c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
visitors.
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c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
ashtray maybe 2020 will be the year that i grow out my hair
- ♡ xxxx ↪ xxxx ✉ xxxx ⟳ xxxxxxxx ☖
liked by sebbie and 211 others
- 59 comments
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
A small hiccup escaped past his lips as Bonnie began to wipe away the tears from his cheeks and eyes. Alex couldn't help but lean into her soothing touch and simply nod at her words. He felt so vulnerable, and small, but he just couldn't help himself. Come tomorrow morning, if remembered anything, he knew he would be embarrassed over the whole thing even though he had mean't ever last word. He simply shut out the lingering thought the moment she kissed his forehead and felt the sudden weighing exhaustion from all of the alcohol. Now that his heartbeat was evening out, his eyes were growing to be heavy. His head lulled to side ever so slightly as he pulled away from her grip, mumbling out a soft, "Sleep with me?" as he went. Gently and slowly, he leaned back, forcing the two of them to fall against the cushions and sheets behind them. The last thing Alex could remember was wrapping his arms around her waist and whispering a soft, "Love you, B." as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck and right off to sleep.
A loud explosive noise, coming from down stairs, caused his body to jolt awake in fear. Alex gripped onto Bonnie sides a little tighter, before releasing and pushing himself up to his elbows. There was still sleep dusted in his eyes as he tried to make sense of the situation, where he was at and how he got here, when suddenly he remembered with a soft gasp. With a sense of urgency he grabbed at his phone and checked the time, only to be relieved that he hadn't missed all the festivities for tonight. It was roughly a half hour until they were walking into the new year, which mean't he hadn't missed his kiss either. A soft smile formed on his lips at the thought, before he leaned over and saw that B stuck with him in those few short hours he had taken upon himself to rest. "I know it's early, but there will be more where this comes from when midnight hits." Alex leaned in and kissed her with a smile before pulling back and placing another soft one on her cheek. "Come on," and just like that he was on his feet, dragging Bonnie out of the room; self proclaiming that his time out was over.
If he was being a hundred percent honest, Alex knew that he was still very much drunk, but at least everything stayed in place on the way down the stair case. He noticed that the living room was no longer spinning either, as they came off the last step, which mean't that he'd be good for the rest of the evening as long as he didn't drink too much more. Of course, that didn't stop him when he saw Jackson just a few feet away pouring a line of shots for everyone; most likely for when midnight actually struck. A wicked smile crawled across Alex's face due to the sight, "I'm going to help Jackson out. We'll meet you and everyone outside in—," he paused momentarily and pulled out his phone from his pocket with his free hand. "Eight minutes." Before she could protest or say anything further he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her head before waltzing off.
The alcohol in the bottle was disappearing quickly as Jackson poured very generous shots for all of them. "Trying to forget something, Jackson?" Alex teased as he walked up to his very closest friend. He was greeted with a short laugh and a shake of the head, already knowing what Alex was referencing. "Alex, man, she was the best ******** of my life. Not something I'll be forgetting any time soon," he said passively before finishing off the last glass and pointless screwing the cap back on the nearly empty bottle. "What about you, you've been upstairs for a—," the words were left dangling on his lips as Jackson looked at him for the first time since Alex had walked over. Alex could feel himself being judged when Jackson was simply analyzing his features trying to figure something out, "You—good Alex?" he was asked hesitantly, unsure if he was being asked because of his current drunk state or because of the emotional exhaustion. For a short moment he paused, stunned by the sudden question before he brushed it off and shook his head. "Best ********? Never thought I'd see it happen. Jackson's in love. Guess the whole bet worked out then?" Immediately Jacksons demeanor fell from being concerned, to flustered and then from confused to suddenly horrified. "We were drunk last night, but not that drunk. I know you didn't forget. Penalty is going to be ten times worse if you don't come through" Alex lightly teased him, before grabbing half of the shots and making his way outside to be the rest; just a two minutes before the clock would strike midnight.
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
- Jackson Matthews
@jmthws
remind me never again to make drunk bets.
- ◯ xxxx ⟳ xxxx ♡ xxxx ▽ xxxxxxxx ☖
12/31/19, 11:59 PM
- Alexander Rockwell
@a.rockwell
@jmthws best what again?
- ◯ xxxx ⟳ xxxx ♡ xxxx ▽ xxxxxxxx ☖
01/01/20, 12:42 AM
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
- Peter Lennon
@pgrantslens
happy new years! can't wait to see where 2020 takes me.
i need a change of scenery and new inspiration for my
photos this year. any suggestions?
- ◯ xxxx ⟳ xxxx ♡ xxxx ▽ xxxxxxxx ☖
12/31/19, 11:59 PM
- Jackson Matthews
@jmthws
@pgrantslens maybe greece?
- ◯ xxxx ⟳ xxxx ♡ xxxx ▽ xxxxxxxx ☖
12/31/19, 1:02 PM
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
pgrantslens new years resolution this year is too stop picking
pgrantslensup a cigarette as frequently as i do my camera.
