i thought you were d e a d . . .

[iQueenOfHearts]

A one x one between iQueenOfHearts and Beauty of Grace.
Do not post, but feel free to lurk.

[iQueenOfHearts]

"Mom!" A loud voice, belonging to my son, rang out through the hall. "What is it sweetheart?" I called back, preoccupied in front of the vanity mirror, trying to get my earrings in. "I'm stuck!" Cameron shouted in a whiney tone. I let out a tiny sigh. This was the second time this week. Either way, I ran to his room to help. I walked in the door to find my little boy in the middle of the room; his shirt stuck awkwardly on his shoulders. He was determined to pull it over his head, but the shirt just wouldn't budge. I laughed a bit. "Here baby, let me help." I said in a gentle voice, pulling the shirt down over his head onto his torso. He gave me a big grin, with his one tooth missing leaving a substancial gap. "Thanks Mama." My heart swelled a bit. I can't believe he's already big enough to be dressing himself. He's in school now too, kindergarten. Where has the time gone?

And he looks so much like his father. I can't bare it sometimes, knowing how he left us the day my bundle of joy was born. With nothing but a note stating he wasn't coming back! Men. I still have the note too. I never knew what to do with it. I thought about burning it, or just throwing it away. Hell, I even joked around saying I was going to have my mom put it in my marriage scrapbook, or Cameron's baby book. But no, I settled for just sticking it in the bottom drawer in my vanity, under our wedding picture. I miss him sometimes, and it's hard to just forget him when my whole life revolves around a little boy whose looks exactly like the man. I pull myself out of my thoughts as Cameron nudges me with a comb. I take it from him and comb down his unruly hair. Once I'm finished, I tell him to go brush his teeth so we can get to school on time. He started morning kindergarten a month ago. My mom picks him up at eleven until I get off of work. Day in day out, always the same routine.

Once Cameron was done with everything, having me help out what seemed to be every five minutes, we headed off in my Neon. The school was luckily only about a mile away, and we got there within five minutes. I got out and went to the back seat, getting Cameron out of the booster seat and handing him his little backpack. "Let's go in, okay?" I said, letting him lead the way into the school. Luckily, Cameron liked school. It wasn't his favorite thing, but he wasn't one of those kids who cry every day because they don't want their moms to leave them. We got into a vibrantly decorated class, Mrs. Hayes classroom. There were already other kids running around, coloring, and those choice few begging their parents to stay with them. I bent down so I was eye to eye with my little boy. "Alright, you have fun baby. Grandma will be here at eleven like usual. Stay out of trouble." I recited what I told him every day, and he nodded, gave me a hug, and ran off to play, like he always does.

I left the school and headed to work. I work at the local Culver's. It's my temp job. I mainly work as a florist, but times are hard and I've been temporarily laid off, for the next month. Besides funerals, weddings, and birthdays, there aren't many needs for florists this time of year. That andthe economy is bad. I was the one who worked at the place the shortest amount of time, so I got the boot for a while. Business usually picks up late fall/early winter, so they just told me to take a month off. So now I've gone from a good twelve dollars an hour to a minimum wage job. I'm just hoping we'll get by.

After a drive across town, I pull into an employee spot and get my apron on before heading into the building. I clocked in and as I was going to my position at a register, I was stopped by my general manager. "Liz, come here, I need to talk to you a minute." Oh no. That doesn't sound good. Please God, don't let me get fired. I can't be out of work. I'm a single mother with a mortgage and credit card bills. I can't have this happen. I followed Joe back to the kitchen area. "I need you to train the new guy. Now I know you probably don't want to, but you're one of my main staff that I think knows her way around the place fairly well." I let out a sigh of relief. Training isn't a big deal. Usually people catch on fast and only need some guidance. It'd take a few days, but it would also keep me away from the customers for a bit. "Alright, that's fine, Joe. Where's the guy?" He held up a finger signaling me to wait where I was. He went back a bit farther and brought out someone I never expected to see again. My breath caught and I could feel all the color draining from my face.

The man Joe wanted me to train was my husband. The one who left me a new mother just five years ago. There is no way in hell this is going to work out.


ooc; i'll spruce up the layout later.

[Beauty of Grace]

dwaine

you know how the time flies
only yesterday was the time of our lives
we were born and raised in a summer haze
bound by the surprise of our glory days


Why must life be so hard sometimes?

