Emotional Abuse - A Support Thread

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I've been emotionally abused	62.7%	[ 594 ]
I know someone who's been emotionally abused	5.7%	[ 54 ]
Just curious	18.6%	[ 176 ]
How should I know, god	3.8%	[ 36 ]
GOLD, NOW	9.2%	[ 87 ]
Total Votes:			[ 947 ]

[De Kelley]

It's late here but I'm gonna come back and reply to other folks who posted t'morrow.

[Grandiloquence]

I was emotionally abused by my father and classmates. My dad would constantly put me down, call me fat, stupid, etc. He would point out my acne in the grocery store and ask if I started shaving my legs yet in a restaurant. He always asked me why I couldn't be normal or wear normal clothes or have normal friends. I told him I was being bullied in school. Kids made fun of me for everything I did, said, wore, etc. When I was in fourth grade, my mom bought me a whole new wardrobe so I could wear the clothes the other kids were wearing, but they just called me a copycat and told me I was too fat to wear those clothes. My father told me to stop being a wuss and be more like them and they'd like me.

Nothing was ever good enough for my father. I was failing my math class in seventh grade. I could not wrap my head around probability. But with help from my teacher during lunch once a week, I pulled my grade up to a B. When my dad saw my progress report, he said "retards could do better in school than this". So when I got that B, I was excited to show him my improvement. I showed him my newer progress report with the B, and he asked if I had cheated my way to it. He would ask me why I could never be responsible and do chores. I asked him what chores I should do and he said dishes and laundry. So I started doing the dishes and he yelled at me for putting certain dishes in the dishwasher after refusing to tell me whether or not they could. I tried doing my laundry, and he told me I was wasting water and detergent and that if I wanted to do laundry, I had to do everyone's laundry.

When he did laundry, he would ask my mom or I why we only had x amount of something that week. (I.E. "Why do you only have six pairs of pants/socks/underwear?" ) He told me I should mow the lawn, but refused to teach me how to use the riding mower we had. When I was 14, he asked, "Where do your cousins get their boobs? It's obviously not from your mom's side of the family. I mean, look at you."

He constantly flew off the handle over the smallest of things. When I was 7, I broke my wrist. He yelled at me to stop crying like a wuss and get over it because it was just a sprain. That being why I had a cast put on a week later, yeah? When I was 14, I had to get stitches in my lip. They took so long between numbing my lip and actually stitching it, the medicine had worn off and I felt the first stitch. I realize I was being rather loud, but I have an intense fear of needles and I'd been near-hyperventilating for hours because I knew I needed stitches. He told me to shut up, the nurse actually forced him to leave.

When I was 16 and he kicked my mom out (long enough for him to pack his s**t and go), I was going to spend the night at a friend's house because I didn't want to stay there with him. He checked my bags to make sure I wasn't bringing my mom anything.
I was so happy when he moved out. I still kept in touch somewhat. After his death, I was the sole beneficiary in his will and recieved enough money to pay for my college and have enough left over for a down payment on a house. What. A. ********.

As a result, I feel like I'm way more passive than I should be. I'm just so tired of drama that I let people walk all over me just to avoid confrontation. I have next to no self esteem. I never feel good about myself. I've battled depression on and off for 6 years. I constantly feel like I should just quit college and work a full time job for the rest of my life because I just don't feel like I'm worth it. And many times, when I'm alone and just thinking to myself, I feel like I shouldn't even consider it emotional abuse. I feel like, for that to have happened to me for so long, I must have done something, I must be doing something, for me to deserve it. Somehow, I'm such a terrible person that life decides to throw me a complete punch to the gut whenever it can. And even if I had someone IRL to talk to about it, I can't bring myself to do it because I feel like my problems are so insignificant and stupid that I feel like a fool for even mentioning it.

[OValencia05]

I'm too bitter to be successfully emotionally abused.
O-o

[revivification]

a year from now

My ex boyfriend was emotionally abusive. We were in a relationship for 7-8 months. Every time I'd try to get out of the relationship he'd say how much he can't live without me and threaten suicide. He always pulled guilt trips, he lied about everything. He told me so many things that just scared me. We'd argue all the time, he'd yell at me then apologize and say he didn't mean it and he loved me. He made me feel like everything was my fault, and like I had to be sorry for the s**t I did, and I had to be sorry if I said something somewhat harsh, even though he was more of an a*****e towards me.