- ♡ xxxx ↪ xxxx ✉ xxxx ⟳ xxxxxxxx ☖
liked by jmthws and 4,194 others
- 745 comments
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
Ever since the new semester started at Colorado State Alex had been solely focused on that, and that alone. His daily routine was get up, head straight to school, go directly back home, and study or do homework into the late hours of the evening. Any extra leisure time he had was spent on the punching bag out in the garage, as he had taken up boxing as his new hobby, but that honestly wasn't often with how many courses he had taken this semester. When winter break had ended and life settled back in a little more deeply, he decided to completely engulf himself in the college lifestyle. It simply felt easier than handling things head on and it kept him productively busy and out of trouble in the process. The environment he had to settle back into was so different, much lonelier since everyone had gone their separate ways. Bonnet went back to France for her studies, Sebastian back to New York for his own, and Jackson was spending a whole lot more time at the military base as of late. All he was left with were his parents, who where hardly ever home, and when they were home they dotted on him like a small child. Alexander fully understood their concern, but it wasn't the company or attention he needed or what right now. To say the least, Alexander was at the most steady and content moment of his life, but was that really a good thing in these circumstances? He wasn't sure, which is why he had continually banished the thought away when he had enough time alone with his thoughts.
The sun was now beginning to set which always a nice reminded that his school day was nearing an end and he was able to go home. As he crossed the campus and made his way to his new, not so new clunker he got for cheap after they had to sell his car last summer, he felt his phone begin to go off in his pocket. At first he thought that it was maybe one of his parents, as they would call him every once in a while to ask what he would like for dinner, even though Alex knew the real motif, which was to see if he was actually at school. But when he saw Jackson's name flash across the screen, a fond smile formed on his face as he actually hadn't talked to him in a little while. Ever since Jackson signed four years of his life away to be in the military, something had suddenly felt off about it. It always felt like he was hiding a thing, maybe even two, when ever the two talked or hung around one another. Alexander always had to the urge to ask, but instead he kept telling himself that Jackson probably had good reason for keeping to himself and that he would tell him when he was good and ready. Until then, all he could do was act normal, and be bound to him as they wordlessly agreed to be as best friends.
So casually he answered, "Hey, Jackson. What's up?" he said as he tossed his backpack into the back seat and climbed into the front. As Jackson began to speak, he got ready to head home, grabbing at the seat belt, but stopped mid grasp at his sudden question. "I just talked to Bonnie last night and she was fine? Why?" Alex could only answer slowly and cautiously, suddenly he felt like an outsider on something that everyone but him knew about. "What do you mean she's with Peter and he sounded distressed?" He couldn't help in the way that his voice grew a single octave over the fact that something was wrong with her and she decided to reach out to Peter rather than himself. The two of them spoke nearly every night, so there was actually no reason for her to do otherwise. "Alright, I'll let you know what's up. Thanks, Jackson." Hastily he got off the phone, but not before Jackson could remind him to stay calm over the entire thing, claiming that it probably wasn't as serious as it sounded; Alex could only hope.
Instead of calling her right away he decided the best way to do this would be to calm himself on the drive home, because right now he was far too upset. Instead he waited until he pulled into the driveway, back at home, before pulling up Bonnie's name and hitting the face time icon. "Hey, baby girl." he said quietly, an underlying level of anxiety hidden in his voice that he was sure B would pick up on immediately. His heart was hammering in chest and decided to just get on with it, before things grew any worse in that jumble of a mess in his mind. "Jackson just called me to ask me if you were okay," he nervously stated as he looked down at his hoodie pocket and carefully thought over his next sentence. There was slight hesitation in his voice, as if he was afraid of what the answer was going to be, when he finally asked, "Anything you want to tell me?" They had gone over the issue of trust before, and he fully trusted her as much as she trusted him, but that could never stop the nagging of Peter's presence in her life.
The lingering silence was killing him slowly, the seconds felt like hours, and when she finally said that there was problem, his heart fell straight into his stomach. Alex finally gathered the nerve to look back up to her although it changed quickly into a confused stare. He shook his head lightly before tilting his head, and stammering "Is that a— pregnancy test?" as soon as he realized what it actually was. The moment she confirmed his eyes glossed over with an owlish expression, seeming as if he was looking right through her rather than at her. Alexander was simply trying to process the information because he honestly didn't know how this happened. A sneaking suspicion told him it had something to do with that first night at the cabin, but it still didn't make much sense. He was always so sure to be careful out of habit and necessity when he had sex with Bonnie or any else for that matter in the past.
It took him a moment to gather himself before he finally nodded his head slowly at the realization. "I'm going to be a dad and— you're going to be a mom," he stupidly stated the obvious as that was the only thing he could even think of saying at the moment. If someone would have asked him what he was planning to do after high school, this would have never even been considered, but here they were. And that's when a sudden realization hit him like a bus, "Looks like one of is going to have to come back home." A smile formed across his face, hardly noticing how selfish he currently sounded due to the circumstances. Bonnie was in France working hard towards her dream job, and all Alex could think about was the fact that they'd no longer have to be apart. At this very moment, it allowed the idea of a baby to feel sort of imaginative but the fact that she would be linked with I'm forever gave him an ugly possessive glow.
