We're both guys. I'm twenty, he's twenty-one. I'm gay and out, he's straight and supportive. We've known each other for eleven years. He's my best friend in the world. Couple of weeks ago, I was at his birthday party. He got a bit tipsy and kissed me. I was a bit tipsy and he's pretty cute, so I kissed him back, which led to handjobs on the couch after everyone else was passed out.
We just sort of ignored it afterwards, we didn't really talk about it. Didn't really feel like we needed to. We've done everything together, talked about our love lives, cried drunkenly over breakups, gotten into fights at school - we're even in most of the same classes at university. This was just another thing we've done together. Like riding a roller coaster, you know?
He left a letter in my room while I was out yesterday (he's got a house key; we decided it was safer that he hang onto the spare rather than leaving it under the mat or something). I won't reproduce it here, but let's just say that it's... pretty intense. He calls me the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and says that when he's around me he's so happy he can barely think. He says he loves me, and that because my eyes are the colour of clouds, he will come to love the smell of rain on the air and the wind before the storm.
I don't know how I feel. I'm resisting the knee-jerk "Oh God it's so romantic" reaction, because I need to approach this rationally. Eleven years of friendship is too important to jeopardise. He's straight; he identifies as straight, he's done his experimenting in high school (mainly with me) and has decided that he likes girls. I've never seen him as anything other than a really great friend, and I'm damn lucky and proud as anything to call him that. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that the idea of being loved by him doesn't appeal. I could come to love him so easily - he's clever, he's kind, he's so generous and just a wonderful human being. But how do I know he really loves me? I know he's been lonely; maybe I'm just a safe option. God, I've been his friend for eleven years. I know things none of his girlfriends have known; I hold secrets his parents will never hear. I don't need to be his boyfriend to be happy with our relationship. He's been in love before. He'd know, I guess. Just knowing that he feels this way is... intoxicating. That someone so special thinks that I'm special too.
EDIT 8/12/2012: Okay, so we talked.
I... think he's actually really serious about this. He says that I know him better than anyone, and that we've seen each other nearly every day for a decade and we can still find things to talk about and that he'll always be a bit in love with me. And when I said, "But you're straight", he shrugged and said "It's not about guys, it's about you" and I may have melted a little inside.
He doesn't sound like he's settling. And I know him well enough to know when he wants something.
I think I'm going to give it a shot.
EDIT 29/1/2013: I am in love with my best friend and he loves me and he moved in two weeks ago and we are incandescently happy and he's taken to gay sex with great enthusiasm (he bought a manual and everything) so things are pretty phenomenal in that department.
I'd like to thank Gaia for helping me arrive at a decision and making me fulfilled and happy.
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