Things no DM wants to hear.

[Mordacai_Itabashi]

devil238

Mordacai_Itabashi

devil238

PsiPhiBabySeal

Player: I rape a puma!
DM: O_o

This actually did happen in a friend's DnD campaign, and the DM allowed him to do it without rolling for it.

"Roll an eight or higher to come!"

I don't want to know what happens if you fail.

"You roll a 1. The puma swings around and bites off your wand."

So does that mean if you roll a nat. twenty the puma gets knocked up?

[ChajiMonster]

*Cringes in horror* Cat-human (assuming this is a human) hybrids FTW? *Vomits*

[Devil Amada]

Mordacai_Itabashi

devil238

Mordacai_Itabashi

devil238

PsiPhiBabySeal

Player: I rape a puma!
DM: O_o

This actually did happen in a friend's DnD campaign, and the DM allowed him to do it without rolling for it.

"Roll an eight or higher to come!"

I don't want to know what happens if you fail.

"You roll a 1. The puma swings around and bites off your wand."

So does that mean if you roll a nat. twenty the puma gets knocked up?

Yup.

But if the puma rolls an 8 or lower it fails it's pregnancy test.

[Kukazu Nishi]

My friend and I were having a normal (or as close to normal as D&D can get) gaming session when he decided that he didn't like how I was putting him in situations that could get him killed, even though any situation in D&D can get you killed, so I decided to teach him the hard way.


Me as DM: You see a door. What does your elf do?
My friend: My elf opens the door.
Me: As your elf touches the doorknob, 10,000 volts of electricity surge through his body. Your elf is now charcoal. What does your wizard do?
My friend: He calls the dungeon master a jerk.
xd xd xd xd xd xd xd

[Mordacai_Itabashi]

devil238

Mordacai_Itabashi

devil238

Mordacai_Itabashi

devil238

PsiPhiBabySeal

Player: I rape a puma!
DM: O_o

This actually did happen in a friend's DnD campaign, and the DM allowed him to do it without rolling for it.

"Roll an eight or higher to come!"

I don't want to know what happens if you fail.

"You roll a 1. The puma swings around and bites off your wand."

So does that mean if you roll a nat. twenty the puma gets knocked up?

Yup.

But if the puma rolls an 8 or lower it fails it's pregnancy test.

DM: Make a diplomacy check
Player: I fail
DM: You now have to pay child support to the puma.

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

Dee Darkbreed

Evil_Princess_Garnet

"Does 27 hit?"

My players do this all the time it's really annoying.

mine do too... its really annoying.

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

starlightpiper

Player: "I got a 23."
GM: "On what?"
Player: "My Diplomacy check."
GM: "...what? What're you trying to do?"
Player: "Talk to him."

HAHA thats great.

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

Angel in L

SirTayott

Dee Darkbreed

Evil_Princess_Garnet

"Does 27 hit?"

My players do this all the time it's really annoying.

this is why I love 40 AC creatures with anti- magic field twisted

Those are evil gonk

Anyway, here are mine:
Player to DM: "Will you make my character?"
DM to Player: "Make a fortitude save... for your magic items."
- - -
Player: "Can I take my sword and cut of the Unicorn's genitalia?"
DM: "... Well, I guess so..."
...
DM: "What's that Feat say, I can't read it."
Same Player: "Craft: Sexual Object."
DM: "*shocked* uh... Why did you take that?"
Player: "Look at my inventory..." *DM looks, and at about half way down he comes to a circled item "Unicorn p***s" and drops his jaw* "..Yeah, that's why."

did that really happen?

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

[.Wrath.Sin.]

"What's a die?"

sure, not really anything to do with the more detailed parts of D&D, but this was something I heard while observing a game 3nodding That DM learned really quick to not allow just anyone to play in his campain 3nodding

i made that mistake once. i told them to roll a D20. all 6 of them looked at me like this " eek " "a what?"

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

LordShard

Yeah, I freaked out my DM once.

at level 8, "Ok I have a +20 to hit, so I only need to roll a 10!" vs a CR 14 mob. xD

DM : "Wait, let me see that" He adds up the bonuses from the bard, my feats, and other stuff, and he was like. "Well looks to be about right"

lol thats why i'm a math wiz

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

Sombre_Ash

Well this is more Storyteller (was a vampire game I was running) than DM but that's okay. I call all DM/GM/ST positons Storyteller (cause I'm always running a story not a dungeon wink even if the story takes place in one)

Player: I walk up and slap the prince!

Me: O-o....Give me your character sheet.

Player: *hands over*

Me: *rip* Make a new character.

Suggestion: never walk up and slap a prince in the middle of court.

i'm about to start a campain. and i garentee ill be doing that a lot

[Ace_Of_Broken_Hearts]

Silver-Tongued Devil

My friend and I were having a normal (or as close to normal as D&D can get) gaming session when he decided that he didn't like how I was putting him in situations that could get him killed, even though any situation in D&D can get you killed, so I decided to teach him the hard way.


Me as DM: You see a door. What does your elf do?
My friend: My elf opens the door.
Me: As your elf touches the doorknob, 10,000 volts of electricity surge through his body. Your elf is now charcoal. What does your wizard do?
My friend: He calls the dungeon master a jerk.
xd xd xd xd xd xd xd

lol i love those kind of people

[Der Ritter des Mondes]

Silver-Tongued Devil

My friend and I were having a normal (or as close to normal as D&D can get) gaming session when he decided that he didn't like how I was putting him in situations that could get him killed, even though any situation in D&D can get you killed, so I decided to teach him the hard way.


Me as DM: You see a door. What does your elf do?
My friend: My elf opens the door.
Me: As your elf touches the doorknob, 10,000 volts of electricity surge through his body. Your elf is now charcoal. What does your wizard do?
My friend: He calls the dungeon master a jerk.
xd xd xd xd xd xd xd

THAT IS FROM FOXTROT!!!!!!! CHEATER!!!!!!

[noverogiairon]

"so we invented gunpowder now?" enought said

[Ned the red]

DM: So you've slayed the dire rat what do you do?
Player : I tie the the rat to a stick.....