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- 𝕓𝕪𝕦𝕟 𝕞𝕚𝕟 𝕛𝕒𝕖
xxxxx ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂ ▂▂▂ ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂ ▂▂▂▂▂
When Min Jae first agreed to these new circumstances, he really though being the teacher would help ease him, allowing himself the slightest bit of control. Instead it landed him outside, by himself, on his own self called lunch break. At this point he could only simmer, hands clasped together around the water bottle tightly, as he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He took in calming breathes only for it to get caught in his throat when he heard the door open beside him, disturbing him, causing his eyes to shoot over in that particular direction. Initially, he expected it to be Soo Jin, coming out to gently scold him and ask him to go back, but his eyebrows slowly raised into his hairline in a condescending way. He was silently asking how Haemi had the patience to come do this each and every time, because if the roles were reversed, Min Jae would have given up a long time ago.
When she began to talk to him, he could only sit there and consider her words. When he first walked out here for his break, he wasn't sure on how to go about getting started back up when he finally walked back inside. Min Jae knew that he would probably be fine at first, but just end up breaking down and scolding her again; maybe even ten times worse depending on the error. If he was being honest, he didn't want that. He was tired of arguing with her and was simply counting down the days until this was all over, but due to the status of their relationship he didn't even have an exact day. The young trainee could only guess how much longer he would have to pretend to be with her, but was a separate issue from today.
After Haemi had went back inside, he was left with his own thoughts and what he was going to do about them. It did't seem like he had much of choice, and her last couple of words irked him about being an idol, but he had job to get done and so he quickly got to his feet and walked back into the room with his head held high. The rest of the practice was spent separated, and by that Min Jae would show her the dance and he would make her shadow him afterwards. He figured he could add himself in when she got it down better, that way there was less room for agitation and annoyance. This method worked well, and got them through the next couple of weeks, allowing tension to roll off of them and become a lot more calm. This bled into their group practices too, so much that it had Kyungie begin to question if Min Jae had actually fallen in love with her because, and he quotes, "the only way you two are actually getting along is if you've fallen in love with her." Jae smacked him in the back of the head playfully, and it was never brought up again. Kyung Sook respected his fellow group member too much to ruin such progress by pressing him too much over the issue.
They had come three weeks since then, spending day after day, tirelessly working towards this very moment; comeback day. Now that it was here, he did admit that he was a little bit nervous, even though he had done this all before. This wasn't necessarily his first project, but he was much more used to it being on a smaller scale. Min Jae usually did backup for newer groups debut stages, rather than a well respected idol's comeback. The thought made him slightly nauseous but he simply kept reminding himself of his talent, and that this was nothing new, as a makeup artist began brushing something across his lips. She had just pulled away and asked him to rub them together, when he suddenly heard a loud accusatory voice getting closer and closer until there was a finger directly in his face. He couldn't help but look at the women, and then back at his make up artist with a confused expression on his face. "Who's this? was written all across his face, but instead of giving him any sort of answer she ducked her head and scurried off. Jae was sure he saw a hint of fear in her eyes as she went, before he finally turned to look at this mystery women.
It was fully understood that you were always supposed to respect your elders, but this women was making it harder and harder with each and every disrespectful comment that came out of her mouth. As she spoke, he could feel himself biting in his cheek seemingly harder and harder as the conversation went on. Min Jae really didn't want to snap on this women, especially with having to go on stage in just a few moments, but he couldn't help it. Everything she was saying was her own daughters fault, and that in itself had him reeling. His reflexes were instant, as soon as she pointed a perfectly manicured finger in his face he had the urge to slap it away, but instead he pulled his head back. "And you're an rude bitter old lady which, let me guess, is the reason why your husband left you?" At this point he was just making assumptions, but it was hard to miss as her left hand hung deftly in his face, exposing her ring finger bare.
As soon as the words left his mouth he could feel Haemi tugging at his arm, and he definitely wasn't done here, but he knew that if he stayed any longer he would be escorted out of the building. So as he took a few steps back, acknowledging Haemi and silent agreeing to go, but stopped momentarily to look her dead in the eyes and announce, "The choreography out there? Mine. Remember that a nobody is leading your daughters comeback as you watch her on that stage."" And with that he turned her back to her, gently shaking Haemi off of him, as the two stepped away. The last thing he saw was Soo Jin stepping in and gently speaking to her, presumably to calm her down, but Jae hardly wanted to stick around and find out.
When the two were far enough away, he stopped in his tracks as Haemi began to make this all about her. He couldn't help but look at her incredulously as she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. All he could do was mumble out a soft, "Like mother, like daughter. Incredible," before the stage manager interrupted the entirety of the chaos happening back stage. She announced that they needed to get in place, so with out another word, he shook his head and walked around her to do as he was asked.
have them work separately on the choreography at first until they begin to get a little more comfortable
the tension eases at the group practices, so much that kyungie notices and comments
have him completely freak out on haemi's mom. he tries to be respectful at first but it gets harder and harder with the longer he stands there
soo jin will guide haemi's mom one way and haemi will guide him the other way
min jae will probably freak out on haemi a little bit, but decide it's not worth it because they have to go on stage. he'll just leave her standing there, giving her a last defeated look before he departs.
