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Hey, guys!

So, in this thread we're going to be writing scenes and discussing different styles of writing character descriptions or impressions. This way, everyone can get a little practice in and maybe learn something new about writing strong character impressions in a relatively short amount of time.

Here's how it'll work:

The challenge will be to write a scene, in around 1000 words or less, about two or more characters, either meeting for the first time or who already know each other, and build a strong impression of at least one of them using description, POV, dialogue, interaction, or anything else you can think of. Remember: the focus of the scene should be on the characters. Don't get caught up in writing plot or an action sequence unless it contributes to developing a character.

When done (and preferably edited), go ahead and post it up on here and we'll discuss what each of us think about the way the characters were described, what our impressions are of the characters, and what worked or didn't work in our opinions. Criticisms should be constructive and focus completely on the characters and how they were written.

Some Simple Rules/Guidelines:

- Scenes must meet Gaia's ToS. (Keep it PG13, guys)

- Do not post work here if you aren't prepared to take the good AND the bad. For all intents and purposes, this is a critique thread; not for the feint of heart. I don't want to see any hotheaded responses from people too sensitive to criticism.

- If you post a scene, please be sure to join in the discussions and respond to other people's works. It's only polite.

- The point of this is to discuss the characters and making a strong impression with them. This is NOT meant to be a full critique of the works. If grammar, dialogue, etc. is bad enough that it affects the character impressions, simply mention that (i.e. "The grammar errors made the work too hard to understand. Please consider editing it more." ) or ignore the work and move on. Do not go into details on what the other errors were and how to fix them. That detracts from the thread. If both parties are interested in carrying on a conversation like that, please take it to the PM's or the Original Stories/Prose Forum. With that said, please edit scenes at least once or twice before posting.

- I don't want to see a string of different scenes written by one person. Be considerate to the other posters sharing this thread, and try doing one at a time to see if and how other people respond first. After a while, you may post another.

I'm looking forward to everyone's different scenes and characters. Good luck and have fun!

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I think I might make some time to give this a short. I like the idea.

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I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.

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I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.


Interesting take on the challenge. I really liked this. It was very short and yet I already almost feel like I know the character. I feel sorry for her loss, even though I don't know what exactly happened or who the woman was beyond being a friend, and I find it admirable that Jules would visit the grave. I think if I had a close friend who passed, I wouldn't act so different from her so I found it easy to relate to her. You managed to get across a good impression even without delving into physical description or any great detail of her back story. And I don't really feel like I missed anything either.

(I will write a scene for this as well at some point, but I'm slow at writing and editing. sweatdrop So I'll be sure comment for now.)

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Tympest
I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.


I like this a lot. It's not at all what I was expecting anyone to write when I first read the challenge. As far as characterization goes, I'm not sure I know who this character is, but I do feel as if I know the type of person she is from the nature of the relationship described. More than that, I want to get to know her. Both the character and your writing seem very down to earth; nothing about this seems contrived or melodramatic (as scenes like this can sometimes be). All of it gives the impression of a story and a style that are a pleasure to read. Very well done.

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Gah, I was so excited about this exercise, but now that it's up, my muse has up and died on me gonk

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Kairi Nightingale
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I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.


Interesting take on the challenge. I really liked this. It was very short and yet I already almost feel like I know the character. I feel sorry for her loss, even though I don't know what exactly happened or who the woman was beyond being a friend, and I find it admirable that Jules would visit the grave. I think if I had a close friend who passed, I wouldn't act so different from her so I found it easy to relate to her. You managed to get across a good impression even without delving into physical description or any great detail of her back story. And I don't really feel like I missed anything either.

(I will write a scene for this as well at some point, but I'm slow at writing and editing. sweatdrop So I'll be sure comment for now.)
We talked a fair deal about character building in a creative writing class I took, I wanted to try what someone had suggested and see how I developed Jules by throwing her into tragedy. It was a pretty interesting exercise, though I was a little worried about not having a physical description in it.

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I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.


I liked it. I think showing how a character reacts to a tragedy is important, because conflict is so central to novels. And I think this shows Jules' relationship with her friends, too.

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Okay, here's mine. It's longer than the last one, but still well under 1,000 words.

Thane was trying to figure out how he was going to eat his loaf of bread and pear while shouting directions to the new trainees—and failing—when he heard the distinctive, high-pitched call of, “Thane! Thane, I found you! I need your help!”

Vaeri. Again. Thane sighed and looked at his bread forlornly. “What do you need now, Vaeri?” he asked without turning.

“Um….about…ten Ivories or so,” the archer admitted. Ten Royal Ivories…what had Vaeri been doing this time? That was almost half of Thane’s weekly pay!

“I don’t have that kind of money!” Thane protested.