Sometimes, I wonder if it'd just be easier to go to sleep and just. . . not wake up. No, I'd never commit suicide. But sometimes I wish some drunk idiot would just run a red light and slam into my car. Or I'd have a heart attack, despite the fact I am only twenty-six. Or maybe that the oven would short circuit and start a fire in my house in my sleep.

I looked over the empty house, all my stuff already packed to move. I still couldn't believe that I was moving to back to that city. The one with so many memories, so many streets I'd have to avoid in fear of losing my ability to breath as I looked at the places we'd been together. That restaurant, the one with the free garlic bread that she just loved, and the creepy art on walls we used to make fun of when the waiters weren't around. The movie theatre that constantly smelled like burnt popcorn. The paths we used to take moonlight walks on.

The hospital she spent her last moments in.

I had thought I was getting better, I really did. About I month ago I dated this girl. Blond, beautiful, hot, kind, sweet, funny, perfect in all ways. . . but there was a problem. A very, very big problem.

She wasn't Elizabeth.

I broke up with her after a week. We'd had two dates. It was unfair to the poor girl--I couldn't stop thinking about Elizabeth, wishing it was her.

After that, I'd pretty much decided that I was destined to be single.

With a sigh, I left the house for the last time, and mentally prepared myself to be back in that city. I'd avoided it for the last five years.


-----


New job time. I had been working in a snack company, those ones that deliver food to vending machines. But times were tough, and they'd closed down the area I worked in. Hence. . . having to move and find a new job.

Joe brought me out to the lady that was going to train me.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

At all.

But it couldn't be Elizabeth. So there were two options. Either it was a relative who looked just like her. . . or I had finally lost it, and was imagining her in places that she wasn't.We'll go with the first one.

I hope.

I made me lungs start working, and in a moment my mouth followed. "You must have been related to Elizabeth Hallam. You look just like she did." This wasn't going to work. I couldn't stare at the face of my dead love all day, whether it wass her or not. I was already forcing myself to breathe.


i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over yet

[iQueenOfHearts]

I watched as Dwaine tensed up upon seeing me. I was feeling quite rigid myself. What the hell was going on here? Joe looked between us with a questioning glance. I felt bad for him actually, he was definitely out of the loop. Our town isn't small enough for everyone to know everyone elses business, but it's pretty close. Dwaine did leave me five years ago though, so I'm glad not too many people seem to bring it up or remember it.

Then he said something that made me want to laugh and slap him across the face at the same time. Was he trying to be funny or something to lighten the mood? Because it sure as hell wasn't making me feel any better. If anything, It pissed me off more. “You must have been related to Elizabeth..look just like she did.” Seriously? Joe looked at him and gave a small, awkward laugh. “That would be because this is Elizabeth Hallam, Dwaine. She'll be training you. Do you two..know each other or something?” I couldn't really find anything to say. I wanted to scream. Ask him why the hell he left. At the same time though, I didn't want to scare my boss. I cleared my throat and tried to reply calmly. “Yeah, we do. He was my husband actually.” I said, voice breaking a bit. I had missed him, and I hadn't really realized how much until I saw his face again. “Can you give us a minute Joe?” I asked, my eyes not leaving Dwaine's face. Joe muttered a reply and then he was gone.

Then I kind of let my temper go..

“What the hell is wrong with you? How could you think it was okay to just come back to this town again after you had left your wife who had just given birth to your own son?! Why did you even leave in the first place? Ugh, I can't do this. I'm getting Joe to have someone else train you.” I ranted, turning my back on the man who turned his back on me. I walked out to the front of the restaurant, finding Joe and pulling him aside. “I can't train him. I'm sorry. I really can't. We aren't on good terms exactly..” I broke off, looking toward my feet. I was met with a stern voice. “I'm sorry Liz, but I have no other options. Everyone else who's working today practically just got out of training, at least everyone who's working the counter. You have to train him or...I'm firing you. I'm sorry, but it's the way it's got to be.” And to think this day could get any worse.


ooc; i feel like i cliff-hangered this. hope it's alright.