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
There was genuine excitement bubbling in his chest over the whole situation, so when Bonnie expressed her concern he simply brushed it off. "Why would I be upset?" Alexander's tone was bright and happy, a small twinkle in his eye that he had lost ever since graduation, as he asked. This couldn't have made for a better situation for him, because soon Bonnie would be home and everything would be right in the world. "I love you and we're mean't to be together. Baby Bandit is just coming a little sooner. It was bound to happen eventually, right?" When Alex told B that he loved her, that very first time last year, he mean't it with his whole entire heart and soul. He always knew that there would be a possibility of him screwing it all up, but he also knew that he wanted to be with her as long as she would have him. So this baby, having a clear future in sight, honestly had his heart swelling ten times over to the point that he forced himself to ignore her voice of panic. "If you come home, it'll be—," he started, but before he knew it he was starring at a blank screen as Bonnie quickly said her goodbyes and left.
Alexander was left there to look at his expression, and what he saw back wasn't the same person who was on that phone call moments ago. The ear to ear smile faded slowly into a sullen frown, unsure of why B was so hesitate on coming back to him. Didn't she want to be with him as badly as he wanted to be with her? Didn't she miss his touch as much as he missed hers? The longer he sat there, unmoving from his car, the thoughts began to gnaw at his insecurities. It was in that moment he promised himself that he would make sure to remind her almost every day of the person she had fallen in love with, until he was able to have her back in his arms.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Today, 10:08 AM
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx i love you too. goodnight. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Delivered
Over the past three months that he had spent waiting on her, Alexander made sure that he was on top of absolutely everything when it came to Bonnie. He found himself texting her more often, every couple of hours instead of a fleeting moment found in between classes. He found himself calling her every single day and sometimes twice, once in the morning and once at night, if she wasn't too tired from her day. It got the point that things began to suffer on Alexander's end, namely his school work, from being too caught up with his girlfriend in France rather than things here in Colorado. But as he checked his grades at the end of every week, he found himself caring less and less as his A's turned into B's and the classes he already struggled with, slipped into C's. As long as he was passing, he kept telling himself that he would be fine.
To put it lightly, Alexander counted down the days, every single one of them, until leading up to this very moment. He patiently waited in the open area of the airport, as he had been doing for the better half of an hour. The minutes felt like they ticked by far too slowly, causing him to take frequent walks to continually check on the board of incoming flights. His eyes found the one flying in from France, just as the updated status went from "arrival time" to "landed." Immediately his heart skipped a few beats out of excitement as his head swung around to the escalators, to anxiously wait out those few extra long moments until he saw Bonnie slowly coming down to him. He couldn't help himself as he lightly jogged up to her, meeting her halfway, and pulling her out of sea up people so he could wrap her up in his arms. "Bandit," he whispered into the crown of her head as she hugged him back and confessed first. "I love you too, baby." Alexander didn't want to let go, as if when he did she would run off and hop on another plane, but he didn't have much of choice as she finally began to pull away from him. He was now noticing the tears clustering in the corner of her eyes as she spoke to him, and he had the urge to kiss them all light away but refrained. Instead he simply brushed them away and grabbed her hand, "Let's get you home," it felt so good to say those words.
The drive back home didn't take very long, or at least didn't feel that way, as he was hesitant to get back. When they pulled up into his drive way, he killed the engine, and ran around to meet Bonnie as soon as she stepped out of his car. He looked down at her with a soft expression, "I'm so happy you're back," he said before he looked down at her stomach and pressed a gentle hand down to her belly. "Both of you." A smile etched across his face before he moved his hand up to her cheek and leaned into litter kisses all over her face. Alexander placed one last one on her forehead before nervously grabbing her hand and leading them inside.
As soon as he unlocked the door an overwhelming smell took over his senses, forcing him to follow the smell. The two of them walked around the corner, only to be greeted by his parents happily cooking together in the kitchen. "We're back," he said, nearly holding his breathe, but was relieved when they greeted Bonnie with a pleasant smile. "Hi, sweetheart, dinner is almost—" she chirped brightly, before Alex felt Bonnie's hand leave his. His eyes quickly looked over at the direction she had ran off too before looking back at his parents with and owlish look on his face. Neither of them said anything for a few moments, before Alexander realized that they obviously waiting for an expression. "The flight. She has air sickness," he managed to mumble out before nodding his head and going off, as calmly as possible, to find which bathroom his girlfriend has hid herself in.
Unfortunately the entire week B had been staying with him, this behavior continued and he was beginning to run out of excuses. After the first day ended, he started claiming that, "It must be the flu," in order to give him a few extra days but it seemed that his time was up. "Alexander, son, come here." The moment the door to his room had opened, his body had began to freeze all over, as he had been on edge around his parents since Bonnie had gotten here. Slowly he nodded his head, dropping his pencil and studies behind as he got to his feet.
