So uh...hitting kids.

Do you think being hit straightened you out as a kid?

I was hit and it did help.	34.9%	[ 29 ]
I was hit and it did not help.	45.8%	[ 38 ]
I was never hit, but I think it would have helped.	2.4%	[ 2 ]
I was never hit and I think it would have only done harm.	16.9%	[ 14 ]
Total Votes:			[ 83 ]

This poll closed on July 31, 2014.
No longer accepting new votes.

[UncleBull]

Luna Legend

Mei Fire

Luna Legend

I don't believe in hitting children. Ever. I don't think it teaches them anything besides how to be afraid of you. And it shows them that violence is an acceptable form of discipline, which is a horrible lesson to teach anyone. I don't personally plan to have kids, but if I did, I would never hit them.

I'm curious--if hitting your kid is out of the question, how else will you rear your child from doing wrong?

Talking. Explaining. Using words. I know kids are rambunctious and can be unruly (that's why I don't really want them in the first place), but they're still people. If they're taught from a young age that adults can be respectful and understanding towards them, they'll be less likely to act out. I think a lot of kids feel talked down to and ignored by people older than them, like their feelings don't really matter because they're "just" kids. When really, the things that happen in our childhoods can have a huge impact on how we end up as adults. There are other ways to discipline a child.

A friend was telling me the other day, how her niece knows that if she throws a toy, that toy gets taken away. Her niece is slowly learning not to throw her toys.

Yeah this is how I feel. Like parenting is a tough road and you're dealing with something that you want to apply reason and logic to, but it's just not always going to take immediately, and that just because it didn't work doesn't mean you should then resort to the hand because it's easier and gets results. Try again, if you see some progress, keep at it, just be consistent with your form of discipline and making sure the kid knows that there are consequences. My thing is I don't know if this will always be enough, and wonder about that dreaded period where people say their kids turn into monsters (the teens).

[Faerie Dreams]

I'm sure a lot of the spoiled a** self entitled brats these days probably wouldn't be so obnoxious and disrespectful if their parents spanked them once in a while

[Rojo Espada]

Gay African Mammoth

Rojo Espada

If the kid is acting up and won't shut up or stop ******** around no matter how much you tell them to stop. Hit them. Punish them. Whatever.

Whenever I ******** around and didn't listen I would get the belt and it worked. Saying hitting a kid is a crime when they obviously deserve it is stupid.

So like how old were you when you got this treatment, and why did you not stop when you were spoken to?

Geez, I don't know.Young is all I can say, really. I'm not sure, I don't remember. Because I was an obnoxious brat who didn't listen to anything so when I got punished by belt or another method it worked and overtime it worked and I behaved. And I'm not afraid of my parents or anything. I respect and love them. All that "Oh you're teaching your kids to be afraid of you" is nonsense.

[UncleBull]

Mei Fire

Gay African Mammoth

I can't totally disagree with you on this because yes I am sorta against hitting kids because my parents did it improperly, if there is a proper way to do it. They resorted to hitting if they simply didn't like what you did, I grew up in a pretty abusive household verbally and physically. But I was also hit for things that were "arguably" wrong such as hitting my sister (who would push me for years before I snapped). People would come in and tell me how hitting her was wrong because she was a girl, and then I'd get the dog-s**t beaten out of me. But it only made me rebellionous because I felt like I wasn't being listened to, because I had good reasons for snapping against my sister. But in your situation you and your dad spoke and came to understand one another after said spankings, so yeh maybe that's what I was missing. But for me I don't think the hitting was ever necessary, I was highly reasonable and I asked a surprising amount of highly aware questions that just never got answers because I was a kid, and they didn't have to explain themselves to me because they were adults.

I mean I might be willing to say that if you've exhausted all other forms, and the kid is still not falling in line then MAYBE hitting them is the next best thing...because increments man. But that being said if your kid won't listen to hard reason and logic and a heart to hear talk, I'm not sure why hitting them would do anything but make them more out of control :Y. Because I think that the lack of respect is the issue and not so much the pain.

Then that's not discipline, that's still abuse IMO---usually when there's a fight between my brother and I my dad would listen to both sides of the argument and state what was wrong in that situation rather than jump the gun and say wOW YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT BECAUSE SHE'S A GUUURL. From what I read it sounds like your dad didn't bother asking your side of the story and just decided that you were in the wrong.

And yes, if you've exhausted all other forms of discipline, hitting should be a final resort. Hitting would only make a kid go out of control if it was the only form of discipline the parent used because the kid's gonna believe that the only real punishment out there in the world is the physical kind, rather than what others have stated in this forum (ie. explain why it was wrong, taking stuff away in order to remove an unwanted stimulus).