[Beauty of Grace]

dwaine

you know how the time flies
only yesterday was the time of our lives
we were born and raised in a summer haze
bound by the surprise of our glory days


Was this some kind of joke? It didn't know what was going on, to be honest, but I knew something wasn't right. Had someone stolen her identity or something? That's about the only way it could be Elizabeth. But they couldn't have stolen her face, too! That wasn't possible. Something was wrong here, very wrong. But then Joe left, and the girl with Elizabeth's face and name started to all but yell at me. So she had Elizabeth's memories, too. Sort of. Because I didn't leave her! There was nothing in heaven or hell that could have made me leave her or my son, if they were still alive.

If they were still alive.

Suddenly, as she stomped off, I realized something. This was exactly the way she would have been acting if she'd survived and I'd left her the way I did. But the hospital had told me she'd died, I know they had! She'd gone into labour a bit early, and I'd been out of town, but had rushed right back when I'd gotten the call, trying to make it for the birth. I wanted to be there for my first child's birth! But when I got there and asked to see her, asked where she was, a doctor pulled me aside and told me that there had been unexpected complications and they'd both passed away in the birth. I remember my knees buckling and then pushing away the doctor as he tried to help me up. I ran out of the hospital, left a small note on the table of our house for her parents to find, and drove out of town. I couldn't stay. I didn't care that I'd just left everything behind, and I didn't care about the money from the house or anything. I just had to go. The idea of being in a place with so many memories was just terrifying. Almost suffocating.

So there seemed to be two options.

Either the hospital had lied to me, and as a result I'd run out on the love of my life, or I was having the craziest dream ever.

Honestly, I'm not sure which I liked better. Sure, I'd love it if Elizabeth and my son were still alive. But if that option is true, then she'll hate me. Forever, probably. And not playful hate, or hate that can be overcome. Serious hatred. Unless. . . I can make her believe the truth.

But first, I have to know the truth.

I stepped out and found Joe, but Elizabeth was talking to him. I backed of for a few minutes, not wanting to interrupt, until I could find him again. I asked if I could speak to him and pulled him to the side. "Can I start tomorrow?" I asked. "There is something unexpected I really need to check on. If I helps I can work a longer shift or do an extra one later or something, I just really need to go." If he said no, I'd just quit. Then and there. It didn't matter if it was the only job in the area I'd been able to find. I couldn't go a whole shift not knowing what was going on.


i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over yet

((I'm thinking about having him find out the truth, and then show up at her house tonight or something.))

((And your post was just fine!))

[iQueenOfHearts]

I really had no other option. “Fine. Of course I'll train him.” I replied to Joe. He sighed in relief and nodded. “Good. Play nice.” He added, smirking a little to let me know that he was obviously just joking around with me. I rolled my eyes, but nodded anyway. I saw Dwaine out of the corner of my eye, and walked over to my position behind the counter. I would wait for him to come to me, since I really didn't want to do this. He must have had to talk to Joe, since I soon saw both of them head toward the back hall. I then turned my attention back to work, seeing a few customers come in the door. “Can I help you?” I asked politely, smiling even though I was still slightly angry about having to work with Dwaine. They ordered their food, and I rang it up, telling them their total. They paid and went to go wait for their order. It was going to be a really long day, I could tell. I still had 6 more hours of my shift.

I was confused when I saw Joe come out alone from the back, beckoning me over to him. I obeyed though, since I had no current customers to attend to, and let's be honest, he is my boss. I sort of have to do what he says. I approached him, asking, “What's up?” He gave me a tiny scowl, which I returned with a raised eyebrow. “Your trainee requested to start tomorrow.” I thought back to Dwaine, a small scowl appearing on my face this time. Then, I realized something. A small smile replaced the previous expression. “I don't work tomorrow.” I stated rather smugly, glad I wouldn't be the one training the man who left me. Joe gave me a mischievous looking grin in reply and I internally groaned. This wasn't going to be good. “About that. I need you to come in tomorrow. I know it's your day off, but I know you Liz, you need the extra hours.” I sighed. He was right though, I could always use extra time, meaning more money. It was Friday tomorrow, which was usually my day off, when I picked Kameron up from school instead of my mom, and we'd usually go do something fun like get ice cream, go to the park, or just stay home and watch movies. Though one Friday wouldn't hurt, I just didn't like spending time away from my baby. I know it was only four hours, which was what it was every week day besides Friday for Kam anyway. I sighed once more, rubbing my hands over my face. “Fine. Though don't expect me to be nice to him.” I said, returning to the counter.


