Tropical Wilds
goldmule2
It seems to me that she has lived with a successful marriage her entire life. You can see how it is done by watching those that succeed.
My parents have been married for almost 30 years. Being from a successful marriage and seeing that dynamic isn't at all like being actually married. Being from a successful marriage doensn't give you near all the skills required to actually HAVE a successful marriage. And like I said, while there are all sorts of fun, bumper sticker phrases you can throw out there... "never go to bed angry," "be my best friend and my best lover," and "take off your mask," etc etc, those simple, black and white statements are just that... Over-generalized, black and white statements that sound really good on a bumpersticker, and that's about it.
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She seems to have a better understanding of what causes marriages to fail than those who get married and fail. You have to spend time with someone and not just have "good sex."
More overgeneralized garbage, designed to make people think they're immune to getting a divorce. People who get divorced may have a great understanding of what causes marriages to fail. People who get divorced may have spent a ton of time with their spouse, and had something in common other than "good sex." It'd be so easy to say that the reasons people divorce is because they spend no time together, are sex-obsessed with nothing in common other than sex, who enter into marriage on a whim with no idea on how to make a successful union. That way, divorce is all the fault of the people getting divorced for being too stupid to hold it together, instead of what it is... Something that can happen to any married couple. It can happen even to people who have a lot in common, are together all the time, who're invested in the relationship and their family. People change, circumstances change, so many things can happen, even to those who are well versed in fun little one-liner phrases that supposedly solve the complex issues of marriage in 10 words or less.
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If longevity is what is important to you then I have been married for over 20 years. My parents, all my mother's sisters, her parents and her father's parents were/are married over 50 years. Most of my older cousins have been married for over 20 years. The only few divorces until this generation were because of abuse.
Then you should know better than to say marriage and what makes it successful can be summed up in 5 words.
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I have seen troubled marriages among these that they worked together to make them work and I have seen marriages that the love and commitment just overwhelmed you with its beauty.
I've seen troubled marriages too, where the people worked to "make the marriage work." They're hardly beautiful marriages we should all stive to have.
As for the marriages where "the love and commitment just overwhelmed with it's beauty," I've seen those too... But I was generally young and naive and didn't have the awarness it took to realize that even those "beautiful marriages" had problems (they just occured where it couldn't be seen) and my willingness to see the world as a Disney movie, while ignoring the actual real-life particulars of said relationship. Even if they were great marriages, they couldn't be degraded to the point of applying silly little catchphrases to sum them up.
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Also, don't ever expect to always agree with the one that you love. You may have to agree to disagree about some stuff. It is the working together on your solutions that matters.
More bumpersticker philosophy that sounds good on a forum, but doesn't actually mean diddly in a marriage.
The major reason for the majority of divorce is laziness. The people were too lazy to get to know each other beyond the
"now" of the initial chemistry. They were too lazy to make time for togetherness so that they grew together and not apart. They were too lazy to work when a problem comes up that could be repaired if they put a little effort into it.
They have this illusion that loving someone means that they will go out of their way to give you what you want. When they do not they are fast to fall out of love. Sometimes
bumper sticker philosophy is actual facts that people do not want to face because it is
too much work.
It is so much easier to not put any effort into it and then claim that no harm comes from it if you abandon the relationship. Wrong, there are just as many bad feelings and fights over property and children as when you divorce. Where do you think Palimony came from?
I see as much or more problems from couples having more than one partner when it comes to the parentage of their children. The arguments of the mother of the man's first child screaming at the mothers of all his later children over anything from her child not getting an even share of his support to their stealing her man. How child(ren)from an earlier man is(are) less cuddled, belittled or ignored by the latest man in the mother's life as his child(ren) are clearly favored sometimes even by their mother to keep on the good side of the man.
Marriages do not make themselves.
