Muna's Journal

[Siyaahi]

26. How I was right about basically everything, or: Waterpark and More Drama, Hooray (That's sarcasm)

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You know that thing I wrote in the last entry? Well, I was right. Obviously. My wild guessing skill is probably the only thing I'm actually good for.

So I got a pass from one of my customers to this waterpark. It was kind of strange because they basically begged me to take it. When we got there the whole place was...well, strange. It was clearly abandoned, but the water was perfectly clean?

Anyways, we all went. While we were there Ari came out of absolutely no where and Naomi told us not to tell her where she went before like speeding off. Naturally as soon as Ari approached us I told her. I'm the one who will have to deal with the consequences if she doesn't get the info she wants.

So those two ran off. We all kind of stood around for a while, Nina and End striking up a conversation of their own. For some reason I was getting the feeling that I shouldn't be there listening, so I kind of gave them their space and went off exploring by myself.

I didn't find anything particularly interesting. Shanta caught up to me after a while and she showed me some berries she found growing near a stall. After Bijan made sure they were safe, we ate a few. They were really, really sour.

I took the chance to tell Shanta that was ok to tell us stuff, but she just did that false a** bright smile shtick and said 'thanks'. Like I know it's hypocritical of me to be all eh about it but man I'm not a ticking time bomb like she is.

Oh, well. If things happen then they will. I'll just have to try my best to support her when whatever happens.

Around this time we heard yelling, and Nina joined us. End was trying to cheer up Naomi for a bit, and basically the gist of Naomi's situation is that Ari went off to Italy for vacation (but Naomi was really worried for some reason) and that Ari broke up with her. The girl was a mess.

Oh yeah, side note because I literally can't stop talking about him, but End seems pretty bad at cheering people up. Still, seeing him try is pretty heart warming. His panicking face should be enough to make anybody feel better.

Anyways, Nina kind of tried after him in a rather half hazard way cause she doesn't like Naomi, but hey points for trying I guess. End asked what me and Shanta were doing. Nina came back, and we basically gossiped a little bit about Naomi's situation.

I figured I might as well try my hand too because well, getting stuck in a spot sulking doesn't do anything. I know that from personal experience. So I went over to her and tried the method Bijan used to use on me when we first moved. Basically look for the things that are actually bothering her instead of looking at what triggers the person to be upset.

I encouraged her to figure out how her powers worked and stuff. We just kinda talked for a while, and she acknowledged the depressing state of her social life and stuff. Basically how her mom and Ari were the only important people to her.

I mean, I don't really get that kind of thought process. So you don't have billions of people who like you or who you care for or whatever. Is that really such a big deal? As long as you can support yourself then I think it's fine. Even then there is a pretty low chance that you're totally completely alone, so I think it's best if you focus on the people who do care for you in the first place. Even if there aren't a lot.

I guess to me it seems like Naomi has an inability to appreciate the people she has around her? That's just my guess, anyways.

Eh.

Oh yeah, while End was off trying to cheer her up Nina told me to ask him whether he had something to tell me or not. She said it in more rougher terms if I remember it clearly I think, but it did make me feel a little nervous. Still, if End doesn't want me to know something then it's none of my business. He'll tell me if he really wants to. End's a brave guy after all.

It still does make me a little nervous though.

Back to the sequence of events. I got Naomi up and she left. When I went back everyone seemed pretty impressed for some reason. Shrug.

We swam for a while. There were these floating lily pads so we chilled on them, except halfway through Nina like shoved me into the water. Which was not fun. BECAUSE I CAN'T SWIM.

The whole time it was a little awkward between me and End. We eventually decided to go back, and I went to go visit the Merchant. Everybody else decided to tag along even though literally everybody save for me hates the Merchant.

I basically talked to the Merchant for a while about meeting this actor that I saw in a video he showed me. And he was like 'sure, I'll see what I can do'

I forgot what happened next. Bijan accidentally said the c word and then I vomited. Harshly. I guess after Vivian said it so many times it just... I can't get my words in order so I just won't complete that thought.

I had some work to do so I just kinda. Left.

It was a really tense day. I have a bit of a guess on what has maybe happened to Shanta, but...for once, I'm hoping I'm wrong. As far as End goes, well. Things are tense again. I guess I'll just have to see how things play out. If nothing ends (ha) up happening then I'll leave it at that. I'll ask him tomorrow again just in case.

Well, tough day over. I hope the next time we all go out something happy is gonna happen.




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[Siyaahi]

27. Meeting a Porn Star and other odd things

Well.

Today was. Today-ish.

I don't really know how to go about saying this, but somehow I ended up leading like six of my friends to an underground bar that none of them should have been in. I told them that it was fine if they left, but apparently they were either secretly as curious as me to meet the guy I asked Merchant about once or just really bored. At least in End's case I'm pretty sure he was just concerned for me, since he seems to be a lot. Which I would have found troubling before but now I find a little touching, I guess?

I like being around him so it's fine. But I'm going to maybe leave stuff surrounding End for later. Cause, well...that's a thing. That is. A thing. Yeah.

Anyways me and Bijan basically talked about Shanta the night before (basically I expressed my worries and he told me to stop being a baby) and I was kindaaaa worried cause pretty sure Shanta is like uncomfortable with stuff like that but obviously she wasn't gonna say anything so I kinda had to drop it.

We went in. It was as loud and obnoxious as it was the day before when I went there to sell stuff. I had my mask on just in case because going in there after coming in yesterday with my mask off would probably be a stupid giveaway.

I kind of broke off from the group because I was feeling kinda...uncomfortable for some reason? In the midst of my searching, voila, who do I find? The guy! Obviously.

He was actually pretty nice. I don't think he was a magick so I used my pad while Bijan hid, and I got to know him a little bit. He even let me touch his muscles! Which was cool. Then Nina came out of the crowd and told me that End was having some trouble getting through the crowd, so I dragged End out of that.

Then I went to go see Shanta who was super bored, but then everyone was leaving so I went back to go say bye. I gave the guy a hug.

We all exited the club, and Shanta was nowhere to be found. We found her up in the air, and while we were figuring out what to do Ian&Nina did that weird zone out thing. So I figured it was a good time to ask End on whether he had something to tell me.

And boy, did he have something to tell me.

Poor End basically word vomited so fast I could barely understand what he was saying. Between a bunch of apologies and really poor explaining I was basically able to catch on that apparently End had an ex boyfriend who shoved him into the mask, and I think he can't act all touchy and stuff because it reminds him of him? He said he really didn't like him, and seemed to be worried on whether I'd be angry or jealous.

Jealous of a dead guy? Yeah right. I actually felt kind of bad for the poor sucker. The guy ruined his own relationship and had his boyfriend get snatched away from some sick kid in the future.

He didn't seem to know how to take my reaction. I guess he expected me to get upset. But I mean...End is pretty old, and pretty handsome. It's not like I hadn't considered the possibility of him having a previous relationship before.

Though, seriously, End has got some weird taste.

Anyways, Nina/Ian ended up leaving so it was up to us to find Shanta. I went to the Merchant first, of course, because the Merchant is the best place for me to go in all situations. We ended up finding Shashi behind Flare with a bunch of stoners on him, and End tried to get them off but kind of failed so I took over. Then we rushed back to this cafe that the Merchant said she was in and we found her safe and sound.

...In a dumpster. She had fallen in.

Talk about scaring the s**t out of me. I thought she had finally exploded. But she was fine. For now. And forever, I would hope, but I don't think that's really possible.

Uh...I guess eventually we all went back to school or something. The end of this entry, I guess.




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[Siyaahi]

28. Visiting Sushi Girl (Or: I get stressed out about my boyfriend)

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I hadn't seen Naomi in a while so I figured I'd go to the Catacombs, but I didn't know of any entrances that weren't blocked so I was kind of in a bind. Me and Bijan just kind of stood around and ended up getting onto the topic of Grandpa's new letter.

Bijan says it's a stupid idea and it's dangerous to go alone, but...I don't know. I've had so many questions to ask him over the years, and he's sent me all this clothing without asking me why, and I just. Feel like I should? Bijan thinks differently, though. I think he knows that if we go the chance of him staying is really high.

Ugh, I don't know. Spring break is still too far off for me to even think about these things. Maybe I won't even go.

...I really feel like I should, though. There are old friends that I really should revisit. And...to make sure that 'he' is okay. Grandpa mentioned him, too. Bijan says he's only trying to instigate me but...

What will I even do when I see him again? I don't trust myself not to get used by those scheming adults again.

Bijan was in the middle of protesting when End appeared, and I told him that we were going to the Catacombs. Of course we went together. End is apparently a mystic now, which is pretty cool! Cause when he does lumos and stuff it looks like vapor.

Anyways we wasted a bit of time (which was fun, I don't care how much Bijan complains) until we finally came to the ruins. It was surprising, since it's both of us I thought we would get lost or something. I guess luck was on our side for the day.

We also met this person named Cas, who is this cool third year with this gem for an eye. Anyways they offered to join us (because we probably looked super incapable) and we ended up at that hole. Cas went over first, with both me and End levitating her. (After all the studying and meditating I did I managed to catch up. My magic capacity is still pretty weak but after the lock broke it's been easier to cast spells. They're less than average for an elf, but I've been trying to pay attention in class more. I have to study a lot in my free time though because class moves pretty fast. It sucks, but I don't wanna get behind again.)

Anyways Cas went over, and then End levitated me. He's pretty good at levitating. When I do it the stuff hovering in the air kind of wobbles, but when he does it it's like a ride. Halfway through I started going faster, though, so I guess Cas contributed. She kind of grabbed me. Man, the power difference between a second and third year sure is high.