A while later...


When it was finally two-thirty, I clocked out and returned to my car, taking off my visor and apron and putting them in the passenger seat. I slid into the driver's seat and took off toward my mother's house, thoughts of Dwaine mostly free from my mind. I groaned a bit as it started raining. Could this day be any worse? Really? It was like God was trying to punish me for something. I was ready to see my son. Luckily the drive to my mother's only took about ten minutes, and I was pulling into her driveway before I knew it. Before getting out, I grabbed an umbrella from the back and put it up as I got out. I quickly ran up to the house, just walking in when I got to the door. “Mom! I'm here!” I called out, putting my umbrella down by the front door and walking further into the house. “Mama!” I heard Kameron yell, and soon enough he was barreling toward me and falling into my arms. “Hi baby, how was your day?” I chuckled. He enthusiastically started rambling on about all he did, and my thoughts drifted back to Dwaine. I had to tell my mother about this. I decided to try and gently cut Kam off. “Baby, how about you go watch some TV for a bit? It's raining and I need to talk to grandma.” I said, he gave me a funny look, but then agreed, running back to the living room.

My mother must have been able to tell by the look on my face something was wrong. She led me back to the kitchen where we sat at the little island in the middle of the room. I told her everything. She definitely wasn't pleased that Dwaine was back. I already warned her though not to go and seek him out like I knew she would do if I didn't advise her otherwise. She was so protective sometimes. The rain hadn't really let up yet, but I decided that it was time to go home, get some supper in Kameron, and then pop in a movie and let him stay up a little later than normal to make up for tomorrow. “Alright Mom, well we should get going. Oh, and don't forget to pick up Kameron tomorrow.” I reminded her. She nodded and gave me a hug. “Of course not, darling. I hope tomorrow goes well for you.” I sighed a bit and went to get my son and his things. It was time to finally head home after a long day.


ooc; i'm sorry this took so long! and i just left it open so he could stop over.

[Beauty of Grace]

dwaine

you know how the time flies
only yesterday was the time of our lives
we were born and raised in a summer haze
bound by the surprise of our glory days


I had to know, and I had to know now.

The idea of her still being alive was partly exciting to me and partly terrifying. I honestly don't know what I would do. But if she was alive, then my child was alive, too. Or at least, most likely. What if Elizabeth was married again? Or dating, at the least? What if my child had someone else to call daddy? That idea shook me to the core a bit. I didn't even know if my child was a girl or a boy. I hadn't thought to ask the doctor that day in the hospital, and I couldn't bring myself to go back. So, I didn't know.

I left the restaurant immediately, and drove straight to the only graveyard in town. She would have been buried here, it was the only place that made sense. I entered the small building and asked if they could locate her grave. I gave them the name, and stood there impatiently tapping my fingers on the desk. Normally I was a fairly patient person, but this was too important. This answer changed everything. It changed today, it changed the last four years, it changed the future. All my hopes, dreams, wants, fears. Everything rode on whether there was an Elizabeth Hallam in this graveyard.

There wasn't.

The only Hallam names were the expected ones. There was no child, either. Neither of them were buried here.

I racked my brain, trying to figure out if there was any other place she could be buried. I really didn't know of any other graveyard her parents would have put her in. Briefly I thought about going and looking at every grave, but that would just be a waste of time. Surely they would have it on file. They had to keep accurate files of this stuff, didn't they?

But maybe she was cremated. I went to the only place I knew of in the area--no Elizabeth Hallam was cremated there. So far, no proof she was dead, and a lot of proof she was alive.

One last stop. I left the crematorium and went to the hospital. I really didn't know if they would give me Elizabeth's records or not, but I figured I might be able to get by with the husband excuse. Eventually, it worked. The girl at the counter was hesitant, so I was passed onward to a different level, but eventually, I was allowed to peak through them.

And one thing was clear.

Elizabeth Hallam was still alive. And so was her child. Kameron. My Kameron. My baby boy.

They were alive!

I left the hospital and sat in my car for a good half an hour, trying to get a hold of the emotions billowing through me. It really didn't work. Part of me was excited and very glad. A lot of me was angry at the hospital and doctor that had completely destroyed my life. Part of me was terrified at how much Elizabeth probably wanted to kill me right now.