“But you make so much more money than I do,” the man protested, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. Thane didn’t appreciate the gesture, but his disapproving looks did almost nothing to modify the other man’s behavior. “And if I don’t have it by sundown tomorrow, I’ll be in big trouble.”

“Vaeri, you’re going to have to ask someone else,” Thane replied, looking at the snickering students on the green and feeling his face redden. Someone such as himself arguing with a lowly archer—an archer famous for being debt-ridden—was hardly professional. And they were on the training grounds, too, where everyone could see them, which would lead to yet more uncomfortable questions about a relationship he couldn’t fully explain. “I don’t have the money.”

“But nobody else will loan me any anymore. Not even the loan sharks. Aren’t you supposed to help those in need?”

“I’m fairly certain this isn’t what that means.”

“But—”

“Look, Vaeri,” Thane interrupted. “Talk to me about this later.” Like maybe when the new trainees weren’t there to laugh, and maybe after Thane had received his weekly pay. Because he certainly wasn’t going to be helping Vaeri out without that.

“Okay!” Vaeri said brightly, bouncing on his heels. “I’ll come by your room later.”

“Sure,” Than said with a resigned sigh. “You do that.”

Vaeri sprinted off and Thane turned back to the still-giggling students. “What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded sharply. “Thirty repetitions. Now.” The chuckles turned to groans and Thane sighed in relief. The gods did shine upon their faithful servants. Sometimes, it was the little things that were important.

He finished his lunch in peace…well, mostly in peace. The recruits were busy with their drills, tearing up the new grass before it had a chance to grow, but he still needed to figure out how to deal with Vaeri. He gave him so much money he would never be able to retire from active service. And Vaeri would end up on the wrong end of an arrow one day if he kept acting the way he did.

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LadyNaena
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I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.


I like this a lot. It's not at all what I was expecting anyone to write when I first read the challenge. As far as characterization goes, I'm not sure I know who this character is, but I do feel as if I know the type of person she is from the nature of the relationship described. More than that, I want to get to know her. Both the character and your writing seem very down to earth; nothing about this seems contrived or melodramatic (as scenes like this can sometimes be). All of it gives the impression of a story and a style that are a pleasure to read. Very well done.
It wasn't what I really planned to write for this, but when I finished it I wanted to see if I'd gotten Jules and her feelings across well or at all. I do feel like I could stand to expand on the character more, possibly here in a later post, though I'm using her as the lead in a project so I'm going to be putting more into both her and Bunny for that. Thank you.

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Sinann of Erin
Okay, here's mine. It's longer than the last one, but still well under 1,000 words.

Thane was trying to figure out how he was going to eat his loaf of bread and pear while shouting directions to the new trainees—and failing—when he heard the distinctive, high-pitched call of, “Thane! Thane, I found you! I need your help!”

Vaeri. Again. Thane sighed and looked at his bread forlornly. “What do you need now, Vaeri?” he asked without turning.

“Um….about…ten Ivories or so,” the archer admitted. Ten Royal Ivories…what had Vaeri been doing this time? That was almost half of Thane’s weekly pay!

“I don’t have that kind of money!” Thane protested.

“But you make so much more money than I do,” the man protested, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. Thane didn’t appreciate the gesture, but his disapproving looks did almost nothing to modify the other man’s behavior. “And if I don’t have it by sundown tomorrow, I’ll be in big trouble.”

“Vaeri, you’re going to have to ask someone else,” Thane replied, looking at the snickering students on the green and feeling his face redden. Someone such as himself arguing with a lowly archer—an archer famous for being debt-ridden—was hardly professional. And they were on the training grounds, too, where everyone could see them, which would lead to yet more uncomfortable questions about a relationship he couldn’t fully explain. “I don’t have the money.”

“But nobody else will loan me any anymore. Not even the loan sharks. Aren’t you supposed to help those in need?”

“I’m fairly certain this isn’t what that means.”

“But—”

“Look, Vaeri,” Thane interrupted. “Talk to me about this later.” Like maybe when the new trainees weren’t there to laugh, and maybe after Thane had received his weekly pay. Because he certainly wasn’t going to be helping Vaeri out without that.

“Okay!” Vaeri said brightly, bouncing on his heels. “I’ll come by your room later.”

“Sure,” Than said with a resigned sigh. “You do that.”

Vaeri sprinted off and Thane turned back to the still-giggling students. “What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded sharply. “Thirty repetitions. Now.” The chuckles turned to groans and Thane sighed in relief. The gods did shine upon their faithful servants. Sometimes, it was the little things that were important.

He finished his lunch in peace…well, mostly in peace. The recruits were busy with their drills, tearing up the new grass before it had a chance to grow, but he still needed to figure out how to deal with Vaeri. He gave him so much money he would never be able to retire from active service. And Vaeri would end up on the wrong end of an arrow one day if he kept acting the way he did.