Also, what daredevil_keiji is absolute, utterly true.

For sure it was abuse, and I don't disagree that if it comes to it and hitting gets a point across that just isn't sinking in with words, logic and other forms of discipline then hitting the kid may be the answer.

[UncleBull]

Faerie Dreams

I'm sure a lot of the spoiled a** self entitled brats these days probably wouldn't be so obnoxious and disrespectful if their parents spanked them once in a while

But that's a pretty huge assumption that the answer to these spoiled kids would have just been being spanked as opposed to like serious flaws in the parenting. If the kids are spoiled, bratty, obnoxious, self-entitled then there were serious holes in the way that they were raised, and spanking them doesn't automatically fill those holes.

[daredevil_keiji]

Gay African Mammoth

daredevil_keiji

There is a boundary where the application of corporal punishment goes beyond its intended purpose. I grew up on a household where if I made a mistake, some form of corporal punishment is applied combined with the explanation of my mistake. The one thing that I realized is that parents should NEVER apply this physical discipline while in an angry state.

This IMHO is where a lot of parents cross the line and where people who are against corporal punishment blows it out of proportion. There are a lot of kids who grew up to have good moral standing and did not condemn the use of such punishment as long as it is done in the context of proper discipline.

The key to understanding is that with kids, even with lengthy explanations of what they did wrong, do not always remember the concept as well as a physical reminder. As an example, if a kid stole something, a parent may choose to slap the kid's hands (to the point of reddening but not bruised and bleeding), and explain that stealing is wrong and the consequences they receive when they grow up are going to be a lot worse than those painful hands. The point is from an evolutionary standpoint, human beings avoid situations that they know causes pain, and being sapient beings, we learn from those mistakes.

Wow dude thanks for the super insightful knowledge. I'm going to try to keep this with me.

You're welcome. This is one of the numerous parenting challenges parents go though. Although a lot of people will openly say that they don't want to hit their kid, that by itself is not a guarantee that it will produce the best results, nor will consistent application of corporal punishment. This is the difficulty of being a parent is finding the proper balance and making the right judgement on how to make the child actually understand that the act is wrong.

[LilPinkCandy]

I got spanked. Back in my day we got the belt and the spoon. My dad even made a paddle once.

Spanking never taught me to be afraid but it did teach me to be afraid of the punishment itself which is what it's supposed to teach you- to fear the consequence. Like, if you touch a hot stove you should be afraid of being burned.

I really don't believe that spanking and beating are the same thing. Beating is abuse and spanking, if done properly isn't the same. That's not to say they couldn't be the same. If a kid is being beat then that is abuse. I believe that there is a clear difference between a swat, a spanking, and a beating.

[oceanic whirl]

Gay African Mammoth

and dancing ensued

is this inspired by our last conversation?

No no no, this isn't about you ;p. I had an interesting debate with a friend the other night and I just didn't know what to think. So I decided to come out of my shell and ask LD :V

well it's more like i'm asking if you've been thinking about this topic this whole time lol

i'm opposed to hitting in general, so that includes hitting kids.
i usually tell my step-siblings to treat people respectfully if they want to be treated respectfully, because if they mistreat people they're probably going to get mistreated as well.
hitting kids just leads to more problems.

[UncleBull]

Pink Plaid

I Shall Give You NoMercy

ugh, people who are pro-violence towards children are literally pondscum.
I mean seriously I don't even like kids all that much, and even I know how ******** up that is.
I bet your friend would be singing a different tune if they were actually smacked around as a kid.

I was hit as a kid and I believe kids should be hit. You need to strike some fear into them. You can't just hit them though. You need to use it in use with other punishments. I was a horribly misbehaved child around anyone who would let me get away with it and I took punishments like things taken away and time outs and groundings as a joke and would just sneak around it. Those are the type of punishments my mom would use on me and I was horribly misbehaved with her. My dad and my grandma on the other hand would throw me over their lap and give me a good hard bare a** spanking. I was on my best behavior around them. I didn't want to ******** around and get hit. I strongly believe kids should be spanked.

I remember sneaking around my mom's punishments too if they weren't hitting me. But that was because she let me, she gave me that kind of wiggle room and as a human being I tested my boundaries to see what I could get away with. And while I was grounded I could get away with a lot because my mom's groundings were a joke. My mom sucked at dulling out "appropriate" solutions to situations and following up. She'd either violently overshoot or almost not exist when I did something problematic. I can see how spanking you worked out, but could you say that if your mom were just more consistent and didn't let you get away with sneaking around the punishments, as well as tried to figure out why you were misbehaving that you wouldn't have learned?

