Dark Fantasy Novel: Chainbreaker [Feedback Appreciated]

[Ixxis]

I'm awful at 'selling' my own stuff, so here is the basics: Urban Nordica is a two-part novel co-written by myself and a friend of mine (Random Redux). It started out as a kind of a joke based on a quick, ten second sketch I did of one of his characters pointing a gun at the head of one of mine, and sort of took off from there. It has mostly been written in alternating slices -- so I write a chapter, then he does, then I do and so on -- with occasional full-scale collaborations done during the editing phase. Currently, Book I (Chainbreaker) is in it's first few rounds of edits, while Book II is still being written and is thus mostly 'raw'.


That's Nice, What's it About?
Gods, demons, fallen angels, girls with guns, reincarnated Valkyries, political intrigue, the end of the world and, er, it's complicated. Basically a modern dark-fantasy/horror story.


Warnings?
Lots. Don't read if you are adverse to any of the following:

- Offensive language
- Sexual situations including implied homosexuality (well, kinda...)
- Violence and non-violent gore
- Existential angst
- Horror and horror themes
- Use of religious themes, both Christian and Asatru (Norse pagan), in a non-canonical way (ie. blasphemy)

... and in fact I wouldn't recommend this story to anyone under the age of 15. Or in fact anyone really. (Nah, it's not that explicit.)


Read It!
Interested? The whole first book is available as a PDF download.
Urban Nordica, Book I: Chainbreaker


Critique?
Of course! Mostly I'm interested in general plotline critique (ie. were there things you found confusing and why) and character impressions. Also, what you thought 'worked' and what didn't. I'm less interested in spelling/grammar mistakes (yeah, I know there are some in there; like I said, it's still going through edits). I'd ask that people keep in mind the style and genre; so no complaining that it's not enough Mills & Boon/James Joyce/whatever. Otherwise, I'd love to hear people's thoughts.

[Veive]

=P I might as well peek in.

Well, this was the first thing I noticed:

Yareth

stern-faced looking police

I think you can tell what's wrong with it. ^^

Other than that, it's lovely. Reminds me a lot of American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

I've always been a fan of Norse mythology heart

[Veive]

Yeah, yeah, I know, I've failed you as a critiquer. Eh.

But honestly, that's not a bad thing. From what I've seen, it's different in many ways, and the similarity seems to end with Loki o.o

I was just reminded of it 'cause I reread the book recently.

[Elf_of_Krynn]

hmmm mebe if i get enough time i'll read chainbreaker, sounds great though... i love reading books that people have just written razz funfun.... i love the fantasy science fiction stuff... ahh well when i get time i'll be sure to be a good critiquer lol cya
Elf

[Ixxis]

Bumpin' this. Been a few years but the books are back on track.

Also check out the page at dA.