Things no DM wants to hear.

[Frost DoUrden]

A situation where the dm was stupid.
Situation DM gives player a sword sword's base damage 2d8+5 also deals 5d6 evey elemental type, 5d6 acid, 5d6 holy, 5d6 vile,
and 8d12 burst on all things previously stated, threat range 12-20X4 we calculated max damage on this thing in that particular players hands at 1308.(with crit)
Situation cont: DM puts 5000 year old black dragon in front of party. Player pulls out the sword sure black dragon is immune to acid so knock of max of 30 acid damage (120 on crit) thats still a lot.
roll inititive..... player goes first. Player has 4 attacks player rolls 4 nat 20s confirms all of them. Player rolls max damage.
DM says WTF was i thinking when i gave you that sword?

[Akuada]

Mythrenda

A situation where the dm was stupid.
Situation DM gives player a sword sword's base damage 2d8+5 also deals 5d6 evey elemental type, 5d6 acid, 5d6 holy, 5d6 vile,
and 8d12 burst on all things previously stated, threat range 12-20X4 we calculated max damage on this thing in that particular players hands at 1308.(with crit)
Situation cont: DM puts 5000 year old black dragon in front of party. Player pulls out the sword sure black dragon is immune to acid so knock of max of 30 acid damage (120 on crit) thats still a lot.
roll inititive..... player goes first. Player has 4 attacks player rolls 4 nat 20s confirms all of them. Player rolls max damage.
DM says WTF was i thinking when i gave you that sword?

Thats the thing: The DM wasn't thinking when they did that.

[Kalonus]

Ok let place a situation out.
Final enconter of a D&D game that has been going for 3 years.
I was playing a TE necromancer.
Ok me and the party are about to fight a being from the Far realm. So me and the ranger decide were not going to fight this battle sobber. We take out this bottle of what could only be explained as pure magic in a bottle mixed in with some alcohol. We both drink half the bottle each. Fort save to prevent the negative side effect of this is 55 (were 7th level.)
We both pass on a natural twenty which means the following effects stack onto our characters.
For every shot you take from this bottle you gain +2 str,dex,int,wis. If you fail you gain a permanant -2 Str,Dex,Int,Wis. Were also immune to all fear effects and gain magic resistance 15. There were enough alcohol in that bottle to provide 30 shots.

[Kiroko Oroki]

player- "I take a piece of that hardened green liquid from that pot and eat it."

dm- save vs poison

player- *rolls* "I failed."

dm- yea, you die. I didn't really want to kill you but there's nothing I can really do. Then your dead body starts vomiting up all of your liquified internal organs. why did you do that?

[GaijinGuy36]

Kiroko Oroki

player- "I take a piece of that hardened green liquid from that pot and eat it."

dm- save vs poison

player- *rolls* "I failed."

dm- yea, you die. I didn't really want to kill you but there's nothing I can really do. Then your dead body starts vomiting up all of your liquified internal organs. why did you do that?

A pot as in a cooking pot? Who would keep something that deadly in such a container anyway? confused

[yukaritomo]

Ok so we get our rouge out of jail after quiet a lot of effort and decide its probably best for us to leave .Now during the time when we were getting the rouge out of jail we looted a dead guys houses and in his safe were the papers to his estate so i go can i claim the estate, this guy was really rich one of the top merchants in the city (were in Waterdeep by the way)and the dm says no you can only claim the ones in India cause in Waterdeep they know he was murdered. So what happened was i went ok guys lets go to India rest of the team went woot alright lets go and stared planing the trip our dm is still mad at us about a month later he blew up our keep so we had to come back stressed

[Kannon Blasphemy]

Gaijin32

Kiroko Oroki

player- "I take a piece of that hardened green liquid from that pot and eat it."

dm- save vs poison

player- *rolls* "I failed."

dm- yea, you die. I didn't really want to kill you but there's nothing I can really do. Then your dead body starts vomiting up all of your liquified internal organs. why did you do that?

A pot as in a cooking pot? Who would keep something that deadly in such a container anyway? confused

Was probably an unfinished witch's brew, which is almost always poisonous if injested.

[Mordacai_Itabashi]

My bard plays the fiddle and knows all the words to " Cotton Eye Joe."

[karyouonigami]

Me asking to play a spell caster

haveing figured out a way of getting unlimited no exp requiered wishes

[Kannon Blasphemy]

karyouonigami

Me asking to play a spell caster

haveing figured out a way of getting unlimited no exp requiered wishes

Please share with me your secret! lol

[Kannon Blasphemy]

DM: By pulling the stopper you free an efreeti who proceeds to offer to grant you one wish in echange for setting him free.

Player: I wish for the extraordinary ability to control the flow of time at will, including Slowing people down, Stopping them in their tracks, Rewinding events, Fast Forwarding events...everything that time control allows me.

[karyouonigami]

Kannon Blasphemy

karyouonigami

Me asking to play a spell caster

haveing figured out a way of getting unlimited no exp requiered wishes

Please share with me your secret! lol

I've been forbidden from shareing the secret

[GaijinGuy36]

Something no RP group, DM included, wants to hear just after one player backstabs and loots another:

'Great! Now I'm closer to my true objective! Mwahahahaha...!'

[Yui_hime]

"Wait. If the lich can't do anything without breaking that grapplethe warforged fighter/juggernaut/pally has him in, and he can't break the grapple because his Strength score/BAB sucks... we've basically already won the fight."

Frankly, it was bad enough that our DM let him have a warforged fighter/juggernaut/paladin of the Lord of Blades in a Faerun campaign in the first place (and a Lawful Good paladin of the LE Lord of Blades WTF)... but he basically defeated a BBEG single-handedly. XD