This week: a visit from the cow-brained Santa Claus, plus new evolutions for the Copper Twopence, Jinxi's Charm, Captain Ara's Nestegg, Dander and Nano-C.
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Read on for Dr. Singh's full update...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to a very special edition of the Evolving Item Report: not only do we have a ton of great news about a bunch of cool items, but we have an extra-special holiday guest joining us. Please welcome the master of X-mas himself... Santa Claus!
Dr. Singh: Yes... we're on the air now, Santa. Maybe you should... uhh... are you eating
grass?
Dr. Singh: Oh... this is... unexpected. I've just been handed a note from my producers telling me that Santa got mind-swapped with a cow in a freakish alien abduction accident a couple of years ago, so apparently I'm talking to a man with the brain of a cow. No wonder he was so easy to book...
Dr. Singh: I suppose the "uhhhh" noise is just his attempt to moo, but his human larynx doesn't quite produce the same noise. Well, this is certainly a downer. Why hasn't anyone done something about this?
Dr. Singh: So this means there's a cow somewhere out there with your mind? He must be getting pretty peeved by now. Well, anyway, I suppose we should get down to business, because we've got a huge update today! First up, the exciting new limited-edition holiday item is evolving: the
Copper Twopence will be growing quickly all month long, so don't miss your chance to pick one up!
Captain Ara's Nestegg is getting a fantastic update today, with some beautiful new piratey items, including a sash and a classic flintlock pistol. Wow! The fiery power of the
Infernal Spirit seems to be getting more intense this week, as well-- there's no telling what lurks within this flaming apparition. It's quite dazzling, isn't it, Santa? Moo once for yes.
Dr. Singh: The advanced, self-improving technology of the
Nano-C has gone into overdrive this week... even with all my fancy science equipment, like those coils that shoot electricity at each other for some reason and test tubes and whatnot, I've never seen anything quite so mystifying. On the opposite end of the tech spectrum,
Jinxi's Charm represents the ultimate in low-tech power: the ancient cursed doll fuses with the emotions of a scorned lover to create something very intense indeed.
Dr. Singh: Oh, I see you're getting a little sneezy. It must be because of little
Dander! This sweet little dust-bunny is continuing its nose-tickling evolution today.
Dr. Singh: Well, I suppose that's all for this week. Please remember to vote in our weekly
poll to let us know what you think of the items. I'd like to thank my unexpectedly grotesque and depressing guest, Santa Claus, for all his lovely insights. I really hope they can fix you up soon, Santa! The world needs you more than ever!