I got kind of impatient so I ended up running ahead. It's a straight path so I figured it was fine, right? I ended up at the waterfalls but you know, sound travels really well down that path. And Cas was...well, they were saying stuff. It kind of sucks, because Cas is totally cooler than me. Like, I've known from the beginning that End is totally out of my league and I thought that I'd be willing to give him up in favor of him being happier with somebody else but...no. Can't do it now. Nope. Deadline for stealing Muna Nejem's hot tamale boyfriend is over.

People are only coming onto him now that he has a nice face, which is really annoying. Like, could you not see how absolutely charming he was when he was a mask? His face is definitely the best, but his personality is...even more the best! Man, all my frustration disappeared at my own stupidity.

Anyways I think it was a bit obvious I was kind of upset because End looked a little worried, but I brushed both of them off and went down. Bijan hid in my cute beanie cause I don't know bubble, and I walked past the cavern and into the hallway where the fog and vapor cuts off for some reason and left him there to dry.

I went back, and Cas grabbed onto me and we went in this bubble underneath the pool. It was the COOLEST thing. We were under the water, though Naomi tried to push us away was not so cool. Cas resisted, though.

Then we got out, Naomi dragged herself out, I gave her the sandwich and everyone small talked for a little bit about things that were probably important to our tender developing relationships with eachother. I went to the hall cause I was getting kind of antsy with Bijan away (sometimes it's bearable but the curse likes negative emotion and I was not exactly in a good mood.)

I went over to Bijan and we talked a little bit and then I fell asleep. When I woke up Cas was next to me, and she told me that Naomi was apparently chewing out End. So I stood up and marched myself over there. I got my pad and basically told Naomi to blame Cas coming along with me, since it was Bijan who requested her to come. She seemed more than willing to do that, so it was ok.

Cas didn't really seem to care, anyways. Bijan told me later that apparently where she lived there were mermaids or something. They both seemed to get along, which was kind of interesting and also kind of weird.

Later I went to Justus wit End. We met Ian, who was doing something with a laptop and a game, and apparently they needed to speak privately so I went to go see the Merchant with Nina. I asked him about some things and then me and Nina went back. End was nowhere to be seen so I was kind of worried, but then Ian said that End was in the game? But Ian somehow had control over the game?

Me and Nina were just standing around waiting to see what would happen, but it basically became clear to me that End had everything under control so I dragged Nina off to go shopping with me.

It was really fun. We tried lots of different stuff. I kind of ended up talking about End a lot (which is a bit embarrassing) and we basically bonded over clothes / talked about the suspicious creepy old guys that hung around Justus nowadays.

Nina bought me a green dress because I kind of mentioned how End wore a lot of green. We could be unintentional-but-not twinsies, since I think the last time we did that End seemed pretty happy? BUT I DONT KNOW MAYBE HE DOESNT ANYMORE

But, yeah. That was the day. Started off bad and then ended pretty ok.





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[Siyaahi]

29. Untitled

to w e r > vi vi a n

twr = x ? ? ?

c a rp e t = xxx

sh a n t = boo m

x = han d s





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[Siyaahi]

30. Kidnapping Naomi's mom

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My hands got healed. I'll write about yesterday properly after I get this aside. ...Well, maybe I will. I don't...really want to, to be honest.

Me, End, Nina, Ari and Naomi went back to her house again. Had to go rescue her mom or whatever. Ari & Naomi had their...not tearful, actually, Naomi just kind of hugged Ari and Ari just stood there but yeah they reunited or whatever. And man, Ari does not look like herself. She used to feel all scary and threatening and stuff with like this layer of fake happiness, but now she just seems like she...doesn't care? Worn out? Different. She doesn't smile or laugh or act all playful anymore.

Guess the Lucians won't be living under a reign of their own terror anymore. Ari had that weird way of making people scared of her without doing anything.

Anyways, we rode the bus there. Bijan mostly socialized instead of me, because the bandages made it harder to say certain stuff. It was also harder for Bijan to translate, but he (basically) got everything right. It was kind of weird because I usually love talking, but I was basically just too lazy.

Anyways we got to a town away from Naomi's house and went to the beach. She turned all fish and we all put in ear wax, and then we went under the ocean!! WHICH WAS SO COOL!
THERE WAS LIKE FISH EVERYWHERE IN ALL DIFFERENT COLORS AND LIKE COOL PLANTS AND STUFF AND MAN IT WAS SO COOL! Like, an aquarium but more hardcore. I've only ever been to one.

End nor Ari seemed to really care that much (I think End tried for me) but I just thought it was so amazing. It was pretty, and super neat how so much stuff can live in some place so wet. And there was still sand! It was like walking through a drowned desert.

So cool.

I guess that makes that...three or four times I've been to the beach? Man, I'm so glad I got to. After we got off the bus me and Nina made a sand castle and stuff. At least I have Nina to act like a kid with and shop with and stuff.

Anyways Naomi did this weird thing where she made us ride this water gush to the top of the cliff that her house was sitting on, which made all of us drenching wet from like waist down but I don't think anybody seemed to notice at the time.

Me and End were tasked with getting the crown thing from the guy's office while Naomi went off with Ari to go get her mom. Ari translated for her since she was still in fish mode and apparently she told Bijan to keep us on task.

I was like 'excuse you' but man, I can't even deny it. Still, the ability to waste time with your significant other is a good thing, right? It probably isn't but I'll just pretend it is.

Anyways Naomi like washed out all the guards in the backyard so we could go through (which made me a bit nervous so I kind of clung to end because he can swim and I can not) and Bijan kind of hit underneath my shirt because I wasn't wearing a scarf. Luckily nothing fell on him, which was a very good thing.

We went inside and Naomi gave us a few tips before we all split up. Going up the stairs was pretty chill, and it actually felt ok until something moved behind us? End didn't seem to notice, but I heard a guard coming so we rushed up to the fourth floor and I dragged him into a bathroom.

It was Cati, of course. She seemed to have realized that somebody snuck in. The guard and her went away and me/End slipped out to go to the hall that lead to her dad's office.

End did the vapor thing, Bijan kept away and bam, there were lasers. I could see a security system at the end of the hall but I had a feeling that if I smashed it another alarm would probably go off, so I just went through the lazers by myself. I guess there are good things about being small. End told me to be careful, which I of course was. I don't think he liked the idea of me going on ahead by myself.

I mean, it wasn't too hard. If crawling through lasers was like a videogame, it would be a few levels harder than the ones I had to go through during the museum. I made it to Naomi's dad's office and went inside. The crown thing that she wanted was in a shelf, and there were at least two security things attached to it. There was an electric power panel too, and I tried my best to examine everything to find out a way to get the thing out without setting the alarm when I realized there was literally no way.

So I summoned my scimitar and smashed through the glass. I ended up getting a cut, and the alarms ended up going off, so I just grabbed the thing, shoved it in my bag and ran out to grab End. There was a lot of sounds below, too, and I knew we wouldn't make it to the front door so I figured that jumping out of a window might be a better idea.

We made it to the second floor before we ran into a bunch of guards and Cati. She didn't seem interested in us at all, and just went to go get Naomi. Which was great, because that just left me and End to get to the window. I used End's vapor to make them think I dropped my scimitar and got their guards down for a moment. Then we went for the window, I improb'ed because like hell was I gonna get another bullet through me, and down we went.

We just walked along the road back to the beach. It was nice. I got End to put a bandage on my cut and I wanted to see him panic so I told him it really hurt. His reaction was great. I was wondering how far I could take it so I told him if he chanted and clapped his hands together the pain would go away.

It was way, way, cuter than expected. I almost died.

Oh yeah, Naomi/Ari/her mom named Marinna appeared then. Her mom was all blue skinned and pretty nice. They had to dry out so we just stayed around for a while and then went back home on the bus.

Me and Nina got to hear lots about End's ex. I know I asked him, but still, I guess I might not be indifferent at all. Basic gist of it: His name is Faust, he joked around a lot, called himself Selene, and shoved End into a mask. End wasn't happy about the last part. Obviously.

Also, he mentioned to me that he knew dark magic. And that he regret not doing anything at the time at the tower. I...got kind of angry.

Because End isn't useless? He's far from useless! Actually, out of anybody I think I've relied on him the most when we go on adventures.

My illusion magic works best with his vapor, for example. It really does, too, I'm not just being cheesy. Working with actual water is a lot harder than vapor, because at least when water is in a gas form it's just a matter of constructing stuff. When you use actual water, you have to do all this extra work.

Doing more intricate stuff is so much easier for me when End is there -- actually, anything is easier for me when End is there. He...makes me want to be brave.

But, oh, that's not the point. I'm sounding pretty self centered right now and I know it. This isnt the point. I stormed off to Merchant and complained for a while. The weight of everything, just...I threw a bit of a fit, I guess. I talked to Merchant for a little bit, (it was actually pretty good) and ended up going back to End feeling super embarrassed.

I sort of apologized because I think he thought I was mad at him, and then we just sorta...went back home. It was really late, but the walk back was nice. Quiet.

Now I'm back at the dorms. I stayed in the common room studying for a while. Ari came back super late, looking at me and the flowers everywhere, then made a comment about needing to water them all before telling me that it was lights out and that I wouldn't die if I didn't read another word.

So now I'm under the blankets with a flashlight writing this. I guess it's time I go to bed.




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[Siyaahi]

31. How I got a texting buddy

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So.

Merchant wanted to get a suit back or something today.