Thane sighs. A lot. I get it--he's exasperated. With his buddy and himself. A sigh shows that sort of thing. Well done in employing such physical cues--but don't overplay your hand. Keep each cue in check. Also, debating the consumption of his bread is a good move, as is his putting Vaeri off without giving him a "no." Indecision. Or an inability to pull the trigger. Unless I just misread that. I actually wondered if you might play that up and reinforce the idea if, after Thane sticks it to the recruits and gets his moment of satisfaction and peace, he still couldn't bring himself to eat his lunch. If he was just kind of stuck. In his head. With his problems. Which sounds in a way like a critique of plot, which it sort of is; character is built by plot! Obligatory pointing-out. Etc. Anyway. You do a nice job of showing who's in charge in their relationship and of starting Thane down the road of getting out from under Vaeri's thumb.

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LadyNaena
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I'll kick this off I guess, this is way less than a thousand words, but I'm hoping it does a good job of getting the character across at that moment.

It was strange, standing there looking at the granite marker. They had joked once about coming here for a picnic and sitting by this very tree. She’d have liked it here, where it was peaceful and quiet. Where she could watch the sun rise and the squirrels chase each other. She couldn’t think about it too much though. That after everything they’d gone through with the Academy and Chronos it would be some nameless drunk that got one of them. Jules shook her head and tried to clear the lump from her throat.

“Hey, I brought that lunch we talked about. Not sure how you feel about potato salad, but it’s my gran’s recipe.” Her eyes burned as she sat down next to the basket, “It’s been awhile Bun.” She spoke to the headstone as she laid out a lunch for one. Talked to it as she had the woman who was buried under it for close to seven years. As though she would respond at some point. And when she had nothing left to say, Jules lapsed into comfortable silence and listened. It really was a nice place.

She left as the sun began to set, packing the remains of her lunch and quietly placing a small number of stones on the flat front edge of the marker. “Stick tight, I’ll come visit again soon. Promise.” Then, hands in her coat pockets, she left.


I like this a lot. It's not at all what I was expecting anyone to write when I first read the challenge. As far as characterization goes, I'm not sure I know who this character is, but I do feel as if I know the type of person she is from the nature of the relationship described. More than that, I want to get to know her. Both the character and your writing seem very down to earth; nothing about this seems contrived or melodramatic (as scenes like this can sometimes be). All of it gives the impression of a story and a style that are a pleasure to read. Very well done.
It wasn't what I really planned to write for this, but when I finished it I wanted to see if I'd gotten Jules and her feelings across well or at all. I do feel like I could stand to expand on the character more, possibly here in a later post, though I'm using her as the lead in a project so I'm going to be putting more into both her and Bunny for that. Thank you.


Do you post your work anywhere? I'd be very interested to read more about them.

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Sinann of Erin
Okay, here's mine. It's longer than the last one, but still well under 1,000 words.

Thane was trying to figure out how he was going to eat his loaf of bread and pear while shouting directions to the new trainees—and failing—when he heard the distinctive, high-pitched call of, “Thane! Thane, I found you! I need your help!”

Vaeri. Again. Thane sighed and looked at his bread forlornly. “What do you need now, Vaeri?” he asked without turning.

“Um….about…ten Ivories or so,” the archer admitted. Ten Royal Ivories…what had Vaeri been doing this time? That was almost half of Thane’s weekly pay!

“I don’t have that kind of money!” Thane protested.

“But you make so much more money than I do,” the man protested, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. Thane didn’t appreciate the gesture, but his disapproving looks did almost nothing to modify the other man’s behavior. “And if I don’t have it by sundown tomorrow, I’ll be in big trouble.”

“Vaeri, you’re going to have to ask someone else,” Thane replied, looking at the snickering students on the green and feeling his face redden. Someone such as himself arguing with a lowly archer—an archer famous for being debt-ridden—was hardly professional. And they were on the training grounds, too, where everyone could see them, which would lead to yet more uncomfortable questions about a relationship he couldn’t fully explain. “I don’t have the money.”

“But nobody else will loan me any anymore. Not even the loan sharks. Aren’t you supposed to help those in need?”

“I’m fairly certain this isn’t what that means.”

“But—”

“Look, Vaeri,” Thane interrupted. “Talk to me about this later.” Like maybe when the new trainees weren’t there to laugh, and maybe after Thane had received his weekly pay. Because he certainly wasn’t going to be helping Vaeri out without that.

“Okay!” Vaeri said brightly, bouncing on his heels. “I’ll come by your room later.”

“Sure,” Than said with a resigned sigh. “You do that.”

Vaeri sprinted off and Thane turned back to the still-giggling students. “What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded sharply. “Thirty repetitions. Now.” The chuckles turned to groans and Thane sighed in relief. The gods did shine upon their faithful servants. Sometimes, it was the little things that were important.