Eventually I got up the courage to look her name up online and find her address. I had to go see her. I had to. And tomorrow wouldn't work, since she would be training me and probably trying to avoid me all that she could. I left the hospital and made one more stop, at the bank. I checked my balance and made a check for all the money I could stand to lose, all my savings. Admittedly, that wasn't much. Not nearly enough to cover the last five years of child support I had missed. But Elizabeth deserved every penny. The cheque came out to $3262.43. It was my whole savings account. I'd planned to take a long vacation. Or possibly a big move, maybe even out of the country. Support myself in Korea, or India, or England, maybe, until I could find a job.

But plans changed. And Elizabeth deserved this money.


-----


I stood at her front door, trying to get up the courage to ring the doorbell. My heart was beating so fast. . . I was so nervous she would just close the door on my face. Or that another man would open the door. That would be even worse.

I rang the doorbell and stood nervously. Once she came and opened the door, I spoke fast, wanting to make sure she at least listened to me. "Please, Elizabeth. I know you probably don't want to see me here. Or. . . anywhere. Just give me half an hour. I need to talk to you. If you want me to leave after that, I will go. I will quit, leave town, and never return again. Just give me half an hour. Please." I was virtually begging now, my whole being afraid, nervous, and. . . small, almost. I felt like nothing compared to her, knowing what I had done now.


i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over yet

((No worries! And thank you. If you want me to edit at all, let me know!))

[iQueenOfHearts]

It didn't take too long to get home, and Kameron was still a little ball of energy. Usually he was tired out by this time of night, and after we eat dinner I can put him to bed quite easily. Luckily I already decided tonight would be a bit of a late night, or I would have definitely been frustrated while trying to get him to sleep. At the current moment, he was rummaging through all the DVD's we had, going, “I want to watch this one Mama, no wait, this one!” for every single video. I had to remind him that we did have to eat first, and his face fell a bit. I went to the kitchen to make a quick salad and a few hamburgers. As the meat was heating up, I called Kameron into the kitchen. It was probably better to have his hands busy in here, rather than making as big a mess as he can in the living room. He came in almost instantaneously, completely willing to help set our silverware on the table. He was quite a well behaved five year old, but I didn't trust him with the glassware just yet. It would be too much of a risk of him breaking something. Soon enough, the table was set and the dinner was ready. We ate mostly in silence, Kam wanting to finish fast so we could watch the movie as soon as possible.

After dinner, I made him go to his room and get pajamas. He got them on by himself, surprisingly enough. Well, I guess not that surprisingly. He was growing up pretty fast, but clothes have always been a little bit of a challenge for him. I then made him brush his teeth, I brushed mine as well, and then we were ready for a movie. Kam still hadn't picked, but he had the options down to Toy Story 3, Finding Nemo, or Shrek. I had seen all three plenty of times, but he still wanted me to pick. “Baby, you know I don't care what we watch. Don't you wanna pick?” I asked him, seeing his face twist up into concentration made me have to hold in a laugh. He was so adorable. “How about Shrek?” He asked grinning like he'd just made the decision of a lifetime. For a five year old though, it kind of was a big lifetime decision. “Shrek it is!” I said, making him giggle. I put it in the player and we cuddled into the couch.

By the time Donkey was looking for a blue flower with red thorns, I heard our doorbell ring. Kameron was almost asleep, but the noise made him perk up a little. “Who's that, Mama?” He asked me, his eyes bleary from sleepiness. “I don't know, baby. I'll go check. You stay here, and tell me what I missed when I get back, okay?” He nodded eagerly, paying close attention to the television so he could tell me how Fiona pulled the arrow out of Shrek's butt. I went to the door and opened it, gaping when I saw who was outside. It was Dwaine. How did he know where I lived? Why was he here anyway? But I soon found out. The second I opened the door he started rambling off, probably expecting me to close the door on him. I was curious though, so I let him talk. He was asking for a half an hour. So we could talk. I really didn't want him here, at least not when Kameron was home. “Not tonight Dwaine. I don't really think you deserve the chance, but there is a part of me that wants to talk as well..” I hesitantly admitted. I went on, “But I can't do this tonight. Tomorrow, after work. That's the only chance I'm giving you. Take it or leave it.” I said, waiting for his answer. This was the only chance I was going to give him. I kind of hoped he would take it though, because I was pretty curious as to what he's been doing for the past five years.


ooc; so for your post, you could include his answer and then a time skip to the next day for his first day of work, if that sounds good to you?