Somehow I ended up going with Nina/Naomi/End, and we ended up at this big studio. Naomi sure knows a lot about...lots of things. So we went, but inside they were kind of busy. I kind of noticed that End was looking kind of uncomfortable and it struck me that I really haven't been trying to like...make him feel more comfortable on these adventures?

Anyways we went in and we had to go into the room or whatever of that actor I mentioned meeting in a club. Somehow writing the p word is embarrassing. We waited for a while, I found this weird poster of him and Merchant, oh my god, it was terrible and sat around with End for a while. Small talk, insert weird innuendos and Naomi's questionably large knowledge about....the p word, then, ta-da!

P-guy. In the flesh. And just as friendly as always. He let me sort of poke at him for a bit (he was really sweaty) and we talked for a while. Then we exchanged phone numbers. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention it but yesterday when I stormed off to the Merchant he gave me this phone that somebody had apparently lost. Also, I'm officially working for him.

Anyways, it was time to go, but End seemed uncomfortable so I just kind of shoved his hat over his eyes and dragged him out of there. I asked him how he felt about those kinds of things (since Naomi seemed pretty chill, and overall my knowledge about it is pretty little) and he said that those kinds of things should really be private knowledge. And that it shouldn't be watched.

Which, well, I kind of understand. I don't understand the fun in watching it either.

I breached a bit of a sensitive topic as casually as I could, but he didn't give me an answer, which I'm perfectly fine with. It was one of those things that I think eventually comes up with all couples? If End doesn't want to talk about it then it's fine. I mean, we'll have to probably talk about it one day. But whether or not we decide to do those kinds of things doesn't really matter to me. I can understand why End might not be interested; he's been living for a really long time.

But, yeah. I don't care either way. Like I've said before, I just want to be by End's side.

We gave Merchant back his suit. Something else probably happened, but I don't really remember. It was probably uninteresting and boring.

A surprisingly...uneventful day? I guess.





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[Siyaahi]

32. I Am Nervous all day and that's about it

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I'm a big baby.

Like, the biggest of babies. The fat baby that all the doctors and nurses are worried about because I have to be in the hospital for like five months because I'm a sick, weak, fat baby.

Went to go see End in Janus dorms today. We don't see eachother on school days save for outside of classes, and I just sort of...wanted to? I guess. That's ok, right?

Anyways, I went to go inform him about the whole wings for Shanta thing. No real progress on anything yet. Oh, I should explain that, actually.

On that day when I wrote that entry, Shanta needed to go get mushrooms at the forest. Something was reeking of fishiness to me so I was really, really worried. We were near the edge of the barrier, and I remembered how Vivian was talking about how they found a way to get to the tree and..I was remembering Naomi's words about how Merlin's treasures were rumored to be up in the tower.

Somehow I knew Vivian was going to be there. So I told them to seriously not follow me and went up on ahead to fulfill my role. Except...they followed anyways. Vivian was talking to the 'Scout' or whatever, arguing with her about how to get up the tower. Naturally, the Scout saw us.

There was really no chance of running. Vivian tried to get Shanta to go up there so she refused, so she...picked me. I dropped my marble, and she levitated me to the top of the tower. When I saw through the window at the top, I didn't see anything? It was weird. Why would there be a tower there if it had no purpose? The items are definitely hidden, I just know it. I wish I could have casted keen eye on myself.

Bijan reported that there was nothing there so Vivian decided to just let my a** freefall. And honestly, I thought I was going to die. My head got super light headed and I knew somebody had screamed my name but the only thing I could think about was how the wind blew up against me and how my hands stung from trying to grab at the rocks on the way down. I knew she was going to drop me, after all.

Shanta saved me. Nina caught us with a levitate, and when I looked up from Shanta's shoulder I saw Vivian cast a break onto Shanta's carpet. I froze. I couldn't breathe. I was absolutely, entirely useless.

That time, I couldn't even save my own a**.

Shanta was heartbroken. We had to get her back to Janus, and she was sobbing the whole time. She definitely hates me, so I've been avoiding her. End has been taking care of her, I guess, but I'm a little bit worried about what he's feeding her.

Anyways. I've been trying to see if I could help her out, but the teachers were no good. So I went to go tell End. (But mostly to see him.)

While I was there, I cooked something up for Shanta. End went to go up to check up on her (oh yeah by the way Nina was there) and gave her it. Apparently it went well.

While I was down there with Nina, I basically...told her about the whole spring break trip thing. She was just sort of like 'oh', and I didn't really know how else to bring it up so I offered her to come along with me. She agreed! She agreed. I was super thankful. So I hugged her. It was a little weird, which she pointed out, but I told her that I did actually like hugging her the best. Save for End. Obviously.

AND END WAS APPARENTLY DOWN THE STAIRCASE AT THE TIME SO YEAH, THAT WAS A THING THAT HAPPENED. Luckily he didn't hear the part about the trip. I would...I would really like him to come along with me, but Shanta is first priority.

She apparently liked the food. But she...ate it too fast. So End had to go help her up there. Me and Nina stayed around for a while until I told her that I was gonna go ahead and go to Justus (ended up having to go see the Merchant and stuff) to do some business.

I went ahead first and got the remaining deliveries out of the way. Had to go see that really creepy guy with the beard who has a leg fetish. Which was not fun. At all. I could like, feel his eyes on me. It was disgusting.

Anyways, I got out of there just in time to see Nina/End waiting for me. Naomi was there too. We went to the Merchant, and I asked about the wings (even though I promised End I would ask Merchant last, but it just came to my head and honestly going out of my way to ask him is so much work if I'm not dropping something off) and he gave me my part of the cash / stuff to go sell.

He also talked with Naomi about something, and got slapped. Well, that's what happens.

I figured I might as well get the first delivery out of the way. It was somebody of really high priority, and...last time I went to go see him I messed up. I had the wrong book. He was very calm about it, but I knew he was angry from the way he spoke to me. I felt like I was wasting his time, and just...it was terrible.

Some of my customers--well, most of them, can be really troublesome, but I've never not wanted to go back to them. This guy...well, for once I was really glad the others with me.

Anyways it turned out he was living in the same super nice hotel building that Naomi's mom was also in. So we figured we'd see her afterwards. Naomi seemed a bit convinced that I might get injured or something. Which was not doing well for my mood at all.

So we went up to the very top floor to like, this penthouse complex, and there he was. There was some loud sound from inside, which really scared me. When he saw us he was smiling though. He's definitely a Magick, because he made this subtle comment which I think meant I was giving myself away as a student of Merlin?

I gave him the book. He patted my head. More than once.

It took all that was in me not to flinch, but he seemed to notice how uncomfortable I look and his...his smile grew wider.

As soon as he closed the door I basically clung to End immediately. After asking for permission, of course. I admit to him that I really hate being touched on the head. It reminds me too much of him. The last time I saw him. I know I really have no reason to be so petulant about having other people touch my head, but I can't stand it. Not at all.

I...I don't really want to. Write about this.

We went to visit Naomi's mom. I clung to End the whole time, and eventually ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, we were apparently leaving, and Naomi seemed a bit nervous for some reason. I was really tired, so I ended up falling asleep on the wall outside of the room. Naomi seemed to say something about the shell-I don't really remember.

We went back to school. I clung onto the back of End's shirt and basically just had him lead me. I'm satisfied, because I got to hug him a lot.





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[Siyaahi]

33. Bait

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In Justus as usual with my delivering done. It's pretty nice; in the beginning it was really hard to try to get customers, especially considering I used to be terrible at approaching people, but as I kind of got over it Merchant just started sending me on delivery trips instead of trying to get rid of stuff in the bag. Anyways, I finished fast.

End was there. I found some chicken nuggets and I figured he probably hasn't been eating a lot, so I offered him some, but for some reason he seemed really apprehensive. He asked me where I got them from too, and I told him I didn't know. It was from the Merchant, but...they couldn't have been that bad, right?

Anyways End refused them, which made me feel kind of embarrassed since I went out of the way to like pat his stomach. He didn't seem to mind, which was great, because End's tummy is great.

Wow, I wrote something really embarrassing.

So anyways I also noticed Naomi in a corner practicing sword swings in the way only somebody who has never used a sword done them: wrong. Which I mean, I use a scimitar so it's different but even I could tell.

So like, I commented about that, and then she was like blah blah idk how to use a sword muna blah blah tries to cover up the fact that I was acting like a total weenie, then we allll went to go see the Merchant. Along the way I talked with Naomi, and she commented on the fact that me and End were always together.

There isn't like, anything weird about that, right? So what if I actively seek him out and try to finish up my work in a strategic direction that leads me to the exact same spot that I know he passes by whenever he's in Justus! It's not like I want to see him all the time!

Wait. It's exactly that.

s**t.

I think I've actually gotten worse since I first realized I had a crush on him. Oh my god. I thought it couldn't get any worse. OH MY GOok. This isn't the time for this. I just want to get to the end of this entry.

I almost forgot I feel like s**t.

Anyways, Naomi told me that clinginess was annoying and that I probably couldn't last a week without staying away from End. And...I accepted. I have a weakness for bets. Ever since I was little.

Anyways, I talked to the Merchant for a bit. I got a text from P-bro after a moment, and I mentioned Merchant to him, and took photos and stuff. I was getting the vibe that Merchant wanted to avoid him, because he ended up like ditching town for an apparently undisclosed amount of time.

Which was cool, because that means no work for me. Anyways, everything was pretty funny.

Oh yeah, End took a chicken nugget. And turned into a kid at the same amount of time I realized just what exactly the nuggets did. God, he was so cute. He wanted to find his sister, and Naomi basically took care of him. We lead little End to Janus dorms (god the way he nodded was so cute, he was SO ADORABLE AS A KID I WANTED TO PINCH HIS CHEEKS) and were basically trying to figure out what to make him, when I saw a lump on the couch and I was just like...ok. Time to cook.

