My straight best friend says he loves me.

Think I should go for it?

Aye	87.0%	[ 107 ]
Nay	13.0%	[ 16 ]
Total Votes:			[ 123 ]

[Xenophilius Lovegood]

We're both guys. I'm twenty, he's twenty-one. I'm gay and out, he's straight and supportive. We've known each other for eleven years. He's my best friend in the world. Couple of weeks ago, I was at his birthday party. He got a bit tipsy and kissed me. I was a bit tipsy and he's pretty cute, so I kissed him back, which led to handjobs on the couch after everyone else was passed out.

We just sort of ignored it afterwards, we didn't really talk about it. Didn't really feel like we needed to. We've done everything together, talked about our love lives, cried drunkenly over breakups, gotten into fights at school - we're even in most of the same classes at university. This was just another thing we've done together. Like riding a roller coaster, you know?

He left a letter in my room while I was out yesterday (he's got a house key; we decided it was safer that he hang onto the spare rather than leaving it under the mat or something). I won't reproduce it here, but let's just say that it's... pretty intense. He calls me the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and says that when he's around me he's so happy he can barely think. He says he loves me, and that because my eyes are the colour of clouds, he will come to love the smell of rain on the air and the wind before the storm.

I don't know how I feel. I'm resisting the knee-jerk "Oh God it's so romantic" reaction, because I need to approach this rationally. Eleven years of friendship is too important to jeopardise. He's straight; he identifies as straight, he's done his experimenting in high school (mainly with me) and has decided that he likes girls. I've never seen him as anything other than a really great friend, and I'm damn lucky and proud as anything to call him that. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that the idea of being loved by him doesn't appeal. I could come to love him so easily - he's clever, he's kind, he's so generous and just a wonderful human being. But how do I know he really loves me? I know he's been lonely; maybe I'm just a safe option. God, I've been his friend for eleven years. I know things none of his girlfriends have known; I hold secrets his parents will never hear. I don't need to be his boyfriend to be happy with our relationship. He's been in love before. He'd know, I guess. Just knowing that he feels this way is... intoxicating. That someone so special thinks that I'm special too.

EDIT 8/12/2012: Okay, so we talked.

I... think he's actually really serious about this. He says that I know him better than anyone, and that we've seen each other nearly every day for a decade and we can still find things to talk about and that he'll always be a bit in love with me. And when I said, "But you're straight", he shrugged and said "It's not about guys, it's about you" and I may have melted a little inside.

He doesn't sound like he's settling. And I know him well enough to know when he wants something.

I think I'm going to give it a shot.

EDIT 29/1/2013: I am in love with my best friend and he loves me and he moved in two weeks ago and we are incandescently happy and he's taken to gay sex with great enthusiasm (he bought a manual and everything) so things are pretty phenomenal in that department.

I'd like to thank Gaia for helping me arrive at a decision and making me fulfilled and happy.

EDIT 19/11/2013: I just wanted you all to know that he proposed last night and I said yes.

[Alex Ehh]

It sounds like a sticky situation dude, but I think you might as well try. Voice your thoughts, have a talk with him. He gave you a letter, a very powerful one. I think the next step is to have a serious conversation with him. I think sexuality can be pretty fluid, maybe he is bi, and it's hard for him to accept this, and easier for him to just date girls. Just my thoughts, wish you the best!

[Viets Wifey]

It's the risks that we don't take, all the safe plays, that hold us back. Things we might have done but only live to regret not doing. I know you value your friendship, I totally get it but when a friend (now fiance) told me he could spend the rest of his life with a girl like me... I closed my eyes and breathed for what felt like the first time. I have no regrets taking this huge risk even if it had ended our friendship because I know I would have learned either way, how deeply a person can be loved or how much love can hurt. These things make us stronger, if you like him talk about it and let it happen, the only thing worse than trying is not.

[Vailwolf]

It really doesn't sound like he's straight.

No straight man can come up with poetry like that.
Oh, and the handjob thing.

[Sophronia-Anna-Anwen]

I agree with everyone here. You two just need to sit down and talk. He needs to have a serious thought about what he identifies with. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, bi, or straight. However, there is something wrong with him identifying as straight, and possibly using you as a safe bet simply because he's lonely. We all love our friends, so you have to decide for yourself what kind of 'love' he meant when he was drunk. It's not worth getting into a relationship, for him to say in five months that he only enjoys sex with women.

[Relic_League]

It is possible to be bi-sexual and prefer girls over guys. Doesn't mean you are incapable of getting with a male; just generally women appeal more so it is harder for a male to "woo" them. Not impossible. Maybe he is the same? Some don't even notice. Heck I know people who are bi-sexual but 90% of the time they like the opposite gender; but have dated people the same gender. Just means you really need that spark. I know people who are mainly bi-sexual who like same gender; but the right person opposite gender can click with them too.

However he was tipsy so he might of meant it or not.

Honestly just have an open and honest talk with him. I don't see any reason not to go for it; long as you are aware he's new to it and it may not last; or it might last forever. Just don't have higher expectations that are reasonable. If you talk to him openly about it and it turns out he meant it in a platonic way just say alright cool. I mean eleven years is stupid to ruin over something you mis-understood or you understood but say you don't work out.

