Things no DM wants to hear.

[Agent SK44]

Ze Capitaine

Kannon Blasphemy

Ying the Shadow Dragon

The Highwayman

I had been mouthing off to a few of my fellow players, bein in a bad mood, that my player could kick their a**. So my DM decided to mock battle me.

Me: I roll a 2.
DM: Not too high and might now ehh?
Me: Does a 31 hit?
DM:O_O

He forgot all the bonuses and high stats I had for throwing daggers, and eventually he forgot my crit range (15-20) so that was funny as hell.

How in the hell did you get 15-20? Isn't it ether 14-20 or 16-20 with imp. crit?

Even with improved critical it can only be 18-20 at best. Now I've heard rumor about abilities and feats that can increase the crit range by a point at a time, but I've still yet to actually confirm it. Also I've been told that you can stack the Keen ability and have the improved critical feat for that weapon to increase the range by another point. Even that only gives you a 17-20 at best.

A throwing dagger has a critical range of 19-20
With Improved Critical or Keen, it'd be increased to 18-20

Improved Critical and Keen do NOT stack, I will concede to the fact there may be other ways(Racial, class abilities) to increase threat range, but I haven't heard of them.

Or he could be using a home-brew class.

Improved Critical and Keen both double the threat range of a weapon. They don't stack, but a 19-20 orginal range is 2. So that doubles to 4, or 17-20.

[Mordacai_Itabashi]

We want to go back to 2nd edition.

[Darth Andiron]

PC: ooooohhhhhhhhh........ Is four 20's good???


.....



.....




PC: oh, i forgot flurry of blows........


other pc: And ki strike......



Pc: *look at the rules*....... that boss is soooooo dead.....

(hee hee, this was me when i FINALLY got my monk up to lvl20 ish, and owned the rest of the campaign..........)

[binkpaladin]

Back in the day we played book adventures for EarthDawn. Our first one dealt with a slave caravan with 4 troll and 30 human guards. The book directes the GM to capture the PCs once they attack the caravan and fail, but ours went a little different.

Gm: You see a slave caravan heavily guarded.

Us: We devise an ambush plan, the two heavy hitters in front to dispose of the troll guards as quick as possible and cause chaos. The other two in the back to harass them during the confusion.

Gm: Sounds good, roll tactics

Me: Critical success!

Gm: ....

We attack, get obscenely good rolls, and actually defeat the caravan.

Gm: .... I quit.

Our GM later decides to have the Slave Master hold some of the slaves hostage to force us surrender. Kinda silly, but knocking a book adventure off its rails from the start must have been very annoying for him.

[Darth Andiron]

pc: is three criticals with my barbarian's battle-axe good?

[syberfang]

DM: The assaisin jumps out of the 50 foot building, and levitates slowly-

PC: We jump

DM:...

[Malincanac]

my DM hates it whenever I roll a 20 after i kill a powerfull monster.
Mainly due to a custom prestege class that lets me replace my own body parts with monster parts. and a 20 lets me salave anything i want off it.

[Kannon Blasphemy]

(Take note that these are chance rolls done on the percentage dice.)

Gm: You must roll 15 or lower to succeed.

Pc: 15

Gm: Now you must roll 13 or lower.

Pc: 13

Gm: Now you must roll a 5 or lower.

Pc: Woohoo!

Gm: What?

Pc: A 1!

[Shaizo]

Situation 1:

DM: ...and he opens a portal and jumps though in retreat.

Players: "After him!" *...and they jump though as well*

DM sad They weren't supposed to fallow him!!!)

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Situation 2: (This one was my fault....)

Icingale(An ice dragon): *Traps party in cave*

Damien(Strange boy/Young black dragon): *walks through wall to go talk to Icingale*(To save himself....)

Brianna(Wind user/ Archer): *Gets idea and tries to walk though wall as well* *succeeds*

Kudo(me..... Ninja/Shaman/boy with demon blood): *Tries to do the same thing...... runs into wall....*

Brianna: *goes back*

Icingale: *Lets everyone out* It seems that Damien worked something out with him.... surprising the party seeing as he isn't a very reliable ally.... because we killed him mother....

Kudo: *Makes smartass comment* Pisses Icingale off, and forces the party to retreat. Unable to shake the enraged dragon they are forced to open a portal and the only one who can do that would be......kudo... and the only reason that would be is the fact that they are one a Nexes. Otherwise he wouldn't have enough power to do so... So he telaports the whole party to a random place. And of course the place that he just had to randomly telaport to would be.... one of the main cities of the world... and the fact that Icingale fallowed him and destroyed the whole town..... adn therefore Mescra was destroyed by the fault of Kudo........... yet again... and yes.... I mean AGAIN!

DM: .............STOP DESTROYING MESCRA!!!!!
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[yukaritomo]

me:wait that's an attack of opportunity right
dm: umm yeah he rolled past you for 3 squares so yeah 3 attacks of opportunity
me:woot combat reflexes
dn:crap well hes dead now
me:no i want to roll

I'm a shadow dancer with +6 to dex and 4 attacks per a round the way my dm plays that's 30 attacks plus sneak attack normally. I don't know why he lets me do this cause I'm sure it beaks a ton of rules but I don't complain. Another thing he hates is when i go I'm board .This normally means i get gold or we level don't really know why though. Also he game me a bracelet of power so in exchange for having a voice live in my head i have spell casting abilities that work outside the laws of arcana. I had the bracelet on almost our entire game and no one knew what it did till now wtf. So for some odd reason I rock .also our group is only lvl 10. sorry if no one understood this or i misspelled anything

[Lord_Ferret_Windleaf]

yukaritomo

me:wait that's an attack of opportunity right
dm: umm yeah he rolled past you for 3 squares so yeah 3 attacks of opportunity
me:woot combat reflexes
dn:crap well hes dead now
me:no i want to roll

I'm a shadow dancer with +6 to dex and 4 attacks per a round the way my dm plays that's 30 attacks plus sneak attack normally. I don't know why he lets me do this cause I'm sure it beaks a ton of rules but I don't complain. Another thing he hates is when i go I'm board .This normally means i get gold or we level don't really know why though. Also he game me a bracelet of power so in exchange for having a voice live in my head i have spell casting abilities that work outside the laws of arcana. I had the bracelet on almost our entire game and no one knew what it did till now wtf. So for some odd reason I rock .also our group is only lvl 10. sorry if no one understood this or i misspelled anything

I know why he does. He wants in your pants and is playing favorites.

But yeah >.< Things no DM wants to here. Can i have a mirror of life trapping?

[Mordacai_Itabashi]

I'm pregnant...and it's yours.

[Vandal Phantom]

"Well, if they're stealing our shelter from the storm and taking half our provisions...I'm leaving that barrel of Alchemist fire too. Maybe they'll think its food and boom"

[GaijinGuy36]

Something noone ever wants to hear in D&D...

"And now I light the fuse."

Bad juju, man.

[Lord_Ferret_Windleaf]

You mean we need torches?