So I cooked. A lot. Somewhere halfway through Shanta woke up as soon as I set a dish down and was informing End (who had ate another chicken nugget to turn back to normal) how to help her out.

I ended up talking to Shanta. She ended up crying a bit, and she yelled at me, and called me stupid and told me that she hates bait. Which I guess means she hates me.

So I left.

I'm not writing about it anymore.






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[Siyaahi]

34. I can't even think of a good title for this nonsense

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Two words.

Holy.

s**t.

Ok. SO. I'm going to just try to. Not like. Yeah.

I finished up my orders in Justus today and went out of that spot I usually do. It's been a week, so I won the bet! Which I notified Naomi about as soon as she appeared out of nowhere. And then I tackled End into a great big hug in an attempt to recharge myself from being End-less. Oh yeah, and Nina was there.

The whole bet thing was explained to him, and I was kind of worried he'd get mad so I mentioned the whole clinginess is bad thing Naomi was talking about. Honestly, part of the reason I did take the dare was because I was a little afraid that I might be annoying him, but...he said that it was ok? Which was really relieving, because I don't know how many times I'll be able to do that whole no touch thing before self combusting. Like, I'll still do it, but I'm going to die. I'm going to die from a lack of affection. That will be a thing that will most likely happen.

Anyways, everything was ok. I cuddled myself into End while Naomi and Bijan talked about putting her mom some place. He mentioned my first customer and how he had this place for Naomi's mom to stay. They continued talking but Naomi suddenly stopped talking. Bijan was giving me anxious vibes too, and when I looked up I saw why. It was Vivian.

I immediately dragged End away from her, because that time he mentioned that he could use black magic was the first thing I was thinking of. She seemed to be in a pretty tame mood for once, saying that she was only on a walk. And she kept on...talking.

She called me her friend. Said that she was glad I wasn't angry at her or whatever. It was...weird. She keeps contradicting herself. She called me weak and pitiful too, and told me that it was inevitable I would die // stuff like that. I mean...it's not anything new.

But there was this spirit hovering around her. Bijan recognized it before me. Shashi, of course. I guess he has the most experience with recognizing desert spirits and stuff. It's some fairy thing. Anyways Vivian didn't seem to know how to get it off, and she told us that she was actually planning on breaking Shanta but Shashi got in the way.

Oh man. End like, lost it. But like in a cool way? But also in an incredibly stupid way.

He spoke up. He basically outright told Vivian that he was going to resist her. (He also said that I wasn't weak and that I wouldn't die, which was actually kind of reassuring for some reason) She seemed kind of confused for a moment before she went back to being all smiley and took off her glove.

At that moment, everyone except for me turned into a ******** idiot.

She approached End with the intention to 'hug' him (read: deal with him and taint him) and I tried to offer myself up but Vivian told me that she didn't want to hurt me (??????? and earlier she had mentioned that she didn't want me or end mad at her) and also End told me 'no' in this absolutely firm voice. I was getting really, really scared. Naomi kept inching towards the water and even Nina seemed to be preparing herself for something.

It's just...what were they expecting? Why was I the one kept being told to stay back? Everyone else should be the ones who are worried about. Maybe it's because I've saw and partially felt the brunt of how strong Vivian has become, but I couldn't bring myself to get on the offensive or whatever. I'm not brave enough to just do that stuff all of a sudden.

I was scared. I was really, really scared. For once, not even holding End's hand made me feel any better.

Vivian kept walking towards us, and I kept on thinking about how I wasn't ready to lose all of my important people at the same time again, but then...End grabbed her wrist. The one she hadnt covered with a glove. And he cast a 'bump' that had her flying back. Naomi fleet feeted us and screamed at us to run. So we did.

I lead them all into an alleyway and into Baseball bat guy's hideout. I could hear Vivian outside cursing at us and threatening us and calling us out. She got the idea in her head to go after Shashi, which caught somebody else's attention so I finally turned to see if End had gotten taint on him. I could hear Naomi asking him and his calm response, but when I turned around and saw the bit that had gotten on him I just lost it.

I cried. A lot. All I could do was dump the vial of sol the Merchant had given me onto End's hand and try to get it in as best as I could. It was absolutely blinding; I could barely see, just sort of dig my thumbs into End's tainted hand. Naomi told Nina to cover the window so Vivian wouldn't find us.

I managed to get it out. God, I managed to get it out. It's like the whole world slowed down when I got it out, and I could hear Naomi saying something like 'what a waste'.

Then all my panic turned into anger. So I slapped End. Because he hadn't cared about being tainted. I felt angry beyond belief. Like what the ******** do you mean it doesn't matter? Where is your sense of self preservation you stupid piece of s**t? It DOES matter! You living matters to a LOT of people. Especially ME.

Does End even realize how dear he is to everyone? No, he doesn't. Because he's a freaking idiot.

There were so many things I wanted to yell at him, or bring up. but I couldn't bring myself to sign anything past 'you're an idiot' because I knew whatever I wanted to say would have gotten lost in translation and shrunken down to something concise. I hate it, because this is something that I want to address to End. He's just...he's so ******** stupid. Everyone is so stupid. I'm so stupid.

And honestly, I don't even feel guilty for writing stuff like that. I don't feel guilty for slapping him. There are not many things I actually feel guilty about.

Anyways, he stopped speaking all calmly and reverted back to his regular self. I basically had his hand in a vicegrip from then on. There was a staircase into the sewers so we went that way to go back to school and into Janus dorms. I only really know the layout of it around the city, I've never used it to actually go back to school. I was also kind of angry at everyone for acting like an idiot, so I wasn't really in the mood to be helpful.

Naomi seemed to know the way though. We basically stomped straight into Janus dorms. Shanta was awake, and she seemed to say something about not letting me in there, but I kind of ignored her and just went for the shelf. I had to get a chair to go up to the top and had to bump the genie's lamp off. It was the only spirit holder thing that I could figure we could put the genie into.

In retrospect, End's mask could have been an option, but I was 1. super fed up with everyone and 2. was not thinking about that at all. Also I dont really think it would have been a good idea to use End's mask. How would we get Shashi's spirit out of it? Besides that, what about Tadion's spirit? Where did that go?

But anyways. Naomi was like blah blah I could have levitated it off but I wasn't having any of it. Shanta was trying to get somebody to explain but neither Nina nor End seemed willing to (they guessed she was gonna yell at us for doing something dangerous I guess, to be honest if we hadn't been fighting I would have explained it to her anyways she kind of deserves to know) and I just summoned the genie or whatever.

I told it to get out, which it was more than willing to do but it couldn't. So I gave it to Naomi and told her to get rid of it, and she asked me for my reasons. Obviously because I know that doing so wouldn't benefit her. And well, it worked. We released a dangerous desert spirit into the world to wreak havoc.

Meh.

Nina punched me in the arm and told me I had done something pretty stupid, and everyone else seemed to agree, but I mean that's funny coming from a trio of people who tried to combat a freaking overpowered black magic user.

And I mean, you can't always guarantee a safe future if you want to get things done. Everything demands a sacrifice.

...'He's' the one who told me that, anyways.

So, yeah, if I'm being honest I don't really care. If the genie causes s**t later then it does. We'll deal with it when it happens, but there is no point in worrying about it now when there are bigger fish to fry. (I wanna try fried fish...)

Anyways we went back through the sewers and back to Justus. I was gonna do an illusion and approach Vivian (aka be bait) Nina was gonna grab Shashi's spirit, End was going to help with the vapor and Naomi was going to be near the water in case anything went wrong. Bijan had to stay with Naomi because of the vapor, so I had to go in alone.

The whole essence of the situation made me a bit nostalgic, but it was unfamiliar enough that I was still kind of anxious. Not scared, though. I was too frustrated at everything to be scared. At everyone for being hypocrites, at Shanta, at myself for being mostly useless, at this stupid curse for making it so hard to do literally everything.

You know honestly I've never actually felt the need to try breaking it until I came to Merlin. The only person I ever cared to have understand me was Bijan, and he can do that fine. Now it's...annoying, not being able to say everything I really want to. I keep thinking about what happened all those years ago and honestly...maybe I don't deserve it? To die or be cursed or whatever.

...It seems like a dangerous thing to think about, and I've gone a bit off topic, so I'll just focus on the events.

I walked up to Vivian with an illusion version of Lara. Nina was sneaking up behind her as Vivian attempted to talk to the illusion. She had caught Shashi in an improb, though, so I was trying to figure out what to do while trying to control the fake Lara. Which...well, it was kind of hard. Eventually Vivian realized that it was impossible for me to fetch Lara myself. And well, I figured out how to get her to release the improb on Shashi's spirit. It was a split second decision, and I couldn't figure out what to do to instigate it.

So I, uh, punched her.

I punched a Blood Pact member in the face. Which worked out great, actually! She hit me back with a bump, which threw me across the alleyway and hurt like, well, in Bijan's terms 'a ******** b***h', but the improb on Shashi's soul went away so Nina grabbed it and put it in the genie lamp.

She approached me with this incredibly...disgusted look on her face. And I guess I kind of realized that the Vivian I was friends with and the Blood Pact Vivian weren't separate entities like I had been trying to tell myself. So I stuck my tongue out at her, and she gave this angry ugh and kicked me in the stomach.

The 'Muna!'s that were shouted were high on the panic scale this time around. Well, they usually are, but you know. We all sort of...regrouped, and I think Vivian stumbled somehow, and Naomi set up this HUGE water barrier...then Vivian did. Something weird.