He got me in dangerous situations often and distanced me from my mother and grampa, even friends. He almost got me stabbed, hit by a car, attacked by a dog, and arrested because I was at his house when him and his family were being drunk shits. He took advantage of me. He refused to get help for himself, and he'd yell often. Him and his brother would argue everytime I was around them, and I'd be stuck in the middle of it. I got called a whore and a slut by his brother constantly, and a b***h. His mother believes I'm the one who played with his heart and toyed with his emotions because after a while, I got tired of his s**t and broke up with him.

We were arguing over msn (it was the only way we could talk, he was 20+ hours away) because I just got my cat and I was "upset", when I wasn't. I had a rough day and was tired. He said "It's fine, you can go. You don't even want to talk to me anyways." He always pulled guilt trips, it was draining. He would always get mad at me when I told him I didn't want to sleep over at his house, I didn't want him to take advantage of me again. He said it was because I didn't love him or something. rolleyes He yelled at me because I didn't want to finish watching a movie at his house, and wanted to go home 10 minutes before it was done. We walked out of his house with him yelling, punching things and having him yell at me accusing me of loving his brother. He said "I see the way you look at him." (That was ******** stupid, I hate his brother and all me and his brother ever did was argue with the occasional short conversation.) Everything was just hell, to make matters worse he still finds ways to contact me.

I guess you could say most of my family is emotionally abusive too, but I refuse to speak with them. They all think I'm a brat because of my anxiety.

But it was just too much drama, and now I feel like a different person because of it. neutral My self esteem is a lot lower and I apologize quite often (not as much as I used to, it's gotten better recently). But the one good thing is I refuse to let someone treat me like that again and I'm starting to stick up for myself a lot more.

I'm glad there's a thread for this though, I was actually really glad when I saw it and read through the posts. I feel a bit better at the moment, honestly.

I really can relate with you on this one. I was with my ex for 9 months, and he made my life a living hell.
Always would tell me how I wasn't as good as his friends, and I was so sad all of the time. When I told him it was his fault, he would brush it away and say that he couldn't deal with this kind of thing.
He broke up with me twice, and crushed all the dreams we had made. There wasn't a night where I didn't go to bed crying, or a week when I didn't try to take my life from feeling so worthless.

It always sucks when these kind of things happen, but the lesson learned, is always something that makes you a better person in the end. From what I read, it turns out that you managed out all right, and I'm thankful for that. smile You seem like a great person, don't let anyone take that away from you.

[Mikan]

Oh, my mom abused the s**t out of me. It's kind of funny in retrospect because she was normal when I was a little kid, but as she got older and more personal problems piled up she took more and more of it out on me for no reason. I'll just pull a few select stories to share.

So, we moved frequently. (Mostly because she couldn't hold down a job.) By the time I was 17 I had moved well over 20 times, been in more than 15 different schools. Needless to say I never knew anybody and eventually gave up on making good friends because I knew I'd just be leaving them again. At the time we were living in a town of about 2,000 people, and we were far on the outskirts of bumpkin land. She had gotten mad at me for telling my dad something about her child support case she was bringing against him (after she told me that I wasn't worth the child support she was getting), so she decided to clear all of the food out of the house. Now, this town didn't really have a grocery store, and even if there was any food to be found, I wasn't allowed to have a job, "because it would interfere with school..." So, I had no means to purchase food, which she knew. She started going to fast food restaurants and bringing home just enough food for her. So I would take whatever change I could scrounge up and feed myself at school because they had the cheapest meals, by far. sweatdrop

There was also the time I was working on an English paper around nine o'clock at night. She flew off the handle about how it was too late for me to be on the computer, and I should have gotten my homework done earlier, because it was bedtime. (Note: I've not had a bedtime, except in this instance, since I was like 10. I was 16 at the time.) I refused, and told her it had to get done, so she pulled the power supply's cord out of the computer and smashed the only light bulb that I had to light the room--in the closet. Oh, yeah, we were sleeping on air mattresses because she didn't she the point in staying there longer than a few months. Yeah, because NOT living like gypsies would be too much. rolleyes

I have so much resentment for my mother that it isn't even funny. I've tried and tried to talk to her, but I find that any time it is consistent I just get dragged down into her world of delusional bullshit, so it's been better to cut her off.