Everything in the room felt a lot heavier the moment he walked out the living area to see that his mother was waiting for him as well. "Is there anything you feel like you should tell us?" Alexander could only stand there and hastily shake his head, almost too hastily, as it was apparent that they didn't believe hi for a second. "So you don't feel the need to tell us that your girlfriend is pregnant, then?" The words had his eyes popping out of his head, as if he didn't know that this was coming. He nervously moved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, and began to nervously fidget inside. "I—No, she's—," Desperately he tried to look for an excuse, but came up short. Even though he had more than enough time, four months to be exact, he kept putting it off and now here was with nothing to show for it. "Don't try to lie to us, Alexander. How far along is she?" Any time his dad called him by his full name, he knew he was in deep trouble. He could feel himself duck his head further into his sweater. "Four months on Sunday," he whispered quietly and looked down as his feet, afraid of what their reaction was going to be. "Alex, honey, four months! What have you been doing this whole time?" When his mom stepped in, and aggressively spoke, he stayed quiet but that only provoked her. Alexander knew that it upset her when he refused to answer her, but what was he supposed to say? That he was scared? That he was afraid that the trust he had rebuilt after his last screw up would vanish into thin air? Was it so wrong that he wanted to keep a small bit of peace for as long as possible, after having his world rocked so hard over this past year?
He was so wrapped up in these thoughts until his mom spoke at him one more, "Do you even know if it's yours? She's been back in France for four months." The words felt like a slap in the face, causing his eyes to shoot back up and meet her gaze. "I want you to take a paternity test." The moment Bonnie had showed him the pregnancy test, he was a hundred percent sure that it was his. But now, if he was being honest, his mothers words gave him a short moment of doubt as a thought of Peter dashed through his head. So defensively he shouted, "I won't be doing that. Of course it is mom!" Alex could feel his father's eyes bleeding into him, due to his tone, preparing to give him a warning, as the air had grown thick. "Alexander, you will not speak to—" He watched as his mother waved him off and stepped in between the two, looking Alex straight in the eyes. "Then I don't want her staying here," she stated flatly, no room for discussion.
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
- Aaron McKeen
@kingkeen
hoes will be hoes. god damn.
- ◯ xxxx ⟳ xxxx ♡ xxxx ▽ xxxxxxxx ☖
03/21/19, 7:48 PM
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
The blood in his veins turned to ice the moment Alex registered the ultimatum his mom was giving him. He didn't want to break eye contact with her, but he couldn't help it when he looked at his father for some sort of guidance. Alexander was surprised to say the least when he noticed that his dad's gaze was held down to the floor, unsure of what kind of facial expression he was making. One thing Alex was sure though, his father was having a hard time looking at his youngest son, and that was the final straw that broke him. "Give me fifteen minutes, and we'll both be out of here," he firmly said as his eyes slid back over to his mothers. Instead of turning his back to them instantly, he hesitated for a short moment, giving them one last chance to say something, anything, at all. They had never acted like this before, they were always so supportive of him in the past, but then again that was before all of his major wrong doings. The mere thought of his parents giving up on him had his heart ache deeply as he never mean't to do all those wrongs, that caused them all so much pain. So when they had said nothing at all, he carefully turned on his heel and quickly went back to his room so he could pack a few things away.
Twelve minutes, it had taken him twelve minutes to gather as many things that would fit into two duffle bags, as well as the things Bonnie had brought back home with her from overseas.He made sure of it, as he timed himself in order not to overstay his apparent limited welcome. Alexander refused to say goodbye to his parents, even though a single thought of it crossed his mind as he headed down the porch steps. Ultimately he felt it was pointless as they had already retired to their room, and he could have sworn he could hear them arguing, but it was too faint to be entirely sure. If he was being honest, he was simply ready to get out of there, allowing his emotions to get him through the motions. He knew that if he had thought about it for too long, he'd run the possibility of walking back inside of that house and begging for their forgiveness. All he could remind himself as pulled out of the driveway and down the street, was that Bonnie was his family now.
The conversation ran over and over in his head, "Are you sure that it's even yours?" and he couldn't help that niggling feeling of jealousy bubble in his chest. He knew that if he thought about it any longer he would run himself into the ground, before he could even talk to Bonnie, so he called her right away. "Where are you?" he barked out a little tersely, only to end up wincing at his own tone of voice. Alexander decided to take a calming breathe before he continued, "I'm coming to get you. I'll be there in twenty minutes." There was no going around the fact that his responses were short tempered, but he just couldn't help himself. There were too many emotions attacking his body at once and he had no idea what to do with them. So instead of lashing out on her any further, he tacked on a quick, "I love you," before hanging up.
Realistically, Georgia's house was only about a ten minute drive from his but Alexander needed the extra time to make a personal phone call in between. He hadn't realized he was holding his breathe when the person on the other line had answered, as if this person would ever not answer him. "Sebastian, I need to borrow a couple hundred dollars," he stated simply and shortly as if it was an every day occurrence. The line went silently momentarily, Alex was almost going to ask if he was still there when he finally responded. "Alex, what kind of trouble are you in?" His heart fell into his stomach, due to his brother's worry. He knew that Sebastian didn't deserve this abrupt behavior and to be so forced to worry about him so out of the blue. They all had been doing that for way too long, and just when things were getting better he was back to square one. So he picked his words out carefully, "Seb, I know it sounds bad, but you have to trust me that it's not for drugs. I just really need your help right now, please." The words hurt to say, knowing that he wasn't easing anyones mind, but he had to say what he had to in order to get the money out of his brother. "I'll send it over right now." Sebastian simply stated and Alexander could feel tears welling up in his eyes over the fact. He was just about to hang up the phone to make sure he didn't let them spill when Sebastian interrupted, "Alex, please be careful. Love you." Instead of trying to carefully respond, he shook his head and ended the call, knowing he wouldn't be strong enough to do so.
