Emotional Abuse - A Support Thread

Why'd you click here?

I've been emotionally abused	62.7%	[ 594 ]
I know someone who's been emotionally abused	5.7%	[ 54 ]
Just curious	18.6%	[ 176 ]
How should I know, god	3.8%	[ 36 ]
GOLD, NOW	9.2%	[ 87 ]
Total Votes:			[ 947 ]

[Trixali]

Hey there. I've made a few posts in here before, but I never really introduced myself.

If I were to describe the situation I think I'm in, it would involve a monstrous wall of text (which I just don't have time for). And I'm going to be honest here. I'm terribly afraid you'll all think I'm making it up/being too sensitive, or being an angsty teenager. I'm really sorry if that's all I am.

I'll tell you a little bit for now. From ever since I can remember, to about when I was thirteen or so, my brother constantly called me names, insulted me, put me down, insulted my hobbies, insulted what I watched and so on. My parents didn't do anything. Also in my early childhood, my parents would use my shyness against me. I was very concerned with what people thought of me (still am now), and in order to get me to obey them, they would say things like "What would others think if you behaved like this?" or "If you keep acting like this, we are going to record you and show it to everyone."

They don't do that sort of thing anymore. It's like they have two different roles now. My mom does the insulting. She'll do it out of the blue, sometimes in public. She'll say "Ewwww, your teeth are nasty." "Your hair is absolutely disgusting." "You smell bad." "You aren't acting very smart". She'll usually follow up one of those comments with "No one will want to be around you if you're like that." I'm also going to add that those aren't the only things she says. (It can get really bad when she is mad at me.) If I make a mistake, they both get annoyed with me. Anything less than perfection (even on the smallest thing), and they immediately jump me on how I'm going to make it better. i.e. If I get a B on a math test, they'll be like: Are you going to do extra problems to fix this? Are you going to talk to your teacher? (If I don't have a plan to 'fix it', they pretty much tell me I'm going to fail at life)... When in reality I just made a bunch of stupid mistakes/had a bad day. (I don't know, it's just something about the tone of their voice that bugs me.)

My dad does a bit of that too. But I guess you would say he is more of the controlling type. For example, I stayed up 2 minutes past my bedtime to finish watching a TV show. He said: "I hope you don't think you can just stay up past your bedtime. You need to ask next time." He questions my judgment. When I'm upset/trying to discuss things that they have done, he'll say stuff like "You're being dramatic/I don't recall that happening/you're being sensitive/you're playing the victim" just to name a few. If I ever cry in front of them (for any reason), they tell me to just get over it. He also takes an angry tone with me, often. If I say that I don't care about something, he'll say: "I'm going to make you care."

I'm sorry.. There really is a lot more. That's just the petty stuff. I feel if I give some of the worse stuff I'm begging for pity/being overdramatic. There's just way too much going on in my head. I mean, I feel really bad because my situation isn't bad at all compared to some other people's situations. They feed me, I have a room. They don't threaten to kick me out (but they do threaten to cut off financial support).

I also feel like they want to stress over every little thing. I hate it. I can't talk to my parents without them criticizing me, putting me down, and being quite unsupportive.

It also really sucks being raised in a setting that teaches your family loves you the most, knows the best, etc.

If it helps any, nearly every characteristic on the eqi.org list matches them. They don't blame me for their feelings (I mean, I can probably name one or two instances, but that's normal).

I'm sorry that I use a lot of examples, but I'm used to giving them. When talking to my parents, they are required.

Oh... I guess this did turn out being a wall.. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

Bonus points if you can make any sense out of this post.

[Jailbait Queen]

Ugh
This guy came over, unannounced, who is interested in me
but yet he doesnt seem to believe me when i say im too damaged to have a relationship and i dont have any normal human responses anymore, i have ptsd and thisandthat
and he doesnt listen
:/

its not productive to my healing to have people pursuing relationships with me

[Jailbait Queen]

Trixali

Hey there. I've made a few posts in here before, but I never really introduced myself.

If I were to describe the situation I think I'm in, it would involve a monstrous wall of text (which I just don't have time for). And I'm going to be honest here. I'm terribly afraid you'll all think I'm making it up/being too sensitive, or being an angsty teenager. I'm really sorry if that's all I am.

