Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's most trusted news source for the wonderful world of evolving items. We've got a fairly huge update this week, so we should probably jump right in. As you can see, I've got my little sidekick Timmy with me, and... Gene, what are you still doing here?

Labtech Gene: What'sa matter, doll? Don't want me around? Can handle the manliness? Don't be scared, babe, I won't bite. Unless you like it like that.


Dr. Singh: Something seems a little strange about you, Gene. Please, I appreciate you bringing Timmy back, but we've got a job to do. We can continue this conversation after the report is done.


Labtech Gene: Suit yourself, babe. Maybe we can continue it over a nice box of wine in my hot tub, or as I like to call it, the Pond of Passion.


Dr. Singh: Sorry, I'm busy tonight. Forever. Anyway, we've got an extra-special report this week, featuring five evolutions and two brand-new items! Timmy, you look pretty excited, would you care to get the ball rolling?

Timmy: Maybe the two of us should get rolling, you dig? You catch my drift? You pickin' up what I'm layin' down, babe?

Dr. Singh: I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, so I'll just get this started by myself. First, some big news: two brand new items are arriving in the Cash Shop today! First of all, there's the Coocoon, a strange little insectoid pupal sac clinging to a leaf. We all know what happens to these things-- they eventually hatch into some kind of creature. The fact that this one is being marketed as an evolving item, however, leads me to believe there's a little more to it.

Timmy: Love the science talk, babe. Gotta love a woman with brains, as long as she knows her place. Am I right, Gene?

Labtech Gene: High five.


Dr. Singh: Second, we've got these bottles of Gro-gain, a discontinued medical tonic that promises to restore thinning hair with a volatile combination of herbal extracts, dangerous chemicals and a potent distillation of ape humors. It's also got some sort of secret ingredient that's been classified by G-Corp. Gene, you wouldn't know anything about this, would you?

Labtech Gene: I could tell you, babe, but then I'd have to take you out...for a classy fondue dinner! You see what I did there?




Dr. Singh: No, I don't. Anyway, you can pick up these intriguing new items-- both priced a bit lower than most due to their suspicious nature-- at the Gaia Cash Shop.

Timmy: Say, sweetheart, does the Cash Shop sell cologne? I'm running low on Musc de Buffle.

Dr. Singh: Is that what that smell is? I thought somebody had pickled crab for lunch.


Labtech Gene: Don't listen to her, Timmy. Betties love the musk.


Dr. Singh: Anyway, those new items are just the beginning. We've also got a giant evolution this week, with five items transforming! Three of our newest items, Yama No Tamago, Picolitrosso's Urn and Padmavati's Lotus have continued their steady march of change. Yama No Tamago seems to be hatching into some manner of small creature, although it may be a little too early to tell what it'll grow in to. The Lotus seems to be taking on a more serpentine form, and the urn seems to hint at intriguing new possibilities.

Timmy: I'm seeing an intriguing possibility here, sweetheart: You. Me. Box of wine. Fun times. You dig, babe?

Dr. Singh: Wine is for grown-ups, Timmy, but if you're good, we can go to the store and get those juice boxes you like. The ones with dinosaurs on them, remember? But back to business: Alruna's Rose has evolved again this week. I've got a suspicion that it's approaching its final stage, but you never know! The Enchanted Book also continues to transform-- as usual, it's positively bursting with magical energy. Anyway, folks, that's it for this week's--

Labtech Gene: Sorry to interrupt, babe, but I just have a quick suggestion: maybe try wearing something a little friendlier next week, yeah?


Dr. Singh: You know, Timmy said the same thing to me last week, and I still don't understand what it means. What's going on here? What's wrong with you two?

Timmy: Mellow out, sweetheart. Don't get all uptight.

Labtech Gene: Yeah, babe, it's bad for you. You'll get wrinkles. Listen, here's what we're gonna do: you and I are gonna go grab a quick bite to eat. Anywhere you want, babe, this is all about you. I'll pick up the check, of course. I'm in real estate, and I'm not ashamed to say I do very well for myself.


Dr. Singh: You're not in real estate! You're a scientist!


Labtech Gene: And after that, I'm going to take that pretty little hand of yours and lead it down to the waterbed dealership, and we'll pick up a nice little--


Dr. Singh: No! I don't want a waterbed! I don't want fondue, I don't like wine from boxes and I don't want to dress "friendlier"! What in the world has gotten into you two? It's like you've suddenly become...

Timmy: Sorry doll, that's my pager. Gotta get that. You hold that thought, OK? Gotta close this deal.