It was like this...pulse thing. End got all calm again and said that the only chance we had was to run, because it would kill everything in sight and that it was ridiculously taxing. Vivian had told 'fake laura' that she was going to die, so...

Ugh. I wish I wasn't such a baby. Why am I so emotional? I like to pretend that I'm not but I think I really am. It sucks. I shouldn't even feel sad about Vivian anymore but I am. Still. It's not like gigantic 'I can't move' sad, because I DID only know her for like a few months at most, but it's just. There, all the time. And I don't know if it's ever going to go away, and I don't know how I would feel if it DID go away. Just. Ugh.

Anyways. Decided to go into the Catacombs to figure out where the Blood Pact's base was so we could actually report them properly.

We went all the way back to school. I sucked out the taint in my knuckles (well to be precise I helped it redistribute in my body) and everyone was grossed out. Naomi left because Nina and End were going to go back to Janus dorms, and I was going to as well but...well, End asked me to stay. And I mean come ON it's End. I

Ok no we're not about to do this OK. OK ONTO DIFFERENT THINGS

Anyways I went there and well. I talked to Shanta. She told me...her whole deal. And I guess we made up...? We just. Had a good conversation. I tried combing her hair, too, and I put her up to date a bit // explained things properly to her and got her on End's a** a bit. Then she had to get caught up about the whole Faust thing, and well, that was that.

She was about to just cut off the rest of her hair cause I told her that I probably couldn't get out all the greasy knots and stuff (true friendship is brushing eachother's disgusting unwashed hair) and she was about to just chop the whole stuff off. Which I was like, no. I told End to make sure she didn't and called up Marianne since she owed me a favor.

So Marianne came! All bouncy and stuff. Everyone else was kind of visibly uncomfortable. I guess cause she's a ditz. But anyways, she cut off Shanta's hair and went upstairs to wash it. Technically you're supposed to wash it first, but hey, I'm not going to question a professional. Nina followed after them to give Shanta company I guess, and I just stayed down because I figured they were going to have like girl bonding or something. Also, I was way too exhausted to climb up all those stairs.

So I was kind of. Left alone with End. He said he wanted to try something and I just told him to do whatever he wanted to do. He told me to hold still. I figured I had like a bug on me or he wanted to like tell me something important, since he seemed really stiff. But then he kissed my cheek and....wow. I just. I did NOT expect it.

And he apologized but I was like NO IT'S FINE because OF COURSE IT WAS FINE IT WAS MORE THAN FINE but at the same time it was sort of a bit frustrating...? Especially since I spent like a week avoiding him. So I sort of. Did something really dumb and embarrassing.

I was going to like, do it back, but while I was on my tippy toes I was just kind of wondering if I was brave enough to like, go for his lips (oh my god) and I KNEW I wasn't but my body just sort of acted on it's own like a ******** idiot and I'm just going to blame it on the curse but oh my god I went in too fast and freaking smashed my nose into his

AND HE REELED BACK AND I REELED BACK AND OH MY GOD IT WAS EVEN MORE MORTIFYING THAN THAT TIME (insert name bc I refuse to write that scumbag's name) KISSED ME WHEN WE WERE LIKE SIX

And I was LEGITIMATELY screaming on the inside if I wasn't mute I would have been screaming on the OUTSIDE and I could just feel Bijan freaking laughing to himself above me especially when end was like '...were you trying to kiss me...?'

OH MY GOD WHEN HE SAID THAT I

OH MY GOD??? OH M

but then he said you were supposed to tilt your head and I was like ...oh ok and we stood there for like a painful three seconds before END FEREAKIING OFFERED TO TEACH ME AND I WAS SCREAMING (on the inside) AND BIJAN WAS SCREAMING PROBABLY (on the inside) AND THEN HE LIKE TILTED MY CHIN AND LEANED IN and

End is sly. End is incredibly sly. I've decided. OK I HAVE TO PREPARE MYSELF I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN WE

we kissed

we kissed

It was...it was like...wow. It wasn't nearly as weird and uncomfortable as the first time (which I WAS worried about but not acknowledging things as existing has always kind of been my thing so) and End's lips were a little bit chapped but oh my god it is NOT like I mind NOPE NOT AT ALL and just gosh I'm so glad he knew what he was doing because I didn't and it was sooo embarrassing but it was also really really wonderful and oh jeez ok I'm going to stop writing about this because my face is getting warm and I'm under the blankets and it's like 2AM and it's getting REALLY hot

and so we um. we stopped...and End started giggling and it was just. The cutest thing ever. god it was SO cute he was smiling and I literally thought I was going to die by like headrush or something oh my goodness it really did feel like I had more energy all of a sudden (--and it was because I DO have more energy but I'll get to that later) and I guess I was feeling kind of brave? So I sort of...kissed his nose. (To apologize for bumping it.) And then he did this thing where he hunches his shoulders all up and I don't know what it means but gosh it is cute and I apologized but I think he said he didn't mind and just.....yeah.

It was good timing because Marianne came stomping down the stairs and Shanta came too. Marianne congratulated us on something (I guess on being lucky to have a friend with a new cute haircut aka Shanta) and left.

Bijan pointed out how something had broken, and we both realized it was the physical lock. Bijan accidentally said curse and the words started appearing all over me, but it...didn't hurt. Everyone was really glad (End seemed really relieved in particular) especially the part where I didn't cough up a lot of taint

And I couldn't...bring myself to tell them, so I just. Didn't. There was too much bad that happened today. I wasn't going to kill the good mood and tell them that the long term meaning of having the physical lock broken and not cough up the taint properly is...well, it means the curse is beginning to start to. Do it's thing. Very slowly.

I don't know what the psychological effects on me might be. The curse is supposed to make it so you wish to die, and that might...start to show in my behavior soon. Maybe it won't. I don't know. I do know that Bijan was very unhappy that I didn't tell them, though. He told me that if I was going to keep friends again then I was going to have to be upfront with them, but...I just. Can't bring myself to tell them everything about me yet. It's just not in my nature, and besides, there really isn't any reason to, anyways.

Somehow I ended up staying over for a sleepover (along with Nina I think) so I went to get my pjs and that big bunny that end got me (which I sleep with and take very good care of because it is VERY comforting to have around) and went back.

...And now I'm here, writing because I can't sleep because of this stupid lock. I swear, it's all been more trouble than it's worth.

It's always going to be that way, I guess.






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[Siyaahi]

35. Those weird fake cherries on top of a sundae

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And other fun things.

Went to go see the Merchant first before we went off to go like, base catching or whatever. He mentioned this weird feather that had supposedly fallen off an angel, which I guess had to do with the whole thing I asked him about for Shanta. Then he brought out this weird orb and gave it to End, calling it the orb of unsight or something. It had to be charged, though.

Merchant seemed a bit worried. We didn't even have to pay to use it, but he said if we broke it it would be taken out of my paycheck. Which I mean is fine, because I'm pretty great on cash now. I've actually been saving up a lot of it for when I get home and have to switch currencies. I'll just give it to my parents. They...probably won't ask too much. My mom used to pretend not to notice when I 'found' wallets in drunk people's pockets in the nearby alleyways.

I think my dad might, though. Hm. I guess I'll just have to think up an excuse for it. Prize money? Sure.

Anyways, we did end up losing it, but more on that later. I gave End my bag so he could carry it (and to give to him forever because he looked absolutely perfect with it, of course) and then after I showered some affection onto the Merchant (after End had left) I met back up with them. Naomi and Aerykah had been there too, but they went off to help Naomi's mom move.

When I came back they were talking about Ari, I think, and then Naomi took a call. She told me not to go meet that man in the hotel anymore, and that he was the one who made Ari that...way.

I knew something was off about him, but...

...Well, he won't be relevant to me any time soon. That's a bit worrying to have somebody so dangerous in Justus, though. I kind of wish Merchant would be a little more picky with his customers. He did bother to ask me what I was gonna do with the orb, after all.

Anyways we went to the forest and enlisted Carrmin to help us out, and while he was hesitant he eventually agreed. Naomi/Aerykah/Ari basically lead the whole thing, while End and me talked about other stuff.

So we went on. And we entered the cavern. It was really, really cramped, which made me kind of super uncomfortable (which end noticed) before it widened up again. The crystal caverns were super pretty. There were like gems, everywhere. I wanted to take one to maybe give to my mom (since she really likes gems) but, well. Apparently not allowed.

Everyone had apparently forgot how to go where we wanted to, and Aerykah/Naomi were getting all huffy about it to eachother when Ari just kind of...asked the catacombs which direction to go in. Naomi was like 'it's not gonna answer' but then it did. This path of gems lit up. It was pretty cool. I tried asking about the whole gem thing, but, you know. Already wrote about that.

Anyways after I zoned out for like five minutes we all went through till the end until we reached this point where we started going up instead, and poof we were out into the forest. Naomi marked where the Catacombs entrance was and there was lots of chat about nothing (mostly me paying attention to end bc honestly I don't really care about Aerykah/Naomi when they are in vicinity of eachother and my relationship with Ari is based on occasional mutual benefit also End is the best come on)

There was this weird plant barrier thing. Carrmin said that the plants still liked him but it would take a while for him to actually do anything, so we just talked for a while. Basically I talked to End and Naomi/Ari/Aerykah did their own thing. I don't know. I wasn't paying attention to them.

I wondered if he was like a coastal elf or something (if those exist) and he showed me a trick with his vapor. It was cool! This ring of vapor popped out and like disappeared. I was like 'you should get a prize' but for some reason he seemed to hesitate before telling me that he'd tell me later or something to that extent.