I can relate to this thread a lot. More than I wish I could. sweatdrop

[Mikan]

OValencia05

I'm too bitter to be successfully emotionally abused.
O-o

But why are you bitter? xD

[horse skin]

I really love you all - I think reading the stories people are already posting here makes me feel a little worth something.

I think nearly everyone has an experience of their own; from mild to severe, familial or otherwise.

I'll be lurking around here however; I'll make this a regular thread of mine. Quite possibly the only regular.

I'm here though, if anyone needs me. <3

[horse skin]

Grandiloquence

I was emotionally abused by my father and classmates. My dad would constantly put me down, call me fat, stupid, etc. He would point out my acne in the grocery store and ask if I started shaving my legs yet in a restaurant. He always asked me why I couldn't be normal or wear normal clothes or have normal friends. I told him I was being bullied in school. Kids made fun of me for everything I did, said, wore, etc. When I was in fourth grade, my mom bought me a whole new wardrobe so I could wear the clothes the other kids were wearing, but they just called me a copycat and told me I was too fat to wear those clothes. My father told me to stop being a wuss and be more like them and they'd like me.

Nothing was ever good enough for my father. I was failing my math class in seventh grade. I could not wrap my head around probability. But with help from my teacher during lunch once a week, I pulled my grade up to a B. When my dad saw my progress report, he said "retards could do better in school than this". So when I got that B, I was excited to show him my improvement. I showed him my newer progress report with the B, and he asked if I had cheated my way to it. He would ask me why I could never be responsible and do chores. I asked him what chores I should do and he said dishes and laundry. So I started doing the dishes and he yelled at me for putting certain dishes in the dishwasher after refusing to tell me whether or not they could. I tried doing my laundry, and he told me I was wasting water and detergent and that if I wanted to do laundry, I had to do everyone's laundry.

When he did laundry, he would ask my mom or I why we only had x amount of something that week. (I.E. "Why do you only have six pairs of pants/socks/underwear?" ) He told me I should mow the lawn, but refused to teach me how to use the riding mower we had. When I was 14, he asked, "Where do your cousins get their boobs? It's obviously not from your mom's side of the family. I mean, look at you."

He constantly flew off the handle over the smallest of things. When I was 7, I broke my wrist. He yelled at me to stop crying like a wuss and get over it because it was just a sprain. That being why I had a cast put on a week later, yeah? When I was 14, I had to get stitches in my lip. They took so long between numbing my lip and actually stitching it, the medicine had worn off and I felt the first stitch. I realize I was being rather loud, but I have an intense fear of needles and I'd been near-hyperventilating for hours because I knew I needed stitches. He told me to shut up, the nurse actually forced him to leave.

When I was 16 and he kicked my mom out (long enough for him to pack his s**t and go), I was going to spend the night at a friend's house because I didn't want to stay there with him. He checked my bags to make sure I wasn't bringing my mom anything.
I was so happy when he moved out. I still kept in touch somewhat. After his death, I was the sole beneficiary in his will and recieved enough money to pay for my college and have enough left over for a down payment on a house. What. A. ********.

As a result, I feel like I'm way more passive than I should be. I'm just so tired of drama that I let people walk all over me just to avoid confrontation. I have next to no self esteem. I never feel good about myself. I've battled depression on and off for 6 years. I constantly feel like I should just quit college and work a full time job for the rest of my life because I just don't feel like I'm worth it. And many times, when I'm alone and just thinking to myself, I feel like I shouldn't even consider it emotional abuse. I feel like, for that to have happened to me for so long, I must have done something, I must be doing something, for me to deserve it. Somehow, I'm such a terrible person that life decides to throw me a complete punch to the gut whenever it can. And even if I had someone IRL to talk to about it, I can't bring myself to do it because I feel like my problems are so insignificant and stupid that I feel like a fool for even mentioning it.