I'll tell you a little bit for now. From ever since I can remember, to about when I was thirteen or so, my brother constantly called me names, insulted me, put me down, insulted my hobbies, insulted what I watched and so on. My parents didn't do anything. Also in my early childhood, my parents would use my shyness against me. I was very concerned with what people thought of me (still am now), and in order to get me to obey them, they would say things like "What would others think if you behaved like this?" or "If you keep acting like this, we are going to record you and show it to everyone."

They don't do that sort of thing anymore. It's like they have two different roles now. My mom does the insulting. She'll do it out of the blue, sometimes in public. She'll say "Ewwww, your teeth are nasty." "Your hair is absolutely disgusting." "You smell bad." "You aren't acting very smart". She'll usually follow up one of those comments with "No one will want to be around you if you're like that." I'm also going to add that those aren't the only things she says. (It can get really bad when she is mad at me.) If I make a mistake, they both get annoyed with me. Anything less than perfection (even on the smallest thing), and they immediately jump me on how I'm going to make it better. i.e. If I get a B on a math test, they'll be like: Are you going to do extra problems to fix this? Are you going to talk to your teacher? (If I don't have a plan to 'fix it', they pretty much tell me I'm going to fail at life)... When in reality I just made a bunch of stupid mistakes/had a bad day. (I don't know, it's just something about the tone of their voice that bugs me.)

My dad does a bit of that too. But I guess you would say he is more of the controlling type. For example, I stayed up 2 minutes past my bedtime to finish watching a TV show. He said: "I hope you don't think you can just stay up past your bedtime. You need to ask next time." He questions my judgment. When I'm upset/trying to discuss things that they have done, he'll say stuff like "You're being dramatic/I don't recall that happening/you're being sensitive/you're playing the victim" just to name a few. If I ever cry in front of them (for any reason), they tell me to just get over it. He also takes an angry tone with me, often. If I say that I don't care about something, he'll say: "I'm going to make you care."

I'm sorry.. There really is a lot more. That's just the petty stuff. I feel if I give some of the worse stuff I'm begging for pity/being overdramatic. There's just way too much going on in my head. I mean, I feel really bad because my situation isn't bad at all compared to some other people's situations. They feed me, I have a room. They don't threaten to kick me out (but they do threaten to cut off financial support).

I also feel like they want to stress over every little thing. I hate it. I can't talk to my parents without them criticizing me, putting me down, and being quite unsupportive.

It also really sucks being raised in a setting that teaches your family loves you the most, knows the best, etc.

If it helps any, nearly every characteristic on the eqi.org list matches them. They don't blame me for their feelings (I mean, I can probably name one or two instances, but that's normal).

I'm sorry that I use a lot of examples, but I'm used to giving them. When talking to my parents, they are required.

Oh... I guess this did turn out being a wall.. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

Bonus points if you can make any sense out of this post.

I totally get what you mean
My brother makes fun of me and my interests all the time. I make youtube video reviews of colored contact lenses, and he laughs at me and says its stupid. It hurts :/ My parents dont do anything about him

My parents arent bad about put downs, but when i was younger they would tell me i was going to turn out like my aunt (that no one likes in our family).

Its tough. One thing i would suggest is to try to get more independent from your parents (i dont know your age) but make sure you keep in control of your own finances and say, student loans and stuff. Keep your parents out of it because that is just one more way they can abuse you and maintain control over you and your life. That is what they are trying to do with the insults and put downs. >.<

sorry im not much more help, but i read what you wrote and i think i understand it and what youre going through. wish i could help you more, but im here to listen n_n

[SoreanMagazine]

Trixali

Hey there. I've made a few posts in here before, but I never really introduced myself.

If I were to describe the situation I think I'm in, it would involve a monstrous wall of text (which I just don't have time for). And I'm going to be honest here. I'm terribly afraid you'll all think I'm making it up/being too sensitive, or being an angsty teenager. I'm really sorry if that's all I am.