Carrmin finished up his thing and we snuck into the woods. We didn't go very far before we heard somebody coming -- the Tank or something. End charged up the invisibility orb we got and everyone just kind of reached out to touch him, which I think REALLY freaked him out. Naomi ordered him to lead our hands to the orb and Bijan just sort of sat on top of it.

Then the Tank dude--can I just call him cradlerobber? CR for short. I'm calling him that. I don't even remember his actual name. Anyways CR revealed himself to us. He was about to pass us when Aerykah gave a sigh of relief. Which made him pull out his wand, obviously.

Ari sliced off a huge branch with some wind some distance away, and then she like....hit the earth with it? So it made tumping sounds. And it actually worked! Wind seems like a pretty useful element in the weirdest of moments, but only then. I'm not really interested in going into lightning, though. Honestly I was thinking I should choose Vapor, but End's got that covered. Also Bijan would die. And plants don't really...interest me at all, so....

Acid? Acid, yeah. Acid suits me anyways.

Anyways we decided it would be an absolutely wonderful time to go back. Except we kind of had to shuffle and it took us forever to go back to the clearing where we had come from, and poor sweet darling End stumbled over something. The orb went flying and ta da, it broke.

CR also somehow managed to find us at that moment. Apparently Vivian had mentioned us or something, because he decided to keep Naomi with him to like. Kill off, I guess. Ari tried to one up him but failed, and her a** + Aerykah had to stay. CR was like 'so are you two gonna be idiots too' and I was like yeah no.

Grabbed End's hand and dragged him out of there. He wasn't happy about it at all, of course, but my best guess was telling me that Aerykah, Naomi and Ari would be able to handle themselves. They're upperclassmen, I'm sure they've dealt with stuff like this before. Also, I wasn't going to put End in that kind of danger. I drag him and Shanta into enough s**t as it is.

So we went back through the catacombs. I put on my best calm face and taught End how to play patty cake while we waited. It didn't help him completely, but it was better than nothing. After a while, I could hear sounds echoing from far away, so I figured they were safe. We left the catacombs and went back up.

While we waited for them to come back up, I mentioned that End had wanted something. He seemed pretty nervous at first, and then he requested me to kiss him. Which was...oh gosh. It was really, really really really REALLY nice. I was hoping it wouldnt be all punch in the gut like it was last time but it was and I'm terrible, and I'm going to hell and oh my god halfway through they appeared.

THEY SAW. THEY SAW US KISSING.

OH MY GOD THEY SAW US AND IT WAS TOTALLY MORTIFYING AND I THINK END COULD ACTUALLY SENSE ME DYING INSIDE BECAUSE HE APOLOGIZED AND STUFF AS WE ALL LEFT THE FOREST AND JUST. GOD. God. I asked him if we could maybe do stuff like that only in private because among other things I would not like to be seen as an exhibitionist. He agreed. I also asked him if my lips were soft because I wasn't thinking, ok, holy s**t even I don't know what I'm thinking sometimes, and he agreed, and just oh my god. I'm just not going to even continue writing about this anymore because yeah.

We went to go get icecream after. Me and End shared a sundae and it was delicious. End let me have the banana and neither me nor Bijan wanted to eat the fake cherry, so End decided to. I told him not to, because it was gross, but he did anyways, and his disgusted face was really cute, but also I felt kind of bad for him. End really is brave.

Then we went back to school after the other three left.

Bijan didn't say anything even though I'm not supposed to eat sweets, like ever. It was kind of weird. During New Years he ignored it when I took one too. And I KNOW he know I noticed, because of that 'thing', but he didn't explain himself. Oh well.





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[Siyaahi]

36. Flowers

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Uh...yeah. Well. Bijan wasn't very happy at the end of this day.

I went to go see End because I hadn't seen him in like...two days? Which is way too long! ...Which I know is a bit much, but he agreed, so I was really happy. Eheheh.

Nothing too eventful, so I'll keep it short. Shanta was in a wheelchair, I showed Marianne #2 and how far it had grown, and lots of other stuff was talked about. ...Including my trip to the Spring checkpoint. End and Shanta were really firm on going, so...I guess that's. A thing.

That's all I really kind of remember. I do remember feeling happy, though, but I forgot why Bijan was aggravated.

...Huh. I guess I was too tired from yesterday to bother really paying attention to things today.




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[Siyaahi]

37. Gold (en dragon) and also I am a hopeless idiot but that isnt anything new

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So I kind of sort of fought a dragon today, except not really.

Met up with Shanta and End today, of course. We decided to go see the Merchant on info about that wing for Shanta, because she was getting sick of her wheelchair. Nobody save for me seemed to believe in Merchant's integrity, though. Which kinda sucks, because sure he was a douchebag at first but he's a pretty big softy at heart. Nobody'll listen to me no matter how much I try to press that, though.

Anyways, me and End went to see him. I was originally going just to give him the regular money and stuff, and End was gonna bring up the wing thing. So we had a convo about that, Merchant told this lame story about three angels falling and the different powers of their wings, something about the one in Justus or whatever being kept in a sanctum, mentioning a guardian, all that stuff.

So me and End went back to Shanta to brainstorm. We figured it would probably be in the Catacombs since Merlin apparently used to be a religious sanctum, and End mentioned that the Merchant had said the guardian was gold, so....Gold Dragon.

Shanta was against it, of course. She was like IM NOT ASKING YOU TO DO THIS and stuff. Like homie, come on. Giant lizard. I'M practically the one getting the treat.

Except I wasn't, and the whole experience was ******** terrible, but I'm doing this in order so I'll get to that part later.

We enlisted Nina's help, and down me and End went into the catacombs to find Naomi to drag us along there. (Ok so like HALFWAY THROUGH we put in earplugs right and so I maybe sort of had 'signed' something to End and yeah I'LL GET TO THAT LATER BECAUSE OH MY GOD) We found her with her mom. Her mom left, and we asked her to lead her there. Both of us thought it was probably a good idea to not tell her just who we were doing things for.

Apparently going to the Gold Dragon meant getting lost. Eventually we did, and we reached a crossroad. I was considering going with Naomi because it's not like I was gonna leave End with her and I know how much Nina hates her guts, but I was paired up with End and it wasn't like I was gonna run after Naomi or whatever. That's like preferring to get a pet cat after somebody gives you a tiger. Doesn't make sense. Nu uh.

Me and End talked a bit. I learned a bit more about him (which I'm always really eager to do, honestly, and I want to make sure that End knows that somebody is interested in him because nobody really asks him questions) and we both investigated a little bit. I found this gold coin, so I guess we were going the right way. I wasn't stupid enough to pocket it, though. I sort of vaguely recalled hearing about the gold dragon in the beginning of the year, and something about it not liking greed...?

Also, what the hell was I supposed to do with a gold coin? You can just spray paint a quarter and it's basically the same thing.

We continued until we found this place with three different splits through it. Naturally End wasn't going to want to split up I wonder sometimes how he's a janus and not a tomas but then I remember that End has these occasional moments when he does something kind of really out of nowhere. So, yeah. ("Ten points for you for picking your best friend and boyfriend out of the crazy house. You pick the keepers." - Bijan, pretending like he isn't majorly fond of them himself) There was this boulder thing I was inspecting when Nina and Naomi arrived too.

So using the power of friendship we levitated the boulder away. Me and Naomi went down first. And uh. Sort of started talking about End. Earlier at the salt falls I had sort of...kissed his ears. And uh. Tried to see if I fit in his jacket. Cause OK THERE ARE THESE MOMENTS WHERE LIKE PEOPLE ZONE OUT RIGHT SO I FIGURE IT'S OK TO BE ALL GROSS TOWARDS END THEN BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY SEEMS TO NOTICE But then they do and I was REALLY REALLY EMBARRASSED because kissing ears is actually like a super intimate thing and Naomi was like wow if you get so embarrassed over this how are you two gonna have sex and I just.

I need some water. Like. Right now.

Ok.

SO.

(As a side note, it's amazing how used to writing out what I'm thinking on a pad of paper I've become that I actually had to write that before I went to go get some water.)

One incredibly embarrassing conversation later, which I'm praying to whatever god out there is that End didn't overhear, plus some time spent in really slow free fall via all of us levitating eachother which in retrospect was a huge show of trust for all of us, we reached the bottom of the cave. I decided to go on ahead because Bijan explained the cultural importance of kissing ears and uh yeah.

Guessssss I can't get away with doing that anymore.

We came to the Gold Dragon. It wouldn't let any of us approach very far, but I got like two steps in? Naomi said that it was trying to figure out who needed something the most. It was Shanta, of course. So what does the Gold Dragon do? Make her appear out of nowhere.

And basically the whole place went into chaos. Shanta disappeared into a gold pile. Me and Nina tried to look for her but then we had to dodge a lot of fire and stuff. Naomi and End did this thing where I think Naomi shoved End into this protective barrier of water? I tried using an improb at least once, Nina had to turtle me and her and a lot of her energy went down the drain, etc. etc.

Then the thing nearly tried burning End down again. I was NOT about to let that happen, so I sort of. Pelted the dragon. With gold coins. Which was successful in the fact that it got it's attention away from End, but then it went after me. So I figured hey, let's dive into a pile of gold coins.

I was betting on that the dragon wouldn't want to burn down it's coins, but I was apparently wrong. Amongst the coins I eventually found Shanta. I was hoping that she would disappear since it was REALLY heating up in there, but she didn't. So I tried tugging her out. I could hear Bijan shouting out above, and eventually with the help of End and Naomi we got tugged out.

