDIT: gonk
Ohhhh.. Sorry, I didnt read the first post before scrolling to the last and seeing the finished bit. xp
D'you want me to delete this? Er, you can do that yourself now cant you? sweatdrop
EDIT: gonk
Ohhhh.. Sorry, I didnt read the first post before scrolling to the last and seeing the finished bit. xp
D'you want me to delete this? Er, you can do that yourself now cant you? sweatdrop
Delete it.. now... before I call you n00b. evil
(seriously, mule. xp *goes to delete*)
EDIT: Can I call dibs on first post? xd If this thread ends up as popular as your other notable thread, I'd like to be able to say 'lol firzt post!'
Alright fine. You can call dibs on it. (technically you already had it.) It's really just an extension of my other thread and I hope you enjoy this little epic.
+[bastion]+
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:09:23 +0000
Pyrokinetic #13
+[bastion]+
Pyrokinetic #13
+[bastion]+
first post? 3nodding
EDIT: gonk
Ohhhh.. Sorry, I didnt read the first post before scrolling to the last and seeing the finished bit. xp
D'you want me to delete this? Er, you can do that yourself now cant you? sweatdrop
EDIT: gonk
Ohhhh.. Sorry, I didnt read the first post before scrolling to the last and seeing the finished bit. xp
D'you want me to delete this? Er, you can do that yourself now cant you? sweatdrop
Delete it.. now... before I call you n00b. evil
(seriously, mule. xp *goes to delete*)
EDIT: Can I call dibs on first post? xd If this thread ends up as popular as your other notable thread, I'd like to be able to say 'lol firzt post!'
Alright fine. You can call dibs on it. (technically you already had it.) It's really just an extension of my other thread and I hope you enjoy this little epic.
Erm, I'm planning on cleaning up whichever post becomes the 'first post' so it doesnt make the first page of the thread look bad. So if you wanna delete this one and the other ones discussing my first postage for the page's sake I'll fix my first one? sweatdrop (sorry, it sounds like i'm 'giving permission' to clear the posts up. I wasnt sure how to word it. )
Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:16:54 +0000
This is getting confusing. Alright, We're leaving this as is. You officially had the first post and the thread has been started. vw00t
Grey
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:21:09 +0000
Oh! Bravo, my friend! I could hear the narrorator in my mind the whole time. Excellent work on the post.
Off topic slightly here, but I cannot wait for the second installment of the HGTTG.
<333
Off topic slightly here, but I cannot wait for the second installment of the HGTTG.
<333
Obsidian Stray
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:25:58 +0000
That was a lovely story. I wish I could think of things that nifty.
Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:26:33 +0000
Grey
Oh! Bravo, my friend! I could hear the narrorator in my mind the whole time. Excellent work on the post.
Off topic slightly here, but I cannot wait for the second installment of the HGTTG.
<333
Off topic slightly here, but I cannot wait for the second installment of the HGTTG.
<333
I would try to describe the Narrarator, but I can't quite place the voice I had in my head when I wrote it.
Nipoji098
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:27:01 +0000
*glomps her Boss* It was loverly and now I'm all caught up.
Now everything makes so much more silly sense than it already had just by my simple preception of it to begin with. It's a keeper. heart
Now everything makes so much more silly sense than it already had just by my simple preception of it to begin with. It's a keeper. heart
Pyrokinetic #13
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Report Post
- Posted: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:28:23 +0000
Nipoji098
*glomps her Boss* It was loverly and now I'm all caught up.
Now everything makes so much more silly sense than it already had just by my simple preception of it to begin with. It's a keeper. heart
Now everything makes so much more silly sense than it already had just by my simple preception of it to begin with. It's a keeper. heart
^__^ I'm very proud of it.