I'll tell you a little bit for now. From ever since I can remember, to about when I was thirteen or so, my brother constantly called me names, insulted me, put me down, insulted my hobbies, insulted what I watched and so on. My parents didn't do anything. Also in my early childhood, my parents would use my shyness against me. I was very concerned with what people thought of me (still am now), and in order to get me to obey them, they would say things like "What would others think if you behaved like this?" or "If you keep acting like this, we are going to record you and show it to everyone."

They don't do that sort of thing anymore. It's like they have two different roles now. My mom does the insulting. She'll do it out of the blue, sometimes in public. She'll say "Ewwww, your teeth are nasty." "Your hair is absolutely disgusting." "You smell bad." "You aren't acting very smart". She'll usually follow up one of those comments with "No one will want to be around you if you're like that." I'm also going to add that those aren't the only things she says. (It can get really bad when she is mad at me.) If I make a mistake, they both get annoyed with me. Anything less than perfection (even on the smallest thing), and they immediately jump me on how I'm going to make it better. i.e. If I get a B on a math test, they'll be like: Are you going to do extra problems to fix this? Are you going to talk to your teacher? (If I don't have a plan to 'fix it', they pretty much tell me I'm going to fail at life)... When in reality I just made a bunch of stupid mistakes/had a bad day. (I don't know, it's just something about the tone of their voice that bugs me.)

My dad does a bit of that too. But I guess you would say he is more of the controlling type. For example, I stayed up 2 minutes past my bedtime to finish watching a TV show. He said: "I hope you don't think you can just stay up past your bedtime. You need to ask next time." He questions my judgment. When I'm upset/trying to discuss things that they have done, he'll say stuff like "You're being dramatic/I don't recall that happening/you're being sensitive/you're playing the victim" just to name a few. If I ever cry in front of them (for any reason), they tell me to just get over it. He also takes an angry tone with me, often. If I say that I don't care about something, he'll say: "I'm going to make you care."

I'm sorry.. There really is a lot more. That's just the petty stuff. I feel if I give some of the worse stuff I'm begging for pity/being overdramatic. There's just way too much going on in my head. I mean, I feel really bad because my situation isn't bad at all compared to some other people's situations. They feed me, I have a room. They don't threaten to kick me out (but they do threaten to cut off financial support).

I also feel like they want to stress over every little thing. I hate it. I can't talk to my parents without them criticizing me, putting me down, and being quite unsupportive.

It also really sucks being raised in a setting that teaches your family loves you the most, knows the best, etc.

If it helps any, nearly every characteristic on the eqi.org list matches them. They don't blame me for their feelings (I mean, I can probably name one or two instances, but that's normal).

I'm sorry that I use a lot of examples, but I'm used to giving them. When talking to my parents, they are required.

Oh... I guess this did turn out being a wall.. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

Bonus points if you can make any sense out of this post.

My relationship with my brother is pretty much damaged, because he used to abuse me when we were children, and I'm not talking about normal sibling rivalry stuff. I'm talking about the I-would-cry-whenever-my-mom-had-to-go-to-work-and-he-babysat-me stuff. He doesn't do that to me anymore, and he feels really bad about it, but we just can't have a normal brother-sister relationship, no matter how hard we try. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel sad about it, but I still do deeply care about him. We're six years apart in age, and I feel like we're supposed to be best friends like my other friends are with their siblings, but it's just not like that wish us.

[Trixali]

Jailbait Queen

Trixali

Hey there. I've made a few posts in here before, but I never really introduced myself.

If I were to describe the situation I think I'm in, it would involve a monstrous wall of text (which I just don't have time for). And I'm going to be honest here. I'm terribly afraid you'll all think I'm making it up/being too sensitive, or being an angsty teenager. I'm really sorry if that's all I am.

I'll tell you a little bit for now. From ever since I can remember, to about when I was thirteen or so, my brother constantly called me names, insulted me, put me down, insulted my hobbies, insulted what I watched and so on. My parents didn't do anything. Also in my early childhood, my parents would use my shyness against me. I was very concerned with what people thought of me (still am now), and in order to get me to obey them, they would say things like "What would others think if you behaved like this?" or "If you keep acting like this, we are going to record you and show it to everyone."