Somewhere further away, Nina apparently spotted the wings. She chose the brown one before she fainted. I hadn't used as much magic as everyone else, (plus I was an elf so I wouldn't have gotten tired anyways) so I levitated Nina over to Shanta's body (that Naomi had gotten out)

Everything, it was just...a total rush. Shanta had slowly started turning gold while I was trying to grab her out of the pile of gold for some reason unknown to me, but when we tried giving her the feather it didn't work. The dragon seemed to have suddenly gone docile, though. Naomi ordered End out, who levitated Nina, but End seemed pretty hesitant to go. I stayed with Shanta, and I...had a feeling. That what the dragon was going to do was going to help.

So I backed the ******** away. And the dragon blew fire straight at Shanta. She screamed, and for a cold second I thought I really HAD guessed wrong, but...when the dragon stopped, the gold had stopped too.

So, we won? The dragon went to looking like some gigantic puppy in a giant lizard with wings body, which I would have found incredibly charming if it wasn't for the fact the thing nearly burned End to death. (It nearly burned me to death too but End is an angel that deserves no harm to him. I'm a piece of s**t so it's ok.)

I mean like it was still super super cute, but not cute enough for me to like, hug it. Which I may have been considering attempting when we first encountered it. Nobody has to know. Except for Bijan. Bijan called me an idiot afterwards.

Anyways it moved this pile of gold and ta da, convenient portal thingy. So we all sort of went to the courtyard to like. Do stuff. Shanta's wings seemed to be working ok. She went off to Janus Commons for something (I don't quite remember what.) Everyone else just sorta...lied on the ground.

Naomi's taint was looking even worse, so Bijan eventually convinced her to let me eat it out. She was texting Ari I guess, because she kept on looking at her phone occasionally. So she agreed, and I cut through her arm a bit with my scimitar so I could actually get to the taint, and I put my mouth on her arm. It was actually less awkward than I expected, mostly because Naomi was in terrible pain and honestly...sucking out taint is not a pleasant experience. At all.

Because I could taste blood with it and it feels kind of slippery and rotten and stuff, and it FEELS like it's going to sink into the insides of my throat and make me rot too so it's kind of scary. That's a lie. It's REALLY scary. It tastes absolutely disgusting and it's an absolutely terrible experience because you feel like vomiting the whole entire time and you want to throw it all back up but you force it inside anyways and later when I threw it all back up again it stung more than usual.

But...I could feel Bijan's presence in my mind, which was really comforting. And honestly, it felt good. To be useful for once. The sense of being irreplaceable was nice. Hearing Naomi in pain kind of reminded me that I needed to finish the job, too, so I did.

She complained a s**t ton afterward. Weird vampire, etc. Around the time I finished, who else but Daksha was to appear. Groan.

He sort of reminds me of...that disgusting person I refuse to name and have unfortunately started to think about. Also he's just really annoying. So I don't like him. At all. Anyways he came on his magic carpet or whatever and he was like BLAH BLAH BLAH I wasn't listening because I hate him. He went off to get Shanta and we all just sat around and Naomi called him a tool. Oh, yeah. I was feeling particularly hostile to Daksha because I was lying on End's lap.

It was BEYOND nice.

Anyways Naomi called him a tool and some while later we heard Shanta yelling at him and Daksha was running out with Shashi and such but we managed to catch him. Somebody caught him in a levitate and Shanta caught up and yelled at him a bit (Daksha had told Shanta's parents about Shashi being broken even though he had told us earlier he hadn't, and I mean I can understand WHY he would do it but like what was he thinking. Dumbass.)

Nina was getting tired of levitating him so she dropped him and then I did it. He wanted to take Shashi back with him to fix. Bijan tried calmly talking to him because it was obvious nobody else was going to (I was feeling a little guilty of being such a little s**t in front of End but when I looked over he didn't seem upset or anything? So yay :D)

And then we eventually let him go off with the stuff. Shanta stormed off, and eventually Nina/Naomi left. So...I was alone. With End.

And he asked me about what I had said earlier to him and I was like OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT TO SAY IT which he accepted pretty easily (I think I lied and said I forgot oh my gosh I don't remember what dumb excuse I gave him) and so we just sort of...talked a bit. And somehow he ended up saying that he really liked me and I SORT OF JUST. Told him. That I loved him.

And I was SO SO SO nervous because he had just said he liked me you know? And it's not like we've even been dating for more than a year but god, just all the time I've spent with him and all the stuff we've done together makes it feel like forever. And I know I'm a kid and stupid but I just really, really love him. And it just...it feels scary and I don't know what to do with myself to the point I kind of want to cry but I just...I love him. I love End.

Like I KNOW I'm a total idiot when it comes to him and I KNOW I'm weird about it but I can't just stop myself, it was so scary when I told him but now I just...want to write it everywhere. I love End I love End I love End. I'm embarrassing myself but I really, I just, I can't help it.

I really thought I was going overboard when I said it too, but he just...god, he just. He looked so happy. And he reciprocated and my arms feel really weak just thinking about it and I'm smiling at my stupid journal and Bijan is giving me this grossed out look right now but I was so relieved. My face is really warm right now just thinking about it, god. I'm a mess. A gross mess. A stupid gross happy mess.

And OH MY GOD SO LIKE OK so I kissed his cheek. Right? Because you know the first time he did it I didn't really do it back properly because I had to once again convey to him like an idiot just how unattractive and stupid I am. But it ended up being our um firstkiss SO IT'S OK. IT'S OK. HAHAHA.

EXCEPT YOU SEE. EXCEPT. EXCEPT WHEN I WENT BACK DOWN ON MY FEET BECAUSE END IS TALL AND I HAVE TO GO ON MY STUPID TIPPY TOES END WAS LIKE 'oh' AND I WAS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG BUT THEN HE WAS LIKE 'that was nice but I was expecting something else' AND LIKE OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

WHEN DID END BECOME SO CUNNING LIKE? WHEN. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN. IS HE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.

LIKE IT DOESNT SEEM ALL THAT AMAZING ON PAPER BUT LIKE WITH THE ADDED PAUSES IN BETWEEN AND THE VOICE END SAID IT IN LIKE. SHOOT ME. IM LITERALLY GOING TO EXPLODE EVERYWHERE ANYWAYS I DESERVE TO DIE JUST. STRIKE ME DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS AND DRAG ME DOWN INTO HELL WHERE I BELONG.

and then we kissed and it felt nice and it was nice and everything was very nice and then i went back to dorms.

The end. Of today.

I need another glass of water.




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[Siyaahi]

38. Dad and other things

Wow.

Uh.

So my dad. And Marianne. Are apparently part of the same...shady underground business thing that pays like. Nothing. (Even to my dad who is like an officer or an official or something? Which basically means he works for it full time. ...But it still doesn't pay anything at all because most of the money has to go to...other things.) And I think he was running on jet lag because he seemed really frustrated about something.

He met Shanta/End and Shanta/End met him. And Shanta didn't really like him because when he went to go talk to me he touched my head. It's not like I have some trauma or anything, though, so it's not that really a big of a deal. I just...don't like anyone ruffling my hair. Because it makes me forget how 'he' did it. Also, my head is really sensitive ever since the whole curse thing happened and it lost it's whole black color thing.

It would be nice if I got my black hair back, because it was all nice and silky and stuff. Also I actually look more boyish with it. The whole white eyelashes thing doesn't really help me out any in terms of looking like my gender. I mean, I don't really see it as a bad thing anymore (mostly because nobody else seems to and hey, I'm pretty, I'm not gonna lie) but you know. I have a feeling it won't though.

I think once I finally get over the whole head pat thing I'll probably actually really enjoy it? I mean even before the whole curse thing I did still have a sensitive head. But...honestly I think I'd only ever let. Shanta or End touch my head. Like, ever.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Anyways me and my dad talked about lots of things and he sort of found out about End (which I knew he would seeing as the letter I sent him was...OK MAYBE IT WAS A BIT DESPERATE AND MAYBE I SAID LOTS OF GOOD THINGS ABOUT END) but he seemed pretty ok with it. Knowing him poor End is probably going to be under a lot of scrutiny. Dad doesn't really...trust the guys. I emotionally attach myself to.

Anyways, Shanta got a bad first impression. Dad acted like his usual lame self and told me not to mess with the Blood Pact business (he probably assumes I have hahahaha oops) and then left.

It's kind of funny because like literally right after we met him we went to go check out the tower again.
We accidentally ended up running into the Pact, and it's freaky a** puppet leader. Shanta was really determined to check out the tower, and I was ok with that but like. I kind of didn't want to get killed, you know.

Basically we had to sit around while the Pact discussed our fates and who we were and stuff. I guess I was kind of in the mood of spitting in the face of danger that day because I sort of. Rolled my eyes and stuff at them and basically spent the whole time cleaning out my nails.

In my defense. They were a little dirty.

Also, I didn't want End being super nervous and scared and stuff. It feels like he panics a little less when I pretend everything is fine (or at least I would like to think so after that time Aery/Ari/Naomi beat up the Tank aka Cradlerobber or whatever) so...hey, might as well, you know?

And, well, I was sort of scared, but not enough to alert the others with my body language. Anyways, Lara got us out of it.

We talked with her a little bit about lots of things. I questioned her on more things. She became my fake aunt. A while after she went back, Shanta went after her again. I actually didn't think it was a good idea to go back at all, but it wasn't like me and End were just going to leave her to her own devices. Shanta should NEVER be left to do crazy s**t on her own. Like, nothing good happens. Ever.

Ever.