The rest of the drive was spent trying to silence his thoughts, as he quietly drove over to Georgia's house. Alexander simply texted Bonnie as he pulled up, refusing to go up to the door and get her. His entire body felt shell shocked, so he simply sat there in a daze until Bonnie was pulling open the passenger side door and sliding in. Slowly he looked over at her and mumbled out a soft, "Hey," before reaching over and grabbing one of her hands. He took in a deep breathe, pushing down his feelings, and told her, "We need to talk about some things, okay?" Instead of saying anything further or answering any questions she may have about the ominous proceedings, he simply threw the car in reverse and back out of Georgia's driveway.
It was starting to get dark, and the sun was just setting on the horizon, allowing the stars to begin shining through the atmosphere. He looked at them carefully as he drove, as if they held some answers that he so desperately wanted, but kept coming up short. A short moment of, "Maybe if I get closer," crossed his mind as he took a road that lead them up a mountain, allowing them for a better view. Once they were at the very top he put the car in park, but refused to look at her. If he was being entirely honest, he had no idea how to explain the current situation to her, because if he was scared then he could only imagine how she was currently feeling. It allowed the car to grow quiet, the sound of crickets filling in the silence in the near distance, as he thought of his words."We don't have a place to stay anymore." A small part of him began to feel a little choked up, because saying the words aloud was finally making it all so much more honest and real. "My parents don't support us either." Slowly he looked down into her bright blue eyes, and pulled her hand up to his lips to gently kiss at her knuckles soothingly. "We'll figure this out. I promise." Alexander tried to sound as brave as possible, but his voice betrayed him and cracked on the last word. He was scared, and unsure, with little to nothing but his name. It was literally just the two of them against the world now.
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
A huff of laughter slipped past his lips over her avocado statement, and it momentarily eased his mind, up until she continued. Alex couldn't help but begin hastily rubbing at her knuckles, as if he did it more over it would calm the both of the back down. He gave her a short gaze of confusion before he quickly shook her head, finally beginning to process her accusations. "No, I—" the words got stuck in his throat as he didn't exactly know what sort of answer to give her. When he had told her the truth, he never began to think that she would assume that she was the cause their current situation. Alexander simply and selfishly thought of himself and how his own trepidations had allowed this all to happen. When it came down to it, as far as he was aware, this was his fault. If only he had explained to his parents sooner what was going on between them. If only he hadn't let himself burst back at the house a few hours ago. There were so many "if only's" which had Alexander realizing, that maybe he should start thinking a little bit harder before he acted on things.
So instead of responding right away he sat there silently, trying to think of the proper response, but apparently that was wrong too. As soon as she impetuously left him to be by himself, he threw his head back against the head rest and winced over the entire thing. Alexander could feel the tears slip passed his closed lids and past his fingertips, as he hid his face away with both hands. He could hear Bonnie pacing around outside as he did so, which gave him the opportunity to gather himself. It seemed that they both just needed a moment, so he sat there quietly up until he heard his girlfriend voice trailing off in the distance. Slowly he pulled his hands away from his face and looked out the window at her shadowed form in the darkness. As if looking at her would make her hateful words disappear, or give him the illusion that the had simply been dreaming up those negative thoughts.
It wasn't until she started to claim that she hated herself did he fling open the door himself and walk up to her with some vigor. It was the last thing his heart could handle as he closed the distance and blocked her pathway, keeping her from going any where else. "That's how you really feel?" he asked sharply and quietly. They had been staying together for an entire week, and have known about this baby for much longer. He could only question if these feelings had just began or if she had been lying to him for the better half of four months. "I am so sorry that this happened the way it did, trust me, I am." Carefully he looked down at her before grabbing at her chin and searching for a bit of light in her eyes. "I know I screwed up, it's apparently what I'm good at," he simply pulled the sympathy card without even meaning to do so. It was a wonder how many times he was going to be able to get away with so much, before it had run out. "But know that what ever you want to do, I'll be here for you." If he was being honest, he didn't exactly know what he was implying because giving that baby away was the last thing he ever wanted. But he also knew that ultimately Bonnie was giving up more than him in the long run, and he just wanted her to be happy. "I'm in this for the long run." Alexander nodded at her slowly, with puffy eyes and swollen face, pleading for some sort of consolation.