This is a practical parental abuse story, I feel. Albeit nothing physical [from what I read] it still seems hard and fairly...humanlike. I'm not going to be the therapist and say that he had some type of controlling issues etc of his own but, I feel like we see more common in older men this type of behavior than otherwise.

You are brave for sharing your story anyways, and Im glad you have. Im in the boat to not share anything; self-denial, to say it, anyways.

Sorry, I went into this thinking I could give more advice, and this is all I can come up with.

But..I do want you to know that you do deserve encouragement, and something better. Maybe that teacher that helped you has inspired you, or somewhat. Don't put yourself down; you've done nothing wrong.

Anyways, sorry I can't really offer better advice, I'm slowly getting better at this hah. I can talk to you, if you'd like though, or maybe someone else can add onto my words. ^^;

[Mr mmballs]

Good luck to you stelle!

One of the very few people I respect in the LD.

If anyone comes to troll this thread.

Ill flame the living s**t out of them.

[Precious Oddity]

I'm going to try and make this post short. So:
I've been emotionally abused since I was about 5 years old. I have three older brothers and a father who have all said that I'm nothing because I'm a girl, and I will never amount to anything because I'm Puerto Rican (even though they are PR as well). I couldn't speak until I was 6 because I've been neglected as a baby (mom was working 6 jobs and was never home, dad didn't care, and my brothers didn't care), and through that, the men in the household thought I was mentally disabled. They would physically and sexually abuse me as well, but the mental abuse was what stuck to me the most. Telling me that I was born just to be their rag doll, just for their entertainment, that there's no point in me trying to go to school, that no one is ever going to want to marry me, or be with me, that I should just go and kill myself, etc etc. Up to the age of 17, I only spoke when spoken to, I kept my head bowed, I never looked anyone in the eyes, I would avoid people as much as I could, I would just sit in my room and listen to music or watch food network, and I was just an empty vessel.

I don't really hear from my dad anymore, he's homeless (oh yeah, he's deaf by the way), my oldest brother is in prison for domestic violence, the second brother and I don't talk much, and the third brother lives here. The sexual and physical abuse stopped fortunately.

I want to talk about the third brother. He is 21 (I'm 20), and he is a bum. Dropped out of school in 8th grade, all he does is do drugs, party, sleep with countless number of girls, and annoy the hell out of me. He isn't supposed to be living in the apartment with me and my mom, but because my mom doesn't give a s**t about anything I say, she lets him live here. When I'm not at home, he will use my bed to sleep with girls, use my room to use drugs, steal my money, give my clothes to girls, and says that I shouldn't complain because I'm stupid and don't deserve the things I have. He does this to this day, and when I go tell my mother about this, she doesn't care, and she'll start making me feel bad because I thought about kicking him out of the house.

I still don't see any worth in myself, and I do have a boyfriend now, and he's trying to help me, but he has anger issues and is starting to get frustrated whenever I talk to him about it. He wants me to fix myself, that I should go and make friends, he doesn't know how to help me, and that I should just figure it out alone.

Yeah. Sorry, that was still kind of long.

[kwarren7]

Since everyone seems to be sharing their stories I'd like to share mine, so maybe someone can know they're not alone.


When I was fifteen I started dating this boy. It was my first relationship and as we all know we do silly things when we're in our first relationship and we don't really know how things are supposed to work. Anyways. Garrett and me had a great first nine months or so. We weren't just in a relationship we were best friends. Then things started to change. Like every 15 year old girl I complained about my parents (they were actually great parents, I feel bad for them. ha) and things in general, but Garrett took things over the top. He would say that when we got married he'd make sure they'd never hurt me again. Then he would demand that I say that I believed in him and that I would never ever doubt him. I thought that was normal, I thought that was what good girlfriends did. Garrett told me that was what good girlfriends did. Garrett told me that to be a good girlfriend I would do what he said. I wore what he told me to and didn't speak around his friends like he told me too.