[Beauty of Grace]

dwaine

you know how the time flies
only yesterday was the time of our lives
we were born and raised in a summer haze
bound by the surprise of our glory days


She didn't close the door on my face. That was a start. Wasn't it? It seemed like it to me. She let me ramble off, partly to stop her from leaving, partly to try and calm my own nerves. It really wasn't working. With each word I almost got more nervous, afraid that the second I stopped talking she would shut the door in my face. Or yell at me. I wasn't sure which I was more afraid of. So I talked. When the silence finally fell, I found myself holding my breath. Waiting for her to do something. To say something. To. . . well. . . something.

The words came then, and a sentence later I let out the breath slowly so as not to be noticed. She wanted to talk as well. At least, enough to agree to it. Thank God. Seriously. Tomorrow? After work?

"Take it." I said quickly, no hesitation. There was no possible way I would ever leave it. I took a moment to look at her again, letting a bit of silence stretch on. Maybe it was creepy. Maybe it was awkward. I really didn't know. I was too lost in her eyes. And that nose. She was just as pretty as she always had been. I still loved her. I could feel it. Five years without her, and the love was still as deep as it had always been. No wonder I couldn't move on. Now, all I wanted to do was kiss her. Hold her. Have everything be the way it used to be, no matter how impossible that was.

"Thank you." I said finally, before stepping back. "See you tomorrow." I turned and left then, although stepping away was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

The night passed. Sleep came, but only in small bursts. Blame it on the nerves, the guilt, and the pain. The pain came because of the amount of pain I now knew I had put Elizabeth through. I had to make her believe the truth. I had to make her forgive me. I had to at least try.

The next day, I went to work, nervous about what this day would bring and how it would go. Only time would tell.


i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over yet

((So sorry for the wait! Things got kind of crazy. A second chance, perhaps?))

[iQueenOfHearts]

He accepted the offer to talk. I'm glad. He had a lot of explaining to do, in my opinion. Dwaine left and I watched him go. All of a sudden all these emotions swept over me. Probably because I'm actually watching him leave. I know it's not like forever, but it's like what happened five years ago is actually happening before my eyes. I never got to watch Dwaine leave me physically, he was just gone when I asked for him with our baby in my arms. This was like a weird sense of deja vu somehow. I felt a few tears stream down my cheeks, but then braced myself, tensing my shoulders. 'No. Why are you crying. There is no reason to. You did enough crying over that man years ago. Stay strong and suck it up, princess.' My head voice told me. I took its advice and wiped away the stray tears, pulling myself together and closing the front door.

I went back to the living room, taking a seat next to my son. He then proceeded to animatedly tell me everything I missed. I smiled and nodded, looking interested. We cuddled and finished the film, and then it was time for bed. I felt like everything was blurry. There was a task at hand, getting my son to go to sleep, and that was just what I was doing. Although it didn't feel like that's what I was doing. Getting him up the stairs and into his bed was all a blur, kissing him goodnight and then going to put on my pajamas was a blur, and getting into my own bed was a blur. Then the fuzziness faded, and I let the tears fall free. I really had missed Dwaine. I thought I had gotten over it, but I must have just been putting up with it all these years. Thinking back, I never really had tried to look for anyone else. I had maybe been on two dates since he left. I mostly just put off dating with the excuse that I had a very young son, and didn't want him getting attached to any boyfriends I would end up having. Most people understood, but I can remember the look in my mother's eyes. I can tell now that she knew that the fact was, I just hadn't gotten over my husband. He technically is still my husband. We never went through a divorce. That was probably also why dating felt wrong. I was still a married woman. After the tears had dampened one side of my pillow, I was to the point of exhaustion, falling into a dreamless sleep.


Time Skip.


I woke up with a groan. I didn't want to go to work today. It's supposed to be my day off, and training Dwaine was going to be...well I don't really know. I'll stick with interesting. After Kameron and I got ready and I got him to school, I headed to Culver's. Once I was in a staff parking spot, I put on my visor and apron and headed in. Dwaine was waiting behind the counter and Joe was with him. I walked up to them. “Alright, so I'm just teaching him the register, yeah?” I asked, confirming my duties. “Yes. Play nice.” Joe said, leaving us with that. I stuck my tongue out at him in a very childish manner and turned to Dwaine. “Let's get to it then.”


ooc; oh no dear, you're fine. all is well. sorry this is a bit late. just started school and things are a sort of hectic.