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
All Alexander could do at this point was nod his head, and make his peace with what she had confided in him. "You know I always will," he said with a deep breathe, trying to gather himself as he still felt a little bit wobbly and nervous. Finding it increasing comforting when she wrapped her arms around him, to which he reciprocated. Alexander felt nothing short of appreciation as he gently placed his cheek on the crown of her head, causing him to hardly notice the tears that began to seep past his lids. It wasn't until she pulled away and started to rub at the softly, did he shake his head out of embarrassment in a silent plea to have her stop. When she understood, he wiped at his cheek with the shoulder of his sweater and huffed out a small laugh. "And I love you. You know I do, and unfortunately for you that will never change." he stated with a teasing tone in his voice in hopes that it was ease the serious atmosphere the two had built on top of one another. Feeling very successful now with her sudden request for ice cream he couldn't help but excuse happiness as he nodded his head, "Yes. You, me, and our baby avocado can go get ice cream," he said before kissing her forehead and guiding them back over to the car.
As soon as they pulled up to nearest hotel, Alexander climbed out with ease as he had finished his ice cream on the way. Once he had checked that the funds Sebastian had sent over to him had gone through, he took the liberty to check them in. It had only taken him a solid ten minutes as everything had gone smoothly, for the first time tonight. "We're all checked in, are you—," he began to ask before a deep crease formed in his forehead when he noticed Bonnie's facial expression. Quickly he shoved his copy of the paper work down into the middle console, to be left and forgotten, before grabbing her hand. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked desperately with imploring eyes. The mindless expression she continued to wear was beginning to scare him, but he could only question what could have happened in the short time that he had been away. Only to be relieved when he saw the source of her distress,"It's okay, it's okay." A smile betrayed his lips, as the words had left his mouth. He knew she was obviously upset, but he couldn't help the way that her pout made his heart feel weak and soft. Alexander quickly leaned in, placing a soft corner at her mouth in attempt to kiss it away. "Come on, let's get you inside so I can take care of it." Calmly he got out of the car and grabbed their luggage on the way, feeling the weight and struggle of all their things on his shoulders. But even then, he refused to accept her help, simply not wanting to have to let her hand go.
Momentarily he struggled with the key card, but after a few moments he managed to get it open and ushered B to the safety and welcoming nature held inside. He dropped the luggage off to the side and huffed out a sigh of relief, before rubbing at his shoulders that suddenly felt sore. The room grew to be quiet as he did so, almost forgetting Bonnie was with him, until he turned back around to see her sitting on the bed. His eyebrows raised into his hairline, first and foremost because of her exposed nature. Her belly sat there bold and round, and this was the first time he was really able to stop and stare. Back at his parents he was only given the chance to see it in passing as she began and ended her day. Alexander began to wonder how long it would take before the sight would feel more natural, but he assumed that it never would as he knew she was only going to get bigger. The reason why he ultimately closed the distance between them though, was because of the expression she was wearing. It was the same blank expression he had seen her wear twice, tonight alone, elevating him from being scared to worry. "It's okay, I'll clean it. Let me take of you first and then I'll take care of it after, okay?" Instead of waiting for confirmation, as he wasn't sure that he would get any at all, he grabbed her hand and slowly lead them into the bathroom.
Mindlessly his fingertips danced on the wall, trying to find the light, until the room finally came alive. Alexander left her next to the sink before turning on the faucet and grabbing one of the hand towels that were left for them. As he let the warm begin to warm, he grabbed at her hips and lifted her up on the counter. Instead of saying anything at all, he let his eyes wander her face and take in ever single thing he had managed to forget over their time apart. It had been a while since he was really able to appreciate these small moments, so he gradually began to kiss the places he thought were especially beautiful; which was nearly all of them. A smile formed on his face after a few moment so of this treatment, until he finally pulled away and continued to do what he initially came for. Cautiously he ran the cloth under water, making sure it wasn't too warm, before bringing up to her face and wiping away all the sticky residue she had missed from her ice cream. Alexander then grabbed at her hands and cleaned off every single finger, but not before kissing every single one as he went. He finished off with a once over at her wrists and arms, until he was wholly satisfied, before discarding the towel off to the side. In an overwhelming sense of emotion he placed both hands down, one on each side of her hips, before leaning and kissing her delicately. The silence between them never felt awkward or foreign, their presence being clearly enough for the both of them. It was moments like these that Alexander remembered what he had given up back in high school, and why he promised to never go back. "Let's get you to bed." he whispered, as he pulled back, afraid that if he spoke any louder it would shatter this small bit of happiness.
Carefully he grabbed her bridal style, leaving the mess to be dealt with tomorrow, and whisked her back over to the edge of the bed. Alexander knelt down in front of her and pulled off each shoe, before reaching up to the button of her pants. He caught her gaze, silently asking for permission and as soon as he felt that he had it, he pulled those away as well; leaving her bare aside for her underwear. Everything was done now, but he didn't want to push her, even though he knew she would tell him to stop if he was doing anything she wasn't pleased by. But still, he waited for her to get comfortable in the covers on her own, before he got to his feet and bent over to kiss her on the forehead, goodnight. Instead of getting comfortable himself, he simply walked away, grabbing her dirtied shirt nearby, to do the second half of what he promised.