So I did what he said until a certain point. I had decided when I was little I wasn't going to do anything sexual until I was married. Doesn't matter why I decided it, but if you're a good boyfriend then you respect that right? One day he told me to get on his bed and take off my clothes. I told him no and explained to him why. He seemed to agree and we watched the rest of the movie. We started to go downstairs to play video games in the basement. Then he threw me down the stairs. While i lay at the bottom he grabbed me and drug me into his bedroom. Then he said something I'll never ever forget.

"You are a whore. You aren't smart and you're barely pretty enough to get by. All you're ever going to be good for is your fat body. You're lucky that I love you or you'd never be with anyone."

Then he left me to go back upstairs. His little brother walked in to see me crying, he lead me to his closet and hid me. He called my parents to come get me. While I was waiting, he told me, Garrett was bi-polar and didn't mean what he said. I believed him and the relationship continued for a while. Eventually he kept saying these sort of things over the computer and over the phone. My parents figured out what was going on and stepped in. They called his parents and showed them the messages and let them listen to the voice mails. They apologized and agreed it was best that we didn't see each other anymore. I was devastated and my parents didn't understand why. Why would I need someone that treated me so cruelly? They put me in therapy. From his abuses I had also developed an eating disorder.

Eventually through months of therapy and my faith, I was able to come to the understanding that those things he said to me were not true and never were. I'm not going to lie and say I'm completely all better, because even know at being almost 20, I still have lingering doubts. I sometimes look at my amazing new boyfriend and wonder "is it just because of my body?". I still don't trust guys and cling to my girl friends for the most part. It takes a lot to move on, but it is possible.

This is my story and I just wanted to share, there is escape and you're not alone. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here for a PM.

[King Bradford]

Mr mmballs

Good luck to you stelle!

One of the very few people I respect in the LD.

If anyone comes to troll this thread.

Ill flame the living s**t out of them.

Thank you very much sir biggrin

And yeah if I don't respond very quickly, I'll probably still be reading people's posts
Just so everyone knows

[King Bradford]

Precious Oddity

I'm going to try and make this post short. So:
I've been emotionally abused since I was about 5 years old. I have three older brothers and a father who have all said that I'm nothing because I'm a girl, and I will never amount to anything because I'm Puerto Rican (even though they are PR as well). I couldn't speak until I was 6 because I've been neglected as a baby (mom was working 6 jobs and was never home, dad didn't care, and my brothers didn't care), and through that, the men in the household thought I was mentally disabled. They would physically and sexually abuse me as well, but the mental abuse was what stuck to me the most. Telling me that I was born just to be their rag doll, just for their entertainment, that there's no point in me trying to go to school, that no one is ever going to want to marry me, or be with me, that I should just go and kill myself, etc etc. Up to the age of 17, I only spoke when spoken to, I kept my head bowed, I never looked anyone in the eyes, I would avoid people as much as I could, I would just sit in my room and listen to music or watch food network, and I was just an empty vessel.

I don't really hear from my dad anymore, he's homeless (oh yeah, he's deaf by the way), my oldest brother is in prison for domestic violence, the second brother and I don't talk much, and the third brother lives here. The sexual and physical abuse stopped fortunately.

I want to talk about the third brother. He is 21 (I'm 20), and he is a bum. Dropped out of school in 8th grade, all he does is do drugs, party, sleep with countless number of girls, and annoy the hell out of me. He isn't supposed to be living in the apartment with me and my mom, but because my mom doesn't give a s**t about anything I say, she lets him live here. When I'm not at home, he will use my bed to sleep with girls, use my room to use drugs, steal my money, give my clothes to girls, and says that I shouldn't complain because I'm stupid and don't deserve the things I have. He does this to this day, and when I go tell my mother about this, she doesn't care, and she'll start making me feel bad because I thought about kicking him out of the house.

I still don't see any worth in myself, and I do have a boyfriend now, and he's trying to help me, but he has anger issues and is starting to get frustrated whenever I talk to him about it. He wants me to fix myself, that I should go and make friends, he doesn't know how to help me, and that I should just figure it out alone.

