[18+ only, please respect this request]

[XXX Zombie Porn]

So he's not exactly my boyfriend neither of us want a relationship with anyone, we're more sleeping together and going the cinema kinda relationship.He's moving to China tomorrow for 7 months and we have kind of been together since November. Im not sure how I feel at the moment.
Also this is not for people to blame BDSM or stereotype people into it.

So we have rough sex, BDSM and all that with whips and choking etc. But last night we were having sex and he seemed to get more rough than usual. We used to have a**l and recently it's been excruciatingly painful for me and I've told him. Last night he kept trying and i said no (as much as you can with a ball gag in) and tried to move away. He was sort of forcing it and a few times he said it's my own fault for not moving my a** up more so he could get it in my v****a. Eventually he gave up but he kept trying again a few times.
I had a thick collar on and he was choking me harder than usual, sometimes to the point where I thought he was going to kill me for a minute,
It seemed to go on forever.
The first time he punched me it was in the back in between my shoulder blades so hard he winded me and I have a massive bruise now. He's an angry person anyway and I haven't ever seen him this rough or angry. A lot of the sex I was sobbing and crying uncontrollably and my nose was so blocked it was hard to breathe and it was running everywhere.
Later on he tried to get it in my a** again and I resisted, I started crying more and he pulled me up from behind by the collar so I could barely breathe then let go then soon after punched me in the back of the head and had his hands around my throat.I was terrified, I thought he was going to kill me.

After all of this he wanted me to tell him when he'd gone too far because he 'didn't know and didn't know my limit' which I thought he would because he's slapped me in the face during sex before and I freaked out. Maybe he didn't know and thought I was acting the way I did as part of the sex or whatever. He's leaving tomorrow and I'm devastated and I'm going to miss him so much. I wouldn't say I love him but not far off it.
I apologised to him on Yahoo for when he gets his offline messages; 'Sorry about last night, when you punched me in the back you winded me and i couldnt breathe then when you punched me in the head and choked me i think i got kind of scared and you were really angry.I probably over reacted, im really really sorry babe'.

I don't want to go to police or what not mainly because I don't want to talk to anybody not because I'm protecting him. And because I don't want people to know, my family is ******** up at the moment, my dad has mental health problems and my mum can't cope as it is. I don't want to tell them, it may be the right thing but trust me on this PLEASE?! I'm not in school or college etc so i cant go to a counciller and the waiting list for one in my area is atrocious.

I know how I should be feeling but it feels wrong Im just getting on with it and carrying on.

I guess I dont know what Im asking for. I think I just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel better talking to people I don't know online. I know Im not reporting him and I cant talk to my family.

Sorry if this was a waste of anyones time.

[jdd19and99]

That does sound quite dodgy. Hope you are okay smile

[XXX Zombie Porn]

jdd19and99

That does sound quite dodgy. Hope you are okay smile

I will be. At least I think I will be. Thank you for your concern.
I just needed to let it out, y'know? The only friend I can talk to lives a 2 hour train ride away sadly.

[Illyria-the-god]

If you usually enjoy the BDSM lifestyle then who cares. The fact is that your fella clearly went too far for you. Do ye not have a safe-word, isn't that usually what people do. I'm not an expert in these matters but I think a safe-word is the best thing. Or a safe-gesture if ye use gags and things.... Then he'll know when to stop. If he doesn't then he doesn't respect you.

Um.... so yeah a safe-word is a good idea I think!

Are you okay now?

[XXX Zombie Porn]

Illyria-the-god

If you usually enjoy the BDSM lifestyle then who cares. The fact is that your fella clearly went too far for you. Do ye not have a safe-word, isn't that usually what people do. I'm not an expert in these matters but I think a safe-word is the best thing. Or a safe-gesture if ye use gags and things.... Then he'll know when to stop. If he doesn't then he doesn't respect you.

Um.... so yeah a safe-word is a good idea I think!

Are you okay now?

We have one and we use clicking fingers and Im sure I did both but maybe he didn't hear or chose not to hear.

[Slutty_Eddie]

Don't walk away from this guy, run. If he's not respecting your safe words, or if you've not agreed on safe words and he's not respecting your "no's" and crying, then you should end the relationship. This is the start of a classic abuse cycle. It's only going to spiral out of control if you continue to let this happen.

I know it hurts, but a little pain now is better than a lot of pain later.

[moo blah blah]

Don't you guys have a safe-word, or a noise or movement that signifies you want to stop because it's too much? You can't let yourself be gagged or bound and not have limits.

I don't think you should apologize to him for "overreacting". Sex is supposed to be consensual and pleasurable, even when BDSM is involved. If he won't ask and get to know about how far you want to go, then he's not respecting you or your body. Perhaps he did think that crying and struggling was part of the play, but that's why you need to set some rules and boundaries.

If you clicked your fingers and he chose to ignore it, then you need to stop having sex with him. Maybe it's best that he's leaving.

[XXX Zombie Porn]

Slutty_Eddie

Don't walk away from this guy, run. If he's not respecting your safe words, or if you've not agreed on safe words and he's not respecting your "no's" and crying, then you should end the relationship. This is the start of a classic abuse cycle. It's only going to spiral out of control if you continue to let this happen.

I know it hurts, but a little pain now is better than a lot of pain later.

Thank you.
But he's going to the other side of the world for 7 months, he could change by the time he gets back.
All the time before the sex started last night we were having fun talking about things like friends, I just didn't see this coming.