[Beauty of Grace]

dwaine

you know how the time flies
only yesterday was the time of our lives
we were born and raised in a summer haze
bound by the surprise of our glory days


I spent most of the training session forcing myself not to stare at her. I knew it would come across as creepy and make everything even more awkward that it already was, but I was constantly needing reinforcement that she was still there. I'm not sure that my brain believed this was true yet. I was still afraid, afraid that at any moment she was about to disappear on me like she had so many times in my dreams. Or that she wasn't really there in the first place, and I was just imagining it all. If that was the case, someone better put me in an insane asylum, seriously. And the sooner the better.

As for Elizabeth during the training, she was quite emotionless. Straight and to the point, almost ignoring the fact that I was how I was. She was completely all business. She kind of acted like a stone, which was such a strange contrast to the way I was feeling. My stomach had butterflies, almost, the sort you got when you were fifteen and looking at your crush. I hated the feeling. It felt childish and ridiculous. But then again, maybe I was childish. After what I'd done to her, whether on purpose or not, I really didn't deserve to be called a man anymore.

At least I was fairly quick with things like this, and it didn't take much to learn the till. I was sort of afraid to fail and make her even more upset with me then she already was, even if that would just be a temporary frustration. I needed her as happy as I could when I talked to her. As long as she didn't bail. . . but she wouldn't lie, would she? The Elizabeth I knew wouldn't say that she would talk to me and then change her mind.

I still had the check; I hadn't given it to her the night. She seemed busy, probably with her son. Our son. Today I would give it her, when we talked.

Eventually the shift was over, both of us finishing at the same time. As the time got closer I had gotten more nervous, but there was no way I was going to back out. "Elizabeth. . ." I said, in the back of the store now, "So, where do you want to go to talk?"


i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over yet

((Not the best post ever, but, you know. Feel free to skip to them going to wherever she picks.))

[iQueenOfHearts]

The training session was awkward at best. I had to teach Dwaine how to work the register, and all the other important aspects of the job (which there weren't many, for the record). That part was easy, but the thing was, it was blatantly obvious that we were just super uncomfortable around each other. What's good is, I'm pro at hiding my emotions. I learned that valuable skill after Dwaine left Kameron and me. I had to put on a straight face so no one ever knew I was hurt. Now I could use it to cover any unwanted emotion. I pretty much remained in tact the whole time, keeping everything strictly professional. I made sure he knew what he was doing, and work was really over before I knew it. If I'm honest, it was a lot easier than I had anticipated. I even caught him staring once or twice, but I never said anything about it. No reason to actually make conversation really, besides giving instructions.

Once I had packed up my things and clocked out of work, I noticed Dwaine also taking his punch card and clocking out. I waited for him to speak first, for I wasn't really sure what to say. He was the one that wanted to talk. I mean I did too...but you know. I was letting him make the conversation. And he did. He asked where I wanted to go to talk, and I let out a small sigh of relief. I got to pick the location, and he didn't suggest talking here, or going back to my house. I definitely did not want to do this in either of those places. I had to think for a moment, where was a good place we could go? Nowhere too public, and nowhere too private. I didn't want the town's rumor mill starting up that Dwaine was back in town and that we were together. That would cause way too much trouble for me, and possibly even Kameron, and he knows nothing about this. But the thing was, I also didn't want to be completely alone with Dwaine. Don't ask me why, I'm just not completely comfortable. I thought of this bar that had opened up just last year. The owners were new to town, and not too many people would be there, it wasn't really well liked. Our town wasn't particularly fond of newcomers. “We can go to KJ's. Just follow me there.” I said, walking toward the exit and out to the staff parking spaces.

The drive to KJ's was a bit lengthy, it was almost all the way across town, but I knew it was the perfect place to have our little chat at. I admired the scenery of the old, almost rustic town. It really had a nice look to it. A pretty face with an ugly personality really. The people here weren't my favorite, but we had a good school system and I've lived here my whole life, so it's home none the less. I tried to stay calm by keeping the radio off. Contrary to popular belief, I didn't really want to yell at Dwaine. I mean, sometimes I did, and I did have five years of pent up feelings, but I really just wanted answers. I wanted - no needed - a rational, adult conversation between us.