They don't do that sort of thing anymore. It's like they have two different roles now. My mom does the insulting. She'll do it out of the blue, sometimes in public. She'll say "Ewwww, your teeth are nasty." "Your hair is absolutely disgusting." "You smell bad." "You aren't acting very smart". She'll usually follow up one of those comments with "No one will want to be around you if you're like that." I'm also going to add that those aren't the only things she says. (It can get really bad when she is mad at me.) If I make a mistake, they both get annoyed with me. Anything less than perfection (even on the smallest thing), and they immediately jump me on how I'm going to make it better. i.e. If I get a B on a math test, they'll be like: Are you going to do extra problems to fix this? Are you going to talk to your teacher? (If I don't have a plan to 'fix it', they pretty much tell me I'm going to fail at life)... When in reality I just made a bunch of stupid mistakes/had a bad day. (I don't know, it's just something about the tone of their voice that bugs me.)

My dad does a bit of that too. But I guess you would say he is more of the controlling type. For example, I stayed up 2 minutes past my bedtime to finish watching a TV show. He said: "I hope you don't think you can just stay up past your bedtime. You need to ask next time." He questions my judgment. When I'm upset/trying to discuss things that they have done, he'll say stuff like "You're being dramatic/I don't recall that happening/you're being sensitive/you're playing the victim" just to name a few. If I ever cry in front of them (for any reason), they tell me to just get over it. He also takes an angry tone with me, often. If I say that I don't care about something, he'll say: "I'm going to make you care."

I'm sorry.. There really is a lot more. That's just the petty stuff. I feel if I give some of the worse stuff I'm begging for pity/being overdramatic. There's just way too much going on in my head. I mean, I feel really bad because my situation isn't bad at all compared to some other people's situations. They feed me, I have a room. They don't threaten to kick me out (but they do threaten to cut off financial support).

I also feel like they want to stress over every little thing. I hate it. I can't talk to my parents without them criticizing me, putting me down, and being quite unsupportive.

It also really sucks being raised in a setting that teaches your family loves you the most, knows the best, etc.

If it helps any, nearly every characteristic on the eqi.org list matches them. They don't blame me for their feelings (I mean, I can probably name one or two instances, but that's normal).

I'm sorry that I use a lot of examples, but I'm used to giving them. When talking to my parents, they are required.

Oh... I guess this did turn out being a wall.. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

Bonus points if you can make any sense out of this post.

I totally get what you mean
My brother makes fun of me and my interests all the time. I make youtube video reviews of colored contact lenses, and he laughs at me and says its stupid. It hurts :/ My parents dont do anything about him

My parents arent bad about put downs, but when i was younger they would tell me i was going to turn out like my aunt (that no one likes in our family).

Its tough. One thing i would suggest is to try to get more independent from your parents (i dont know your age) but make sure you keep in control of your own finances and say, student loans and stuff. Keep your parents out of it because that is just one more way they can abuse you and maintain control over you and your life. That is what they are trying to do with the insults and put downs. >.<

sorry im not much more help, but i read what you wrote and i think i understand it and what youre going through. wish i could help you more, but im here to listen n_n

Don't worry about it. :3

I'm trying to be more independent. They are really resistant though. I even bought my own laptop. Except they won't let me have it in my room (so it's easier to avoid them). They refused to discuss it with me for the longest time. My dad claimed it was so they would know if someone was cyber-bullying me. (I should add, I've never been cyber-bullied before. Nor am I in any kind of position to be cyber-bullied) rolleyes

I have it in our office. They made me place it somewhere where it is easy for them to watch me without my knowledge.

[Trixali]

SoreanMagazine

My relationship with my brother is pretty much damaged, because he used to abuse me when we were children, and I'm not talking about normal sibling rivalry stuff. I'm talking about the I-would-cry-whenever-my-mom-had-to-go-to-work-and-he-babysat-me stuff. He doesn't do that to me anymore, and he feels really bad about it, but we just can't have a normal brother-sister relationship, no matter how hard we try. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel sad about it, but I still do deeply care about him. We're six years apart in age, and I feel like we're supposed to be best friends like my other friends are with their siblings, but it's just not like that wish us.

That was pretty much how it was with my brother. I probably should have mentioned that he pretty much stopped his senior year of high school and is much nicer now that he is in college. I think he might feel bad judging by his behavior, but I don't know.