[Malama Pono]

I know I'm not 18, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't give you advice if it is good advice. And I'm sorry I'm not respecting your request, but I feel like I may know a little bit about this.
I know what you're saying that you don't wanna tell anyone about this and even after what he did you still practically love him and I think that may be because of a certain bond he has over you; mentally or physically. People are going to ask you one certain question, "why don't you leave?!" and I understand that you can't necisarilly *sp?* leave because of that bond. I may be getting this situation totally mixed up and not really getting the point...but I feel that I am and him leaving for a while is probably best for you. I know it will be hard, but after a couple months that bond may disinagrate *sp?* in a certain way or another.
Again, I am sorry I didn't respect your request, but I am good at listening and I am very understanding of conflicts or whatever is going on in other's lives. If you ever need someone to just talk to, doesn't even have to be about life issues, you can always PM me.

[Illyria-the-god]

XXX Zombie Porn

Illyria-the-god

If you usually enjoy the BDSM lifestyle then who cares. The fact is that your fella clearly went too far for you. Do ye not have a safe-word, isn't that usually what people do. I'm not an expert in these matters but I think a safe-word is the best thing. Or a safe-gesture if ye use gags and things.... Then he'll know when to stop. If he doesn't then he doesn't respect you.

Um.... so yeah a safe-word is a good idea I think!

Are you okay now?

We have one and we use clicking fingers and Im sure I did both but maybe he didn't hear or chose not to hear.

Ah, well I think you should speak to him about it in that case. If he didn't hear it, ye obviously need to change it. And if he ignored it, I think you need to leave him.

[XXX Zombie Porn]

i stole your panties

Don't you guys have a safe-word, or a noise or movement that signifies you want to stop because it's too much? You can't let yourself be gagged or bound and not have limits.

I don't think you should apologize to him for "overreacting". Sex is supposed to be consensual and pleasurable, even when BDSM is involved. If he won't ask and get to know about how far you want to go, then he's not respecting you or your body. Perhaps he did think that crying and struggling was part of the play, but that's why you need to set some rules and boundaries.

If you clicked your fingers and he chose to ignore it, then you need to stop having sex with him. Maybe it's best that he's leaving.

We do have the word and the action. I said the word too as well as stop and Ive told him before that if I say STOP it means stop not as in playing.
I feel like such a moron

[Bella Pietra]

Been there done that.

Theres a differeence between people who are into the lifestyle and truely violent people. He may enjoy the lifestyle, but it seems to me he is truely violent at heart and he could have seriosuly injured you. I've met ALOT of people, and usually Doms are nice out of scene, especially in a sex and movies only type of thing that you have going. a real relationship is much different and varies. Stay away from him though, he will tear someone apart one day and you should make sure its not you. If he cannot follow safe words, disrespects your OBVIOUS boundaries, and is trying to hurt you (more than you had in mind and normally allow) then get rid of him. FOR GOOD. Dear god please dont be an idiot.

As far as feelings go, I'm sorry thats hes leaving, and that he may be very wrong for you. You said it was just sex and movies, and no doubt thats all he thinks it is and all he wanted it to be. If you want a keeper, find one. If you want a play thing find one. But dont go out and look for a play thing and then decide you want to keep him, because he wont like it.

And for family? DONT tell them. Its your sex life they dont need to know. My mom knows I'm gay but she doesnt need to know what toys I own, how I like it and whose on top.

[XXX Zombie Porn]

Eisley Pixie

I know I'm not 18, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't give you advice if it is good advice. And I'm sorry I'm not respecting your request, but I feel like I may know a little bit about this.
I know what you're saying that you don't wanna tell anyone about this and even after what he did you still practically love him and I think that may be because of a certain bond he has over you; mentally or physically. People are going to ask you one certain question, "why don't you leave?!" and I understand that you can't necisarilly *sp?* leave because of that bond. I may be getting this situation totally mixed up and not really getting the point...but I feel that I am and him leaving for a while is probably best for you. I know it will be hard, but after a couple months that bond may disinagrate *sp?* in a certain way or another.
Again, I am sorry I didn't respect your request, but I am good at listening and I am very understanding of conflicts or whatever is going on in other's lives. If you ever need someone to just talk to, doesn't even have to be about life issues, you can always PM me.

Thank you. The 18+ thing was because I didn't want younger teens reading about it but your I can relate to your advice, thank you.

[halves]

This guy sounds pretty dodgy. I don't know much about it, but isn't BDSM meant to be based on mutual trust and respect? If he's not respecting your safe words and stuff then that could get pretty dangerous, especially if he's choking you. If he is becoming more abusive during sex than you want him to be, then he might start doing the same in other parts of your relationship where you don't want him to.
I think its good that he's going away, it will give you time to think about whether you really want to continue having a relationship with him. Him being away will give you the time and space you need to sort out your feelings.

[moo blah blah]

XXX Zombie Porn

i stole your panties

Don't you guys have a safe-word, or a noise or movement that signifies you want to stop because it's too much? You can't let yourself be gagged or bound and not have limits.

I don't think you should apologize to him for "overreacting". Sex is supposed to be consensual and pleasurable, even when BDSM is involved. If he won't ask and get to know about how far you want to go, then he's not respecting you or your body. Perhaps he did think that crying and struggling was part of the play, but that's why you need to set some rules and boundaries.

If you clicked your fingers and he chose to ignore it, then you need to stop having sex with him. Maybe it's best that he's leaving.

We do have the word and the action. I said the word too as well as stop and Ive told him before that if I say STOP it means stop not as in playing.
I feel like such a moron

Then he's obviously ignoring your pain and your body. Someone who is truly into that scene respects their partner's boundaries.

Don't feel like a moron. Make the best of those seven months and try to move past your feelings for him.