It wasn't much longer before he crawled into bed after, but it still didn't change the fact that it was an ungodly hour when it happened. So when his phone started to ring loudly, before the sun had even began coming over the horizon, he couldn't help bu let out a soft groan. His hand swept the table blindly, in order to silence it, to which he successfully did, but who ever was trying to get ahold of him, clearly wasn't getting the message. It continuously rang, "Why? Who the—" he said sharply as he grabbed the phone and brought it to his face. Only to see that it was Sebastian reaching out to him, causing a small curse to escape his lips. If he was being honest, he didn't know the exact reason for his call, but he could only assume that it had something to do with the ominous way Alex had hung up on him last night. "Hello?" Alexander could barely get the word out before Sebastian started to shout on the other line. So loudly that he had to pull the phone away from his ear momentarily before he adjusted and brought it back. "Alex, are you freaking stupid?" Immediately Alexander sat up in the bed, more alert than ever as his brother began to scold him. "What made you think that running away was the best idea? You can't even take care of yourself, especially not with Bonnie pregnant??" He wasn't entirely sure what kind of response Sebastian had wanted, because honestly, Alexander knew the whole situation was stupid the moment he walked down those porch steps. "That's why— that's why I asked for the money. It was supposed to us over until I could figure something out," he whispered hesitantly, now hyper aware of the fact that Bonnie was soundly asleep by his side. "Alex, I love you, I do, but this is the dumbest thing you've ever done." The words stung, as it was another wrong doing only to be shoved into his face. Alexander ultimately understood, he was a screw up but he wasn't lying when he said that he was doing his absolute best.
A small sigh escaped his lips, exasperated over the fact that this was now a thing and how he had to deal with, especially so early in the morning. He was just about to respond when he noticed Bonnie begin to stir side him. His facial expressions very much matched that of a deer in the headlights as he hastily spoke, "I know, I'm sorry, I'll pay you back. I've got to go." Alexander quickly ended the call before dropping it on his lap and running his hands through his mess of hair. He tried to stay calm, sucking in a deep breathe as he could now only hope for the best.
xxx Today, 5:42 AM
xxx alex, please just go home. we
xxx can figure this out. this isn't
xxx the way to go about this. mom
xxx and dad are really worried
xxx about you, and i am too.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Recieved
c u p p ii e
Devoted Lop
The feeling of B nails running up and down his back was supposed to be soothing, but did nothing short of setting him on edge. He was withholding information, and her gentle nature only made him feel worse about it. It didn't help at all either, that his phone kept buzzing in his lap, reminding him that he was keeping things from Sebastian as well. The first notification was his phone prompting him to read the initial message he had ignored from Sebastian and then it went off twice more, in succession, again and again. There was too much going on, he decided, as he hastily shook his head and mumbled out a soft, "It was nothing important." Alexander hoped his attempt to make it sound insignificant would work out, but there was an underlying layer of panic. As he crawled out of better and towards his duffle bag, he refused to make eye contact with her in case she would catch on to it.
In an attempt to look busy, he rummaged through for a clean pair of clothes, managing to successfully collect some but not all. He had a messy pile: jeans, underwear, socks, and all he was missing was a shirt, when she asked him to come back to bed so they could talk. Alexander's body froze, and at that point he knew she wasn't going to let it go so easily. Truly, he should have known better. "We need to check out soon, so I'm going to go take a shower," he said offhandedly as he pulled the very next piece of clothing out of his bag, hoping that it was any kind of top at all so he could go. Instead of checking, he grabbed at the clothes at his feet and excused himself to the bathroom, locking the door behind him so he could have a few moments to himself.
The morning continued quietly, and if Alexander was being honest, he was a little worried about the entire thing. It was apparent that Bonnie wasn't acting herself, but at this point, he felt anything was better than an argument; he's had enough of those for a while. So he tip toed around her for the rest of the morning, up until she abruptly demanded that they should leave. Honestly, he thought it was little weird when she excused herself to go outside, but he just assumed that she needed some air, and who was he to question her motives? But he couldn't help but look at her with a questionable face now that she was back with a sense of urgency.
It took a moment for him to respond before he simply said, "Okay," and walked over to the side table. Alexander grabbed the keys that had loosely been sitting there all night, and raised them above her extended hand. Instead of dropping them right away, he looked at her once more for some sort of clue as to what she had planned today. In the end, he received much of nothing and just did as she asked of him. Alexander could tell she was upset over something but he wasn't sure, and he hardly wanted to ask. All he could do was remind himself that mild tension and compliancy was better than being mad at each other right now.
He gathered all of their things in silence, taking one last glance at the room to make sure they didn't forget anything, and shuffled out of the room. The door shut behind them with a soft click, finalizing their time there and the calming shelter that it provided. As they now walked down the flight of stairs, he could feel a spike of anxiety as they stepped into the unknown. Alexander tried to remain calming, knowing the had to be strong for the both of them, so he simply threw on a stoic face to hide it. He simply threw the stuff into the trunk when Bonnie opened it for them and watched as she oddly hopped into the drivers side. It had been so long since he had seen her drive, and even longer since she had drove his car. The feeling was so foreign but he decided to ignore the niggling feeling, and the overwhelming need to ask if she was sure that she wanted to drive. Instead he closed the trunk and slid into the passenger side and slowly looked over to her. "What's next?" he asked softly as he grabbed her hand, and grazed his lips across her knuckles.