He finished his lunch in peace…well, mostly in peace. The recruits were busy with their drills, tearing up the new grass before it had a chance to grow, but he still needed to figure out how to deal with Vaeri. He gave him so much money he would never be able to retire from active service. And Vaeri would end up on the wrong end of an arrow one day if he kept acting the way he did.


Wow, this is fantastic. First of all, I love your writing style. It's smart and fun to read. It's also a great snapshot of Thane's personality (someone who wants respect, cares about how people see him, but cares about his friend just a little bit more). We also learn a little bit about Vaeri, and between him, Thane, and their relationship as a whole, you have firmly secured my interest and my desire to learn more. Awesome job.

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Sinann of Erin
Okay, here's mine. It's longer than the last one, but still well under 1,000 words.

Thane was trying to figure out how he was going to eat his loaf of bread and pear while shouting directions to the new trainees—and failing—when he heard the distinctive, high-pitched call of, “Thane! Thane, I found you! I need your help!”

Vaeri. Again. Thane sighed and looked at his bread forlornly. “What do you need now, Vaeri?” he asked without turning.

“Um….about…ten Ivories or so,” the archer admitted. Ten Royal Ivories…what had Vaeri been doing this time? That was almost half of Thane’s weekly pay!

“I don’t have that kind of money!” Thane protested.

“But you make so much more money than I do,” the man protested, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. Thane didn’t appreciate the gesture, but his disapproving looks did almost nothing to modify the other man’s behavior. “And if I don’t have it by sundown tomorrow, I’ll be in big trouble.”

“Vaeri, you’re going to have to ask someone else,” Thane replied, looking at the snickering students on the green and feeling his face redden. Someone such as himself arguing with a lowly archer—an archer famous for being debt-ridden—was hardly professional. And they were on the training grounds, too, where everyone could see them, which would lead to yet more uncomfortable questions about a relationship he couldn’t fully explain. “I don’t have the money.”

“But nobody else will loan me any anymore. Not even the loan sharks. Aren’t you supposed to help those in need?”

“I’m fairly certain this isn’t what that means.”

“But—”

“Look, Vaeri,” Thane interrupted. “Talk to me about this later.” Like maybe when the new trainees weren’t there to laugh, and maybe after Thane had received his weekly pay. Because he certainly wasn’t going to be helping Vaeri out without that.

“Okay!” Vaeri said brightly, bouncing on his heels. “I’ll come by your room later.”

“Sure,” Than said with a resigned sigh. “You do that.”

Vaeri sprinted off and Thane turned back to the still-giggling students. “What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded sharply. “Thirty repetitions. Now.” The chuckles turned to groans and Thane sighed in relief. The gods did shine upon their faithful servants. Sometimes, it was the little things that were important.

He finished his lunch in peace…well, mostly in peace. The recruits were busy with their drills, tearing up the new grass before it had a chance to grow, but he still needed to figure out how to deal with Vaeri. He gave him so much money he would never be able to retire from active service. And Vaeri would end up on the wrong end of an arrow one day if he kept acting the way he did.


Very well written. I especially like how you made use of physical cues to further assist in building the perception of both Thane and Vaeri. Your choice of words when it came to dialogue was very clear and straight forward which makes learning about the characters more of an easy and enjoyable read rather than a puzzle piece.

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MajGyver

Thane sighs. A lot. I get it--he's exasperated. With his buddy and himself. A sigh shows that sort of thing. Well done in employing such physical cues--but don't overplay your hand. Keep each cue in check. Also, debating the consumption of his bread is a good move, as is his putting Vaeri off without giving him a "no." Indecision. Or an inability to pull the trigger. Unless I just misread that. I actually wondered if you might play that up and reinforce the idea if, after Thane sticks it to the recruits and gets his moment of satisfaction and peace, he still couldn't bring himself to eat his lunch. If he was just kind of stuck. In his head. With his problems. Which sounds in a way like a critique of plot, which it sort of is; character is built by plot! Obligatory pointing-out. Etc. Anyway. You do a nice job of showing who's in charge in their relationship and of starting Thane down the road of getting out from under Vaeri's thumb.

Thank you!

I know I tend to over use the same words and the same experiences. It's something I have a lot of trouble with so thanks for pointing it out so I can fix it again.

Lady Naena

Wow, this is fantastic. First of all, I love your writing style. It's smart and fun to read. It's also a great snapshot of Thane's personality (someone who wants respect, cares about how people see him, but cares about his friend just a little bit more). We also learn a little bit about Vaeri, and between him, Thane, and their relationship as a whole, you have firmly secured my interest and my desire to learn more. Awesome job.


Well, thank you. This is actually one of my favorite characterization pieces. It's also the opening to the story, so that's helpful too. I figure it's more helpful for me to get critiques on things I like rather than things I know I screwed up.
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