[AnActualLizard]

As much as I wished for the happiness of one...



I was physically abused as a child, so I can't condone this. You should never hit your kid if you can avoid it, especially in anger. A kid should never fear their parent because parents are caretakers and are there to guide a child through their life and into adulthood. If your kid is being difficult send them to their room or put them in time out, and explain why you put them there. Spanking is okay if it's not done in anger.

Basically, your child is still a person so don't treat them like a punching bag, please and thank you.



someone else must be equally cursed.

I'm such a fool.

[SquidMcKid]

I Shall Give You NoMercy

ugh, people who are pro-violence towards children are literally pondscum.
I mean seriously I don't even like kids all that much, and even I know how ******** up that is.
I bet your friend would be singing a different tune if they were actually smacked around as a kid.

I'm pretty sure OP's friend was hit as the only form of discipline, as she is asian. Otherwise I wouldn't think she would advocate hitting your kid. The problem is that she truly believes that it's the ONLY way to rear a kid as young as 4 years old, which I find wrong.

As an asian myself, while my parents used corporal punishment as one way to raise us, they also used positive/negative reinforcement and positive/negative punishment---that is, when I was a kid my dad would praise me for doing homework (positive reinforcement), or I would clean my room/put my toys away so I don't get scolded for being messy later on (negative reinforcement). For punishment; when I was caught playing with my Nintendo DS during the night when I had school tomorrow, my dad took away the DS in order to teach me that it was unacceptable to do that (negative punishment). Or, when my brother used a vulgar word in an argument against me my dad would scold and reprimand him in front of my mom and I for saying the insult (positive punishment).

Now back to the issue on hitting kids, I would say it should only be used when you have already explained to your child that a specific behavior or action is not acceptable but the child continues to repeat the same process. As daredevil_keiji said in this thread, sometimes a physical reminder is better than a verbal one because as humans it's our instinct to try and bend the rules and see how far we can stretch them before we get punished. If your child keeps doing more bad and you just keep saying "stop doing that," they're going to slowly realize that they can get away with whatever they're doing and continue the bad behavior. I can't tell you how many friends I've had who do stupid things because they're parents just go "what am I gonna do?" when telling them "no" has lost power over their child. Hitting should be used as an ULTIMATUM, not as your only form of punishment as OP's friend believes.

[UncleBull]

and dancing ensued

Gay African Mammoth

and dancing ensued

is this inspired by our last conversation?

No no no, this isn't about you ;p. I had an interesting debate with a friend the other night and I just didn't know what to think. So I decided to come out of my shell and ask LD :V

well it's more like i'm asking if you've been thinking about this topic this whole time lol

i'm opposed to hitting in general, so that includes hitting kids.
i usually tell my step-siblings to treat people respectfully if they want to be treated respectfully, because if they mistreat people they're probably going to get mistreated as well.
hitting kids just leads to more problems.

According to a lot of the people here it's quite the opposite. Evidently being hit did them good, and I can't say that that is untrue. Maybe it really is true that both have a time and a place.

[UncleBull]

LilPinkCandy

I got spanked. Back in my day we got the belt and the spoon. My dad even made a paddle once.

Spanking never taught me to be afraid but it did teach me to be afraid of the punishment itself which is what it's supposed to teach you- to fear the consequence. Like, if you touch a hot stove you should be afraid of being burned.

I really don't believe that spanking and beating are the same thing. Beating is abuse and spanking, if done properly isn't the same. That's not to say they couldn't be the same. If a kid is being beat then that is abuse. I believe that there is a clear difference between a swat, a spanking, and a beating.

The problem to me with this is that if it was the immediate course of action for stepping out of line or messing up, then it wasn't right. Even if they did talk to you and tell you why afterwards. It shows impatience, intolerance, a lack of empathy and reasoning towards the kid as well. But this is only under the assumption that this is where they went first in terms of responding to your misdeeds.

[Faerie Dreams]

Gay African Mammoth

Faerie Dreams

I'm sure a lot of the spoiled a** self entitled brats these days probably wouldn't be so obnoxious and disrespectful if their parents spanked them once in a while

But that's a pretty huge assumption that the answer to these spoiled kids would have just been being spanked as opposed to like serious flaws in the parenting. If the kids are spoiled, bratty, obnoxious, self-entitled then there were serious holes in the way that they were raised, and spanking them doesn't automatically fill those holes.

The flaw in parenting that usually causes that is no rules or no consequences to being a little brat.
Hence why spanking would solve it.