I'll try to make a much more organized post later, without examples. Because whenever I give examples it gets really messy. Even when I give examples, I'm terrified that people won't believe me/think I'm angsty. It's just much worse when I don't give examples.

[King Bradford]

MommaFushigi

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s!

You have been recommended in the Thread Resource Center! What does this mean? This thread is a favorite to someone on Gaia, and they recommend it to other Gaians!

Here is a copy of the recommendation:
THIS THREAD DESERVES SOME DISTINCTION!:
TITLE OF THREAD: Emotional Abuse Support Thread
LINKIE: http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/lifestyle-discussion/emotional-abuse-a-support-thread/t.61541363/
I RECOMMEND IT BECAUSE: I'll recommend almost any support thread.

surprised Awesome
That big CONGRATULATIONS font makes me excited

And Trixali, try not to be afraid of sounding angsty, I mean even if you think you do this would be the right place for it, lol. :]

[-x-AltimousApotheosis-x-]

been there, still am there, and still pushing because I know that the things I've been told were the result of the portrayer's stress and I have proof that people are not "out to get me" like the portrayer keeps telling me. Some of the things I hear are obvious bs and I think I would love to spend a few years away from home just to "catch my breath" after what I've been told. It's ridiculous how protective somebody could be.

[Pacific State]

I USEDD TO BE A VICTIIIIIMM.



But seriously, I'm in the process of healing now. I didn't have to join any stupid therapy club or do drugs or read a confidence book or something.

I just stopped. Stopped people from walking over me. I'm still working towards more confidence but I've grown exponentially from what I used to be.

[mynameiserika]

Ginseng III

no such thing, ******** yall tricks, cry about that

Please go away, people have feelings, people hurt, were here to help them, not deal with trolls.

[WindWolf94]

just stickin my head in to say hey, i may or may not stick around, as i am busy with the self harm thread, maybe i could talk to the OP and try to get her to link here?

let me start off by saying that everyone has been emotinally abused at least once in their lifetime. usually abusers were abused in the past themselves, and think its "ok because it was done to them and they turned out fine" when really they havent.

[WindWolf94]

Society of Shadows

I USEDD TO BE A VICTIIIIIMM.



But seriously, I'm in the process of healing now. I didn't have to join any stupid therapy club or do drugs or read a confidence book or something.

I just stopped. Stopped people from walking over me. I'm still working towards more confidence but I've grown exponentially from what I used to be.

and some people do have to do those things to heal, not everyone is the same, and for some the damage cause by the abuse goes deep enough that they cant "just stop".

[King Bradford]

WindWolf94

just stickin my head in to say hey, i may or may not stick around, as i am busy with the self harm thread, maybe i could talk to the OP and try to get her to link here?

let me start off by saying that everyone has been emotinally abused at least once in their lifetime. usually abusers were abused in the past themselves, and think its "ok because it was done to them and they turned out fine" when really they havent.

I'm a guy, miss. But yeah good idea, if you give me the link I'll do that.
And that's a good observation, I never really thought of that. It's like when you're angry and you'll sometimes take it out on the people around you because you feel like you have a justification.

That's great that you were able to help yourself without any other aid Society, but I wouldn't call seeking help from other sources stupid. People tend to think that looking for help makes you weak in some way, which isn't true at all

[WindWolf94]

Stelle Scure

WindWolf94

just stickin my head in to say hey, i may or may not stick around, as i am busy with the self harm thread, maybe i could talk to the OP and try to get her to link here?

let me start off by saying that everyone has been emotinally abused at least once in their lifetime. usually abusers were abused in the past themselves, and think its "ok because it was done to them and they turned out fine" when really they havent.

I'm a guy, miss. But yeah good idea, if you give me the link I'll do that.
And that's a good observation, I never really thought of that. It's like when you're angry and you'll sometimes take it out on the people around you because you feel like you have a justification.

That's great that you were able to help yourself without any other aid Society, but I wouldn't call seeking help from other sources stupid. People tend to think that looking for help makes you weak in some way, which isn't true at all

no, dear i was reffering to the OP of the self harm thread XD bad wording on my part, maybe i could introduce the two of you and you could talk abot it? i may have to wait a week or two though, she's going through a tough time right now.