Good luck. <3 Just talk to him. c:

[- Jobbles -]

Alex Ehh

It sounds like a sticky situation dude,

BECAUSE OF ALL THE SEMEN HAHA

[Xenophilius Lovegood]

- Jobbles -

Alex Ehh

It sounds like a sticky situation dude,

BECAUSE OF ALL THE SEMEN HAHA

Oh the wit.

[Galad Aglaron]

Sexuality isn't a line with straight people on one side and everyone else on the other. It's a scale - a gradient, which passes gradually from one shade to the next. A rainbow, if you will.

Do you want to remember this forever as the love you could have had but were too afraid to chase?

[Lopsided Oreo]

If you feel he's being honest with him then you need to talk to him about it. If you can see the two of you dating and falling in love even more then he already is then I say go for it but only after talking about it because, who knows, it could be best for you two if you stayed friends. You don't know how it'll play out merely for the fact that you can not see into the future.

So I agree with everyone who says to talk to him.

[Antic_cafe_is_love]

It's very much possible to be a "straight" person and to have just that one exception- especially since you two have known each other for so long and are so close. It's possible that there's something going on all mucked up inside of him swirling around in a confused state given the situation you two had on the couch & his already feeling close to you as a friend, it's also quite possible that he's realizing that he does have feelings for you beyond that of common friendship... in any event you two both need to sit down and have a long and deep chat about what's going on. Talk about what might have lead to his writing the letter [and please do find out for certain that it is from him and not someone else], what his feelings are for & towards you in all states, let him know that if he should harbour any romantic feelings for you that he shouldn't worry about what sorts of labeling on his sexuality that might have- that labels aren't everything & he can call himself whatever he pleases. Make sure to be open, honest and most importantly try your best not to come off as judgmental or as if you're trying to make him make a decision.

Whatever the outcome of this I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully everything turns out for the best and no matter what the two of you remain the best of friends.

[fubenkunai]

I am curious as to what says "safe option" about a hetero dude hooking up with his male best friend, especially in our prudish culture. I think there is a good chance he is serious, because this is a big leap to take. I also think that hey, sometimes straight people fall for people of the same sex, and vice versa. It happens because people are complicated. I think you have a good chance of getting with him if you want to. You just need to have a serious talk about this and lay out your concerns. You're already more prepared for this than most people, because you're going to genuinely be okay with the outcome regardless. That's going to make it easier to be honest and make the best decisions.

[angel_259236102]

You need to just talk to him already. Sure he identifies as straight, but he is emotioanally into you for sure, and he DID experiment with YOU.

But dont settle. Really if he doesnt want to be with you, dont say that this iffy inbetween realtinoship stuff is oaky. It isnt. You need to get to that point where it is friend stuff only forever or you try to be together.

[Suicide over Vanity]

Xenophilius Lovegood

We're both guys. I'm twenty, he's twenty-one. I'm gay and out, he's straight and supportive. We've known each other for eleven years. He's my best friend in the world. Couple of weeks ago, I was at his birthday party. He got a bit tipsy and kissed me. I was a bit tipsy and he's pretty cute, so I kissed him back, which led to handjobs on the couch after everyone else was passed out.

We just sort of ignored it afterwards, we didn't really talk about it. Didn't really feel like we needed to. We've done everything together, talked about our love lives, cried drunkenly over breakups, gotten into fights at school - we're even in most of the same classes at university. This was just another thing we've done together. Like riding a roller coaster, you know?

He left a letter in my room while I was out yesterday (he's got a house key; we decided it was safer that he hang onto the spare rather than leaving it under the mat or something). I won't reproduce it here, but let's just say that it's... pretty intense. He calls me the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and says that when he's around me he's so happy he can barely think. He says he loves me, and that because my eyes are the colour of clouds, he will come to love the smell of rain on the air and the wind before the storm.

I don't know how I feel. I'm resisting the knee-jerk "Oh God it's so romantic" reaction, because I need to approach this rationally. Eleven years of friendship is too important to jeopardise. He's straight; he identifies as straight, he's done his experimenting in high school (mainly with me) and has decided that he likes girls. I've never seen him as anything other than a really great friend, and I'm damn lucky and proud as anything to call him that. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that the idea of being loved by him doesn't appeal. I could come to love him so easily - he's clever, he's kind, he's so generous and just a wonderful human being. But how do I know he really loves me? I know he's been lonely; maybe I'm just a safe option. God, I've been his friend for eleven years. I know things none of his girlfriends have known; I hold secrets his parents will never hear. I don't need to be his boyfriend to be happy with our relationship. He's been in love before. He'd know, I guess. Just knowing that he feels this way is... intoxicating. That someone so special thinks that I'm special too.

as a bisexual man, who is out. I had the same thing happen to me with my straight best friend. However, he and i attempted being "Boyfriends" and it found out it was better of as FWB or just friends. Try talking about a relationship, maybe have a few dates. Help him understand that to suddenly "Swing" as it was called when my friend did such will cause him some issues more than likely. Do not opt out of anything but do not jump into anything eiter. If you need someone to chat wit about this, feel free to PM me

~CJ