So we followed after her. Except she had gone into the tower, so Bijan had to get her out of there. I told End to go get Carrmin after Bijan came zooming out and telling us how bad it was (while we were waiting for him we played patty cake again.)

I was left to...stand there. And worry. Bijan was too preoccupied to make sarcastic mental comments with me.

Carrmin arrived. He apparently had summoned the guardian of the tower or something? So we kind of had to get Shanta out of there. We saw her appear at the window, but then she was dragged back? I had End levitate me up there because I figured I might as well provide as some distraction, since Shanta had to deal with the girl with the cool acid powers who also seemed kind of like a b***h. Like that one character from that cartoon my dad really liked. Shego? Yeah.

Shanta had to sort of jump out the window I think? But some acid went through her wing, so she was falling. Which I was NOT about to let happen on my watch, so I levitated her. End levitated me down, & me/Shanta made it to the ground safely.

Then the huge a** dragon appeared. And I was like YAYY but we had to kind of leave. Cause you know. Huge dragon.

So we did. Fleet feeted out of there. So...I guess we stopped something?

Yeah. I don't know.





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[Siyaahi]

39. First date / Valentines Day/ Hooray Shanta can sleep again

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So I got like twenty four love charm bracelet thingies now. I figure I might as well shave on the number by using them on customers occasionally. Um...I got a lot of valentines. It was! Really really super nice. But I also feel kind of bad because I only sent one to End. And all that one said was 'you're cute'.

Even Merchant sent me one. What a dork.

Oh yeah, Bijan got one from Yani. It's nice to see him being liked by others not through association by me for once. Though so far that's only been Cas and Yani? Still, it's cute. Unfortunately it gave me the three extra love bracelets because it's not like Bijan is gonna use them let alone carry them.

Anyways they were all very very nice and End's sort of made me combust and maybe die a little inside because it was so cute and oh gosh. I'm saving all of them but I'm taking EXTRA care of his. (Along with the letter he gave me when I stopped talking to him and Shanta, and Marianne #2.)

So we met up and we went on our first date!! And oh my god I was SO SUPER EXCITED but I also thought I was maybe on the verge of exploding. End had decided where to go and ohhh my gosh it was so embarrassing just like BEING THERE WITH HIM but it was the good kind. So we went to the amusement park together!

...And it was a total disaster.

Like I'm not even joking. If there was an experience under the dictionary for disaster it would have been our first date. It was actually like super hilarious now that I think about it, and it was kind of relieving because I didn't feel nervous half the time because I was panicking over something, but wow.

Like...all the rides we tried to go on had something wrong with them. End pointed out to a carousel and it literally set on fire. When we tried to get food (I think we tried funnel cake or something? The memory is blurry with panic so I don't actually remember) End started breaking out in this weird rash thing and oh my god it was so scary. Bijan started freaking out too and we thought it would fix itself if we like doused End with cold water or something (because, you know, it was inflamed, water beats fire, there is a reason I am not going for the healer class) but I accidentally ended up buying soda instead of water and I DRENCHED End in it and wow. He was sticky. Like beyond sticky.

I imagine I would have found distressed and sticky End really cute if it wasn't for the fact he was still inflamed and stuff. So yeah me and Bijan were mostly just terrified. I also couldn't think past Bijan's screaming, so.

The actual only ride we got to go on properly was this huge roller coaster (which was called Wild, literally), which was basically this LOOOONG drop and then a bunch of loops one after the other. I thought I was going to die. Like I'm so serious. I really thought I was going to die. I was completely still the whole entire time in terror because I was trying to focus on not trying to scream. It wasn't hard seeing as I haven't been talking for like, 8 years, but god. God.

It was a mess.

We decided we might as well try out the ferris wheel too. I had lots of fond memories of the ferris wheel at the weird amusement park we went to one time (End) and not so fond ones (being spun around it like some insane hamster wheel) so I figured it probably couldn't be all that bad? And, well, it wasn't. THAT bad.

We were up there for like an hour though.

But it was twilight at the time so all the stars were coming out, and it was really really pretty. Me and End stared at them for a long time, and we just sort of...talked. Which we don't really get to do often, at least by ourselves, for longer then like ten minutes. So I um. I actually really, really liked it. Just being there with him in itself.

We went home after that, because it was getting late and stuff. We sort of figured it was best to just tell everyone else it was the perfect date, especially Shanta because apparently she gave End the idea. So when we get back we did exactly that! And they totally believed us. Thanks to my great experience at being a piece of s**t liar.

Though you know as far as first dates go, other than being an absolute and total mess, it was pretty great. I'm actually pretty happy about it.

We figured we might as well stop by Aerykah's whole dinner thing, so we did. Except it was kind of a huge mess? And there was no food left. There was also this weird tension in the air.

Not my problem.

We ended up just leaving (I wasn't very hungry after the whole mess up with funnel cake thing anyways) and going to the courtyard, where we met with Shanta. Of course she asked how it went (and of course I answered that it went great because I guess in it's own way it did) but me and End were careful to not go into details other than 'the stars looked nice'.

Anyways Ian was there! Which was cool. So I went to go sit with him and annoy him because he's a fun guy and I like him. He was working on the game or whatever. Nina also appeared? Somehow. I don't know where she really came from, but she seems to just do that, so.

Anyways, we ended up going into the game again. We waited in the waiting room for a while, where we got to check our skills and other stuff. The same stat boots and stuff. It felt nice, but End was confident again, and just. Gosh. Ohhhhhh gosh.

Oh gosh.

Ok so like he's UNNERVING BUT I also kind of find it hot NOT THAT HE'S NOT SUPER ?????? USUALLY BECAUSE WOW HE IS BUT LIKE USUALLY HE'S A SUPER NERVOUS CUTIEPIE TOO SO IT LIKE HELPS BUT CONFIDENT END. WHILE EXTREMELY CUTE THE CONFIDENCE FACTOR just sort of makes me notice how attractive he is a lot more ok

Not to say that regular End isn't absolutely the best though. All types of End are absolutely the bests. Mask or not, wearing a dress with hairy legs or not (which I haven't gotten to see yet but I WILL I WILL ONE DAY I SWEAR)

ANYWAYS WE WERE IN A DESERT SO IT WAS KIND OF NICE BECAUSE I COULD PRETEND I WAS SWEATING BECAUSE OF THE HEAT HA.HA HA.

We ended up having to shed some layers, and End took off his jacket and stuff oh my god. But he kept the hat I gave him on. I thought I was going to like hardcore combust ok

Anyways me and Shanta ended up going on ahead, mostly because I was so nervous I couldn't stay back with them, and Shanta just didn't stay behind because of her overpowered magical girl bullshit. I think she had a skill change, though? Anyways.

We came to these two pyramids. We just chose to go to the one that was closest to us because hey, who is gonna walk farther just to get to another pyramid? So we went inside, assuming for the best that the others would catch up. When we looked off into the distance we could sort of see these bubbles that showed where they were.

Anyways we went inside, except there were two different routes. I think I got the short one, but it was swarming with monsters. Which was fine because you know, I didn't need to really kill them. I just sorta found one with a key and took it, then went on ahead to the boss room.

I kept my arrows along with the throwing knives, because I felt they were most useful. Still didn't have a freaking scimitar which sucked absolute s**t. Like come on.

Anyways the boss was this mummy thing with a bunch of locks. It didn't do anything but throw scarabs at me, which was fine but also absolutely useless. I just sorta brushed them off and shot his weird lock chain thing occasionally until Shanta came. Since her attack is better than mine she took care of the locks. I had the key, and I was like maybe you should take it up there, but nah.

I just sorta..threw the key at it. And thanks to the power of my accuracy stat, it went in. Hooray! I think somehow this made me get best player, which was super awesome.

We caught up with everyone again, and I had sort of momentarily forgotten that End was in hot person mode. Not that's he's like. Not. Like End is perpetually in that mode forever and for the rest of his long (If I have anything to say about it) life. But like. YOU KNOW.

Also I forgot to mention this but while we were speeding through me and Shanta discussed how kind of unnerving he was. Everyone else seems to think it's unnerving too. But not in the way. I think it is. SO. SOOO.

ANYWAYS I WAS LIKE LOOK END I GOT BEST PLAYER and he was like I should reward you or something like that and it was so? oh my god it was so. IT WAS SO SOMETHING.
END'S VOICE WAS REALLY SOMETHING OH MY GOD.

IT'S A GOOD THING IRANIAN ELVES HISTORICALLY ARE REALLY EH ABOUT RELIGION BECAUSE I WOULD BE SMITE ON THE SPOT.

Anyways he was like hmmm and I remembered he had the courage stat so I was just kind of standing there screaming internally for like forever and then he was like 'oh but you don't like being kissed in public. but that's ok.'

GOD??? GOD. GOD HE WAS GOING TO. I couldn't even look him in the face after he said that because his expression and just.

ALSO EVERYONE ELSE WAS THERE TO HEAR AND IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING

LIKE I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT I THINK SHANTA WAS LIKE SUPER ASLEEP WHEN WE GOT OUT AND END WENT BACK TO NORMAL and they were all talking about something but I wasn't really listening? But when I tried to jump back into the conversation it seemed kind of impossible, so I got a bit huffy and just toted Shanta back to Janus dorms.

Oh and I squished Ian's face. That's pretty much it though.

OH YEAH I ASKED END TO WEAR A DRESS as my reward. After he was all like. End-y and soft again. I suddenly understand the whole 'I've fallen for xem' thing. I've fallen. Into a deep and bottomless pit. I am not getting out any time soon.

Ok Im going to maybe go to bed now yeah. Yeah.






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