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[UmWhat]

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[UmWhat]

Does no one like this crying

I was trying to get into the head of a female so. Female reader comments appreciated since this is a guy trying to think like a woman would. LOL

[LadyGothicMelody]

WOW!! I loved it. I got the impression you were playing with angles and pulled it off. I have read many stories like that and some impressed me, others made ma gag. I'm impressed.

As for writing from a girls perspective, you did wonderful and I wanna read more now.

Also, check your punctuation. I saw some places that needed comas and didn't have them.

Coma before your conjunctions and, but , or

[UmWhat]

LadyGothicMelody

WOW!! I loved it. I got the impression you were playing with angles and pulled it off. I have read many stories like that and some impressed me, others made ma gag. I'm impressed.

As for writing from a girls perspective, you did wonderful and I wanna read more now.

Also, check your punctuation. I saw some places that needed comas and didn't have them.

Coma before your conjunctions and, but , or

Thanks so much. I will fix the punctuation. I was a little lazy with punctuation here since Word fixes it for me normally but this time I wrote most of it in Google Docs and did a fair amount of editing in the Gaia editor (yuk).

[No Longer Present]

That gave me chills at the ending there. This was a lovely read...thank you! I only didn't understand the one line: "Should be out within a few hours." I read over it again though, and you're talking about "should be out of the hospital" right? I don't know why I didn't get it the first time around, but it might be something to look at.

[Lexi0927]

it made chills run through my veins it was very exhilerating

[HannahGirl09]

I'm sorta being blonde right now. how did he die a year ago? when he was like with her the night before or whatever. otherwise, good job.

[LadyGothicMelody]

HannahGirl09

I'm sorta being blonde right now. how did he die a year ago? when he was like with her the night before or whatever. otherwise, good job.

Quote:

There were flowers around a memorial picture of someone who had fallen off the cliff a year ago. It was the young man with the husky voice.

She was with the ghost (I like to think angel, which makes it bitter sweet) of the young man with the husky voice ^_^

[HannahGirl09]

LadyGothicMelody

HannahGirl09

I'm sorta being blonde right now. how did he die a year ago? when he was like with her the night before or whatever. otherwise, good job.

Quote:

There were flowers around a memorial picture of someone who had fallen off the cliff a year ago. It was the young man with the husky voice.

She was with the ghost (I like to think angel, which makes it bitter sweet) of the young man with the husky voice ^_^

I knew it! okay, haha. thanks. It was a really good story =]

[UmWhat]

Casidhe Wetherington

That gave me chills at the ending there. This was a lovely read...thank you! I only didn't understand the one line: "Should be out within a few hours." I read over it again though, and you're talking about "should be out of the hospital" right? I don't know why I didn't get it the first time around, but it might be something to look at.

Thanks for the kind feedback.

Hmmm, maybe I should have said "you should be home soon" to make it more obvious. I thought that it was obvious that, whether she was out of the hospital or ambulance, it got the point across, but maybe it didn't.

[UmWhat]

Lexi0927

it made chills run through my veins it was very exhilerating

Thanks very much biggrin

[No Longer Present]

UmWhat

Casidhe Wetherington

That gave me chills at the ending there. This was a lovely read...thank you! I only didn't understand the one line: "Should be out within a few hours." I read over it again though, and you're talking about "should be out of the hospital" right? I don't know why I didn't get it the first time around, but it might be something to look at.

Thanks for the kind feedback.

Hmmm, maybe I should have said "you should be home soon" to make it more obvious. I thought that it was obvious that, whether she was out of the hospital or ambulance, it got the point across, but maybe it didn't.

lol. I don't know. It could have been just me. *shrugs* Or I just spaced out at exactly that point, or something (that happens to me too). I just figured I'd let ya know, in case it wasn't just me, because I have a problem in my own writing where I'll think I made something clear and then it's not. lol.

[iwanttobedeleted202]

this was a great story

[UmWhat]

hkmaniac18

this was a great story

Thanks very much smile