I pulled into a parking spot on the road in front of the little corner bar. I walked right into the place, not really waiting up for Dwaine. I knew he'd follow me in anyway, and this way I got to pick a seat. I picked a nice little booth toward the back, for privacy. There were a few people in here besides the workers. It was Friday after all. Dwaine came in and sat down across from me, and a waitress of sorts came up to take our order. I didn't really drink, not with being a single parent and all, but I didn't think one or two beers would really hurt. I was going to need a little something in my system to get through this confrontation. I waited for him to order, and then the waitress left. I just stared at him for a few minutes after that. He really was still the handsome man I fell in love with all those years ago, but his actions had made him ugly. Not physically, but I felt like he just had a sort of aura about him, probably just my personal opinion since I was the one he betrayed, but it just wasn't good. Does that make sense? I don't know. After a few minutes, I felt like I was being a bit creepy staring, since neither of us were talking. I decided it was my turn to take the lead, even if he was the one who wanted this to happen. “What did you want to talk to me about?” Oh wow Lizzie, good one. That was quite the conversation starter.


ooc; not my best, hope you can forgive me for the wait.

[Beauty of Grace]

dwaine

you know how the time flies
only yesterday was the time of our lives
we were born and raised in a summer haze
bound by the surprise of our glory days


Strangely enough, driving through the town I was reminded of how much I had missed it. It might have been rude and full of gossip, but it was still home. Always would be. The only family I had left in it, though, was Elizabeth and Kameron. I grew up in it, yes, but my father had ditched me and my mother when I was only six. Left us for another woman and refused to have anything to do with us. My mother had tracked him down, trying to get him to stick around for me, mostly. She wanted me to have a father. But it hadn't worked, and it hadn't helped. I still had memories burned into my mind of hearing her yell at him over the phone. She had thought I was sleeping, but how could you sleep when your room was just down the hall? I used to sneak out of bed and stand in the hallway just past the living room down, not sure what to do, but feeling that somehow, I was at fault for my mother's troubles. That seemed to be the only conclusion that children drew when their parents fought, even with small fights. And my parents fight had been anything but small. I had never seen my father again, never even heard from him. Me and my mother had managed to get by alright, though. At least, until she passed away when I was eighteen.

I had never really believed in love. My parents relationship had been quite detrimental to that. I thought I would never get married, just go through life by myself. But somehow Elizabeth had wormed her way into my heart. Maybe that was another reason I hadn't moved on when I thought she was dead. She had taught me to love, I really didn't comprehend the idea of being with another.

We got to the restaurant, and I followed her to the booth she choose. I hesitated, not sure what to say, not sure how to start the conversation. But then Elizabeth did, and that helped my mind and vocal cords to work.

"I--" I began, and then stopped. "I guess you want an explanation. And you deserve one." How to say everything I had to say? How to make her believe me. I was nervous, to say the least. My palms were sweaty, and my heart rate was much faster then it should have been. "The offer from last night still stands. If you want me gone, I will leave as soon as I can find another place to live. But first hear me out."

I swallowed and looked away before looking back. "Everything I'm about to say is the truth. I know how crazy it sounds. I probably wouldn't believe it if I hadn't lived it either, but it's the truth, I swear it is."

The only way to do this was just to say it straight out. "The only reason I left the day Kameron was born was because the hospital told me that you'd both died." I said, looking up into her eyes. Forcing myself to. "I was rushing back to make it to the birth, and when I got there, I asked for your room number. They told me that you'd died in childbirth." His voice was shaky. It was hard to remember these memories. There was years of pain mixed in with it. "The note wasn't for you. It was for your mother to find to know that I wasn't coming back for the funerals. To know that I didn't want anything from the house."

He took a shaky breath, before speaking faster, with a bit more passion. "I thought you were dead! I have missed you so much. I never would have left it I knew you were alive! Never. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He was shaking now, nearly crying.

"Here." He said, pulling the check out of his pocket, getting a better hold on his emotions. Three thousand, two hundred and sixty-two dollars and forty-three cents. "It's as much as the back pay for child support that I can spare. I'm sorry about everything, I really am. If I could I would go back in a heartbeat, but I can't."


i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
i had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over yet