Yeah. Sorry, that was still kind of long.

I'm sorry, that sounds really tough. sad Do you think there's any way you could move out anytime soon? I think that would help you a lot. That doesn't mean you're breaking the relationship between your family forever though, it's just a good way to start help you healing.
I'm kind of worried about your boyfriend too, because it's common for people who were abused to subconsciously seek relationships to continue that abuse (because we're basically all creatures of habit.) Maybe you should tell him that the best way for him to help you is by being patient and supportive, because emotional abuse is definitely not something you can heal from overnight.

[Precious Oddity]

Stelle Scure

Precious Oddity

I'm going to try and make this post short. So:
I've been emotionally abused since I was about 5 years old. I have three older brothers and a father who have all said that I'm nothing because I'm a girl, and I will never amount to anything because I'm Puerto Rican (even though they are PR as well). I couldn't speak until I was 6 because I've been neglected as a baby (mom was working 6 jobs and was never home, dad didn't care, and my brothers didn't care), and through that, the men in the household thought I was mentally disabled. They would physically and sexually abuse me as well, but the mental abuse was what stuck to me the most. Telling me that I was born just to be their rag doll, just for their entertainment, that there's no point in me trying to go to school, that no one is ever going to want to marry me, or be with me, that I should just go and kill myself, etc etc. Up to the age of 17, I only spoke when spoken to, I kept my head bowed, I never looked anyone in the eyes, I would avoid people as much as I could, I would just sit in my room and listen to music or watch food network, and I was just an empty vessel.

I don't really hear from my dad anymore, he's homeless (oh yeah, he's deaf by the way), my oldest brother is in prison for domestic violence, the second brother and I don't talk much, and the third brother lives here. The sexual and physical abuse stopped fortunately.

I want to talk about the third brother. He is 21 (I'm 20), and he is a bum. Dropped out of school in 8th grade, all he does is do drugs, party, sleep with countless number of girls, and annoy the hell out of me. He isn't supposed to be living in the apartment with me and my mom, but because my mom doesn't give a s**t about anything I say, she lets him live here. When I'm not at home, he will use my bed to sleep with girls, use my room to use drugs, steal my money, give my clothes to girls, and says that I shouldn't complain because I'm stupid and don't deserve the things I have. He does this to this day, and when I go tell my mother about this, she doesn't care, and she'll start making me feel bad because I thought about kicking him out of the house.

I still don't see any worth in myself, and I do have a boyfriend now, and he's trying to help me, but he has anger issues and is starting to get frustrated whenever I talk to him about it. He wants me to fix myself, that I should go and make friends, he doesn't know how to help me, and that I should just figure it out alone.

Yeah. Sorry, that was still kind of long.

I'm sorry, that sounds really tough. sad Do you think there's any way you could move out anytime soon? I think that would help you a lot. That doesn't mean you're breaking the relationship between your family forever though, it's just a good way to start help you healing.
I'm kind of worried about your boyfriend too, because it's common for people who were abused to subconsciously seek relationships to continue that abuse (because we're basically all creatures of habit.) Maybe you should tell him that the best way for him to help you is by being patient and supportive, because emotional abuse is definitely not something you can heal from overnight.

If I could move out, I totally would. It's just that I'm thousands of dollars in debt to my university because of loans, and since I dropped out of college, I have to start paying them in the next 6 months. I don't have a job, and I've been looking since Feb. this year.

My boyfriend does say that he supports me, but I want more than just support. I need help, I need ideas as to how to go out in the world to meet people and make friends. I don't know where to start, I don't know where to go to meet people. I'm a follower, and I'm too scared to go out and meet people because my family tells me that I'm boring, annoying, etc etc ( see how it all ties back?). I had some friends, but they were mutual friends of my boyfriend. He got jealous that I was able to hang out with them one day while he was in school, and after that he said I needed to go make my own friends because he feels like I'm replacing him, and that they prefer me over him. I haven't talked to our mutual friends in over a month now.

[Maiden of Artemis]

~waves shyly~ Hi. I was e-emotionally abused by my father as a child...I am now currently working through my issues. Wish me luck! ^^ ~blushes~